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Willsucceed's NC diary
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I will NEVER sell, trade, rent, or give away your information to any third party.
I HATE SPAM! Read Our Privacy PolicyPosted 5 months ago willsucceed
offlineMemberI sent this to my husband via email two days ago. "I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn't contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready."
Before that I had read "love must be tough" and had conversed mainly about finances and him keeping our dog while I traveled, and in most cases only in response to him unless it was absolutely necessary. However, it was still not strictly NC because I did respond to an email with some good news about his work. All his email contact with me causes a lot of stress and upheaval, so I am so glad to not receive emails from him unless absolutely necessary for financial agreements. I was calm and collected the three times I met him to transfer the dog and the initial divorce papers. I will admit that a large part of my motive was so that he could come back in the future, but I am glad that it had the very large benefit of keeping me from acting like a fool.
Posted 5 months ago #-
willsucceed
offlineMemberFor my evolution I am:
1. Attending a divorce recovery group and had the first meeting tonight.
2. Exercising. This helps alleviate some hurt and keeps me busy. My dog and I are getting very fit. I am running, biking and swimming.
3. Seeing a counselor once a week.
4. Touching base with some close friends and family every day by phone.
5. Taking cooking classes.
6. Taking yoga classes starting tomorrow at 7pm.I do wish I had started NC in this way at the very beginning because I got sucked into two email exchanges that only helped him solidify his position, while I opened up. That was 2 months ago (within 1 week of his leaving) and I only had that weakness twice and stopped as soon as I realized it wasn't going in the direction I thought it could.
Although I don't feel enthusiastic about doing all these things, I am still doing them because it's developing my skills and abilities and I have to do something or else I will go crazy. I have now biked for a 12 mile stretch multiple times, alternated running and walking for a total of 10 miles (1 mile walk, 1 mile run, repeat), and swam 1 hour total each day. At my gym there is a very "lite" triathelon that I'm going to do. For those of you who are serious about this, it will be laughable, but for me it's a big step. Swim 15 minutes, bike 15 minutes, run 2 miles. I'll be curious to see where I stack up as compared to the other participants. One goal I have is to run a 5K race.
Posted 5 months ago # -
hi willisucceed,
welcome to the forum.
it takes a lot of courage to send that NC letter...We all here will be supporting you, and you have to help yourself too. Days will be tough ahead, but if you really want your life back, you can do this. Good that you already have lots of things to do to divert your attention from things that troubled you.
Stay positive!
God grant me the serenity to accept things that I cannot change....
The first step toward change is acceptance.
Change is not something you do, it's something you allow.
Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you.Posted 5 months ago # -
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Posted 5 months ago willsucceed
offlineMemberI want to add that even though I don't have problems with alcohol, ever since he left I have sworn off any alcohol because if it did make me feel some relief, I could see how a person could get addicted.
Has anyone here gone through all of this to become as whole as they were before, or even better? I know that we are evolving and that means change over time, but has someone evolved to feel really whole and fulfilled again?
Posted 5 months ago #-
willsucceed said:
Has anyone here gone through all of this to become as whole as they were before, or even better?You might want to check this out: Sugar-Rabbit's NC Diary.
PM her, she might make a good Forum Buddy for you too, since you're both going through divorces.
The only way you can fail, is to give up.
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 5 months ago # -
willsucceed
offlineMemberThanks, I went back and read Sugar-Rabbit's NC Diary and have taken this quote to heart:
"What once was too painful to hear has fallen on deaf ears. I'm posting this because I'm sure most of you believe that you may never reach this stage of indifference. Well, let me tell you that I was completely devestated over my ex leaving me...we've been together for 15 years! Please follow the plan, this is all about you you you, and focus on what you want...or if you don't know what you want, discover it!!!"
I can't truly internalize that for myself now, but I have to intellectually accept that others have gotten to this point, so it is possible and that gives me a semblance of hope. Indifference to him and enjoyment of things in my life is a state of utopia for me now. I am willing to take the steps even void of enjoyment if I can get to being happy with myself and by myself faster and fuller. Thanks for the plan, because that provides the framework for people.
I had a light bulb go on at the gym this morning. By going to NC, we are really protecting ourselves so that we have space to deal. It is like a protective shell around us. In StarTrek it is "Shields up, Scotty". My focus up to now has been that NC (or the semi-NC I did for 2 months) has been the best chance to get him back in the future, but I now hope it speeds up and enhances the process for me getting over him and building my future. That's not to say that I don't hope for reconciliation in a year or two. I think that for a person who is in the very early stages of a break-up, going to NC for the hope of getting them back is okay because that's all I could emotionally cope and connect with at that time. However, I see that the transition needs to come at some time that NC is for myself. That has taken me close to 3 months, but again, at least I didn't make a complete fool of myself earlier.
Reading these forums has also helped me realize that the waking up in the morning with high amounts of sadness or anxiety is normal. I hate the time from 3 am to 6 am where I am repeatedly waking up either sad or anxious and falling back to sleep. I feel like my brain is my If I do some work from 3-6am then I find the time at regular work hours becomes boring and that allows my mind to wonder during the day. One reason I joined this forum is because I have spent 3-6am reading all the long forums (more than 2 pages long) to see the progression. Scott, thanks for refocusing me to Sugar-Rabbit's NC Diary because it's hard when there is little hope to remember that successes of someone coming into their own.
Posted 5 months ago # -
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Posted 5 months ago elle
offlineMemberHi,
I know exactly how it feels to drift in and out of sleep about twenty times a night with that horrible feeling in your gut along with thoughts of your ex and the break up.
This is comin up to my 7 weeks of NC and i can safely say that i now sleep without waking up once
although i do dream about my ex nearly every night but that's to be expected.Know that with time, you'll be able to enjoy sleep again! Try some meditation before bed time or exercise to tire yourself out, that helps.
Positive thoughts
Xx
Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you.Posted 5 months ago #-
willsucceed said:
My focus up to now has been that NC (or the semi-NC I did for 2 months) has been the best chance to get him back in the future, but I now hope it speeds up and enhances the process for me getting over him and building my future.When people say "getting over him", or "getting over her", what you really mean is, getting over the failed relationship.
Your relationship was derailing, and one of you saw it coming and jumped off the train (broke up) before it crashed.
Now, it would have been nice if they did the right thing and warned you, but people tend to be cowards...unfortunately.
The whole concept of the free plan, and your personal evolution is to evolve past the break up, not totally rule out ever having anything to do with your ex again.
That is much too much to process at one time, and that is why people get overwhelmed with sadness, loss, depression, etc.
THE DRAMA!
It is like a person trying to lose weight thinking they will never eat the foods they love again, or ever enjoy eating again.
What's the fucking point?
You might as well jump off a cliff and die, right?
Life is going to suck, and only get worse after this.
Wrong!
The only thing that is really screwed up is your perception of what is going on, that's it.
Everything changes, evolves, and goes through growing pains.
People change (without notice), and lie, and do things they will regret someday, but it happens all the time...unfortunately.
Remember this is just a phase of your life, your marriage, your relationship.
You can, and will, survive this, and become stronger, and (believe it or not) become happier.
If you decide your ex is worth getting back together with you can only have a better relationship with them, why?
You (both) went through this breakup/divorce and grew from it.
If your ex was an asshole, now you will finally discover/realize that, and you will be free to find the kind of love you truly deserve.
As much as this sucks, this is something you have been wishing for...change, change for the better, to be happy/happier.
The Universe, GOD, whatever you believe has granted your wish - answered your prayer.
Our forum, and the free plan is designed to give you the guidance/support you need to survive this evolution, because we all know, change is NOT easy, but we all long for it, a change for the better.
You (you all) can do this, just have faith in yourself, and focus on attracting the kind of love you want, do not focus on getting your ex back, and you will get what you ask for, and deserve.
Be patient, it takes time.
If you are strong (and focused) you will get the good things you desire, if you're weak (and pity yourself), you will run back to what you believe is your best option and regret it.
Stay Strong and Positive!
PS - Let me share an example from my own life, it is happening right now.
We have a 2 bedroom and need a 3 bedroom (badly), I sleep in our living room. There has been many a night I wished I had my own room, or a bigger place.
Wish Granted...almost!
Our landlord has decided to not renew our lease...for "business" reasons, whatever that means.
Now, on top of everything else we are dealing with at the present, we are forced to find a new place to live before the end of November, or we are homeless.
Not too many people move in the Winter...unless they have to.
I can't tell you how much stress this has caused me, my roommate (ex wife), and our son, but deep inside, we all wanted it to happen.
We all wanted a better place to live.
As we scramble to find the money to move, and a place to move to, I have to say - this isn't how I pictured it happening in my mind.
It was supposed to happen when I was ready, and it wasn't supposed to stress the living shit out of me, but that's life...right?
I know how hard it is to stay strong and positive, but that's how we (all) survive trying times like these, and get what we have been wishing for.
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 5 months ago # -
willsucceed
offlineMemberThanks Scott. I need to remember that I am getting over the old and dead relationship and not a person who was a large part of my daily life until now. I found one of your descriptions of the old relationship as a dead, stinking animal a good analogy that has stuck in my mind. I saw myself holding the dead animal, crying over it and desperately trying to revive it.
I want to add two more evolution steps for me.
7. I have gone to the doctor and dentist, which I was "too busy" to do for a long time. Fortunately nothing was amiss and I plan to go on schedule for the rest of my life. This is part of taking care of myself.
8. Going out to the national parks around my area with my dog and walking/hiking on the paths. I don't consider this part of my exercise routine, but a way to get out and enjoy nature. I will try and use this as a way to think of making trips by myself. I travel by air relatively frequently in my job. Road trips are also enjoyable and something that was a positive of my old, dead relationship. I want to learn to enjoy them with just me and my dog.Thank you to this community for our support and encouragement of each other.
Posted 5 months ago # -
willsucceed
offlineMemberYesterday was more peaceful than it has been in the past. I know that there will still be ups and downs to come. Even yesterday there was still hurt and moments of anxiety, but there were also moments of peace. Yoga is not to be underestimated for its physical work! However, I took it head on and even with my problems with distinguishing "left" from "right", I put myself at the front of the class and close to the instructor so I could maximize the experience. That is part of getting myself out there and trying to regain my confidence.
Drama and extreme swings were avoided due to the protective shell of NC.
Posted 5 months ago # -
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Posted 5 months ago sweetcalendula
offlineMemberDear Willsucceed,
At this point in NC, there will be times you feel that you're on top of the world, sometimes you'll feel at the lowermost bottom. It's going to be tough on the initial days but trust me, with time, it will be better. We are all here to support each other. I agree with SW, getting over someone here denotes that we are getting over the failed relationship. Evaluate and evolve in this period of time you have, and NC will show it's magical power.
Stay strong, stay positive.
Posted 5 months ago #-
willsucceed
offlineMemberMy soon to be ex is moving from our house that is an hour away to the same city where I am living. It's complicated, but it is because of me that he has a job here so that is why he would move here.
Even though I know it doesn't matter, my concern is that I've developed some routines using public bike/running paths and I am seriously hoping he doesn't move close enough to where I live and use those as well. I know the plan describes how to maintain NC when seeing them in these situations, but it is bothersome to me to think I might have to see him (and new person) in these places where I am developing new talents. They are special places to me.
Okay, I need to be strong, which in this particular situation means that nothing is going to deter me from my goals.
Posted 5 months ago # -
sweetcalendula
offlineMemberHi Willsucceed,
NC is not totally about ignoring/hiding from your ex per se., but it's like a period you need for yourself to get them out of the loop for your personal evolution. It would be really beneficial if you read SW's blog on how to use NC in certain situations. It's best that you don't worry or think about your ex at all, bcos SW once told me that things may not always seem to be as how it is. Don't let your thoughts about your ex cloud your mind, or to bother you bcos it will hinder your evolution. Baby steps at a time!
xox
Posted 5 months ago # -
willsucceed
offlineMemberSweetcalendula,
Thanks for the reminder and resetting my frame of mind. I wanted to add that I found out this information from my attorney who is in contact with his attorney about our financial agreement, so NC was retained for those who might be wondering. Even though he left me, I am initiating all the divorce proceedings so that I have my life fully separated from his. Even in my initial shocked state I had enough sense to realize that actually getting divorced had nothing to do with a possible future reconciliation.
Yes, I re-read the NC in certain situations and at least I'm prepared knowing that in the next month or two I might start seeing him (and her) here in town. She lives in another state from what I can tell, but I suspect she'll be here some weekends.
Okay, enough about that. Today I will run, swim, and then I have a decision for tonight. I'll either go to yoga class or at the same time I can attend a dinner with a "social professionals" group from my city that I joined. I think I'll go to the dinner because it's the first event of this group I will attend. I wish they were at different times so I could go to both.
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Posted 5 months ago willsucceed
offlineMemberI went back to read with SW wrote above. I am in a serious mood tonight after going to the "social professionals" group from my city. I was trying to meet some women to become friends with to perhaps see a movie, go for a walk, or something and get out and be social. It was not the best time for me to go because it appeared to me these events are primarily for finding a date. I felt the enormity of my situation and I'll have to say it was overwhelming. I felt unreal the whole night, like I am in the twilight zone.
I've ordered the secret and the power and look forward to them arriving. I am even more serious about recovery than I was before. I am concerned about healing from this and living joyfully by myself and want to take every step to be successful.
I need to be strong.
Posted 5 months ago #-
Crunchie
offlineMemberohh willsucceed, you ARE strong! Imagine, feel, receive! Well done in getting out there even though you might not feel like it. You are breaking the cycle, doing something new! Perhaps go with something you know you will love next time. Are there like groups who go to different yummy restaurants for dinner there or something like that you might enjoy better? If you're not ready to date it's ok! We're all proud of you for taking yourself out of emotional auto pilot and taking control! I can never get enough of reading The Power, I think you will really really love it. Can't wait to see your journey unfold
xoxo
I don't get jealous when i see my ex with someone else, because my mother always told me to give my old toys to the less fortunatePosted 5 months ago # -
willsucceed
offlineMemberCrunchie,
Thanks. Yes, I strongly know I'm not ready to date; I have zero interest in men right now. I was hoping to meet some women with whom I could do things. Unfortunately, I ended up being seated surrounded by men. Second, I realized that the women are not interested in conversing with other women at an event like that--they are there to meet men. It was a misjudgment on my side that with 20/20 hindsight I can see was not very insightful of me. I will look into some book clubs that are primarily women and try to find other women only groups. I also hope to become friends with both women (and possibly men) from my divorce recovery group. Apparently often there are friendships that are forged there.
The strain of last night unfortunately sent my thoughts back to the familiarity of my dead relationship and made me want my ex all the more. I need to shake myself out of that because that relationship is gone and I am making some strides forward. The lure of the familiar is very strong, however. I am also having a hard time reconciling his moving forward with someone else. I know that in the long-term that is not the best way to evolve, but it sure seems like the way to go right now.
I apologize for being so down today. The hope I am hanging to right now is that I won't feel this way forever. I will evolve to be better than I was in my dead relationship and better than I am today. I will not care what my ex is doing because I will have become happy with myself and the life I create. I will, in very least, regain my confidence, happiness, and verve for life, and perhaps it will even increase. This is what everyone tells me will happen and I will believe that, even today.
Posted 5 months ago # -
willsucceed
offlineMemberHello,
I had a really tough weekend. I'm not at all interested in contacting ex, but the anxiety and thoughts of him have been hard to get out of my head. I'm at 3 months after he left. Can others share where they were at this point? When does the pain and anxiety start getting more manageable?
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Posted 5 months ago willsucceed said:
I apologize for being so down today.
aww...you don't have to be sorry. It's normal especially during the first 2-3 weeks of NC. I had my ups and downs too, sometimes in the middle of having fun myself.
nowadays, whenever he crossed my mind and I started to feel sad and down, knowing that he is no longer there for me, I will think of the happy moments we're together and feel the joy of that moment, be thankful for the good times we shared.
Or...think of something else that made you happy - your favorite food, your good friend, a good movie or book that you watch/read before, feel the joyful vibe when you see, touch those things.
NC is not easy to begin with. I had my breakdown moments on the first few days itself. Even a day seem so long. But I had promised myself that I will get my life back, I will be better than I was yesterday...as days goes by, things get a little easier. We will experience the down moments from time to time but as we evolved, things will get easier and it will soon no longer something to bother us.
You're a strong woman, and you can get thru this. *hugs*
God grant me the serenity to accept things that I cannot change....
The first step toward change is acceptance.
Change is not something you do, it's something you allow.
Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you.Posted 5 months ago #-
willsucceed
offlineMemberAngeLBeaR,
Thanks. Your kind words have helped. Every day is long and I am managing myself each day to try and get enough energy out so that I can stand to be at home at night. I can tell I'm avoiding being alone in the house, especially at night. I can't wait for The Secret and The Power to get here. I need some positive energy thoughts.
I did sign up for Netflix and watched the Secretariat. That was a good movie--safe too since it didn't have any romance. What comedy movies and shows would people here recommend to watch? I know that Scott recommended that we watch some, but I was wondering which ones people on the forum have found particularly good at lifting their spirits?
Posted 5 months ago # -
jasmine
offlineInactiveHey willsucceed,
Welcome to the forum..you are doing great with your evolution but I would suggest don't avoid men around you
If universe if offering you something accept it whole heartedly or run away from it but don't show your negative attitude towards them Not all men are same 
You showed your negative attitude towards them and you ended up being seated surrounded by men :-)makes sense?You will enjoy reading Power and Secret..They are just amazing
well some of the movies recommended here on the forum are though I have not seen all of them :
Movies
Indecent Proposal
High Fidelity
YES MAN
The Blind Side
Waiting to Exhale
Under the Tuscan Sun
Avatar
Bram Stoker's Dracula (hot vampire chicks alert!)
Love and Basketball
Serendipity
Maid in Manhattan
The Shawshank Redemption
It Could Happen To You
Cinderella Man
The Bucket List
Bagger Vance
Million Dollar Baby
The Green Mile
Rudy
Sea Biscuit
Invincible
Brave Heart
Dragon Heart
Radio
Beautiful Mind
The Little Buddha
Castaway
The Love Letter
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Monsters vs. Aliens
500 Days of Summer
The Hangover ( Hmmm... sounds like my autobiography)
Cashback
Around the Bend
Gladiator
The Secret
FireproofI am say on day63 of my NC but I too have some down moments.It's all ok to feel down at times but the whole point of NC is to evolve and take control of your life..I would suggest work on yourself first
with Crunchie ohh willsucceed, you ARE strong! Imagine, feel, receive! This you will understand once you start reading power Stay positive & strong
Take care,
JasminePosted 5 months ago # -
Marty
offlineMemberStay strong Willsucceed. Ironically, I found "It's Complicated" a funny movie. Although the movie revolves around a couple that is divorced for a long time, it had a powerful message...you can never go back. Ironically, it was the guy (Alec Baldwin) that had gotten a "younger woman" and was trying to get his first wife (Meryl Streep) back. Gotta love Meryl Streep!
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Posted 5 months ago willsucceed
offlineMemberOkay, I will watch that this Friday night. Friday and the weekends are hard. My plan for this weekend are:
1. Buy some clothes. I only have 2 pairs of pants that fit right now due to weight loss and one is a casual summer pant. Although going to the mall stresses me out right now I will buy 3 pairs of pants for work.
2. Watch 3 movies from those suggested by other forum members.
3. Contact a swimming teaching center I saw in town to learn the butterfly stroke. I know crawl, breaststroke and backstroke well and am swimming daily, but I never learned butterfly stroke.
4. Bike on Saturday with a friend and run on Sunday with a friend.
5. Clean my kitchen. I don't feel comfortable in the house and am here as infrequently as possible and so I've let things stack up in the kitchen. I need to get that all cleaned out.Posted 5 months ago #-
willsucceed said:
I know that Scott recommended that we watch some, but I was wondering which ones people on the forum have found particularly good at lifting their spirits?One movie that really inspires me is Cinderella Man.
No matter what goes wrong, this guy never gives up.
His attitude is amazing.
The amazing thing is this is a true story, and it was a one of the bad events in this man's life that changed the course of his life...forever.
Once again, the universe closed one door and opened another.
Just watch the movie to find out if he ever found it.
If this movie doesn't inspire you, you don't have a pulse.
I need to watch that movie again, I own it.
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 5 months ago # -
sweetcalendula
offlineMemberHi Willsucceed,
NC itself is an emotional roller-coaster ride... all of us do have our ups and downs. NC will show its magic as time passes by. It's easier said than done, but trust me, that's why all of us are here, to mainly get our lives back. It's okay if you are not ready to date yet, take your time to heal. and evolve.
xx
Posted 5 months ago # -
willsucceed
offlineMemberI'm taking a page out of lucky123's NC diary and listing positives in my life.
1. I have a challenging job that I enjoy and in which I am progressing.
2. My normal self is outgoing, happy, optimistic, and driven.
3. I am expanding now into more outdoor/exercising that is enriching my life.
4. I have friends and family that care about me deeply and that I care about deeply.
5. I am in good health and improving my health as part of my evolution.Posted 5 months ago # -
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Posted 5 months ago sanity_fair
offlineMemberHi ws! I like that you're starting to use a gratitude list to see some much-needed light. What we are experiencing during NC, the dark moments, are not end-of-the-world points. It's beginnings of a better story. We squirm because we were plucked out of familiarity. I still do, even all this time. But I'm doing better than I ever thought I'd be. I hope you will too.
There are two great movies opening up this weekend: Moneyball, Killer Elite. Google them if you haven't heard any of these. None of them are romantic.
Next week there are a lot more, including 50/50 about a young guy diagnosed with cancer. Now that's what we need to realize some things, huh? I also would suggest watching science shows about the universe. Those take me away from the seeming omniprescience of the past and zooms it out to the world outside ours.
Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out.
Vaclav Havel, Disturbing the PeacePosted 5 months ago #-
Pixie
offlineMemberHi Willsucceed!
Writing a gratitude list is a great way to start the day, i did it the other day for the first time & altho my day started out awful it ended quite well!
Positive thinking really does work & i know it isnt easy to think positively during this time but it really does work & i am now going to make it part of my daily routine to write a short gratitude list & to say thankyou for even the smallest things & this should bring more positive things in to my life.
I think it really does make a difference so stick with it
xx
Posted 5 months ago # -
willsucceed
offlineMemberI have an appointment with the lawyer on Tuesday. We own two houses and he's the one that pushed to purchase the second one even though the first one still needs some projects finished. Anyway, he wants me to pay both mortgages in what his counter "offer". The lawyer didn't even send his offer to me, so I hope it's not worse than even that. I do know that even though it will be hard, I won't blink. This is a trend in our relationship and I hope that seeing his expectations on the financial side will continue to eject him out of my head. It's aggravating to me that I am glossing over his shortcomings right now when he intrudes on my time (in my head).
I did everything on my list for the weekend except going shopping and watching 3 movies. I may go shopping tonight since I seem to have a sports injury and so I'll only swim today so that can heal. I'm looking forward to trying my new longer stride while I run, so once this heals, I can't wait to run again. Getting into running has definitely been a life-changing improvement for me in all of this. It's a significant evolutionary step--perhaps enough to start a whole new species
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Posted 4 months ago willsucceed
offlineMemberWent to the attorney today. We are resubmitting the original proposal, where he is responsible for the house with the smaller payment and I'm responsible for the house with the larger payment (as we are doing now). I am hurting feelings-wise today because of three things. I think I saw him when I was driving to the gym, he sent me an email about forwarded mail to his place that I haven't opened up yet, and the moving forward with the divorce. I'm setting up my gmail account to forward his emails to a folder and not have them show up in my inbox. I need to keep these communications due to possible legal issues, so I can't just delete them. This way I won't see any that he sends me, but I will have a record of them. Don't get me wrong, I need to be divorced to separate myself from him financially, I just wish I could separate my emotions by going to a lawyer. I am so very impatient for it to "click" so that I move beyond him. I assume the "click" will be my emotions aligning with my rational self. It just has to happen sooner than later and I know everyone assures me that it will. That assurance is what I hang on to while I'm down like this.
I'm still resting my leg, so only swimming today. I have my cooking class tonight and still need to go to the mall to buy some clothes. I start my butterfly swim stroke lessons on October 20th and they go until sometime in mid-December. I signed up for the mini-triathelon that will be this Saturday at my gym. It will be 15 minutes swimming, 15 minutes bike and then 2 miles run. I expect my leg is better so that I can participate in that. I've already seen improvement from yesterday to today, so that is positive.
Okay, I'm sending out good vibes to everyone to hope we can hurt less and have more peace and joy. Anyone that has made it to the other side, if you can remind us that it does get better and you get your life back, that would be great. I just want me back.
Posted 4 months ago #-
willsucceed
offlineMemberWanted to report that my hip/leg is much better today. I'm going to be good and still only swim to let it really heal. I can't wait to try my longer stride when I run tomorrow or the next day (depending on when I feel my leg again).
I have to get the store and get some clothes today.
Posted 4 months ago # -
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Posted 4 months ago -
willsucceed
offlineMemberOkay, so I figured out I need to stretch my piriformis muscle and strengthen it. The exercises are pretty simple and I can do them at work and at home. This gives me a sense of control because I can work on stretching this out now and strengthening it so that it doesn't happen in the future.
I signed up for the triathlon at my local gym this weekend and am working on stretching and strengthening this so I can participate in that on Saturday. You may remember that it is a 15 min swim, 15 min bike, and 2 mile run. I'm so tempted to run today but I think I won't, I'll just walk. Have some jitteriness that I need to get out, so a run would be great. Plus I have the longer stride that I want to work on.
My cooking classes are really informative and I'm glad that I'm taking them even though part of the purpose is to make it through the evenings. I'm debating on whether to do yoga tonight, given the piriformis muscle issue, and may just get in a second swim without yoga. Swimming is definitely easy on your body, I've come to realize. My morning swim went well.
I'm working on not thinking about him so much--seems the last two days I have a lot. Grrrr. Again it's three steps foward and two steps back, which is frustrating.
Posted 4 months ago # -
willsucceed
offlineMemberTonight I walked with a friend I met at the divorce recovery group. Unfortunately, she walks kind of slow, and it was cool temperature out, so I got really cold. What this lead to is the first time I was actually glad to get home. I have been staying away from my house as much as possible. First, because I have an enormous amount of energy to get rid of and second because I can't stand being in the house. I was shivering and even with the heat up high in the car, I couldn't wait to get some fleece on and jump into bed. So, a positive first for me, even if it was just to get inside to get warm.
I'm down to my college years weight, which I love, except I do remember now how easily I get cold in the cold temperatures when I weigh what I do now. Unfortunately I live where it gets down to -20F during the winter, so I need to make sure I really bundle up extra well this winter. That reminds me that I need to get my emergency supplies in my car soon.
I got new plates for my car and will need to put those on. He usually did that, and so I'm going to home depot and ask them to help me find the rachet that will do the job and I'll change it myself. It's funny that things like this always feel like a "test" of my ability to make it on my own.
Posted 4 months ago #
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