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scat997's NC diary
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I will NEVER sell, trade, rent, or give away your information to any third party.
I HATE SPAM! Read Our Privacy PolicyPosted 5 months ago scat997
offlineMemberI sent my ex the following no-contact message yesterday (slightly modified only b/c we are on a least on the same apartment we share and haven't worked out what we are doing with it yet):
Hi,
I agree with your decision to take a break, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I know we may need to speak occasionally regarding the apartment, but aside from that I would really appreciate it if you didn't contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.
Best,
XXXIt was a bit hard to send as I am feeling like I want him back right now, and yesterday I was still really sleep deprived and weepy. However today I am feeling glad that I did it. He had either blocked me or wasn't on gchat most of the day, and in the afternoon he came on and I did not IM him or even feel a strong urge to. I thought that it would be much harder to exercise that self control and I am glad that I could do it.
"Numquam se minus solum quam cum solus."Posted 5 months ago #-
stephster416 said:
Thank you. I am feeling a lot of regret about contacting him so much and continuing to sound upset and pathetic but I think I should just let it be. He had responded to an earlier email AFTER I sent the no-contact message, and I then responded to that which is so stupid of me. But I think it is probably best to not re-send the NC and just let things be...Dear stephster416,
some people did broke NC but if you really want to get your life back, re-send the NC message and stick to the plan. No more responding to his text/emails/calls unless it's about your apartment (and stick to business and nothing else).
Stay strong and positive!
God grant me the serenity to accept things that I cannot change....
The first step toward change is acceptance.
Change is not something you do, it's something you allow.
Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you.Posted 5 months ago # -
scat997
offlineMemberRe-sent again asking to not be contacted unless it pertains the apartment. Thanks for responding so quickly and advising me on the correct thing to do. I am really ready to get my shit together and focus on myself.
"Numquam se minus solum quam cum solus."Posted 5 months ago # -
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Posted 5 months ago Pixie
offlineMemberHi Stephster!
Welcome to the forum, u did a great job sending the NC msg again, many members of this forum have broke NC in the early stages & it has only made them stronger! You have come to the right place, this forum will provide u with the tools & support u need to get urself back on track! Were all here to help
Posted 5 months ago #-
scat997
offlineMemberThanks - I'm not beating myself up about it now. I've taken him off all of my IM contact lists to remove any temptation of contacting him there and continue to make plans with friends and family. I plan to start volunteering again with a running group that runs with the homeless, something that was difficult to do living with someone with a different sleep schedule as it is early in the morning. I'm really looking forward to doing that both for the exercise and for the chance to do something good. I've also got renewed motivation now to really keep busy and be extra productive at work. I am feel hopeful and good about the prospect of getting myself back through this!
"Numquam se minus solum quam cum solus."Posted 5 months ago # -
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Posted 5 months ago scat997
offlineMemberThank you willsucceed! This is my third full day of no contact and I have to say the temptation has faded quickly and I'm actually feeling quite liberated and relieved! I am really shocked to be feeling this way and hoping it isn't just some sort of weird post-breakup euphoria that will fade, but I really feel like this has opened the door for me to be able to do and work on a lot of things I've wanted to for awhile now. The true test will be when I get back into some studying I need to do and have to spend more time alone (as for this week at least I've made sure to have plans with friends every single day after work) - but I know I can do it. Having been in a relationship for 4 years I also actually feel really excited just to date and meet new people and not look for anything serious for awhile.
"Numquam se minus solum quam cum solus."Posted 5 months ago #-
samxarra
offlineMemberStephster, we probably went through the torrid pain during the same time. But, you must never succumb to break NC because it will not do you good (I'm reminding myself while writing to you too!)
Do yourself a big favor. Remove all traces of Mr Ex. Mobile, IM, Mac or whatever that has traces of him. Spring cleaning these helps you with personal space. It;s like you will have no trace of him to dwell about. We all miss outex, but let's make space for us, okay?
We need this, because we need to help ourselves. We need to be able to move forward with our lives and grow from this.
We will all make it, no matter how long it takes, this I assure both you and I.
Keep calm and carry on.Posted 5 months ago # -
scat997
offlineMemberThanks for the advice. Today I deleted all my profile pics on Facebook that had him in them, and I've permanently deleted all old emails & texts from him that I'd saved for 4 years. The apartment is a little rough right now because I'm there while he stays at home, and I have no idea when he is planning to get his stuff, but for now anything that was actually laying out visible in sight I've been packing away in a box and doing the same with his mail that comes in. Also having lived together so long, there's a lot of things I have that I actually need (ie: my bed, microwave, certain cooking utensils) that we either bought together or he got as a gift for me, and I can't really afford to replace any of that right now, but I'll just have to try to keep my mind off that as best I can.
"Numquam se minus solum quam cum solus."Posted 5 months ago # -
sweetcalendula
offlineMemberHey Stephster!
Welcome to the forum! Don't worry about resending the NC, you did the right thing! Honestly speaking I've broken my initial NC and thanks to SW I resent it and it changed my life. Stay strong and stick to the plan, read about LOA, and "The Power" by Rhonda Byrnes is a must-read! MOMU is recommended as well.
Stay positive! x
Posted 5 months ago # -
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Posted 5 months ago -
scat997
offlineMemberI'm doing well! I've really only felt like I miss my ex when I wake up in the morning if I don't have anything to do right away, but it fades pretty quickly. I had a fun week/weekend and caught up with a lot of friends who've been really supportive. I think I neglected some friendships a little being in such a serious relationship, but this is showing me that my friends are all still there and care about me which has been amazing. Before this relationship I was never a super relationship-oriented person - I have never really cared about getting married in the future and I had never spent much of my time worrying about boys, so after the first few days of feeling really bad honestly I just feel like... myself again. I think that in my relationship it just became more of an addiction where I felt like I needed my ex than a healthy relationship, but I learned a lot of lessons that will serve me well when the right person does come along one day.
I had started my study schedule for the MCAT about a week before the breakup and I gave myself this week to not worry about it, but I do need to get back to it and catch up soon in order to prepare in time, so I am a little worried about that b/c studying for it is not as distracting as going out with friends like I've been doing this week! I have a feeling I may miss my ex more when I'm exhausted and trying to study on top of working full time and stressing out, but the plan for now is to just take it one step at a time. He is visiting friends in another city for the weekend, so we still have not discussed anything about what to do with our apartment and stuff, and I still don't know when that will happen (I guess Tuesday would be the earliest possible time), but I do feel prepared to just keep the conversation to the necessary business and believe I will be able to remain calm. Then again, I guess I never know how I'll feel when I actually see him... But overall despite the stresses with my living situation and the loss of a support during a stressful period in my life.. I feel really relieved and (dare I say it?) happy. Ceasing all contact really helped give me clarity.
Thanks for checking in and offering your support! I will certainly let you know if I need support or if I come across any questions as this progresses!
"Numquam se minus solum quam cum solus."Posted 5 months ago # -
samxarra
offlineMemberStephster, sounds like we both did something good this weekend!
I encourage you to write a list of the things u need to get done about the apartment and stuff. Just don't get personal. I know it will be hardto face him, and your emotions may just run over, but you need to tap in your strength and accept that you need to love yourself first, and not care about how he would feel. There's only roon for one, and that is just you, ok?
Make a detox plan for yourself and stick to it so you can keep busy. whatever it is, make sure they are achievable. You can then reward yourself something nice, like an icecream, massage, a book etc.
Whatever I encourage you to do, I will employ the same for myself. Read 'The Secret' if you can. Promise yourself one happy thought before you go to sleep and wake up with on happy thought.
I wrote a list of Trigger Happy moments in my life, and NONE related to Mr Ex. It could be your own achievements, a feeling you felt while travelling, some nice experiences etc.
Try it. It could help you get on positive with your life.
xoxox
Keep calm and carry on.Posted 5 months ago # -
willsucceed
offlineMemberSamxarra, that is good advice. I also make sure that my goals are achievable. Even when I made a bigger goal (run 1/2 marathon), I still made reasonable small step goals that I can achieve. I have found that setting goals that stretch me, but have small steps that are achievable, to be very important during this time when I'm trying new things. I'm trying new things at the same time my confidence has taken a beating (temporarily).
Posted 5 months ago # -
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Posted 5 months ago scat997
offlineMemberI actually wound up needing to contact him about the apartment today because it turned out that although I was transferring him my share of rent (as we've always done), he hadn't actually sent any of it in since September - so I came home to a 14-day notice to quit. I wasn't emotional talking to him about it (well, not gonna lie, I was pretty angry about it but stayed calm on the phone), and frankly this really helps me see that I am better off not in a relationship with him. I haven't felt at ALL like I really missed him or wanted to get back together for about 5-6 days now, and this just kind of solidifies that. Basically I am just looking forward to getting out of here, finding a new place and getting on with my goals! I'm also going to visit friends and family this weekend which I'm super excited for. I'm just going to do what I need to do to get myself better situated and not really worry about it past that.
"Numquam se minus solum quam cum solus."Posted 5 months ago #-
willsucceed
offlineMemberStephster416, good job on staying calm. We certainly don't have to be perfect during all of this, but getting angry shows a loss of control over to them, in my opinion. So he was just keeping your money? One thing I am concerned about is how this might reflect on your credit score and rental history. Is the rental agreement in both of your names, his name, or your name alone? I would pay attention to anything that is in your name. I have no concern about him, but I am concerned about you.
Posted 5 months ago # -
scat997
offlineMemberYeah I'm checking up with the management company to see if/how this affects me long-term. He paid them in person yesterday so that part is taken care of and I am currently looking for a new place to live, hopefully by the end of the month. We discussed (via email today) breaking the lease and he has agreed to handle any fees related to that (assuming they allow us to break it, but it is a really large building with hundreds of tenants and they have been generally quite lenient with most things). It did feel a little sad writing back and forth just all business, but I think just the whole situation bums me out because I wasn't expecting to have to move (and I'm going to have to seriously downgrade my location/quality of apartment) around the holidays and deal with all this stuff. My friends are all still being so supportive though and this weekend I'm going to visit one of them for her birthday then go see my family the next day, so I'm REALLY looking forward to that! Thanks guys for your support! This has been a craaazy week and a half..
"Numquam se minus solum quam cum solus."Posted 5 months ago # -
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Posted 5 months ago -
scat997
offlineMemberHey guys! I'm in NY visiting a friend for the weekend, so last night we went out for her bday and now we are getting ready to head upstate b/c our families are close with each other, so we're all going out to dinner! Should be a lot of fun. I have a couple apartments lined up to look at next week as well so I'm feeling somewhat optimistic about that, and trying to get excited about living somewhere new (which is hard because I LOVE my current apartment and neighborhood, but c'est la vie). Next week I am looking forward to making myself some healthier meals than I have been, and ramping up my workouts... hopefully I can stay motivated to do so! Weirdest thing right now is it doesn't really feel like Christmas to me b/c of all this unfortunately. I am thinking about trying to do some volunteering over the next few weeks to help get me more in the Christmas spirit and remember all I have to be grateful for. Hope you all are doing well and thank you so much for checking in!
"Numquam se minus solum quam cum solus."Posted 5 months ago # -
samxarra
offlineMemberstephster416 said:
I am thinking about trying to do some volunteering over the next few weeks to help get me more in the Christmas spirit and remember all I have to be grateful for. Hope you all are doing well and thank you so much for checking in!
Hey Steph! That's a fantastic idea. I also have looked around for volunteer work, and have decided to fill up 2012's weekends volunteering at the museums and/or jazz events. I think it will definitely help tofill up your weekends and also meet new people.
Enjoy your weekend!
Keep calm and carry on.Posted 5 months ago # -
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Posted 5 months ago scat997
offlineMemberI had a lot of fun this weekend, but now I've come down with a cold that's been going around which has made it a little tough to keep my chin up - especially since I'm living alone right now! I also looked at a couple apartments this week (well rooms in apartments, I can't afford to get my own) and they were awful. It's definitely setting in that I'm going to have to live somewhere much less nice and much further from work (which I wouldn't mind if I didn't have anything to do after work, but I take classes and am studying for the MCAT). Any tips for not getting really down in the dumps about all this?
"Numquam se minus solum quam cum solus."Posted 5 months ago #-
samxarra
offlineMemberSorry to hear you aren't at best health, do take care.
I think you should envision and ask for a home that you really want and be happy about it as if you have it (LOA). Why don't you window shop for nice home stuff and make a list of the things you would love to get and make you happy?
Think of the colors to use, how you want to decorate your home and really take time to find stuff you like? It will take you out of your current home and keep you busy (wear good walking shoes) since you will be looking around?
Do it after work, in the weekends? Dedicate some hours on perfecting your new abode
Keep calm and carry on.Posted 5 months ago # -
willsucceed
offlineMemberstephster416, sorry for the upheaval in your life. If you are studying for your MCAT, then know that this is temporary in the large scale of your life. I know that that is cold comfort at this very moment, but you have a bright future ahead of you once you make it through this. You have to be strong to get through medical school and be a physician, so you are drawing on and building that inner strength right now for you to be great at your job.
Posted 5 months ago # -
stephster416 said:
Any tips for not getting really down in the dumps about all this?Yeah, be thankful for everything that is good in your life right now, and stop focusing on what isn't good in your life.
Why?
Because you get what you focus on, focus on the bad, and guess what?
You get more bad...every fucking time.
I know this from personal experience.
That is why I tell everyone to...
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
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Posted 5 months ago scat997
offlineMemberThanks - all great advice. And willsucceed, you're right, it's important to keep in mind that all the stressors right now are not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things. My cold is actually clearing up really quickly (woo!) so I will try to stay strong and stay positive!
"Numquam se minus solum quam cum solus."Posted 5 months ago #-
sweetcalendula
offlineMemberHi Stephster !
I know at festive times like this, sometimes we tend to think of the bad things. But if you are really focused to what you are doing daily, and be grateful with what you have today, you will pull it through. Take it a day at a time.
Much love !
Posted 5 months ago # -
scat997
offlineMemberThank you! That really is fantastic advice. I'm trying to focus on the positive - I saw an apartment I really liked today so fingers crossed I can get it, and had a great night out last night. I'm definitely grateful for my friends and family right now too - and all the support on here!
"Numquam se minus solum quam cum solus."Posted 5 months ago # -
scat997
offlineMemberGREAT NEWS! The apartment I liked the best initially said the landlord wouldn't allow my cat, but the roommate there I'll be living with actually convinced him to allow it b/c I was such a good fit so I now have a new home that I actually really like!
Woooo! Thanks for all your support, and thinking positive really helped.
"Numquam se minus solum quam cum solus."Posted 5 months ago # -
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Posted 4 months ago samxarra
offlineMemberHey Steph! Fantastic news that you have found a new home. What is it like? When will you be moving in?
Yes, think positive, keep positive and when the wave comes, let it go. I'm taking it as that now but I never stopped thinking positive that all will be ok.
Keep calm and carry on.Posted 4 months ago #-
scat997
offlineMemberThanks guys! It's a really cute 2-bedroom apartment (my roommate is a teacher, around my age, seems super nice!). It's in an adorable neighborhood that I really like, and still isn't far from my work (my commute will only be about 10 min longer which is no biggie since it was REALLY short already). I'm not moving in till the weekend of Jan 6th so if my building finds a new tenant for Jan 1st there may be some juggling w/ storage/staying w/ friends, but so many people have already offered to help that I'm not worried about it (and it's made me feel really great to see all my friends are there for me!). I am really looking forward to moving in and decorating my bedroom 100% how I want!
I also took my very first boxing class this week - I was really intimidated when I got there b/c it was in a legit fight gym in a basement, smelled like sweat, rap music blaring. But then I wound up absolutely LOVING it and I think I am going to keep going back. I am really excited about it! Merry Christmas everyone - if you celebrate Christmas, if not happy other holidays!
"Numquam se minus solum quam cum solus."Posted 4 months ago # -
Merry Christmas!
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 4 months ago # -
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Posted 4 months ago -
scat997
offlineMemberAhh that's awesome, such a great workout!
Now that Christmas is over I'm back into a healthy eating routine as well which should be great. Usually I'm kind of a health nut so I'm feeling good even 1 day into healthy eating right now haha.
"Numquam se minus solum quam cum solus."Posted 4 months ago # -
scat997
offlineMemberI actually went to a regular boxing class, not kickboxing, where we worked in the ring and did mitt work (where the instructor does drills with pads you punch). But nothing hurt - I definitely was SORE and tired because it was a hard workout, but kickboxing too shouldn't be painful. No one is going to be kicking or hitting you in your first class (or second, third, fourth or twentieth - it takes a long time of training before instructors let you spar w/ anyone). Have fun!!! I am going back tonight for a "Fighter Fitness" class which I believe is something like CrossFit - not gonna lie, a little scared! It's going to be a TOUGH workout lol.
"Numquam se minus solum quam cum solus."Posted 4 months ago #
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