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xBlueMasquerade's NC Diary
(33 posts) (5 voices)-
Kick-Loves-Ass
Posted 2 years ago -
xBlueMasquerade
offlineMemberIt's my first official day of NC. Since we still live together (but have always had separate rooms, so that helps), I modified my message a little:
"Hey. I agree with your decision to break up. I really believe it was the best thing for the both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn't contact me at this time unless it concerns the landlord. I'll be in touch when I am ready."
I made sure to get home late after he was asleep so he would not try to come into my bed. He already tried to come in and say good morning but I was polite but curt with him and referred him to the message I sent him.
He's already trying to talk to me more and such but I'm just not having it. But it feels good to have him trying to come to me. >:)
Posted 2 years ago # -
PLJ Kate
offlineMemberI can only imagine how hard it was to do this living in the same house. I'm glad to hear there are some physical boundaries with separate bedrooms. He will try to break you down to feed HIS ego and feed his needs (sleeping with you), not because he's concerned with how you feel or what you need from the relationship. Whoever cares the least has the most power over the situation. Don't forget this. The moment he sees you care, the moment he gets the power and you will feel awful and helpless.
It's hard to do but try to focus on things that you want - even if you have to make a list of these things because it's possible you've made your entire world about him and you no longer know what you want. Then pick one thing that excites you the most and get started on it. I have been wanting to go back and get a Masters degree for a while. I start tonight. It's going to make my future better and be a great distraction from my ex.
I also recently signed up to be an Uber driver - not because I need the money because I have a regular weekday job. But, Friday and Saturday nights have been the most difficult "times" for me because it was date night with my ex. So now I go out and drive the weekend evenings away. All my riders have been very cool, very distracting and in 3 weeks, I've made a net income of $650. I may pay for my Master's education with it or put it in savings and take a much-needed vacation this Spring or Summer. I'm also thinking about moving to another city that has been on my radar for a long time. So a trip there might make perfect sense and really start bringing this dream to a reality.
My point is: get busy! It will make you sexy to him (and to everyone else!). You will start to attract interesting people into your life and he will wonder all the time what you're up to. Reconciling with you and treating you the way you deserve is on him. He's a grown up (presumably). Don't make excuses for him. He can make it happen if he really wants to. Embrace your independence and move forward with your life. He can either step it up and be part of it (cause you're not going to stop pursuing what you want if you get back together!) or he can get left behind. This is about YOUR life and YOUR happiness. Put yourself first for a while. No one else will do this for you - you have to do it for yourself.
Good luck. Stay strong. You're doing the right thing.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Kick-Loves-Ass
If you really want to know how he feels, and you really want him to know how you feel - talk to his heart.Posted 2 years ago -
xBlueMasquerade
offlineMemberLol. I unfriended him on FB, but he's been liking everything I've been tagged in and things I commented on as if he were trying to get my attention. Ha, figures.
It's going to be tough tonight because it's snowing like crazy so 'going out' options are limited but I avoided seeing him all day today (he went to work, then I did just before he got home). I'm lucky I have a lot of amazing friends who help keep me distracted, but I guess tonight is an example of why I an't just rely on that.
PLJKate, that sounds super inspiring. You've given me a couple ideas. I might take a little trip to a city I really like soon, too.
I'm thinking about moving out, personally. But at the same time I feel almost no burden living here, at least not right now. I feel great, though I've had some serious lows lately this just isn't one of them.
Posted 2 years ago # -
PLJ Kate
offlineMemberOh man, the unfriending is a slap in their face - my ex freaked when I did that. When he likes things you're tagged in, how does it make you feel? I'm curious because for me, it's a double-edged sword meaning my morbid curiosity and need to matter is a little fulfilled but then I'm also annoyed because I can't be sure it's sincere and not just meant to get my attention in the "wrong way". I don't give it a lot of energy but I think it is one of those nice "freebies" that remind us that we at least still have an affect on them.
You're right about not being able to rely on your friends all the time. But it sounds like you sometimes work opposite schedules which could help. Do you have other roommates? And if yes, what is their reaction? Do they try to stay out of it? Do you have to share a bathroom? What about the common areas like the kitchen and laundry room? I'm just wondering because I put myself in your shoes and I'm really impressed - I don't think I could stay there. It would be too hard emotionally AND I think it could be difficult to make a hard impact with NC. It really depends on your personalities and intentions. He needs to miss you in a really significant way and if you're close by it may be too easy for him to remain unaffected. Not to mention, it would be hard to go on a date with someone new.
Whatever the case, I'm glad you're thinking about new and exciting things for your life. Imagine if you were not missing him and he wasn't on your radar at all, what would you want to do with your life? Go do it!
Posted 2 years ago # -
xBlueMasquerade
offlineMemberIt makes me feel good, I admit. But I'm trying to ignore it and move past him COMP-LETELY without worrying or hoping about getting back together. I like the way you put it, though. A nice 'freebie'.
It's just us, unfortunately, but we don't share a bathroom. Just common areas like the kitchen and living room but neither of us have been home much lately.
And last night ended up being really hard after all. I felt so low and I slipped up last night by letting him hang around in my room because I didn't want to be lonely but at LEAST (not that this is saying much) I didn't cave into his attempts to cuddle and sleep with me. So back to Day 1 technically for me, I guess.
But today I am avoiding that altogether by staying out with friends all night. I have a week chock full of plans and staying the night at other friend's places so I can avoid him. Moving out is looking wiser and wiser.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Kick-Loves-Ass
If you miss her "real bad", and you want to get your ex-girlfriend back, you need to take a look at this.Posted 2 years ago -
xBlueMasquerade said:
And last night ended up being really hard after all. I felt so low and I slipped up last night by letting him hang around in my room because I didn't want to be lonely but at LEAST (not that this is saying much) I didn't cave into his attempts to cuddle and sleep with me. So back to Day 1 technically for me, I guess.NC FAIL!
You must resend the exact NC message again, and stick to the plan, there was another forum member from the very beginning of our forum who used no contact (successfully) while still sharing a house with her ex.
It can be done.
http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/thank-you-thank-you-thank-you
If you feel lonely call a friend (or contact your forum buddy), don't break NC.
This is a great opportunity to see just how much your ex really cares about YOU.
If he really cared about anything, except himself, he would be a man and respect your NC request. He is trying to break you, so he can stop worrying, and wrap you back around his finger again.
Your ex obviously doesn't give a fuck about your feelings, so you better, or else you will be miserable for a loooong time.
Stay Strong and Positive!
Princess
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
"If you don't think finding true love is worth risking a broken heart, then, you don't deserve it."
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLAN
Click Here to Buy The Magic of Making Up SystemPosted 2 years ago # -
xBlueMasquerade
offlineMemberGrizzly Bear said:
NC FAIL! http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/thank-you-thank-you-thank-you
Stay Strong and Positive!
Princess
Ugh, you are so right and I knooooooow. But thank you so much for posting that thread! Does she have a NC diary. I didn't see it but I'd love to see more about just how she pulled it off.
Posted 2 years ago # -
xBlueMasquerade said:
Ugh, you are so right and I knooooooow. But thank you so much for posting that thread! Does she have a NC diary. I didn't see it but I'd love to see more about just how she pulled it off.This was in the very beginning of everything, and NC diaries didn't exist, yet.
But she did start a bunch of topics.
Look here under topics started, and read all those.
http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/profile/heather84
Our forum used to be a nightmare, until I figured out how to get things under control.
Stay Strong and Positive!
Princess
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
"If you don't think finding true love is worth risking a broken heart, then, you don't deserve it."
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLAN
Click Here to Buy The Magic of Making Up SystemPosted 2 years ago # -
Kick-Loves-Ass
If you miss him "real bad", and you want to get your ex-boyfriend back, you need to take a look at this.Posted 2 years ago -
xBlueMasquerade
offlineMemberThanks!
I read through her posts and while I didn't find much yet, I will keep looking.
NC Day 1 do over went well. Absolutely no interaction as I stayed over at a friend's. Might try to do the same tonight. I also turned in my share of the rent so he has no reason to talk to me, but this morning he randomly decided to respond to an old, unanswered email I sent to him. ::shrug::
Posted 2 years ago # -
Take a look at Scarlet's story:
http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/from-horror-story-to-success-story-scarletts-story
xBlueMasquerade said:
but this morning he randomly decided to respond to an old, unanswered email I sent to him.Just ignore his reply, and if he keeps trying to talk to/contact you about anything except your shared business...resend the same exact NC message.
Stay Strong and Positive!
Princess
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
"If you don't think finding true love is worth risking a broken heart, then, you don't deserve it."
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLAN
Click Here to Buy The Magic of Making Up SystemPosted 2 years ago # -
xBlueMasquerade
offlineMemberI did. Today's been so weird and up and down for me. All I want to do is hear his voice right now but just a couple hours ago I couldn't tell you what I see in him. :/ I have no idea what's up with me. But I've avoided him tonight and last night completely.
Please keep the relevant stories coming, they help me a lot. I will read hers right now.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Kick-Loves-Ass
Posted 2 years ago -
PLJ Kate
offlineMemberI absolutely hate the ups and downs. The doubting one minute and confidence the next. It's exhausting. I'm finishing up day 7 and days 1-3 had me in this place the most. Ironically, it became WORSE after I sent the NC message. I think because it feels so final and without a crystal ball, it's hard to see how necessary it really is.
I have some advice on what's helped me. I detach from emotion and become very logical. I allow myself to reflect on some of his bad behaviors while reminding myself that I deserve better. But I don't stay there or I'll become angry. Instead, I start to say an affirmation over and over (and it really does work to bring me back to a grounded state). It goes like this "I bless you with love and release myself from our old relationship. Whatever our relationship will be, I allow myself to move forward with kindness, forgiveness and acceptance".
I've memorized it now because I've said it 100 times a day. What this affirmation does is help you surrender enough to begin to heal but also keep positive vibrations working for you. Should you wish to reunite with him when the time is right for you to pursue that, then you haven't said to the Universe that he's a big jerk which, according to the Law of Attraction, the Universe must give you back a big jerk - because you asked for it. It brings you closer to loving yourself and focusing on your needs when you have that first reunion talk. And, if you decide you are better off without him, it allows you to release him with positivity and only hold on to the happy memories and move forward in your life with strong, inner peace.
Peace, Love and Joy - you deserve the full trifecta. Don't forget that!
Posted 2 years ago # -
xBlueMasquerade
offlineMemberHm...that sounds very helpful, I'll have to think of some affirmations and try the detaching thing, though I've done something like it before.
I accidentally ran into him at home, but I didn't say anything to him. I'm kind of proud of myself, though I admit it kind of hurt when he left for the day with his new girl without saying goodbye (even if it's what I asked for), I didn't respond to it or ask why or anything, so there's that I guess.
I'm going to a friend's birthday tonight and a game tomorrow, keeping super busy!
Posted 2 years ago # -
xBlueMasquerade
offlineMemberFriend's birthday went great. I didn't think about him at all though I'm a little down now and he's back to liking everything I'm tagged in. Idk what to think. But he hasn't messaged me directly or anything so I guess he's listening now.
But I connected with a few different guys last night. Last thing I want right now is a relationship but it was a nice ego boost.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Kick-Loves-Ass
If you're considering reconnecting with your ex, after NC. You should take a look at this system. It never hurts to learn more about relationships, how they work, and how to maintain them.Posted 2 years ago -
xBlueMasquerade
offlineMemberHad another great day. I was worried that once we stopped partying that I would feel down again (and also I was worried I was just using it to distract myself unhealthily). I almost slipped when I came home and said good night to him but I did not! Every mandatory interaction we've had has been concise but polite on my part. I'm already sensing a huge shift in myself and his behavior towards me.
After this we should have to interact even less until rent's due again.
I can't describe how much better I feel right now
Posted 2 years ago # -
Kick-Loves-Ass
Hey, I read about this on one of those relationship sites, the other day. It said something like, if you are ready, and you want your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend to come crawling back to you on their knees (no matter why you broke up and even if they’re dating somebody else now) you need to Watch This Video. I did, I thought it was really interesting.Posted 2 years ago -
PLJ Kate
offlineMemberWell, the opposite of love is not hate like most people think. You cannot hate something or someone that on some level you don't love. The opposite of love is indifference. So yes, it's a good sign, especially if you want to move on and never get back with this person. This is where I am still undecided. Do I want him back or not? And I need this NC period to assess our relationship - look at the good memories and the core issues - where I'm a problem for him as well as him being a problem for me and are there any deal breakers? It's harder than I thought. It's requiring a lot of introspection and time. But I get flashes of indifference and I have to wonder if that's me being lazy - not wanting to the take the time -or if it is a sign that I'm not as crazy about him as I thought. Anyway, I definitely still LOVE him...always will...but that's not enough to ensure a long, happy relationship.
Just wondering if you ever think of that.
Posted 2 years ago # -
xBlueMasquerade
offlineMemberI do. I still want him back, unfortunately, but I'm slowly starting to accept it might not happen and the other circumstances surrounding it.
I have nightmare occasionally, that he gets engaged to his new FWB and all that jazz. It's kind of awful.
Been making myself talk to other guys, though. I think it helps, though I can't force feelings it's a nice distraction. I don't really want a full blown relationship right now, and I'm being clear on that.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Kick-Loves-Ass
I was lurking in another forum the other night, and this woman was talking about Valentines day, and how her man never does anything "special" for her, anymore. She was seriously doubting if he loved her anymore, and was asking for advice on how to tell if a guy still loves you. This one woman answered her, and told her about this video she watched. It explained the best way to discover if your man still loves you, without him even realizing that you're asking. I checked it out, myself, it's pretty cool.I think this might be the best way to tell if he still loves you.Posted 2 years ago -
PLJ Kate said:
I sent you a private message - not sure if you get notified via email or not.Yes, you will get an email notification.
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
"If you don't think finding true love is worth risking a broken heart, then, you don't deserve it."
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLAN
Click Here to Buy The Magic of Making Up SystemPosted 2 years ago # -
PLJ Kate
offlineMemberThat would impact me too. Which is why I am so glad I don't live with him. I've been tempted a few times to do a late-night drive by...see if a mystery car is there but each time, I'm like "nope, it doesn't matter". And let me tell you why! Because I know I was amazing in his life and I know him - anything that's a rebound won't last and won't measure up to me. Sounds arrogant but it's true. Think about it. He didn't spend all the time he did with you because you're a rebound girl. And likely, he's out all night and with another girl or girls because he needs their validation. Which tells you something about him. He's more vulnerable than you might otherwise think.
So on some levels I'm embracing whatever "competition" comes along while embracing the NC at the same time because I think together they make a bigger impact. Think of it this way. When you are dating these other guys you've told me about, if he saw you out with them, would he think that you're missing him and thinking of him? Not likely. He'll think you don't care, you're cold, you are moving on so quickly, blah blah blah. So guess what? While he's out with "her", he's still thinking of you. He's still comparing them to you - even if he's not conscious of it.
If the bond between you was real and impactful, it will stay with him. It may not overshadow his current confusion and immaturity or fear of commitment or whatever is going on with him but it will linger and nag at him and the more he gets out and about and away from you, the more he can start to strip away the BS and get to the heart of who you were together. I think when we're in the relationship and in the drama of the breakup and emotional interactions, we can't get to that point. Which is why NC is so important for both you and HIM.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Kick-Loves-Ass
Posted 2 years ago -
xBlueMasquerade
offlineMemberI'm really glad you don't give into that temptation. No matter what the answer was, it'd be unhealthy. Part of what NC is based around, I think. And like you said, who cares?
You make a great point about the rebound stuff. After all, I'm dating these guys to help get my mind off of him. He's probably doing something similar.
Strangely, a lot of my other exes have been contacting me lately. Weird, right?
Posted 2 years ago # -
xBlueMasquerade
offlineMemberHe called me last night. We almost never spoke on the phone. At first I thought it was a pocket dial, I was in disbelief.
He just wanted to tell me to be safe getting home as the weather was bad and there was an accident near the house, but he rambled on this for awhile. Let me know he was home safe, didn't know if he'd see me that night as I was home late (though I always am in my efforts to avoid him).
He sent me the same message over FB when I didn't answer (didn't even see he'd called until the next day).
Don't know what to think. Is he just trying to mess with my head?
Posted 2 years ago # -
xBlueMasquerade said:
Don't know what to think. Is he just trying to mess with my head?I think he is not respecting your NC request, which only proves he is very selfish, and insecure.
This also indicates the beginning of his own personal evolution.
Stay Strong and Positive!
Princess
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
"If you don't think finding true love is worth risking a broken heart, then, you don't deserve it."
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLAN
Click Here to Buy The Magic of Making Up SystemPosted 2 years ago # -
PLJ Kate
offlineMemberI agree that he's being selfish and immature. He's likely not aware he's being that way. He just had the impulse to reach out and so he went with it. But it completely disregards your request for him to not contact you and you deserve that respect.
I didn't officially initiate NC until 6 weeks after break up. But, I was not reaching out to him at all during this time but he would reach out every 7-9 days. It made things much worse for me because it kept me on an emotional roller coaster. He would mostly talk about trivial things but at least once he'd throw out something vague about us that wanted me to do the heavy lifting. He broke up with me so I was determined not to give him any comments to appease his guilt, or make sense of his angry, rash decision. I would say "okay" and let silence take over until he awkwardly went back to trivial things. I had never heard of NC before so when I went down that path, it fixed the roller coaster ride. I have clarity and I'm not feeling so out of control of my emotions.
You should be close to 30 days by now. How are you feeling? Are you getting to that place where if you had brief contact that you would feel okay being brief and ending it first? I just think you should wait until you're in full control of your emotions and can be 100% true to yourself and not concerned about the outcome.
(I'm at 30 days tomorrow). Not sure I care enough to ever reach out.
Posted 2 years ago # -
xBlueMasquerade
offlineMemberThanks, LovelyGirl; and Kate as always.
I've had a frustrating past couple of weeks. I was making progress, and then I hit a wall. was depressed over him without getting better for awhile, it was hopeless and frustrating.
But I feel much better now, just a little annoyed that he's seemingly doing everything he can to make it so I can't ignore him. He made an event on Facebook and invited me and all my friends he knows, keeps trying to get close to my (non mutual) friends and even guys he hears are interested in me. He's all over their Facebook profiles even though he can't get to mine. I have no idea what his issue is.
But even given that, I'm doing well. I'm finally letting go of our old relationship. Maybe I'm still hopeful for a new one with him, maybe not, but right now I'm not incredibly worried about it, and I think that's great progress in itself.
Posted 2 years ago # -
xBlueMasquerade said:
But I feel much better now, just a little annoyed that he's seemingly doing everything he can to make it so I can't ignore him. He made an event on Facebook and invited me and all my friends he knows, keeps trying to get close to my (non mutual) friends and even guys he hears are interested in me. He's all over their Facebook profiles even though he can't get to mine. I have no idea what his issue is.The solution is easy, stop using facebook for 12 months, use email, text, and the telephone to communicate with family and friends.
If you can't go without facebook for 12 months, you have more problems than a breakup, to deal with.
Stay Strong and Positive!
Princess
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
"If you don't think finding true love is worth risking a broken heart, then, you don't deserve it."
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLAN
Click Here to Buy The Magic of Making Up SystemPosted 2 years ago #
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