FREE BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLAN
I will NEVER sell, trade, rent, or give away your information to any third party.
I HATE SPAM! Read Our Privacy Policy
Free Break up Help, Relationship Advice, and Break up Survival Plan
FREE BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLAN
I sent my NC letter via email yesterday.
Hi,
I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it
was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make
and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it
if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I
am ready.
His response: Okay...I respect that, but we do need to decide on the car and some other things moving forward. I want to respect your boundaries. There are some things I will need to contact you about and that need immediate attention for both our benefit. TV, Security, CC, etc...I cant be anxious about you coming to switch the car on me in the middle of the night...we need to agree on something and the sooner that happens the sooner I can leave you alone until u are ready. Also there are things I need access to in the house...i will not invade ur space and have been respectful...i will not make any changes or decisions about changes without ur approval.
My response: I'll give you an opportunity to have the car put in your name by next
week, Friday. Otherwise, please hand over the car and key.
His response: I need you to do that...i cant just go down there and say hey remove her...i can meet u there...also I need my SS Card
My response: You'll be getting a loan. Contact a lender.
His response: What? No switching the car to my name…I’ll talk to the dealership but I need you to agree to switch it…otherwise the down payment will be lost and that is not fair
My response: Talk to the dealer...I believe you would need to qualify for the lease and get a new lease with terms. May be easier to get a loan instead. Either way money will be lost.
His later communication: I'm going to file thru the state instead of this site. $310.00 directly
with state. This is $310.00 file with State plus $249.00 for site???
We'll see how that prints out and which is better before filing
His later communication via text: Need W9 info for our company...tenant getting help on deposit
His communication this morning via email: Need EIN # for XXXX for a W9 as soon as possible!
I haven't responded yet.
Great Job SR!
You are handling your contact with your ex perfectly.
Just stay polite and keep it all about business.
The sooner you get these loose ends tied up, the sooner you can evolve past all this and get your life back again as a single person.
Stay Strong and Positive!
Thank you for your response. I feel stronger already.
Welcome Sugar Rabbit! You are doing wonderful handling all the shared business that you have with your Ex. You're staying strong and it will pay off for you!
As you would be aware...NC is a wild ride but things do get better! Have a read through all the NC diaries that you can and you will discover that we all start out heartbroken (otherwise we wouldn't have found this forum!
) but that over time we all start to change! You will find a lot of support and information here to help you through this time. I suggest that you start writing up a list of the pros and cons in your relationship and get a journal. I also suggest that you get yourself a forum buddy! Mine have been invaluable through the dark days!
Stay strong and be positive!
Thank you so much kittykat for your support and positive words. I plan on getting a forum buddy for sure.
Well today I received a phone call from my ex's sister. He is currently living with her. I didn't answer the phone call and here is what she said:
"Hi sweetie, It's me. I was just calling to see how you're doing and say hello. I just miss you and wanted to make sure you're doing ok. Hopefully, you can call me back. Love you...bye"
I find this odd because I broke communication with her about 3 weeks ago because she caused a problem with my ex and I. My ex wanted me to stop calling her. I let her know that it was not a good idea for me to talk to her anymore and that she caused a problem with my ex and me.
I sent my NC yesterday to my ex and I think she may have called to probe and find out what's going on with me. I plan on not returning her phone call.
Should I send a text letting her know that I've been really busy and will try to call her soon or just leave it alone and let the mystery take hold?
Hi Sugar Rabbit, I think that you should leave this alone. It seems like they are trying to see if you are serious about NC... why else would his sister suddenly call after you broke communication with her?
You need to be strong and stick to NC. If they don't think that you are serious about NC then how will they ever be able to take you seriously? NC is about taking off the leash that your Ex has around your neck...you know.. the one that he likes to keep pulling on just to make sure that you are still around for him if everything falls through with his 'scary new life' WITHOUT YOU!
Don't think that he will forget you if he doesn't hear from you. It's actually going to make him think of you more because he will start to wonder if he has finally managed to push you away! Let him do ALL the worrying right now! You need to focus on you and becoming the most amazing person that you can be! Let him realise what he has lost... and I just know that you will find a bright and happy future! You just have to want it enough!
Stay strong and be positive! Things do get better! I'm living proof of it!
Thank you for your advice and encouraging words. I feel very confident in doing this. Today was the first day in a week that I haven't cried. woohoo!
STICK TO NC. Forget her. It's just them trying to get you to break your NC. Don't do it.
This forum is awesome.
Thank you PinkChinchilla! I agree this forum is awesome. I wish I would of found it when I first started with the breakup...boy, did I mess up.
I received a text today from my ex. It reads:
4:56 a.m.
"Well because u purchased the divorce thing using my account, without my knowledge or consent, I'm going to bounce a check I deposited in the business account...Please correct the situation ASAP. Also appreciate u letting me know u are using my funds to purchase things ahead of time...not cool! I hope we have enough in business to cover bills u shoud've paid. I'm coming to house to check status today...please don't be there. Thanks"
Sent another text:
"Did u change password to msn? What is it?"
I plan on not responding. The account that he thinks is his is OUR savings account. He changed the online password to our savings account and tried to remove me. I charged the divorce to the account knowing that he can simply transfer the money from our savings. I did change all the passwords to the email accounts and plan on forwarding anything that seems important. I feel like I'm the bad guy right now but, I also feel that if he truly wants this divorce, it won't be easy and I'm not going to make it easy. A split means not sharing anything anymore so, he'll need to set up his own email accounts.
Received another text from ex today:
9:26 a.m.
"Guy named Francisco going to come by tomorrow at 9 a.m. to check on fixing sprinklers...I have therapy at 9am...please let me know if u can't be there to let him in and open the gate"
Is he trying to get me to break the NC??? I don't know why he's worried about the sprinklers...really. Seems non important since it is still snowing and cold. I plan on not responding.
sugar-rabbit said:
I feel like I'm the bad guy right now but, I also feel that if he truly wants this divorce, it won't be easy and I'm not going to make it easy
That's right, he should've thought about what was going to happen after he asked for a divorce, and prepared himself.
It is easy to blame others for your own short-comings and lack of action.
You are doing the right thing, the faster you get these joint matters resolved, the better.
You shouldn't try to make things harder for your ex (out of spite), but you don't have to do his work for him either.
Take a look at the topic we started about The Law of Attraction and Relationships.
You need to be mindful of your thoughts and feelings so you don't bring more bad things into your life.
Studying the LOA will give you the tools you need to attract the life you deserve.
Bad things happen for a reason.
They actually create opportunities for greater happiness if you know how to handle the situation properly.
Do NOT put your feelings on auto-pilot.
There is something positive in every bad situation, find it, and stay positive.
This is the recipe for an amazing life.
Stay Strong and Positive!
Thank you Scott. I'm not sure what you mean by "Do NOT put your feelings on auto-pilot". Please elaborate because my feelings are constantly changing and cycling.
I'm trying not to be spiteful and I'm sure on his end that's what he feels I'm doing. I'm also sure it's making him paranoid and anxious. I don't want this either. However, I do think that I shouldn't do his work for him like you stated above. I feel I'm taking care of business by changing the email to being mine and cancelling shared online accounts that are of no importance (ebay store and accounts)...okay, I was being spiteful when I cancelled his ebay account. Karma will get me on this. These accounts may be important to him but, he can easily start his own. In a way, I feel I'm clearing the slate.
sugar-rabbit said:
I'm not sure what you mean by "Do NOT put your feelings on auto-pilot". Please elaborate because my feelings are constantly changing and cycling.
Putting your feelings on auto-pilot means that when something bad happens you automatically feel bad too, and stay that way.
You are letting them do what they want, without exerting any control over them.
And in most cases, this bad feeling overcomes you, and makes you feel even worst.
This has a snowball affect.
The good news is...
You can stop this from happening if you learn how.
You must become mindful of your feelings, this is explained more in the LOA topic I mentioned before.
It is normal to feel bad when something bad happens, but you have to be aware of these feelings and not let them take you over, it takes practice.
I highly recommend getting the book "The Power" by Rhonda Byrne from your local library.
I share the tools that have helped me on the LOA topic as well.
Stay Strong and Positive!
*LIMITED TIME OFFER! - Get a 10% Discount on Your First LivePerson Session*
Scott,
Thanks for the insight. I will get "The Power" . I have the Law of Attraction book along with the "Ask and it's Given", and "The Astonishing Power of Emotions".
It's time for me to break those books open and start the healing.
Thanks for your support and guidance. It makes me feel I'm not fighting my battle alone.
sugar-rabbit said:
I have the Law of Attraction book along with the "Ask and it's Given", and "The Astonishing Power of Emotions".
I am reading "Ask and it's Given" right now, and The Power is more easily assimilated and understood.
In my honest opinion anyways.
If you can, get the audio version so you can listen to it while you do other things.
The basic message in ALL of these LOA books is the same, your thoughts/feelings create your life whether you are aware of that or not.
I can't explain how much this has changed my life in the past few months.
Negative feelings do not take control over my life any more, and it feels great.
sugar-rabbit said:
Thanks for your support and guidance. It makes me feel I'm not fighting my battle alone.
That was the whole idea behind starting our forum. You have all the other members to support, and to get support from as well.
This takes your personal evolution to a whole other level, and then before you know it...
You Kick Loves Ass!
Stay Strong and Positive!
Received another text from ex last night
7:19 p.m., April 8th
"Please send me the passwords to MSN and chase ASAP so I can log in. Thanks"
Again, I plan on not responding. He has the password to chase and I've taken him off MSN and plan on forwarding anything important...which is nothing. Holding true, positive, and strong. I'm starting to realize that maybe he is not the man I want anymore. I haven't met anyone else but, writing in my journal, I've realized some things (qualities) that I would like to have in my next relationship. I'm hoping for the best for myself now and really can't imagine dating. I almost vomited on a guy that asked me out last week. I think I may have given him a complex...haha.
Day 5 of NC:
My ex called my best friend yesterday. He told her he was really worried about me because he's been texting me and I haven't replied or spoken to him. My friend said that she hasn't really talked with me but, she believed that I was in Idaho working. He thanked her and said he felt a little better knowing that I was ok. He also asked her if she was watching my dog. She said that she wasn't. He thanked her and she asked him not to tell me that they talked so I wouldn't get mad at her.
It makes me feel good that I know he's thinking about me. Gives me the power to focus more on myself.
I just received an email from my ex's sister in California today.
"I hope this email finds you OK. I know this has been a hard time for you both. And I just hope you are feeling better about everything.
I know you are hurting(& so is XXXXXX), but I do want to encourage you to respond to him in regards to getting some of his personal property from the house. No matter how hurt you are, it is not right or fair for you to keep him from picking up his paperwork. He is just trying to take care of the car situation to hopefully be best for both of you. And the guy said he needed to know THIS WEEK (by tomorrow). He needs to get his pink slip on his truck, etc. Thats all - Shouldn't be that big of a deal. I understand if you do not want to see him at this point, but maybe you can have a friend there while he gathers some of his paperwork,etc.
I also would like to encourage you to not make things anymore difficult. There is no need for you guys to make things ugly by getting attorneys involved etc. But you both need to find a way to cooperate with each other.
Please try to put the shoe on the other foot. I know you already know this but - Ignoring it doesn't make it go away.
I truly hope you are OK. And would like to think that you and I can at some point maintain a friendship (my name).
Much Luv,"
WTF??? He has not contacted me about any of this and now he's getting his sister involved in reasoning with me? What a fucking coward!! I plan on dropping his truck off at his work tomorrow and picking up my car. I gave him a deadline of tomorrow to get the car in his name. I believe he is having difficulties doing this for sure. I think he's going to trade his truck in to get a new car. Good for him. But, having his sister contact me is ridiculous. I don't know how to react to this, if at all. Please, anyone....I need some guidance here.
sugar-rabbit said:
But, having his sister contact me is ridiculous. I don't know how to react to this, if at all. Please, anyone....I need some guidance here.
I would just ignore her, it is NONE of her business.
You have a plan to straighten this out, just follow your own plan.
This guy is pathetic, contacting his sister to do his dirty work.
Who is next...his Grammy?
Stay Strong and Positive!
Thanks Scott,
I'm so frustrated. He really is being pathetic. I'm comforted in knowing that I'm not the only one seeing this.
Thanks again for your guidance...I'll be strong but, right now, I'm ANGRY.
Well thats guys for you, getting someone else to do their dirty work for them lol
Scott is right, just stick to the plan and ignore the sister, she shouldn't be getting involved.
Hi Sugar-Rabbit. I read your story and I'm sorry that you are going through this difficult time, but I must say you seem to be handling it really well. I think his sister should definitely stay out of it and it's none of her business, and you should ignore her and don't let it affect you. He's obviously just trying to contact you for stupid reasons so he can try to get you to talk to him, but def don't do it! See this whole experience as a good thing and the fact that you think that he is not the man that you wanted to be with, shows that his wanting a divorce is just a blessing in disguise. The first thing you should worry about is yourself, and if he has trouble getting access to his emails and whatever else, then it's quite alright if he is inconvenienced for while- that's his problem now, not yours. Good luck!
sugar-rabbit said:
Thanks again for your guidance...I'll be strong but, right now, I'm ANGRY.
Be mindful of your negative feelings Luke...they lead to the dark side of the force.
Stay Strong and be POSITIVE!
<The first thing you should worry about is yourself, and if he has trouble getting access to his emails and whatever else, then it's quite alright if he is inconvenienced for while- that's his problem now, not yours. Good luck!
Thanks so much Nadine. I'm trying not to be vindictive and I like the word inconvenienced...I like how his support team keeps using the word "fair" and all I can think of is this: Is it fair that he walked away from 15 years of marraige...is it fair that he didn't want to partake in any marraige therapy to get the love back...is it fair he hooked up with a porn/skank...is it fair that he wants me to play by his rules...geeeesh. All I'm doing is taking this time for me so I can be strong enough to make major decisions during the divorce. Apparantly, his decision is based on emotions. I don't want to be in that place.
Thanks again for your response...it means a lot to me.
Bluebell said:
Well thats guys for you, getting someone else to do their dirty work for them lol
Scott is right, just stick to the plan and ignore the sister, she shouldn't be getting involved.![]()
Haha!!! He was saying when he left me that I had anger issues and I scared him...WHATEVER!! My friends and family laughed at this...really, I rarely get angry...if anything, I can be too accomodating. My therapist said that he's recreating history in order to make himself feel better about the split. Now he's spewing this garbage about me with his family...he can't stand to be the bad guy so, I guess he needs to make me the bad guy.
Hi Scott,
I know..I know...positive attracts positive. I think I've hit the angry stage of the grieving process for sure. That email as well as finding out that his girlfriend did porn (no joke) has sent me to this stage. I've asked my friend to please not tell me any more information as it is so PAINFUL. I think she thought she was helping me but, when I explained to her how the information is hurting me, she apologized and promised not to tell me anything more about him or his girlfriend.
I need to move pass this stage of anger and pain. I plan on slipping into my stelletos, put my sexy dress on and go dancing! Booyaa!!
I talked with my ex today regarding the car issue. He can't get a lease and will cost too much to get a loan. He claims he's trying to relieve the financial burden of the car for me. But, he's not able to. He wants me to give him more time to get his truck registered and to figure out his transportation situation. He also wants me to call the dealer and talk with him about my options with the car. I let him know that I just want the car back and he shouldn't concern himself with it. His response "of course I'm concerning myself, I don't want you to have the financial burden and want to make it easier for you". I told him that I appreciate it but, I can figure it out. He said that there is no hurry in making the decision about the car right now and I should take my time to see what other options I have. He wants me to call the dealer before I make a decision and he wants me to give him some time to get the truck registered. He also wanted to know why I haven't returned his texts and I told him that I didn't get them (because I blocked him from calling my work phone). I said really I didn't get your texts...why don't you call my phone. He hung up and tried and called me back and said, very irritated, you blocked my number. I replied, "oh, that's probably why I didn't get your texts". He said "why would you block my number". I told him that I don't know...I need to talk with corporate to get it unblocked. Anyways, he was being as nice as can be and I was too, only I kept things to the point and let him do all the talking.
After our conversation, he sent me a text that reads:
"let me know if you want to get together and talk on Sunday for lunch"
Anyways, I'm not feeling that I handled things well. Any advice? I also need to get my car back and I want to handle it correctly. Any advice on this as well?
I don't plan on talking with him on Sunday...I'm not ready.
I had to deal with my ex yesterday...it wasn't pleasant for me but, I kept things light and pleasant. I wrote him a text stating.
Me:
"I understand you needing more time with the transportation. I can give you a few days. I'd like to get my car back on Monday. Thank you"
His response:
"K...I'll need my pink slip to the truck and make arrangements Monday...please be open to a few extra days incase...promise by Friday next week I'll drop the car to you...good?"
Me:
"Can you promise for Monday please?"
He called me and asked if I was home and I said that I was. He said "good, I'm here". He came into the house...I was crushed...he was wearing new clothing that wasn't his normal style and had been tanning. He looked good. He asked if I was okay and I replied "yes, I'm fine, are you ok?". He said he was still hurting but was okay. He said that he had been really worried about me because he hadn't heard from me. He said he called my friend Lorena and kept driving by the house to see if I was home. I told him that I was very busy and I am fine. I smiled and he asked why I was smiling. I told him he looked good and looked happy and I was happy for him. He said that he was still hurting and I told him that it will go away in time. He told me that I looked tired but good. I told him that I got in late last night and had about three hours of sleep. He didn't react at all to this. He wanted to say hello to our dog and I told him "of course". He noticed the tree in our backyard had fallen down. He didn't offer to help clean it up. He also said the house stunk...wtf? I told him that our dog really needed a bath...maybe that's why (I keep a clean home). He asked if I took care of some bills, etc...it seemed like he was lingering...He asked if he could have accesss to the home via remote or key. I told him no. He said that's fine. I told him to schedule a day that he can come and get his things. He said that should work out fine. He was lingering...I told him that I was sorry to break up the reunion with our dog but, I had to get going. He said "of course" and stated that he was going to get a new car this weekend and to park his truck in the driveway so he could access it. I told him "fine", he then kept lingering. Finally, he said goodbye and was out the door and said that he'd keep in touch. I told him to have a good day.
Well, I think this encounter has set me back in my healing process. I did tell him again, that I won't be contacting him unless there were matters of business that we needed to discuss.
I'm feeling the devestation all over AGAIN...
That was one hell of a meeting. I guess by the way his dress, he want show that he already move on or a change person but the problem lies when he say he was still hurt, I guess the NC kinda work some how. That good you keep the conversation short and sweet but always remember always stay positive. Compliment him is a good way to think of positive thing if you try to read law of attraction.But don't give too much attention to him as you still on NC period. But overall you did pretty well handling your situation. So don't feel bad, always look up and stay strong.You might not have brighter day today but you can have a brighter day tomorrow. take care always!
sugar-rabbit said:
He came into the house...I was crushed.
Why did you let him in?
All you had to say was you didn't want to see him.
He kept pushing until he got his way...you let him in.
He didn't need to come in, he just wanted to reassure himself he could still push you and get his way...he was right.
If you don't like getting your ass kicked, stop letting your ex push you around.
You let him into your house, and then posted all the fucking drama.
How does this help you or any of the other forum members stick to the plan?
Stay Strong and Positive!
Just because he is an ass
doesn't mean he gets to be the ass master. You let him kick your ass. Next time get a friend or family member to meet him or whatever. IF you have to have contact make it through email. There is no sensible reason these matters cannot be sorted out without giving him access to kick your ass and set you back.
Remember who is kicking whose ass? That's right, YOU are kicking ass. Now get a bit more creative about ninja-ing yourself out of reach of his little game. When you are strong again you can deal with this sort of thing and not have it ruin your day.
admin said:
How does this help you or any of the other forum members stick to the plan?
I really didn't know how to handle it...I was not prepared with his sudden presence. I'll know what to do if I should be in that situation again. It's true when healing and emotions are high...bad decisions are made...as evidenced.
Xeroplatinum said:
That was one hell of a meeting.
Yeah...it sure was...like Scott stated above, I shouldn't have let him in the house. Bad decision for sure...I wasn't thinking clearly at all...too emotional. Thanks for your post and today is my day to start anew and go with the plan.
sugar-rabbit said:
Bad decision for sure...I wasn't thinking clearly at all...too emotional.
No contact is NOT about hiding from your ex, the world, anyone or anything.
It is about picking your battles.
Don't listen to what others say about NC, they don't know shit.
You are not pretending to be happy, or sad, or unaffected.
You are not here to gain power over your ex, just over your life.
You are simply personally/emotionally evolving (healing), and learning how to reconstruct your life without your ex in it.
This doesn't mean you will never have your ex again, it just means your old relationship is gone forever.
This is a GREAT thing!
Your old relationship was sick and dying, and now it is out of it's misery.
This means something better is on it's way, if you will let it come to you.
Your emotions can be your best tool if you learn how to use them to your advantage, and not let them run the show.
Tie up the last loose ends of your old relationship, and focus on evolving past all this shit by living in the present.
Use the law of attraction to help you manifest your dreams, one nightmare doesn't erase your dreams, you can still have them, and many more.
I am not saying you can forget everything overnight, or you will ever forget somethings, but you can't let these feelings drag you down.
Nothing good will ever come of it.
Your post gave me a headache.
Don't feel bad, I just want you (and every member) to be aware that your actions/posts affect more people than just yourself.
Your ability to stick to NC will also benefit your ex as well.
It will force this idiot to make some hard decisions, decisions he doesn't want to face, so he keeps trying to put them off by playing games.
It is not easy (or fun) sometimes running this forum, but I really feel it makes a difference.
So what's another headache?
I will not give up, and no one else should either.
Send your ex the NC message again.
Let him know he might have won that battle, but you haven't lost the war because you will NEVER give up.
Stay Strong and Positive!
Hi Scott,
Thanks for spelling things out for me. I'm not myself and I don't want him to be kicking my ass while I'm trying to discover how to live without him.
I am so use to thinking about him all the time that I lost myself...even now!!! Kick me please.
I love this forum and the guidance. It does make a difference!!! I know the mistakes I've made because of this forum.
I will send him the NC again and THANK YOU!
Broke the NC on Sunday. Had to get my car from him. We talked all day and I've realized that he is truly messed up emotionally. Playing the victim and telling me that he is now pursuing a relationship with his mistress (no big suprise). He's not even divorced from me yet. He wants me to be fair in the divorce regardless of what's happened. Anyways, I let him know that if he needs to contact me that it should be about business otherwise, he won't be hearing from me. I've contacted a few attorneys and received some advice on my rental properties which he has no entitlement (he thinks he does). So, before we got married I bought our home, rental properties, and started an online business. So, to answer his plea of fairness...I'll take what's mine.
Last night I went to my neighbors house that does spiritual healing. I didn't know what to expect but, I was at my most calm than I've been since the split. What a relief...to be in so much pain and have a moment of peace.
Plan on returning to my neighbors in helping with the healing. My next focus is to keep my job. The self destruction is stopping today.
I'm glad that things are starting to turn around for you! Try not to break NC again though...let your only contact with him be about the divorce that he wanted. That is going to seriously 'bite' him! You go!
It's good to hear that you felt better after you went to your neighbours place. If it works for you then I say 'bring it on'! Yes, the self-destruction stops today. That is a very important step to take.
Stay strong and be positive!
You must log in to post.