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XxfangXx's NC Diary
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I HATE SPAM! Read Our Privacy PolicyPosted 4 months ago XxfangXx
offlineMemberI posted my Break up story, now for my NC diary...
My NC message that I sent just yesterday:
"Hi,
I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn't contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready."
After I sent this, my ex didn't reply, what was going through her mind, I wasn't sure. Though I know deep down, I was hoping for a reply. A while later, I decided all her posts on facebook was just making me upset and hurt so much, I thought I should show some actions, by deleting her away from my facebook, and messenger. I am also trying to control myself, not to look at my handphone and see whether she replied. Though, the deleting her from facebook, made me feel better because I did't have to see all those posts she was making about the new person in her life(even though that new person might be playing with her. She didn't mind, and still wanted to stay with this new person forever, was the assumptions I was getting from her smses and facebook previously).
But if she didn't reply, I guess she doesn't have any feelings for me anymore.
I just realise I'm thinking about her again. *facepalm myself* okay, I'm dragging myself back to my own self. Enough about her! I gotta go and read some NC diarys and know more people.
Posted 4 months ago #-
willsucceed
offlineMemberxxfangxx, you asked in your breakup story why she is intermittently contacting you while she is with a new person. She is doing this to keep you as a back-up plan and to make her feel better about herself if she knows you are still there for her. It only hurts you and I suspect you're not interested in being strung along anymore for her benefit.
You need to turn away from her and focus on yourself. Focusing on her and trying to interpret what she is meaning is not helping you, and it is hurting you and preventing you from getting your life back.
What do you like to do, or have always wanted to pursue that you haven't before? Let us know what you are doing and plan to do to concentrate on you.
Posted 4 months ago # -
XxfangXx
offlineMemberHi Willsucceed,
Okay, I get it. What I've always wanted to pursue?
Actually, I've always wanted to learn swimming, karate, parachuting and rock climbing.
My plan?? okay, a rough sketch that I have for now,
1st, I gotta finish learning what I have on hand.
2nd, Start going for swimming lessons.
3rd, In the meantime, continue doing my best in work.This is what I can think of right now. But I guess I need to make it more detailed??
Posted 4 months ago # -
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Posted 4 months ago XxfangXx said:
After I sent this, my ex didn't reply, what was going through her mind, I wasn't sure. Though I know deep down, I was hoping for a reply.
deleting her away from my facebook, and messenger.
But if she didn't reply, I guess she doesn't have any feelings for me anymore.
Hi, welcome to the forum!
For one, you had sent the NC message to her, and now it's up to you to work on to get your life back...trust me, it is much more easier if she didn't reply to you or anything like it. What you ex thinks is no longer anything had to do with you.
Deleting her from you FB or any social network is one good thing especially that she seemed to add you back just to show her new found love - to irritate you and to bring you down. Never give them the pleasure to taken you much more further down, it's time to bounce back and get your life back....
...lastly...doesn't matter if you should guessing whether her actions is to determine that she still has feelings to you or not...you had broken up, buried the old relationship and it's time to move on, to get back your life, to be a better you.
there will be ups and downs during the NC period...but hang in there okay. There will be lots of people who will support you in here...if you have worries, questions, just post in your diary...I am sure there will be someone to respond to you.
Stay strong!
God grant me the serenity to accept things that I cannot change....
The first step toward change is acceptance.
Change is not something you do, it's something you allow.
Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you.Posted 4 months ago #-
goodlucksuccess
offlineMemberHey..
HI..Welcome to this forum.If you are looking forward to get your life back then definitely this is the right place for you..Questions like-What your ex thinks about you now,Why is she with the new person,Or why is she doing all this?? It should be none of your business and should be of no importance to you.Let her do what she wishes to.Her life..You are here to get back YOUR life..Stick to NC and rediscover yourself!
Stay strong..
Posted 4 months ago # -
willsucceed
offlineMemberActually, I've always wanted to learn swimming, karate, parachuting and rock climbing.
My plan?? okay, a rough sketch that I have for now,
1st, I gotta finish learning what I have on hand.
2nd, Start going for swimming lessons.
3rd, In the meantime, continue doing my best in work.XxfangXx, that's a great set of goals that allow you to focus on you. As you take ministeps to learn these new skills and to doing best at your work, share them with us. I found that learning new things and progressing in them gave me confidence at least in those areas that are helping me gain my confidence in life back. Sharing them on this forum at first gave me something to talk about that was focused on me and later is something that I like to report because of the progress and because it has meaning in my life.
To be honest at first I focused on myself so that I didn't piss off SW
and so that I could burn off the gallons of adrenalin in my body, but now these new things have enriched my life in ways I wouldn't have anticipated. I noticed kayaking on your list. That is on my list for next summer. They have kayaks that don't bind your legs (that are open) and I'm going to kayak on a river that is not well populated and is pristine in the western part of the state. It has sand banks that will be great for stopping for a bite to eat and taking pictures. Because of my swimming, I'm much more confident about my arm strength to be able to kayak. See how one thing leads to being able to do something else?Are there rock climbing walls in your area? We have a lot of them here at our exercise facilities. I know some people who will climb and then on other days just stand and chat and give encouragement to others who are climbing. It sounds like a great plan and a potential place to build a social network as well.
What you can do is first just find out where what you need is. Where are swimming lessons available, where is a rock climbing wall, where are kayak classes, etc. Then the next day sign up for as many as you feel comfortable. They are usually weekly. Sometimes with rock climbing there is a climbing club you can join. Then you have your schedule set for incremental increases as you begin learning. Don't give up--it takes time and patience to learn new things.
Posted 4 months ago # -
AngeLBeaR said:
There will be lots of people who will support you in here...if you have worries, questions, just post in your diary...I am sure there will be someone to respond to you.Also find yourself a forum buddy.
You can post in the forum buddy topic, but you can also pick someone and PM them and ask to be buddies.
I think you have a few great choices right here in your NC diary.
willsucceed, angelbear, and goodlucksuccess
You ladies Kick Ass!
You gave her some great advice!
I am noticing more and more members stepping up and helping other member with great advice.
I am very proud of every member that not only helps themselves, but really makes an effort to help the other members as well.
Keep up the great work!
Fang, take their advice, and follow their lead, start helping yourself and others and your life will change for the better, and you will attract all the things you deserve.
Don't focus on the things you didn't deserve (like heartbreak), focus on the things you do deserve, like love, respect, and happiness.
Give all these things to yourself first, and then go find someone to share them with.
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 4 months ago # -
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Posted 4 months ago misty
offlineMemberHello Fang, welcome to the forum.
I see rock climbing as one of your interests. I am a climber and can help you get started to pursue this hobby. Trust me, it will help you a lot and is great fun. You will also start meeting other rock climbers who are amazing people, will introduce you to new adventures and keep you motivated.
There should be an indoor climbing gym where you are. YOu should join that and start with an introduction course. Then you can look for a climbing forum and post a request for climbing partners. I can tell you more if you are interested.
And guess what, soon we'll be having conversations about amazing climbs you're done, and not about some girl who didn't appreciate your love and is using you as plan B
misty
Posted 4 months ago #-
XxfangXx
offlineMemberI feel so fucked up a few minutes ago, but now i'm okay :). I was in the middle of a 5 minutes break from work, when I thought I could go login to blogger and delete away the blog we shared together. And guess what?? She posted there. she said that she's missing me, thinking how i am everyday, am i alright, and even though i hurt her, she's still thinking about me. I got myself so angry at that post. Does she mean that i didn't get hurt at all?? I wanted to write back, and tell her about my feelings. But then, i calmed myself down, and thought through things. I'm in NC right now, why did i even start going into NC?? That's because i want to get my life back. So i ignored her. Even though i think it still kinda affected me when i was doing my work after my break. But it wasn't as bad as what happened when she first broke up with me.
Posted 4 months ago # -
XxfangXx said:
I wanted to write back, and tell her about my feelings. But then, i calmed myself down, and thought through things.Great Job Fang!
XxfangXx said:
I thought I could go login to blogger and delete away the blog we shared together.Finish what you set out to do, delete the fucking Blog, and get it over with.
It is obvious she will use it to mess with your head.
How did you hurt her?
She wasn't getting enough attention, so she left you.
Now she wants to send you on a guilt trip...gimme a fucking break.
It wasn't like you kept her imprisoned in your basement.
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 4 months ago # -
misty
offlineMemberHello Fang, the fact that you are on this forum, in itself means that she's hurt you enough to drive you here.
What you are going through is not easy and when you get messages that your ex is missing you and other crap like that, it's even more painful
Just remember that it's not healthy. Like Scott mentions -- it's like an addiction. A drug addict knows that drugs is bad for them, but still goes back because a temporary relief is tempting and is easy. But what's the end result? They never come out of it.
We are all addicted to my ex'es right now. Hence NC is important. TO De addict ourselves, so we can think clearly and get our dam lives back.
Stick to it. Realize it's hard, but stick to it.
I'm just keeping myself so busy that I am stuggling for time in a day. I climbed so hard yesterday that my body shut down by 11pm and i couldn't wake up till 9am. Had to start working immediately. NO TIME FOR DRAMA
HAve you looked at my post for rock climbing? YOu should really start. A new hobby will be great. And I can help you.
Posted 4 months ago # -
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Posted 4 months ago -
seems like your ex is one selfish lady. she dumped you and yet tried to pull you back. don't give up there.
you know what, you don't need these kind of toxic people to bring you down again. show them that you are far better without them around. trust me, good things will come only when you really want it...and sticking/holding on to the past won't take you anywhere.
Try reading 'the Secret' and 'The power' to help you get thru this process. It helps a lot.
stay strong.
*hugs*
God grant me the serenity to accept things that I cannot change....
The first step toward change is acceptance.
Change is not something you do, it's something you allow.
Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you.Posted 4 months ago # -
XxfangXx
offlineMemberHi Willsucceed, Angelbear, GLS and Misty,
Thanks for all the encouragement.
sorry misty, >< I just saw your posting. I was too caught up in trying to put up my post, because my phone would've just disconnected me anytime, and I would've lost what I wanted to say.
For all the hobbies I'm interested in picking up, I'm doing some search right now, for places with indoor climbing facilities, and swimming lessons and etc. and I'm considering either swimming or rock climbing first. Either of them would be a nice hobby to pick up.
Though my working hours are quite unstable due to a lot of circumstances, I'm planning out a time schedule I could where I could make full use of my time. I tried rock climbing once during a school camp, and thought it was a fun activity. But that was quite some time ago, so I'm gonna join a basic class on rock climbing courses as well. So far, I have seen rock climbing facilities in schools, but not at other places though.
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Posted 4 months ago XxfangXx
offlineMemberWell, I jut removed all fb messages we exchanged before, and, I deleted away all her smses and pictures in my phone. Though, slowly, I'm trying to remove all the traces.
Oh, and I just found out that there's a indoor climbing facility that's near my workplace, it seems great, think I'll drop by one day to take a look at the place~!
Posted 4 months ago #-
XxfangXx
offlineMemberi can't help but keep remembering, yesterday, we were supposed to go out on a date. Arghh, I hate myself for keep wanting to message her, for wanting to do so many things with her. To want to be by her side. I hate this feeling I get. Whatever I do, she seems to suddenly pop out into my mind. This is only the 3rd or 4th day I stopped messaging her, and she didn't messaged back. The days make it seems like years. Anyone can advise What can I do to stop all this thinking about her?? I tried tiring myself out so that I don't have time to think about anything. But it doesn't seem to be having an effect. Once I do something she and me did before, I would think about her. Even simple things such as messaging reminds me of her. Arghhh!!
Sorry, I needed to get that out of my system.
Okay, so back to me.... Overall, for this week, I've been focusing myself on work, since there are tons of things for me to do. I'm gonna arrange my notes that I use, then learn even more on the job. Oh, and I'm thinking about jogging in the morning on every sunday. Since they say jogging actually helps to clear the mind from a lot of stuffs.
Posted 4 months ago # -
willsucceed
offlineMemberXxfangXx, we can relate. I felt like my mind was and sometimes still is my worst enemy through this. Tiring yourself out still helps and will continue to help even if it doesn't take everything away. During the worst of times I would occupy my mind by repeating thoughts or phrases, such as:
Things for which I have gratitude: very small things and large things.
"I will get better", "it won't always feel this way", "I will improve"
The fast-forward technique
Math puzzles. I would think of a four-digit number and subtract 7 until I got to zero.I would repeat these out loud when I could and in my mind when I was in close proximity to other people. Going out with others and forcing yourself to be part of the conversation helps. Getting involved in new activities and meeting new people helps. Getting yourself out of your comfort zone helps because it takes concentration to learn something new and you feel good about yourself when you do learn something new.
Excellent job on finding out about the climbing facility and taking your first steps on learning something new that focuses on you! Improving at work always helps your life both now and in the future. Yes, running has a special place in my life for helping clear my mind.
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Posted 4 months ago XxfangXx
offlineMemberToday is the 6th Day of no contact with her.
I followed the fast forward technique WS taught, seems like it worked for a while, until I lost count while talking to my family. =X But I am trying to incorporate this technique into my daily life(at least until I stop thinking about her), so that I can improve my mental calculation and at the same time, stop myself from thinking about her. hahas~
And luna was right about removing all traces. Even though removing the items that reminds me of her didn't stop from remembering her, but it did do something to help stop the pain I was feeling that comes and goes, so thanks, luna
My plans for this week is.....
Monday to Thursday: Work, Sleep, Eat, (no excercise here, since by the time I reach home, I would be tired off by the work)
Friday: Work, Sleep, Eat, and I have a barbeque to attend, gonna be barbequeing and enjoying myself with friends.
Well, that's about all I have for this week. And well, jogging is included on Sunday as well~
Posted 4 months ago #-
willsucceed
offlineMemberXxfangXx, Hi. Good job on clearing out reminders and on mental techniques and exercises.
I used both the fast-forward technique and the math calculations. The purpose of the fast-forward technique is to help you heal your emotions faster. The fast-forward technique is described (and developed?) by TW, the author of MOMU.
I'm trying to find the exact spot that describes the fast-forward technique. SW, please correct me if what I write here is wrong, and can you remind us where the fast-forward technique is described?
Here are the set of questions that TW uses for the fast-forward technique. I put my answers in bold.
Do I welcome these thoughts? NO! NOT AT ALL! NO!
Can I release these thoughts? YES! YES!
Can I stop thinking these thoughts? YES! YES!
When can I release these thoughts: SOON
When can I stop thinking these thoughts: SOON, PLEASE LET IT BE SOONFor me, the math calculations provided a re-direction of my mind when I was just thinking the same thing over and over again. It helped me get my mind out of that unproductive loop. I read that in MRI/PET studies on the brain, if they want to clear the mind of emotional signals they have participants in the study choose a 3 digit number and count backwards by 7. That way they can have the "control" brain and then run the experiment that is designed to elicit an emotion that they can record on the scan. When I read that, I thought, hmmm maybe I can use that to give my mind a break from these emotions and thoughts. That's why I used it in addition to the fast-forward technique.
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Posted 4 months ago misty
offlineMemberYou are in NC for a reason. Of course you did the right thing. Do you really think you can heal if you stay in contact with her on and off? Don't question the NC. Question the inetentions of this selfish person, who hurts you when you are with her and then will not give you the space when you've requested for it.
You are in the process of healing and you can only think clearly when you distant yourself from her influence. That's why you did the right thing. Hopefully she will back off and give you the time you need till you are ready to take any next steps this way or that way,
Posted 4 months ago #-
misty said:
Don't question the NC. Question the inetentions of this selfish person, who hurts you when you are with her and then will not give you the space when you've requested for it.
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 4 months ago # -
XxfangXx
offlineMemberHi all, been quite some time since i came here, but i need some advice. I 've been going on my normal life and doing exercises and so on the past month that i've been adsent. I wanted to focus on my job. Been doing quite well, until, she came back and add me on facebook. I mean seriously, i didnt even do or say anything, before she added me, she smsed me, which i ignored. And she decided to come and add me on facebook?? Well, totally doesnt make sense, but i've been affected by this action of hers. I keep thinking and wondering whether i should. I thought i was ready, but what if i'm not?? What if i get back with her, and then the same thing happens, and she dumped me again. In a dilema on what i should do again..
Posted 2 months ago # -
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Posted 2 months ago willsucceed
offlineMemberXxfangXx, you should realize that your response is exactly why she is messing with you. She wants to keep you "on the line" so to speak--like a fish that is being caught or dragged behind the boat.
Go on about your life and don't try and interpret what she's doing or her intentions. You haven't had time to move beyond the old relationship, so getting back together would only produce more of the same, which ended in a break-up. You don't want more of the same.
The only dilemma you should be focusing on now is how to continue focusing on you (exercises and job) and what else you want to improve or try in your life.
Posted 2 months ago #-
XxfangXx said:
What if i get back with her, and then the same thing happens, and she dumped me again. In a dilema on what i should do again..She is just playing games with you to see if she can get you to break NC.
Just ignore her, and continue sticking to the plan, and the no contact rule.
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 2 months ago #
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