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Willsucceed's NC diary
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I will NEVER sell, trade, rent, or give away your information to any third party.
I HATE SPAM! Read Our Privacy PolicyPosted 1 month ago willsucceed
offlineMemberI have been very busy with working on the house. I have two projects that were started before he left that I am getting finished and one project that I want done. It is a mixture of hiring people and doing work myself. I'm actually fairly capable at a lot of home repair/fixing up. It is a change in plans from before because I'm not sure how long I will live in this house, so I am fixing to be pleasant for me to live in, but also with a mind to if I sell it. I'm doing the things first that I would do in either case.
This has given me to a lot to think about and do, which is good. I still think about him and her some and I will be glad to get rid of that completely. When I see young couples I am getting a good feeling, but I have a harder time when I see couples older than I am. I do wonder what it would have been like to not have to go through this and have been together to the end. I know that's not the way to think and I should be happy for them, but it's hard not to feel envy. Any help on positive things to say to myself here would be appreciated.
There is a lot going on work-wise and I hope to report some success on that front soon.
Posted 1 month ago #-
daphne_555
offlineMemberWill you come work on my house next?
Glad you're keeping busy. I wonder if you'll be ready to date anytime soon.
Posted 1 month ago # -
willsucceed
offlineMemberI'm proud to report that I ran 10 miles yesterday. I should be in good shape for the 1/2 marathon in May and I'll keep increasing distance and then get serious about increasing speed. It was a beautiful day and I also took my dog for a long walk.
Yes, I am ready to date. I'm not ready to become emotionally involved and will be clear, as SW said, to say I'm only dating right now. I don't feel pressured to date and don't have to have someone in my life right now to be happy. I am moving more toward the stage of being happy by myself. I'm not fully healed, don't get me wrong, but I've made a lot of strides with actually being divorced, exercising, and working on projects on the house. This forum and the divorce recovery group has been instrumental in helping me through this. I'm getting closer to normal me, which is great because I am a happy, optimistic, friendly, and driven person.
Posted 1 month ago # -
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Posted 1 month ago willsucceed
offlineMemberHad a tough day today that caught me by surprise. I'm not sure exactly why, except I did dream about him this morning which made me sad, I cried before swimming and was anxious all day and then cried for a whole 2 miles at the beginning of my run today. I feel better now because I just ran until I go it all out of me, but I miss him tonight and wish he was here. I'm so thankful for my divorce dog being here with me. I'm not happy about regressing to feeling like the future is bleak, like I want to go back in time.....and all those unproductive thoughts. I repeat to myself that I won't feel like this forever and that I will bounce back and get even better. His bday is Monday, so perhaps that's also part of the anxiety. It's also a long weekend and it's hard because I know he has all that time with her.
I will report tomorrow how I've bounced back and everything I'm getting done.
Posted 1 month ago #-
willsucceed
offlineMemberFor those of you generating visions boards, this website is a good one for making an electronic version: PinItUp.net
Posted 1 month ago # -
willsucceed
offlineMemberThis quote from SW is so good that I had to note it here as well. Thanks.
If you want someone to stop stomping on your heart, you stop handing it over to them, right?
The reason this is so good for me to remember and repeat to myself is that even though I am staying faithful to NC, I can use this for when I think about him and her. Stop handing my heart over to them (in this case truly plural) to stomp on. It's me doing it to me, but saying it this way really helps, so thanks for writing this.
When I ran on Friday I got lost returning. This is no surprise since I have a horrible sense of direction and lots of paths converged where I took the wrong turn. Anyway, I ran much longer than I anticipated. I retraced my path on a website that allows you to calculate distances on running trails and realized I ran 15 miles. I am going to be ready for the 1/2 in May and will probably run 15 miles max for training, but now I need to be more serious about also increasing speed. I'm not committing to this, but I do wonder if I will run the full marathon in the future? I think it's possible I could do it.
I have gratitude for the mild winter that's allowing me the freedom to run outside and take long walks with my dog. I have deep gratitude for my Sunday marathon running buddy that helps me think about my training and invites me to her house for breakfast with her and her spouse. I don't think I can ever repay all the help everyone has given me.
Posted 1 month ago # -
willsucceed said:
I don't think I can ever repay all the help everyone has given me.You pay it forward and help others.
Don't worry you will have the chance to give back what you have received.
That is the way the universe was meant to work, and it feels good too!
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
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Posted 1 month ago -
sweetcalendula
offlineMemberhey WS,
so sorry to hear that you had a tough time... i know sometimes the emotions drained you to your bottom most, it does happen to me at times as well, despite being in NC for few months for now. but i guess it's just a part of NC that is trying to test you on how much you have evolved. you've been this far, and i totally feel you that this roller-coaster ride is bumpy at times. like you quoted as above from SW, if you want someone to stop stomping on your heart, stop handling it to them.
you are one strong woman, you are always there to help other forum members. no worries about it okay, we are here for each other.
much love. x.
Posted 1 month ago # -
willsucceed
offlineMemberI wanted to list some forums here that have been helpful to me. I know I've mentioned some of these before, but here is my updated list:
pinkchinchilla, sugar_rabbit, jaysun, Marie21, My No Contact - NC Days, MelanieStyrder.
For what not to do, I wanted to add Soly's NC diary - I called him - HELP!!!
I found that really illuminating to read, which clearly was SW's intention.I'll add that I'm going to actively date so that I evolve into a single person mentality and not stay stuck feeling fidelity to my ex.
Posted 1 month ago # -
willsucceed said:
I'm going to actively date so that I evolve into a single person mentality and not stay stuck feeling fidelity to my ex.Great Decision WS!
I know it was a hard decision to make, but you can't keep yourself locked up forever, right?
I am no dating expert, and I haven't dated in quite a while (mostly because of my living situation), but all you can do is get out there and learn by doing.
Take it slow and enjoy yourself, if you're not enjoying yourself, you are dating the wrong person.
That's how I do it.
If I can't even spark up an enjoyable conversation over chat, why meet?
Even at my age group (40-50), people still play games, it seems like most of the women just join dating sites to get as much attention as possible to stroke their egos.
I am not into stroking egos to get laid, I want someone who inspires me, that is the only way they will keep my attention.
It has taught me patience.
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
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Posted 1 month ago -
willsucceed
offlineMemberI have some exciting news to share. I have a great job offer that was made today. It is a job that I applied for made up my professional vision board for. I really like my job I have right now and it is hard decision, but the new job would take me into a completely different living environment (across the country) and is a step-up in a lot of ways from my current job. However, there are some drawbacks as there always are, so I haven't made a final decision, but am excited for the opportunity to decide.
No dates yet, but am keeping my mind open for that possibility.
I want someone who inspires me, that is the only way they will keep my attention.
That is a great way to put it and I'm going to remember this when I'm dating. Does he inspire me?
Posted 3 weeks ago # -
willsucceed
offlineMemberI'm 80% sure I'm going to take the job, I'm just making sure all the practical aspects can fall into place. I have a couple of days to make my final decision.
I had a shift today in my mind and I think the possibility of moving and starting a new life in a very different place is part of that. I haven't had a full "click" or "shift", but this amount feels good. It actually feels good to know what this feels like, even with the changes in the reality of my day-to-day life.
I ran 14 miles at 10 minutes/mile on Saturday and have signed up for a 10K in March. For valentines day I bought the heart shaped glass bowl that I mentioned earlier that I'll put out on Feb 1st. I'm going to buy beautiful flowers for the administrative assistants. I usually buy them poinsettias for Xmas, but wasn't with it enough to do that this year and so I thought this would be a fitting solution.
Posted 3 weeks ago # -
willsucceed
offlineMemberI think this language is appropriate for thinking about the dead relationship and our evolution:
Vestigial: The appendix is considered a vestigial organ. That means it persists in humans as a rudimentary or degenerate structure.
Vestige a trace, mark, or visible sign left by something (as an ancient city or a condition or practice) vanished or lost. The smallest quantity or trace is a trace of something that is disappearing or no longer exists.
The things we hang onto from the dead relationship are really vestiges. We evolve beyond these unless we give up and hang onto something that no longer exists.
Looking to the future and to evolving, I'm taking the job and moving half way across the country. I have so much to do to get everything in order to move that it's beyond crazy. I'm excited, nervous, and very thankful for the opportunity.
Posted 3 weeks ago # -
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Posted 2 weeks ago willsucceed
offlineMemberI have a "date" this weekend. A guy I met that is both interesting and nice is going to show me how to lift weights at the gym. When I travel, I often can't swim because the pools at the hotels are tiny. I've never tried lifting weights, but the exercise rooms often have dumbbells and so I could do that for my upper body when I travel, in addition to my running. I don't think I'm mis-reading his interest in me; we have been lightly flirting. I will tell him soon about my decision to leave after May so that I'm not stringing him along, but I really hope he would be interested in a flirtation until I leave.
Posted 2 weeks ago #-
Jasmin
offlineMemberHello, willsucceed. It sounds like you're doing well. I hope things will go in your favor by taking this job offer. It sounds like you'll be making a fresh start by doing so. And, good idea to not string that man along. He seems quite friendly and I hope you two won't feel down when you leave. Best to enjoy the coming months.
Posted 2 weeks ago # -
willsucceed
offlineMemberReally enjoyed the weights training session with the guy I think is showing some interest in me. I learned a lot and have some new exercises to improve in. We both kept it focused on learning the weights, but I'll have to say it was really nice spending that time with him outside of the group settings where we originally met and see each other. We didn't talk about anything personal and it was easy to be with him. Once I get this work contract signed this week I will let him know. It's too bad I didn't meet him where I'm moving to.
Posted 2 weeks ago # -
SMILE2DAY
offlineMemberCheck you out with your guy magnet powers. You are doing amazing and I like that meeting new people, learning new things and having fun you deserve it. Have an open mind who knows what the universe will bring your way.
Keep up the god work.
My Heart's Big But Beats Quiet. xPosted 2 weeks ago # -
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Posted 2 weeks ago willsucceed
offlineMemberYes, and it's strange, but fun to imagine if things were to turn romantic. It still brings on some feelings of guilt, but that should lessen as time goes on. I just need to go slowly, but it's a relief to meet someone with whom I can imagine that scenario. I wonder how I will react when that turns into actuality.
Yesterday I was wondering if I should have been more flirtatious, but I did remember Scott saying to just be yourself. It's easier for me to be flirtatious in writing (email and texting), but I guess I'll learn face-to-face flirtation, but probably with more subtlety. I just don't like it when I see women so obviously coming on to a man, but maybe men like that. But again, although I can improve in that area, I will only do what is in my comfort zone.
Posted 2 weeks ago #-
willsucceed
offlineMemberLunapearl, I just bought the book after seeing your post and hearing it mentioned here and there on this forum. I feel much better after reading the first chapter because I would have a hard time turning into a clinging vine all of a sudden. However, I also don't consider myself abrasive, but I see that is not what the book is about. I think I can embrace this way of thinking fairly easily and not in a game playing way, but more as bumper guards when I would want to be too accommodating. Thanks for bringing it up right when I was wondering about this.
Posted 2 weeks ago # -
lunapearl
offlineMemberyes you should read it because it is a very good book, there are two books actually: why men love bitches , and why men marry bitches, both are great, you should read both, you will love them!
i thought you had read those books and i was confused because you thought that men love when women are coming on to them, i had read those books yet i am still confused whether men really love that, hmm lets read it once again haha
Posted 2 weeks ago # -
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Posted 2 weeks ago willsucceed
offlineMemberLunapearl, let me read both and take some time to digest it. It's a good time in the process for me to read these. Before when they were mentioned I was more focused on healing and understanding my own needs. I think I can transition to include thinking about what men are attracted to as long as I don't feel like it changes myself too much. I do understand, however, how attachment is complicated and my actions will affect the type of people I select for, so moderation in my actions is well worth thinking about.
Posted 2 weeks ago #-
willsucceed
offlineMemberHere is how my Valentines Day is shaping up. Last night when I went to the grocery store, I had forgotten about Valentines Day, but was reminded by seeing a bunch of guys viewing the cards for a last minute purchase. I toyed with buying myself a card, but then decided to buy a card I hope I will enthusiastic about giving someone in the future. It then became a decision between a romantic versus flirtatious card, and I found a humorous flirtatious card and settled on that. I will keep it for someone I attract in the future and really enjoy giving it to them. I have my heart shaped bowl out. It is really beautiful. I am sending flowers to the wonderful people in the office as a surprise. Last, some of us from the divorce recovery group are going out for dinner together. That takes care of my first Valentine's Day as a single person.
It will be interesting to see what future Valentines' Days are like in my new place next year and beyond.
I am routinely running 15 miles for one run during the week, with 7, 5 and 10 miles on other days. It varies a little bit depending on the weather and time. I'm still learning how to include breathing in my butterfly stroke and although I am getting stronger in the stroke itself, I haven't breached that crest of adding in the breathing. My stroke deconstructs as soon as I try to breathe. I have incorporated weights in my exercise routine some mornings instead of or in addition to swimming. My abs are in serious need of attention I've found.
Posted 1 week ago # -
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Posted 1 week ago -
willsucceed
offlineMemberI finally baked something for the first time since the breakup. I have cooked thin-crust pizza (our Friday night meal of choice before) a couple of times. However, besides just heating something up, I had not yet baked. I baked some oatmeal cookies from a favorite recipe, which meant opening my cookbook. The cookbook has a lot of meaning for me and is integrally related to my identity, which has changed with no longer being married, so this was a big step.
I took the cookies to the class on boundaries that night so they didn't stay in the house, which was good because they usually didn't last long before. The next big step will be baking a carrot cake since that was a favorite go-to cake recipe ever since we first got married that I've altered over the years to improve it. The pound cake will be next since that was another go-to that he really liked.
Posted 2 days ago # -
dear willsucceed,
nice to read your update.
I always tell a friend, "try spell the word 'STRESSED' backwards. that's how you relief things that made you unhappy." and she will be going out baking nice stuff whenever she feels down. =)God grant me the serenity to accept things that I cannot change....
The first step toward change is acceptance.
Change is not something you do, it's something you allow.
Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you.Posted 2 days ago #
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