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SweetCalendula's NC diary
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I will NEVER sell, trade, rent, or give away your information to any third party.
I HATE SPAM! Read Our Privacy PolicyPosted 1 month ago lunapearl
offlineMemberhi sc! you have passed your final exam , how are you? are you working already? how's the new life?
Posted 1 month ago #-
sweetcalendula
offlineMemberhello Lunapearl ! my life is doing great so far, thank the Lord. i haven't started working yet, still waiting for the induction call. what about you ? hope you are doing great too !
just an update, the ex wished me on new year's eve, well i just got the message via whatsapp when i was about to reach home from overseas after switching on my local number. the mother kept on messaging me as well, asking if we still have any form of relationship after almost 3 months from not hearing a word from me. i frankly guess it is best for me not to keep in touch at all with the family. not to mention that she has done something which was overboard before, but i guess my life is much better without them. and the funny thing is that the mother persistently sent me emotional texts, and the ex has also blocked me from whatsapp message service just recently. i might have been disturbed before, but it doesn't really matter to me now. he doesn't determine my happiness anymore, and he is no longer the first person i would turn to.
believe it or not, it's already almost 5 months, coming to 6 months of NC. i could still recall the first few months of NC, i was really struggling. i swear i could hang myself on the wall, losing myself to death. it's like i was choking hard and all i could wish to do was to cut my throat off so that i could stop suffocating. BUT i can really say, all this experiences have taught me the true meaning of happiness. self-love. all this ride needs these few ingredients that you gotta hold on to most - faith and patience.
i am honestly thankful for the NC which was very bitter at the beginning. but all this is worth it. WORTH it. i've learned to be grateful with the little things in life. with LOA, it seems that more positive things are coming my way. although sometimes i do face stressful moments, the positive vibes have rooted within me. it is like an autopilot mode.
in 2011, i've learned the meaning to be loved and lost, than not to be loved at all, the hard way, i know. i've learned that nothing comes easily, we gotta work hard for it to achieve what we want in life, or, we'll gain nothing. this applies to me few months prior to my final exam, while i was still really devastated by the break up. i learned to self-prioritize, no matter what happens, you gotta prioritize yourself first. YOU and YOU. i am really glad, i found this forum because it helped and is helping me. i've seen lots of ppl surrounding me who are still emotionally grounded bcos of the L-O-V-E word, putting themselves as doormats when they are capable of becoming a queen to one man who could love them truly. if it wasn't because of this forum, Scott... i would turn out to be one of them as well.
stay positive and stay strong ! much love to everyone. and i hope it is not too late to wish everyone a brand new year !
Posted 1 month ago # -
sweetcalendula
offlineMemberHi everyone !
It's a long-headed weekend since Chinese New Year is just around the corner ! In welcoming the leap of the Dragon year, I really feel this year is more special because most of my friends are home ! Tonight will be the battle of the fireworks ( according to my Chinese friend because it is like a tradition to her ) once the clock ticks at 12, and I am very sure that 2012 and the Dragon year have good things in store for us.
Happy Chinese New Year to all celebrating !
Posted 1 month ago # -
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Posted 1 month ago -
gong xi fa chai!
God grant me the serenity to accept things that I cannot change....
The first step toward change is acceptance.
Change is not something you do, it's something you allow.
Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you.Posted 1 month ago # -
sweetcalendula
offlineMemberhey everyone !
it's been awhile since i last posted here, been very busy with my preparation to work. i am officially working now, on which i just recently ended up my orientation. i do hope that everyone is doing really great !
can't really recall the duration of NC i've been *starts calculating*, and to my amazement, i've reached roughly about 6 months and a half. how fast is that ? who would have thought that i would be at this end ? i doubted myself so much before this.
life's been amazingly great, the positive vibes within are continuously pouring out of me ! i recently went to this short course on which i've met a circle of awesome people around me. i was initially informed by my friends who went to the previous session, and as usual, their remarks were stacked in the negativity. of - boredom, stressful, useless and the list goes on clouded me. but guess what ?
here's my own version of experience. in a nutshell, although it was only a 5-days course, i undeniably enjoyed myself to the max ! i swear it was one of the best moments in my life !!! from the timid me to being astonishingly extrovert, for the very first time i volunteered myself to be an aerobic instructor, a potentially confident emcee, and lastly, being one of the well-known participants. i just love the adrenaline rush, as if it never stopped pumping in me the whole while despite the minimal 4 hours of sleep for the entire week ! and i came to this part of myself not to care of anything or anyone else around me but myself. i can just dance in the crowd according to the beats of the music so carelessly that everyone else's perception don't matter... not anymore. and i'm so thrilled that at the end of the day, everybody ensured to be keeping in touch with each other ! i seriously love my new friends ! p/s : a guy even came hitting on me during the period of course and we are still keeping in touch up till today !
i don't mean to be selfish here, what i really meant of being not to care here is that if there is presence of any decision of statement that doesn't count into any of my happiness, i won't hesitate to slash it off my list.
looking back at the tormented days at the beginning of my NC, i honestly think that by sending the NC message to the ex is the best thing i have ever done to myself. it's like the best present that Santa gave for Xmas. i didn't expect that i would make it this far, really. i used to really think that i would dread myself in fear, on which ending my own life would be the best option ever made, but hey, i was WRONG. this NC has gradually unveiled the other end of my life on which i haven't discovered completely. like the saying goes, " Everything will be okay. If it is not okay, then it is not the end. " i totally look up to that. i still do receive random calls, but hey, i am no longer bothered.
although V-day is just around the corner, i am not as anxious, worried, paranoid like how i used to be in those days on which i would punish myself for not having anyone in my life as a date or as my partner. this whole experience has taught me that being happy with one self is the best thing ever made. LOA has instilled this important message in me. i am enjoying every single bit of my life, keeping my options open and continue being grateful with the little things in life because that matters a lot, too. there's no love sincerer than a love to one self. that is what i vastly learnt from all this.
pertaining to the topic of reconnection, i frankly think that it is not in my check list anymore, so far. if you ask me, i am unsure if i have reached the indifference stage. but there is one thing that i am very sure of - i will meet the person who will love me for me, one fine day, and i am definite that it isn't the ex.
to all members who are struggling in holding on to NC, believe me, stick to it. it is indeed an emotional roller-coaster ride, but do buckle your seatbelts tight and hang on to it. patience is virtue... getting your life back on track is the best thing you'd do to yourself. you will thank yourself for giving another chance in you to be a better you. stay strong, stay positive as always !
much love to everyone.
Posted 1 week ago # -
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