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SweetCalendula's NC diary
(128 posts) (21 voices)-
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I will NEVER sell, trade, rent, or give away your information to any third party.
I HATE SPAM! Read Our Privacy PolicyPosted 5 months ago -
taking one step at a time, slowly. Ups and downs as usual but I am hanging on.
You stay strong too! Hope that The power helps.
God grant me the serenity to accept things that I cannot change....
The first step toward change is acceptance.
Change is not something you do, it's something you allow.
Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you.Posted 5 months ago # -
sweetcalendula
offlineMemberWeek 1 of 2nd NC ,
24 days after 1st NCI can only say that NC period is a roller-coaster ride. It's like the emotions I have goes up and down, sometimes I do feel stronger, sometimes I feel dying inside weakened by the thoughts of it. Roughly, I can say that NC gives you the space for you to occupy on yourself and you alone. I am getting myself out of self-pity bcos after contemplating all the things that went wrong at the very first place, I DON'T deserve to be treated as such. I know it takes both sides in order for the failed relationship, but again it takes two to tango. Here goes the pros and cons about him and our relationship qualities that I have in mind.
Pros
a) He was always be my bestfriend, we were so close prior to our relationship. He was my best listener, he was my motivator when things went wrong.b) He was always there, his availability whenever we need each other.
c) His honesty about his past, his current problems ( except the fact that he was talking to the previous gf before me ), he told me almost everything that went wrong. Well I don't know what happened between him and her that got them back together, but whatever it is, the acute onset of him leaving me necessitated him to do so... but I wouldn't wanna have any bad remarks about that girl. Whatever happens, happens.
d) He understands every single thing about me, although I hardly understand him at times. I know he always wanted too much attention from me when I couldn't provide him those at certain times when I was packed.
e) We truly did love each other. It's like we were inseparable until the day he dumped me. Whatever underlying bullcrap he had underneath he said he 'had to take the hurtful decision '.
f) He is independent, strong enough to face through all the consequences in his life.
Cons :
a) He is financially unstable. He has unsettled debts from bank loans, study loans etc. His family is not supportive in a way that his family background - mom as the main breadwinner and stepdad getting all the money from him and his step siblings.b) Sometimes he can be really dependent that he always complained that he is financially unstable, family related problems. I didn't mind helping him financially once in a while but he kept whining that he should do part time jobs when he didn't even make an effort about it. He expected me to understand all his mood swings by reading the lines when I am the type who prefer him to be pouring all the stories out. I am not that pushy to the extent that I wanted him to answer / force him whenever I asked him.
c) He could be immature whenever he has family problems. He always misinterpreted things wrongly when it comes to squabbles between him and his mother. Whenever I reviewed the conversation they had, it wasn't really what exactly happened.
d) My family doesn't like him especially my dad. Especially hearing about his financial instability and family background.
e) He is always insecure - when it comes to appearance and career. He kept telling that I am too good for him that I am going to be a future doctor soon, and physically I am too 'gorgeous' in a way when other guys were always looking at me whenever we went out together.
f) He terribly wanted sex from me that I wasn't ready at all. He is sexually active and the current gf has always been bugging him to offer sex to him when we were together.
So there goes the lists. I am kinda glad that I realised all this. I don't wanna think of the 'whys' and 'hows' anymore bcos I didn't do anything major. I DONT deserve all this bad treatment and so whatever. Seriously he won't get or meet any other girl like me out there. He doesn't deserve me at my best when he can't accept me at my worst!
So in order to contemplate to ever reconnect or not, I have to get the 'moving on' mindset in order to just get my paths back on track. Might as well now I am planning on what to do in these 2 months I am here. And yes, I am jotting down all the daily schedules that I am going to do with my colleagues for my final exams preparation! Spend some good times with my friends and kick my own ass to get my life on track again. The most important now to feel good about myself, get myself a 'DR.' title, focus on my present and future.
Posted 5 months ago # -
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Posted 5 months ago elle
offlineMemberJust read your break up story.
Sounds rough, but the things that are the hardest in life shape who will we become. Your doing well. I can relate to abusive relationships in the verbal sense especially with alcohol involved. The most destructive relationships are the most addictive but you took yourself out of that situation. Keep it up sweet
Xx
Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you.Posted 5 months ago #-
sweetcalendula
offlineMemberHey Elle,
Yea, it was indeed a rough one, that is why I am here to cope up and get my life back. I don't really know what happened up till today, whatever he and the girl did and do but I don't care any longer. It wasn't pretty an abusive relationship, it was verbally in the sense when he was not in the mood. I mean, I know sometimes we were drown in emotions but that doesn't give us the right to use all those language to the ones you love, or to anyone around us bcos they don't deserve them. and he wanted me to be his friend, ohh hell no, i deserve way better than that and i am glad i made it very clear to him. i proved to him that i am not always available to him to be his doormat. it's like he wanted to keep me from moving on! hell no.
Thank you, dear. xox
Posted 5 months ago # -
be strong there. You can do this! gambate!!!!
God grant me the serenity to accept things that I cannot change....
The first step toward change is acceptance.
Change is not something you do, it's something you allow.
Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you.Posted 5 months ago # -
sweetcalendula
offlineMemberDay 9 of NC
Waking up today feeling grateful, just puny of him at the back of my head. LOA really helps, it really is harvesting in me little by little. I guess the plan now is NC + MOMU + LOA is the greatest recipe in my personal evolution. I truly believe everything happens for a reason and I think I am capable of moving forward in baby steps now. I let go of him, forgive him and thank him for every single thing he did to me. Although the memories do come back once in a while, but with LOA, I managed to take the positive out of it.
At this moment of time, I have nothing to expect, but to focus on myself. I am planning to hang out with one of my cutest colleague. Ohh well, we are good friends and he's going to be my shopping partner and my 'girlfriend'.
I rose with a smile today, being so fortunate and grateful for today. I'd like to express my gratitute
a) To God for allowing me to breathe again today, and live in this beautiful world
b) My beautiful supportive family
c) My wonderful friends
d) SW the guardian angel and my dearest fellow forum members
e) Myself, for giving myself a chance to take the step forward.NC is like a stepping stone to me, I am in the transition of living life positively. Thanks to the forum, I know all of us will kick loves ass someday, with God's willing, and get OUR lives back.
Posted 5 months ago # -
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Posted 5 months ago we WILL get our lives back!
hang on there! *hugs*
God grant me the serenity to accept things that I cannot change....
The first step toward change is acceptance.
Change is not something you do, it's something you allow.
Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you.Posted 5 months ago #-
jasmine
offlineInactiveHey sweetcalendula,
You are evolving so fast
This NC & LOA really rock and help us to get our lives back.
I also did the same thing waking up this morning,being grateful to things I possess
Good going.Keep moving
Stay strong & positive
Take Care,
JasminePosted 5 months ago # -
sweetcalendula
offlineMemberHey AB, thanks! Yea, we will defo!
Hi Jasmine, thanks! you too. i am still a bit wowed how could i evolve in mini steps. i seriously never thought i would have, you know. LOA and this forum seriously give me hope and courage to take the step forward. seriously, the 2nd NC is an eye opener.
I kinda thought of him also today, but at the back of my head, then again i know this is the best thing for us. passed by few places that reminded me about us, but i just smiled and told myself that this is the best for us now, hopefully up till the future. Waking up with him again in my dreams, but he gradually ceased.
Just wanna share some thought today. I have been practising LOA all while, being so grateful it was, up till today my senior whom i had a crush on; called me. He rang me to invite me to have some lunch at his house for Eid. Wow, can u imagine... by practising positive vibes the others around can feel u? i never thought that he would call and i am still surprised to the same extent. i had fun somehow, it's good to catch up once in a while despite what happened to us.
Stay strong, stay focus, stay positive everyone.
we will get our lives back. xox.Posted 5 months ago # -
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Posted 5 months ago sweetcalendula
offlineMemberHi Jasmine!
Hehe i've not posted much lately, was pretty busy with my routine. nope nope this is the guy who used to be my senior in my uni. we had something before but things went wrong and he decided to ignore me. lol. but we are slowly talking and becoming on good terms now eheh. he's hooked with his own bestfriend for now. Yep LOA works! hehe
you too take care xoox
Posted 5 months ago #-
jasmine
offlineInactiveHi sweetcalendula!
Oh I see but the other day I read that he was your senior and you got little tensed when you realized he is with some other girl.Anyways no worries.Finally things are becoming more or less smoother in your life
Kudos to you
Take Care,
JasminePosted 5 months ago # -
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Posted 5 months ago sweetcalendula
offlineMemberHey Jasmine, Yep yep that was the one! ooppps sorry for the wrong info. yep i was kinda tensed when i found out he's with his bestfriend now. yep no worries! and yes things get smoother to me now! (: Kudos to us xox
Hey Willsucced, it's okay okay. welcome to the forum! we are here to support each other!
Posted 5 months ago #-
Jetlag
offlineInactiveDear sweetcalendula,
Just noticed that you dont talk very much about your ex for couple of days
It's good you have these new friends in uni who can distract you very well. Im about to have a date this weekend. Hope this guy can bring the same effect Keep up the good work and stay strong!
Posted 5 months ago # -
sweetcalendula
offlineMemberWeek 2 of NC - well i decided not to really count the no. of days anymore bcos the amount and progress of my evolution matters most here. but just to put it there just for my own reminder to stick to strict NC.
The last time was strict 16days on my 1st NC and I am going to make sure that this will be really sticking to it. I'm pretty sure my ex would most probably expecting to hear from me sooner, but hey, it ain't happening bcos I am in total control for now.
Undeniably, he does come to mind once in a while, again, LOA helps. It's a process which is continuous and is needed to be applied and practised in order for me to take baby steps forward. I have forgiven him, let go of the pain, resentment, and anger, thanked him for all the good memories. At this point of time, I am thankful bcos it's only after the break up that I have learnt so many things and that is mainly about me, me, me. It's not totally about being selfish here, but the main root is
a) that nobody else can love you so much like yourself.
b) it's only that if you can love yourself first, then you can give love to another person.
c) it's only when you take good care of yourself, you could take care of another human being.All this while I realised I've lost myself for so long. I let others took control a part of me when I am the one and only person who is supposed to be controlling myself. As a good start of the day, I will just take a good look at myself everyday in the mirror, telling myself how much I love myself and that I won't ever neglect me me me anymore. NC gives me the opportunity to really see the whole picture.
My bestfriend and housemates noticed the new positive me lately. They even asked what if my ex would come back someday; and the senior whom I had a crush on is leaving to another state this weekend. My senior actually wanted to have a heart to heart talk to me last Sunday but his girlfriend was around. With self-confidence and being the 'cool' girl I was just being me, he noticed the changes in me so far, because he couldn't really took his eyes off of me, and I could notice his tones of voice was exactly how he was to me years ago!
Honestly speaking, I calmly answered my friends to both questions, that I don't know and right now my only aim is to get my exams passed with flying colours and get my degree. Regarding my ex, I seriously don't know if I could ever speak to him again, neither to see nor to reconnect later on because right now it's all about me, the amount of me evolving and i am in total control of that :o. That applies to my senior, too. Right now, my studies come first, others can wait! And I have always told myself, with positive life and by getting myself back on track, I really believe good or even better things will fall into place.
Jetlag : yep actually in a way it's good that if we talk less about our exes, bcos trust me you'll see a difference when you start doing it. i am so thankful that i am now having lotsa supportive friends in uni to distract me. wowww, good luck for that this weekend! seriously going for a date is a confidence booster. just don't expect anything from the guy, just follow the flow, and enjoy the company.
stay strong, stay focus, stay positive!
Posted 5 months ago # -
willsucceed
offlineMembersweetcandula,
Glad to see your resolve to succeed. I now realize that my hard work at school when I was your age has paid off now that I am going through a divorce. For some, talents are developed outside of school, but however talents are developed, the end result for me is that I have a satisfying job that I really enjoy right now. It took years of schooling, but it is worth every moment of that sweat, time and very low income while I was developing myself in the past. Yes, make sure to take care of yourself and build your talents because it will serve you well in the future, but especially in the challenging times.
willsucceed
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Posted 5 months ago sweetcalendula
offlineMemberThanks for the words of encouragement Willsucceed. I truly believe, hardwork pays off at last. It's good to hear that you are enjoying every single thing you do at work now, passion has always been the key.
Btw, you are a very strong woman indeed. I read your NC diary and going through divorce is indeed a torment. But you did the best thing for yourself, and sending NC to your ex is something that you will be grateful down the road. Bcos it's mainly all about you, nothing else bout you. Stay strong, stay positive, stay focus.
Posted 5 months ago #-
willsucceed
offlineMemberSweetcalendula,
I read your pros and cons above and that cluster of personality traits that you describe have serious red flags. Right now I know that your evolution doesn't depend on whether he was a great guy or not, but here's what I say to any woman (or man for that matter) that sees those traits: "Take off your high heels and run away as fast as you can."
I know from personal experience that moving to focusing on developing yourself is easier said than done. However, I now would listen very carefully to someone who says that s/he doesn't deserve you.
You deserve to develop into the best you possible and NC will help you do this. I hope your studies are going well. Let us all be strong.
Posted 5 months ago # -
sweetcalendula
offlineMemberHey Willsucceed, I know... he's from a broken family. He's been thru a lot in his life, all the unpleasantries. I know those denote red flag signs... the only thing I could do is to pray and hope that he will evolve too this time. Evolve to be a better man, amen. Yep my evolution doesn't depend on him, but I always pray the best for him, whether or not we will get back together, that suffices me. Thanks for the advice!
Hello Jasmine, thank you! Yep I know it's been a while! I will defo get my life back that is one thing for sure... but to be honest I don't really know if I could ever reconnect to him, that can wait. and yes I do hope all of us in the forum will get our own success stories - kick love's and life's ass! I hope things are well there too!
Just to update, week 2 of 2nd NC : Mission accomplished.
Encroaching Week 3, I think this is the peak that I failed during my initial NC. Reaching the adult 21 days is difficult, I can't deny today was full of emotions. It's like my gut was twisted so hard underneath, wrenched, folded into its perplexities, but it wasn't as painful as the pangs I had in the chest on the earlier days. I guess week 3 is the peak of most of it. Old memories came back to mind today, a bottled-up feelings mixture of wrath, regrets. It's like a part of me shouting inside "I would be better off without him at the very first place."
But in a way LOA helps ( I was surprised too, though ).
I was walking in my new stilettos today and damn it hurted my feet. As I was strolling down to the departure hall, I decided to walk bare-footed. It's like the inner pain I had inside was being shifted to me physically and I no longer cared about the flashbacks. I was very embarrassed to a fact that people around would be giving me the odd stares, but I just took the 'who cares' banner as if I was tied tightly to it and just walked around with confidence, with the best smile ever. And people responded to me with concern, they were like " Are you okay Miss? Is your foot okay? ". A guy even approached me, offering his shoes to me.
So it's like projecting the negative thoughts and changing it to -> positivity = positive responses. And all the initial negative thoughts... gone. It's like I figured I have to rewire the way I think, the way I perceive things... for a better outcome. Thanks to SW for kicking me in the ass for the 2nd NC. It is really INDEED an eye-opener.
Just few days ago I received a whatsapp message from an unknown number, wishing me for the Eid festival. It's very rare for me to get those random messages anonymously, but I care less. If the person is smart enough, he/she would have left his/her name at the end of the message.
The whole day today caught me thinking, I think I am realising what a nice person he ISN't. I am very blind when I cared about someone so much, I never let people to get into my life so easily.
Roughly my plan for Week 3;
a) release more and more endorphins! go for a jog/walk ( I hope it's not raining )
b) spend time with the family and my bestfriend who's leaving for Plymouth this weekend
c) focus on my studies for exam!
d) get another piercings and restyle my wardrobe!
e) brush off my skills on the piano
f) reiterate how grateful i am about the simple things in life!So stay strong dearests!
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Posted 5 months ago Crunchie
offlineMemberCongratz on making 2nd week sweetcalendula!! You are making amazing progress and you are showing great strength in your words
the positivity is fantastic and we can never get enough of those around!! Great plans for the future You remind me that I should open up my piano and violin too :D. you're doing great!! That's a great shift you had, this is what NC makes you realise. You are so right, if we were so important to our ex or we mean as much as they say, they wouldn't let us go so easily. Take heart though, he doesn't get to hurt you anymore!! No one gets to! xox
I don't get jealous when i see my ex with someone else, because my mother always told me to give my old toys to the less fortunatePosted 5 months ago #-
sweetcalendula
offlineMemberHi Crunchie,
thank you i'm encroaching week 3 now! this was where the pitfall was. hehe, but not anymore. yep i am now, thankfully, all becos of LOA and the forum! hehe yep you should get back to your instruments, they heal your soul too! yep, NC is totally making me realise like totally. now i am telling myself, well, that's my ex's wish so go and get my 'silent treatment' now for the break up hehe. the cake is no more there and he can't eat it now! yep, no more. now it's mainly about us. sooner or later, NC will reveal everything! xox
Posted 5 months ago # -
sweetcalendula
offlineMemberOkay. Another 2 days to Week 3.
Updates : My twitter is most probably hacked. I actually realised it since I was with my ex, but I have always thought it was my application problem. Until few days ago when I realised that it gets pretty obvious. It is privatised, as mentioned in previous posts he is no longer in my twitter so that made things way easier... have been changing my password 3 times and I hope it's secured now. I am not really active in it actually, it was just general conversation. I don't worry about my fb or any other social websites, bcos he is no longer in my list or in other words he is blocked. Apart from that, I think my email was also being hacked. I am so thankful he doesn't know the current email I am using to join this forum, but there are some MOMU information and articles on 'getting my ex back' in the email he knows well. Sigh. But I changed my password.
Can't believe this would rise. Seriously I care less about what he thinks now, it's just that he might know since I've subscribed to articles of getting an ex back and self-help ones. So again the emotional ride - up and down. I think if this problem persists, I'd just delete it. Enough said.
Sorry for the negative remarks! Sorry Scott for talking about the social network stuffs here.
Note to self : Be strong! Not letting this to stop me from evolving.
Posted 5 months ago # -
A girl got to do what she's got to do.
Since it's about you, just do what you should for your own good. =)
be strong, stay positive!
God grant me the serenity to accept things that I cannot change....
The first step toward change is acceptance.
Change is not something you do, it's something you allow.
Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you.Posted 5 months ago # -
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Posted 5 months ago jasmine
offlineInactiveHi sweetcalendula,
How are you coping up?I suggest you to forward those e-mails to the id he does not know.It's that simple
Unsubscribe the service and subscribe it to your new e-mail id Keep moving girl!!!you are gonna rock
Stay strong & positive
Take care,
JasminePosted 5 months ago #-
sweetcalendula
offlineMemberSo today marks the 21 days of NC : Week 3!
I would never thought I would reach this far, this is the longest I have been so far, and counting. These few days made me realise that it is all about me. I've read on articles on men and women, and I have learnt that we are the ones who actually attract the kind of love we always wanted, and what we deserve.
Looking at the old days, my love life has been dull. Because I have no room for self-love. Depended too much on others to nurture me with love when I should be my first priority. I have been pretty single in quite a period of my life, and all I fantasized was love coming all over me in a snap just like the fairy-tale stories that I used to watch when I was a little girl. I recalled I was pretty the independent type of girl, when I used to attract my previous encounters. But it all went downhill when the negative parts of me took place. NC opened my eyes - I should be loving myself MOST and be that kind of person who enjoys her own life to the fullest, being genuinely happy with herself with all the gratitude. I wouldn't realise all this if I didn't find this forum.
Just to share a story of the senior I used to have a crush on, did I ever mention that he is together with his bestfriend now? His bestfriend used to abhor me to the max, just because I was showered with endless attention. She really loves him a lot from the very beginning, when it took me and him a pretty short while for us to get intimate due to the mutual attractions. I was that negative girl who backed out just because I couldn't see myself fitting in the competition - when he already has chosen me from his undivided attention. See, how LOA kicked there? In the end, he left me without a trace. Negative attracted negative? In a way I am so glad that they are together now, because she deserves him. She has never left, she has been all around in the relationship limbo / friends with benefits. I wish them neverending happiness.
It all got me thinking, that I had been doing all the chasing, begging, fighting for the ones I loved. ( Except for my senior, well he did the fighting but it was just a short while
) I mean, I worth more than that and I am worth fighting for. I kinda concluded that if they never fought for me, it's their major loss. I wouldn't find any further excuses for them. As for my previous break up, I did all my best, all I can to make things work and that was it. I wouldn't wanna grief any longer over people who took me for granted. I value more than that, and I deserve to be fought for no matter what. This forum also taught me to be more selective now. Scott is right, you deserve to be loved the way you deserve. I used to really think that I would give all the chances in the world to anyone who approaches in my life despite all the unpleasant things they did to me. I know everyone deserves second chances, but there is a thin line in between that you really need to set in before they start taking advantage on you. For instance, just few weeks after the break up, I used to date this new guy whom I met from an online site and we had been talking with each other everyday. He seemed to be a nice guy initially until one day he bursted out of the blue sending me pictures of his bank account being blocked because of his delayed payment. He started whining, complaining that he had nothing to eat and that he was hungry. Ranted on how his expenses are all in the account and he would expected me to lend him some amount of cash. It is a major turn off. Who does he think I am? We hardly know each other and he even started that dependency which is a big turn off to me. We haven't even met! There goes my silent treatment and he's been trying to approach me up till today.
I deserve what I deserve. We all do deserve to receive what we give. That's the basic essence that I value and hold on up till today. I wouldn't wanna let myself being dragged into dramas again because I deserve someone better. Someone who would love me for me with no excuses. I wouldn't settle for less anymore, to my ex or anyone new who comes along neither to fill in the gap of singlehood. ( I think I was desperate before lol ) I am happy being single and perhaps needing more time to mingle.
Most of my friends are complaining the loneliness they have for being single, on why they kept on attracting the kinda men whom in the end gave false hopes and that they rant why can't they be happy when the major happiness can only be made by US. OURSELVES. LOA works and if we utilised LOA the right way, we will attract the kinda person that we ever wanted, the one we deserve. Honestly, I am thankful for the break-up or I won't learn what NC and LOA is all about. MOMU, too.
As for reconnection, I don't think I would want to take it for reconsideration today. I will leave it to time. Time will tell. With or without my ex, I will get my life back and I am on the way to it now.
Stay strong, stay focus, stay positive.
Posted 5 months ago # -
You're on the right track towards getting your life back.
Keep it up!
God grant me the serenity to accept things that I cannot change....
The first step toward change is acceptance.
Change is not something you do, it's something you allow.
Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you.Posted 5 months ago # -
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Posted 5 months ago -
sweetcalendula
offlineMemberHey there everyone...
I think these few days had been a challenging one for me. He suddenly came into mind. I know it's normal to have the emotional roller-coaster ride. It's like the bad memories came into play out of the blue especially the part when I made him to break it all off, me being so pushy that at the initial part he actually wanted to meet me for proper confrontation. But I guess I made it right... because I think it would be much more suffering to take a 'break', giving him the opportunity to have the cake and eat it too. It hurted in the sense but I am thankful for doing that - I saved myself. I think it will hurt more if we confronted - it would have hurt me more. At least he didn't have the chance to see me breaking down, not at my worst moments.
I know I will be fine. I won't break NC., no way. I am sorry to dwell in the negative today. I was doing so fine and I guess this is just a part of the ride. I will get my life back.
Posted 5 months ago # -
mamasteez
offlineMemberSweetC, please don't break NC!
I know it's hard, and I know you love him - I love my ex too, but NC is the best thing for you right now. I didn't speak to my ex for 2 months until he contacted me about some unfinished business. Now that I've finally gotten that squared (more than 3 months later!!) every time he even talks to me, I don't even get mad or sad. Yeah I still love the guy, but I want him to be happy so that's what matters.
It's the hardest thing to get through (esp with those low days!) go out & distract yourself. Talk with someone who will keep your mind off of it. Don't chase him, let him chase you. And if he doesn't, that's HIS loss. Not yours! But yes, low days happen but remember you are much better than letting it pull you back. :]
Posted 5 months ago # -
sweetcalendula
offlineMemberHi Mamasteez!
I just posted in your diary until I saw yours in mine!
I won't break NC this time, I broke it once, and I guess that's just it. I learnt my lesson and I am for sure not breaking it. Yes I can't deny that I still have feelings for him, and yep it is the best thing right now. I just want my life back and yes I will! Thanks for the empowering words!
Xx
Posted 5 months ago # -
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Posted 5 months ago it's not easy to simply forget people whom we have been emotionally attached too, no matter how long the relationship has been...because love is a very strong emotion that either make or break us.
It's normal that he'll come into your mind from time to time, and it's ok to feel sad and down..because if there's no bad feelings, we won't appreciate the good feelings that we have..and we can't possibly be having good feelings all the time too.
the most important thing is how you handle the bad feelings when it strikes. I love my ex still, just like many of you here (that's why we're here anyway)...but we need to get our lives back..or better than who we are in the past.
the more stronger we became, the more harder the trials in front of us, but if we can tackle it wisely, it seems easy and smoother to go thru. there's this part in The Power that said, if we have that bad feelings, try to look at it with love...
Breaking up doesn't mean we are out of love to give, we're supposed to have more love within us and the first rule - love ourselves. Am sure you know how to handle this wisely. No worries. *hugs*
God grant me the serenity to accept things that I cannot change....
The first step toward change is acceptance.
Change is not something you do, it's something you allow.
Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you.Posted 5 months ago #-
sweetcalendula
offlineMemberThank you guys for the support! xx
Encroaching Week 4. Omg, I am almost at one month of NC. I decided to count it weekly at least, so that I have my own weekly goals to achieve. I know someday I will stop counting the number of days. I know it won't matter so much to me sooner.
For the very first time, I am waking up without feeling an uneasy pang in the chest. The ex ISN'T the first thing I had in mind in the mornings any longer. It is like as days stroll by, I am capable of controlling my thoughts and at times I only think of him when I want to. I hardly check my phones like how I used to during the earlier days. I guess this is a good sign.
One of my friends who just broke after a 6 year old relationship, as the ex left her for someone new. But her ex has been stalking her, doing all the text messaging terrorism asking all her whereabouts just to make sure that she will never move on. Pretty selfish in a way isn't it? I am so grateful that I took my foot down and had the courage to really do it for my own sake., thanks to NC. I bet I would be stuck in the same situation if I didn't stumble upon SW's blog.
On another story, a friend of mine who wanted to be with someone just for the sake of getting married at this age ( I am 24, I don't know why it seems to be a competition on who gets the ring first ). Loneliness is not the sole reason for us to be with someone. Happiness doesn't mainly come from the people around us. The sparks come from within - US. My friend is currently struggling with her 'boyfriend' as she claims, when the guy is not over his ex who actually passed away in an accident a year ago. I really realised that I won't and will never settle for less for anyone who isn't willing to commit to me on his own. Goodbye to being a doormat, goodbye to being friends with benefits. I worth more than that, and being single isn't 'painful' and 'tormented' as how they describe. I am enjoying my single life right now! ( Yes I am saying this! Can you believe it? I used to be the one complaining why I didn't have any partner before - desperate much? )
I was always been told that NC has always been the up and down hill-walk. I trembled for the past few days as if he was controlling my thoughts from afar, with LOA and MOMU I was able to pick myself up and move forward again.
Yesterday was indeed a perfect day for me. I thanked every little thing that happened to me - from the moment I woke up for the beautiful sunny day, the leisure walk in the garden with the beautiful flowers in the garden, for the succulent food I had, for the amusing little cousins who never failed to cheer me up. My mind was so occupied with so many things as if it has been listed automatically in my brain. Well I won't allow it to be in the autopilot mode, it has always been me being the controller.
I realised I have deep passion towards cooking and baking. They are therapeutic. I took out all my mom's all cooking and baking handbooks and start digesting. It's like they are my focal points one after another. From my studies, to cooking and baking, to my books, dancing and listening to music.
LOA really taught me it's our mindset that really changes everything that we perceive in life. It's like a magnet. Break222 has always told me, thoughts affect our emotions and actions. I am that positive person right now. I no longer manifest negative things in me, I avoid the negative words like "terrible, boring, mad," etc. It really helps, though! Magical isn't it? We will not know what positive really means when we never practise it in our lives.
Stay strong, stay focus, stay positive to everyone. Much love!
Posted 4 months ago # -
jasmine
offlineInactiveDear SC,
So good to see you talking like that :-)Taking everything positively is the road to happiness and yes to our evolution too
SO there you go my girl when you think positive you no longer hurt yourself no matter how hard the situation might seem :-)and that's where I wanted to see you..*hugs*Keep up the good work
Stay strong & positive
Take care,
JasminePosted 4 months ago # -
mamasteez
offlineMembersweetcalendula said:
Encroaching Week 4. Omg, I am almost at one month of NC. I decided to count it weekly at least, so that I have my own weekly goals to achieve. I know someday I will stop counting the number of days. I know it won't matter so much to me sooner.LOA really taught me it's our mindset that really changes everything that we perceive in life. It's like a magnet. Break222 has always told me, thoughts affect our emotions and actions. I am that positive person right now. I no longer manifest negative things in me, I avoid the negative words like "terrible, boring, mad," etc. It really helps, though! Magical isn't it? We will not know what positive really means when we never practise it in our lives.
Stay strong, stay focus, stay positive to everyone. Much love!
Yay! Good to hear you're coming upon one month! Even better to hear that you're not physically hurting anymore! Now that's progress!!!
And LOA is so real. I'm glad you found it now rather than later.
Keep up the good work!
Posted 4 months ago # -
sweetcalendula
offlineMemberThanks Jasmine! I never thought I would be talking like that, really. I used to be that person who dwelled too much in the negative. Hugs.
Thank you Mamasteez! Yep it's better late than never right? (: Hugs.
Anyways, there was an unknown number trying to call me twice last night, but I refused to pick up since it isn't in my contact list. I rarely get any of those like I posted before. Ohhh well.
Today will be filled with love, I'll be running some errands for myself and start doing my revisions my exam is coming up. That is my most most most number one priority. As for tonight, dinner time with my girlfriends!
NC is such a miracle. I am gradually transforming from the inside... it's like finding the positive side of me that I used to be, which I thought I've lost forever. I realised I can't lose it, because it is a part of me! Perhaps it has been wandering around inside after being tossed away when there were concurrent issues that took place. I won't let it slip away again next time no matter what. Thanks to LOA.
So I reinvent my wardrobe, change my hair parts ( considering to cut it shorter and do something about it soon ), working out on myself. Trying to harness the positivity, using less and less negative vibes each day.
So another 2 days to week 4!
Stay strong, stay focus, stay positive everyone. Much love.
Posted 4 months ago #
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