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shia's no contact diary
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I will NEVER sell, trade, rent, or give away your information to any third party.
I HATE SPAM! Read Our Privacy PolicyPosted 2 months ago shia
offlineMemberwell, here i m!!to kickstart my personal evolution and to kick love's ass!!i m confident that i will surely do it and i m here to help not only myself but all the forum members as well!!
Posted 2 months ago #-
shia
offlineMemberi ve a question to ask to u guys..i had to return some money to my ex and i returned it but i didnt hear back wether he really got back or not..since it was a huge amt i had to be sure that it really went across to him and so yest i asked him on text "plz let me know if u recieved the money. i m asking coz its a big amt.thanks"...the reply wat i got from him was dat he asked me which account etc i deposited it in, coz he doesnt rem and he took this as a opportunity to talk to me by gaving me a compliment on one of my fotos that i had posted on fb...well i didnt reply to that, i was being professional and i just told him the name of the account that he had mentioned me to deposit the money. its really very very important for me to know if he has got d money coz its a really big amount, so though i didnt want to talk to him otherwise, i had to ask him to confirm. does that mean i ve broken the nc rule and need to send him that msg again??
Posted 2 months ago # -
willsucceed
offlineMembershia, hi. The first step you need to do is post the exact NC message that you sent to him.
I will let Scott answer your question, but I do know that taking care of unfinished business (money transfer in this case) without engaging in any other conversation (photos in this case) is still part of no contact.
Regarding the money, if you did an electronic transaction, don't you have a record of that transaction from the bank? Can't they check to make sure it was a successful transfer and give you the record that the receiving account did, in fact, receive it? Why do you need to ask him about this?
Posted 2 months ago # -
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Posted 2 months ago shia
offlineMemberya i did receive the transaction details. but i did something like that for the first time and i ve heard of frauds happening in such cases, and since it was a huge amount, i felt a bit tensed. all these days i was holding on not to ask him abt this, but ultimately i decided it wud be better to ask him and be sure so that i can be relieved coz it was my money after all, and more i delay this, more difficult it will be to rectify the mistake if in case something goes rong...i can atleast go to the bank and do something if in case he hasnt received it..and as he also never mentioned dat he got the money, i had a doubt wether he has checked it for sure or not...i guess it was more out of apprehension coz of the huge sum of money involved and i find it difficult to trust online transactions, maybe coz i ve never done it before!
Posted 2 months ago #-
if the transaction details stated everything is sent and correct, send him a copy of the transaction and keep your email short and straight to the point, eg: "I had bank in xxxx amount of money that I owed you. here's the transaction details. Regards, (your name)."
if You stated other than that, such as asking personal questions about his life, even a simple 'how are you?' means you already broken NC and therefore, resend the nc message, don't bother about him receiving the nc message or not and move on. trust me, the less you hear from him, especially responding to your NC message, the better for you.
NC is all about you getting your life back. Everything else about him doesn't matter. Read the other NC diaries here for inspiration (and also to know the cause why some had been closed). Stay strong there.
*hugs*
God grant me the serenity to accept things that I cannot change....
The first step toward change is acceptance.
Change is not something you do, it's something you allow.
Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you.Posted 2 months ago # -
shia said:
plz let me know if i shud resend the nc letter. i will send it if u want me to, scott.plz everyone out here, let me know.If you have finished all the "unfinished" business between you and your ex, send the NC message again (word for word).
If you still have business to take care of, get that done, and then send the NC message again.
The more you re-send and break NC, the longer this whole process will take.
Once you re-send the NC message you MUST post the version you sent word for word in your NC diary as outlined in the free plan.
Everyone must follow the same rules.
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
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Posted 2 months ago -
shia
offlineMemberya i didnt ask him any personal questions, though he tried his best to talk to me..i simply asked him abt the money and he hasnt even answered me back till now, he was supposed to let me know by today noon and its already night here...dont know, i will ve to remind him or ask him again and finish off this fast and send the nc msg as well...
Posted 2 months ago # -
willsucceed
offlineMembershia, is your only unfinished business confirmation that the transaction went through? Or is there other unfinished business that you have to take care of?
If your only unfinished business is confirmation that the transaction went through, then you've already said that you have the confirmation from your bank. That is the most important confirmation that you need.
If your record of the transaction shows all the numbers (account numbers and amount of money transferred) that it should show, and he hasn't responded to your question, then you are done. Why do you need confirmation from him directly when he is ignoring you when you have confirmation from the bank, which is more important anyway? Why do you think contacting him again about the transaction is going to get a different response?
Posted 2 months ago # -
shia
offlineMemberdon know, didnt put so much thot into it. usually in our banks, we only get a confirmation if the money goes away from your account, like eg this much amt of money is debited from ur account. but they didnt give me a confirmation that the money has actually got transferred there in his account, there was no confirmation from that bank or from my bank either. it only told me that the transaction was transferred which i wasnt sure dat it actually meant that it has reached him truly. u r rite, i shud be actually believing this confirmation from the bank. but once i had transferred money from my one account in one bank to another account in another bank and though the bank from where my money was debited gave me a confirmation immediately, the bank where i had deposited the money, sadly gave me no confirmation. i had to personally call the bank manager and den he said it takes some time to actually get transferred and he kept insisting i shud ve got the confirmation on my cell or if i havent i will receive it after some time. but sadly i never got it. i had to personally go online and check that account every few hrs and den i cud see that it was transferred truly. eventually i had to go to the bank and give them a reminder for sms updates again.they said it shud have come on my mobile but this one time it may not have come, but from now onwards i will surely get the updates.
Posted 2 months ago # -
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Posted 2 months ago shia
offlineMemberok guys, so i took a deep breath and sent him the nc msg again, and here it the copy:
subject:u were right
hi,
i agree with u about the decision to break up, i really believe it was the best thing for both of us. i have some big decisions to make and i need some time to think them over.i would really appreciate it if u didnt contact me during this time.i will be in touch when i m ready.
regards
i hope dats shud be fine?scott told me to post the msg again here ..
i actually feel a huge sigh of relief now that i ve done it.
Posted 2 months ago #-
shia said:
i hope dats shud be fine?scott told me to post the msg again here ..Yes, because you never posted the first NC message you sent in your NC diary.
I want everyone who reads the NC diaries to see that each member has sent the same message, no exceptions.
This will "hopefully" send a loud and clear message that they can't whine their way out of doing the most important step in the personal evolution...sending the recommended NC message.
Great Job Shia!
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 2 months ago # -
shia
offlineMemberhey der, thanks everyone for the motivation. i m honestly surprised at how quickly i was actually able to do this..sending the nc msg...actually first time sending it was not that diff but to send it the second time i do admit, it felt like a surge of panic...sort of...dat bad feeling in the gut...but i knew i had to do it...so for all the pple reading this and having to go thru this...hear this from me..u actually do feel a surge of relief once u get up on ur two feet and take this one step of having to start taking control of urself..it actually does make u feel powerful and strong!!
so today is my first nc day officially speakin..i started my day by following my beauty routine..and den doing yoga...den i came to work and read a few nice relationship articles online..i learnt the virtues of being gentle, staying positive, thinking positive and being motivated and successful. i also read an article on how to cultivate a sexy beautiful voice, and it was awesome imagining myself as talking softly , and nicely all the time...during my relationship with my ex i used to be harsh, rude and with a bad loud noise all the time!!
these do seem to sound rather shallow and coarse but i have started off my personal evolution by concentrating on my inner and outer self. so taking care of myself , pampering myself, and concentrating and cultivating inner virtues is what i have started off now. i have also started off with some prayers, its helping me a bit to calm down but my mind does start wandering off , so i didnt do it too much.but still i tried to stick to the plan. i also danced my way around to some groovy dance songs, and felt really really good!!i love dancing and i felt it released a lot of good sweat!!!so i decided the first thing i m gonna do now is to go and sign up for some dance classes. i was into it last year and the whole of my relationship with my ex, there was nothing of that sort...so now i m gonna catch up from where i left. i just hope they have a vacancy to sign up now and they don refuse me!!!plz guys, pray for me!!!
next weekend, i have also decided to go and catch up with my best freind!!i m gonna surprise her by taking loads of pics of her coz now i ve a digicam for the first time in my life!!!
i guess this is for the first time in my life dat i m beginning to feel even a tinge of real adoration for myself!!i always loved myself but i guess it wasnt so much so from the inside , i always needed validation and approval from everyone around, ,my parents, boyfreind, freinds, and generally pple around. i m now changing myself in that respect. this seems a bit difficult but i ve to stick to my inner transformation!!!
Posted 2 months ago # -
shia
offlineMemberP.S. The people who have evolved the fastest, and progressed the most are the people who have been very active in our forum. I suggest once you get your evolution started that you do the same, and experience the same magic they did.
this is what scott has said which i read in one of the nc diaries dat i read...this is now my inspiration for the day!!!!thanks scott!
Posted 2 months ago # -
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Posted 2 months ago shia
offlineMembertoday is officialy my third day of nc:
My relationship withmy mum has improved all of a sudden!!for years our relationship was not dat fine though seemingly there was nothing rong ,but it wasn’t all dat good or perfect enuff as I wanted my mother to be. The strange part is, I m not doing anything different this time around!!she now goes out of the way to care for me which she wudnt do before dat much!!!
I have decided to concentrate on my profession a bit more now, and though I still m not completely focusing on it, its still better in terms of performance. I smile a lot during work , while talking to others, and feel more relaxed and confident at work. Even my performance and results have improved. My performance was always good but now I want to concentrate on it and earn more money. I ve made a daily goal for my earnings and plan to reach this goal within the next 3 mths. Whoa!!
I remember my ex almost all the time. But if I visualize him calling me or contacting me, I know I wudnt want to be desperate to speak to him earlier. I don’t want him to contact me or come back to me. Wht I want is a better relationship and passion and connection from within.
The first time wen I sent him the nc msg, he replied back with a long email!about 10-12 sentences long!!the opening line was “I can feel the pain u are going thru”..i purposely did not read his reply coz I m very serious abt my inner transformation and I dontwant to distract myself. I resent him this nc msg n everytime I open my mail I get palpitations for a few minutes anticipating wether he has read it or not, replied to it or not etc. but I do come back to normal also. But it shows that I have still way to go for my inner transformation.
Today I was realizing wht was the real problem between us. He wasn’t feeling admired or needed. Though this is the foremost reason, but people do not feel admired wen they focus on themselves and not on the relationship or on u. dat was becoz I was being so needy, dat he started concentrating on how he was feeling instead of focusing on my feelings or the relationship. But now I know wht went rong. I have to make him feel admired, dat is true. But before that, it all starts with appreciating myself a bit more. Completely get into myself.even if its negative emotions, still be in the appreciation mode, feel them, feel urself. Wen I get completely into myself, and take all focus off him , wen there is no need for his approval, wen there is no neediness, then he also gets into the appreciatioin mode , i.e focusing on me and my feelings and appreciating me, instead of focusing solely on how HE feels.Posted 2 months ago #-
shia
offlineMemberhi all
5th day of nc
last 2 days were very very sad and depressing for me. didnt feel like getting out of bed. i skipped my jogging and yoga routine and was just thinking abt my ex. was just getting palpitations. felt so anxious and insecure abt my future as to what will happen. just don know how will i survive all this. i even tried the fast forward technique but just made me temporarily better,the feelings wud immediately return. can anyone give me some tips or advice how did u guys handle all this??
thanks, shia
Posted 2 months ago # -
get up and do something...no matter how much you don't feel like it. I feel that during my early days of NC..and one day I just tell myself to stop feeling sad and miserable alone.
My suggestion is, take some time to read the other NC diaries when you have time...and also if it's possible to get the book 'The Secret' and 'The Power' by rhonda rhymes. I hope it helps you as much as it did help most of us here.
stay strong and hang in there. These are just the phrase that most of us went through during the early days of NC. Don't let it pulls you down. *hugs*
God grant me the serenity to accept things that I cannot change....
The first step toward change is acceptance.
Change is not something you do, it's something you allow.
Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you.Posted 2 months ago # -
annabelleloka8
offlineMemberHello Shia,
What you are going through are all breakup symptoms and EVERYONE has been through them..everyone. Please feel what you are feeling but please get yourself into an area of relief to get rid of those palpitations. Do you pray? Even if you are not religious, just talk to God by yourself. Read the books the secret and the power. They have a website online; check out the stories of other people who were going through so much suffering and have managed to stand up again by using the secret. They inspire me everytime. Do what you feel like during this time..if you like shopping, go and buy something for yourself. Go into a bookshop and get these books on LOA, drink some soothing coffee, drink water, cry in the shower if you have to, go for a walk, practice being grateful for everything that you have right now in your life. Dont discuss your breakup with too many people including friends. Just share stuff in the forum right here. Just get yourself into a state of relief please and do whatever it takes to get there. There is always light at the end of the tunnel.Posted 2 months ago # -
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Posted 1 month ago shia
offlineMemberhi annabelleloka8 and angelbear;
thank u so much for the encouragement!!!love ur advice and kind words!!whatever it is, ur words did give me so much comfort and the fact that i m not alone!!
well i m here after a complete month and i ve done pretty well in terms of my personal evolution!!for a start i was back on fb and was catching up with friends, and my life, posting pretty pics of mine, and i m beginning to feel dat i atleast have a life of my own!!imagine to my surprise wen i got feedback from all the guy friends of mine asking me"can u tell me what changes have u made to ur life since a past few mths??i m getting to see a new complete charming cheerful happy shia"..."tell me the secret", etc etc...to the effect that even my galfriends are teasing me on my status updates implying someone being there in my life etc...all the guyfreinds of mine think that marriage is on the cards for me and are even implyin that on my updates...well i have never given that kind of impression to anyone on purpose, its just my personal evolution, but somehow my pics are giving them that kind of a feeling...
well my ex contacted me a few days after the new year, he just caught me online on chat unexpectedly, and he first started out wishing me happy new year, how are you ...i was just perplexed, didnt know what to reply, or wether to reply or not, and just thot its better to wait and watch, so didnt reply at first, then he kept talking, asking me hows everything at home, etc, den he started complimenting on one of my new pics that i had put, den i just thot its better to be atleast courteous, so i just said"hey thanks and wish u the same" and then logged off...he replied"thank u very much"...he was online for 2-3 days after that and now he hardly comes online, he used to be online for atleast 1-2 hrs and atleast twice a day and now i hardly see him online, not even at night, even if he comes its hardly for a little while...anyways it seems he has been following my activities quite well...but i guess i handled it correctly, neither was i too closed or ignored him,neither did i take too much interest, i just acted cool and casual..ya and one more thing, he even asked me if i was still angry..
well , i was doing fine but since the last few days it seems i have again started getting preoccupied with his thots quite more , enuff to interrupt my daily activities and work, and i m sensing a kind of emptiness in my life again. i know its not him dat will remove that emptiness, i need to find things that will give me happiness from within and discover new things, and satisfaction in life, and in a way though i m happy that he contacted me, but still i m wondering a little more abt him than usual.
how shud i go from here?how do i remain focussed on my personal evolution and also handle my ex at the same time?i guess i m on my way to handling things better but still i need to be more stable in my personal evolution and get my life back not my ex right??but it seems to be so so so hard to do..it seems to be so hard not to think of him or abt him during this time...how did u guys do it??how did u handle it??its been two mths since i have sent him the no contact letter now.plzzz help!!!!!!!!
Posted 1 month ago #-
shia said:
how shud i go from here?how do i remain focussed on my personal evolution and also handle my ex at the same time?That is easy...
You focus on your personal evolution, and keep your ex in no contact just like you are doing now.
This is not about getting your ex back, remember?
You don't need your ex back to be happy again.
If he truly loves you he will wait for you, and respect your no contact message.
You don't have to "get him back" you have to decide if he is worth getting back at all, and that will take time...be patient, and keep your eye on the real prize...your happiness.
shia said:
well my ex contacted me a few days after the new year, he just caught me online on chat unexpectedly, and he first started out wishing me happy new year, how are youSo much for him respecting your NC message.
shia said:
so i just said"hey thanks and wish u the same" and then logged off.Perfect!
Great Job Shia!
Keep up the good work!
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 1 month ago # -
shia
offlineMemberthank u so so so so much scott!!!!i was really worried if i was messing up and now i feel so gud that i m able to stay strong!!!
i think u might get pissed off on me on this one now...but plz help me one last time...i m very confident that i m able to stay focussed on my personal evolution n i promise i will do it till the end...but again yesterday my ex contacted me (i had not expected it again and to be so soon!!!) on chat and said hi howru??i just knew that i dont have to reply for 2 reasons:1. my personal evolution and i will handle it wen "I" feel i m ready and wether i even want to talk to him or not wud be my personal decision and choice and 2. letting him know that he needs to respect my nc message. so i didnt reply but it was late at night and i had to go home since i was at work and had to log off...so i simply logged off but my ex got the impression that wenever he tries to make conversation online i log off imdly and i m wondering if it luks lyk a cowardly act in front of him....today morning wen i logged in i saw his msg, he had said"u dont have to get offline, u can carry on ur chat..its not good to stay online for late etc etc"...anyways, today morning i just logged in and replied a hi to his msg so that he doesnt thinki m being cowardly and running away from him...but he again came online and started talking and again he caught me on chat...he started asking me and conversing very normally as if nothing has happened between us..i just replied "hey i m sorry i m a bit busy talk to u later" and logged off but this time i kept myself online for some time and only before logging out i said this....well i m confident to say the least but not still quite as confident as i shud be from within...i still have to remind myself to handle the things ....but yes i m sure i will do it with scotts help and all u sweet people out here...but plz i hope to hear from u all...how do u handle the converstations and still get him to respect ur no contact properly...or did i mess up this time!!!!! :shaking:...i hope not...on second thots i dont think i messed up...coz i maintained my dignity and respect, i didnt converse or talk, nor was i casual with him..i just told him to understand that i was busy and i will talk to him later, dats it....so that maintains my stand and i dont end up ignoring him or being non corteous to him either and neither does it show him dat i m affected by him etc....gosh...i have still some way to go but i m happy that i m doing well , i m on my way to evolving the right way...
as far as my real prize goes, my happiness, yes i have my eyes set right on it....i m doing all the things as far as that is concerned...now i m planning to concentrate on my career and not waste time on these silly things as what my ex talked and what i replied back etc...my personal evolution is my first priority and i have to concentrate 100% on it now...
thanks scott again for the kind and strong encouragement!!!!sorry i havent been able to be very active on the forum but i will be doing so very soon!!!!
love and hugs
sheaPosted 1 month ago # -
shia said:
i didnt reply but it was late at night and i had to go home since i was at work and had to log off...so i simply logged off but my ex got the impression that wenever he tries to make conversation online i log off imdly and i m wondering if it luks lyk a cowardly act in front of him.You are incorrect.
You don't look "cowardly" when you ignore your ex's request to chat after you sent them the NC message.
Your ex looks like a disrespectful idiot for not respecting you or your NC message.
shia said:
anyways, today morning i just logged in and replied a hi to his msg so that he doesnt thinki m being cowardly and running away from him.Bad Move.
You just broke NC.
shia said:
but he again came online and started talking and again he caught me on chat...he started asking me and conversing very normally as if nothing has happened between us.This is why.
Your request for no contact looks like a joke, and it should, because you're treating NC like a joke.
If you do not take NC seriously why should your ex?
What part of "no contact" don't you understand?
You can either keep making excuses to talk with him, or you can get serious and stick to the fucking plan.
It's your choice, my advice won't do you any good if you don't take it.
You don't have to explain NC to your ex, you just re-send the NC message without any changes, and you ignore all his requests for chat.
shia said:
how do u handle the converstations and still get him to respect ur no contact properly...or did i mess up this time!!!!!You messed up.
How do you handle these situations?
It can't believe you asked that, it only proves you didn't take the time to read the free plan and educate yourself.
It is all explained in the free plan under the NC links...go click those links, and read them.
You have been a member for 1.5 months and you still don't know how to use NC correctly?
That's fucking pathetic.
Now either follow the plan, or start looking for advice somewhere else.
My time is valuable and I don't like to waste it.
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 1 month ago # -
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Posted 1 month ago shia
offlineMembersorry scott i m just sending him the nc msg now..plz bear with me...
ok i sent him the nc msg and this time i sent him on fb itself so that i make it a point that it has got across to him , last time i had sent it on gmail and he ignored it as if he never read it wen i sent him the second time, his first reply was so long which i never read it, and now this is the third time i m sending it, i m glad i ve sent it now, it proves he cant goof up with me again, now i can boldly ignore his chat requests without feeling any second thots, now i m in control...gosh, what a bad move it was...
thanks scott for being there for me!!!!!!!!!
shia
Posted 1 month ago #-
shia
offlineMemberok scott, i sent him the nc msg and again on fb only this time so that i make the point correctly and der, within a few minutes he was online and he started talking again, he asked me "hey, did u just send me a msg now??"etc ...i just ignored it and logged off...hope i m now handling it correctly...if i have told him that i do not wish to talk he has to get the point n learn to respect it right??so even if i ignore him or log off its none of his business, right??and even if i m logging off,its fine, since i have already said i dont wish to talk...and even if i m online and ignoring him, it shud be fine!hope that makes the point clear...
sorry i shud go thru the free plan regularly to remind myself of the crucial things...
thanks
shiaPosted 1 month ago # -
shia said:
hii sent him the msg...he replied"hey did u just send me a msg now...i will not contact u, dont worry, u r free to take any of ur decisions"....
Great Shia!
Now stick to your word, and do not indulge his attempts to contact you, because he will try again.
If he meant what he said, he wouldn't have tried to get you to break NC in the past.
Once again, pay attention to people's "actions", not their "words".
Commit completely to getting your life back, not your ex, and you will get all the things you desire out of your next relationship, but first you have to evolve, and that takes time (12 months or so).
Be patient.
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 1 month ago # -
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Posted 3 weeks ago shia
offlineMemberthank u so much!!!!!!!!
i feel so very positive now!!!!!!i m really surprised that this advice worked!!never thot it wud!!for 3 days i was down in the dumps but since today i m feeling a lot better...a lot more in control of me and my feelings..
i m able to stay a lot more positive now...and der have been so many positive changes in my life lately that i m beginning to sit up and take notice of it!!
thanks scott !!
smiles
shiaPosted 3 weeks ago #-
shia
offlineMemberhi everyone
i have been reading all ur success stories and also the things that u have been posting in ur nc diaries and i must say, its been so truly inspiring and i really wonder sometimes how u guys have been so strong to stay positive and strong all the time!!as for me , i m still evolving , though i must say that the thots of my ex have lessened now and i dont feel that he is controlling me anymore, somehow i feel his defenses weakening as well...dont know y but i feel that the way he comes online and stays online for 2-3hrs , as if he has no other work!he he!as for me i dont have that kind of waste time surely, i have lots of productive things to do!!
today i decided to be off facebook and/or facebook chat, be completely off my ex and be in a proper no contact that is, cutting off all communication. i had already cut him off on other chat messengers earlier itself , also on all social sites that i used to go even once in a while..i ve disabled all the settings for myself as well as my ex.
i will be continuing my social life in real life and not focussing on the internet this time at all, and continuing my personal evolution. it strikes me thati ve whole lot of things to do, and a lot of dreams in my eyes. i have always been a acheiver in my life and i want to appreciate that side of me completely.
i just want to ask u guys one final question. plz plz be kind enuff to answer my this question whoever has gone thru it. i just have this doubt in my mind which keeps flashing me every now and then.what if my ex comes to meet me and turns up unexpectedly??he has done this earlier once wen i didnt wantto meet him and he turned up unexpectedly at my door and my workplace and it was hard to resist him coz he was crying!!...it was as if he was emotionally blackmailing me , and making it look as if he is the victim and is so sweet and loves me so much etc...comeon a guy crying in front of u..he made it sound as if it was so authentic u know....but at the back of my head i know for sure that such a behaviour is not good...however sweet or good it may look, its surely a emotional blackmail and controlling someone the rong way and getting something out of someone the rong way!!
of course i dont expect him to do anything dramatic this time around, but still if he comes unexpectedly, how shud my behaviour be??how shud i handle the situation?i want to be prepared beforehandedly coz i dont want to mess around with anything in my life this time. i truly want my life back first!the problem is, we are in a long distance relationship and he will be flying from another state to see me, if he decides to,and since he is coming from so far, it wud be difficult forme to avoid him..another problem is,he knows wer i m available, i.e my workplace and right now i dont have anyone else apart from myself to supervise the place, so if he turns up, i cant go anywer else from there and neither can i tell him to get lost... how can i be polite n yet let him know that he cant just control and get things out of me by just coming over to meet me?i mean, if he comes to meet me truly out of the joy of seeing me, still it wud be fine, but if he was that serious abt getting back, he wudnt do these things, right, he wud be more focussed on getting back together the right way isnt it!!
anyways i was asking coz i faced this situation in the past from him once and also my earlier boyfreind, so i wantto be dead sure that this time i m prepared and strong in my personal evolution.
can anyone advise me ?sorry if i m asking too many questions regarding things that we are not supposed to focus on, but i still want to be completely clear regarding this and also the fact tht i m in a Long distance relationship.
thanks and love and best wishes to all!!
shiaPosted 3 weeks ago # -
Finding_Myself_Again
offlineMemberHi Shia,
Just read your breakup story whoa girl you need to stay strong, you deserve much better then this guy is willing to give! Sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too, while keeping you hanging on to false hope.
Congrats on getting off the site we shall not name, it is quit liberating isn't it!
As far as running into your ex unexpectedly, I have this same thought. You will be polite, not discuss your personal lives, hold your head up, and stand firm. Don't let him suck you into any type of conversation about you old failed relationship. He needs to respect your request for NC, it's very selfish for him to just show up out of the blue because you are sticking to NC. NC is working, he needs to evolve too. You don't have to break NC if he shows up at your work, if you do then he will see that he can still control you. Then fly back to where ever he lives with a big ass smile on his face. While you sit there picking up the crumbs he just left you.
Just my thoughts, be strong and positive. This is all about you!
Posted 3 weeks ago # -
shia said:
what if my ex comes to meet me and turns up unexpectedly??he has done this earlier once wen i didnt wantto meet him and he turned up unexpectedly at my door and my workplace and it was hard to resist him coz he was crying!!If your ex shows up at work, ask him to leave, and if he won't, tell him you will report him to your supervisor, and have him removed from your work place.
When you start standing up for yourself you will see those crocodile tears disappear, and anger will replace them...he is full of shit, and a low-life to pull stunts like that, not to mention, a little bit fucked in the head, as well.
If he shows up at your home, DO NOT OPEN YOUR DOOR, you tell him to leave, or you will call the police and report him as a stalker.
If he continues to stalk you, get a restraining order against him.
He doesn't love you, if he did he would respect your NC message and be an adult about it.
Resorting to stalker cry-baby antics to get your attention screams out loser, or mental defective, or both.
If you're not willing to do what is necessary to get your life back, then you are surrendering, and saying you're willing to be his slave.
If that's the case, you don't belong in our forum, this place is for people who want to kick loves ass, not kiss it.
Stay Strong and Positive!
PS - I am pretty sure this is covered in the free plan, or in one of the NC articles that are linked to the free plan. I know I have answered this question quite a few times before.
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
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FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 3 weeks ago # -
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Posted 3 weeks ago Marie21
offlineMemberHi shia, it sounds like you're starting to get yourself on the right track. As far as the online temptations are concerned, you really need to block or at least un-friend your ex on FB and anywhere else they can contact you. It will get rid of any temptations to talk to him or stalk his profile and you will feel much more relaxed because you won't be constantly worrying about "what if he starts talking to me."
Spending less time on the internet is great! It's so easy to get sucked into the virtual world, I try to do that as much as possible but I'm in a business where I need to be checking my email several times a day.
Everyone's worried about their ex suddenly appearing, extremely upset and demanding to speak with them; truth is it rarely happens. If it does happen you simply say that you aren't ready to talk yet, don't be rude but don't say any more than you have too. I know it feels like you're being mean to brush them off if they're upset but remember, YOU asked for your space and they're being pretty rude if they're not giving it to you. Be polite, but firm.
Happiness is a choice, it is your choice, you have to make it.Posted 3 weeks ago #-
shia
offlineMemberhi
thank u everyone for ur kind advice and words. i dont know how to thank u all coz i just needed to hear this to be strong and its really helping me out of my low times. i agree with u guys on what u are saying and it occurs to me that i was myself keeping a loser mentality by accepting the immature things that he was doing for "love"...u r rite guys he has to evolve and now i m no longer worried abt he showing up at my workplace, in fact i dont even think he can have the guts to do it anymore, coz he is surely learning to respect me now. he contacted me a few days back again on that site but this time i didnt respond to him at all, i stayed in control , but after that i was feeling a bit low again coz i just felt i wasnt able to stay in control myself , its been a tough thing for me too but i m trying my best...after reading ur posts i feel a whole lot stronger and better than before...thank u so much all of u!!!!Posted 1 week ago #
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