How to Kick Loves Ass - Break Up Help Forum

Free Break up Help, Relationship Advice, and Break up Survival Plan

Private Messages

1. 

   Proceeds Help Support Our Forum
   

   FREE BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLAN

   Enter Your Info Below To Get Your Free Plan

   • Name
   • Email

   
   I will NEVER sell, trade, rent, or give away your information to any third party.
   I HATE SPAM! Read Our Privacy Policy

   Posted 5 months ago
2. 

   shia
   

   offline

   Member

   We met one year back, through orkut, and it was a long distance relationship. He lives in another state, and would visit me every month or once in 2 mths.
   I was having apprehensions of a long distance relationship as I have never been in one, and I have always held on to the belief (I know I m rong here) dat I need to find a guy close to where I stay so that I get all the benefits of being with my parents, friends and relatives , I can visit them from time to time even after I m married, In terms of physical proximity, since these days no one has so much time on their hands, so its better to have as less distance as possible in terms of physical distance. I m very much a peoples person, and I need to have a life full of friends.

   He had reassured me that it can work out, and we can try out and see it for ourselves if we both like each other. And as it turned out, we both fell in love. This was not at all love at first sight or something like that. It was a love based on admiration for each others personalities. What I liked abt him was his honesty, his ability to trust me (being a long distance), his ability to communic ate(usually guys find this hard but he was quite communicative as compared to the other guys I met), his sense of non flattery(he never complimented my looks , and I m a very beautiful gal, and wary of guys falling for my beauty, and dat was a huge relief, and he complimented me rather on my ability to carry myself, and be happy, and my independence),. Most of all what I admired abt him was his hard working and patient nature.

   Things were looking great for us, it was a slow and steady game for both of us, especially me. I did feel he was going too fast in the relation ship mode, and I was getting a bit frustrated by my lackof ability to handle this. I did tell him a lot of times that I wanted to go still slower,but he cudnt handle this nor understand. He was quite eager to get close to me(not physical but emotional) but I tried as much as possible to go slow coz it was a bit overwhelming.nevertheless, we did manage and I was pretty much happy and never thot much abt him nor the relationship etc. I was busy with my life at that moment.

   Then came my first realization that I am actually getting affected by his actions. He had started talking to another gal online, and I must add here that he was a honest person, he never hid anything of this nature from me, though he didn’t outright admit to me initially that he was seeing her, he also didn’t hide from me that he was talking to her and I cud see them talking on facebook etc. I realized I wanted more from this person and I questioned to him abt this gal, and though he denied any romantic or sexual feelings for her, I did realize that theres definitely an attraction, and I suggested him to go ahead with her so that he gets sure abt his feelings, whatever they are. I told him I ve no problems if he wants to continue seeing her and I only want us to be honest with each other. At that time, he had told me those three little words, but we weren’t committed to each other, and I myself was in touch with other guys though I never liked anyone from the romantic angle, and though it did hurt me that someone shud do this after saying he loves me, I still tried to understand the situation and I told him he has all my support and I don’t mind if he takes back those words that he said to me, coz its anyways too early in the relationship.
   But he just stopped seeing her and kept coming back to me. I tried to make him understand to give that gal one chance atleast but he said he is damn sure he wants me and he doesn’t care abt her at all. He said he is not attracted to her to continue seeing her. Anyways I had told him dat I don’t want to continue with him anymore coz I feel he is confused and I feel he shud be continuing with his life, and shud not stop seeing other women if he wants to. But he wudnt listen. He kept begging for another chance, and wen I refused to see him or talk to him, he kept making efforts to bring me back. He even made his friends talk to me to make me understand that we shud be giving this a chance. After all his pleading I finally agreed but I said I need time, I can only talk to him, I m not sure abt seeing him.he said its fine with him at the moment, I can take my own time. Well this went on for a couple of mths, and he said he is ready to give me a commitment,I again asked him if he was sure and I told him to take his own time. But he kept saying he is sure. I said anyways, I need more time, to which he agreed.

   Then came the final blow. My sister was diagnosed of cancer and it turned out , in the last stage. She was literally on the deathbed. I had a huge challenge in front of me to save her life and be positive. I ddint want to accept her death. I wanted to save her and do my best for my family. I also had too many other problems of my own, and I just cant explain here the stress that I went thru. It was overwhelming. I became needy, desperate, anxious, panicky, stressful, angry, sad, u name it and it was there. It was difficult for me to survive thru all this.

   It was that time dat I need lot of support from my boyfriend. But there were problems due to circumstances. First of all, he lived in another state and it was not easy for him to be physically present with me all the time. Secondly, he worked as a ship mechanic. His job was 28 days on ship and den 28 days at home. He was not in a state to come whenever he wanted to coz his job does not have such facilities. Also if he is away from shore if he cant come he just cant come.but my sis was admitted and was serious. I really needed him now for so many mths but he wasn’t giving me that support. I just felt he wasn’t one with my pain . I didn’t feel dat connection between us. I felt he was withdrawing, I felt there was some kind of spacing out. If he wud do something for me, it wasn’t coming from his heart but It was rather coming only after I was telling him to do it. I wasn’t getting the emotional support much as a lover wud give or expect. Something felt rong.

   My sister expired. It was tough for me coz no one was there on my side wen I heard the news. I cried all alone. Ya it wasn’t his fault . but wasn’t my fault either. I felt he cud have been in a better job. But it wasn’t about his job. Deep down, it was his inability to understand my stress and be connected to me at such a time. He had begun to act like a friend . but still wud say he is committed. I was beginning to question his commitment towards me. I know I was rong, maybe I was finding too many faults with me coz I had become needy. I had realized this long back. I had asked for a break up and yelled at him several times coz I was frustrated not becoz of the stress but becoz of the feeling of lack of connection between us. I was beginning to feel probably he just gave me a commitment without even realizing what a actual commitment was. Maybe he wasn’t mature enuff to understand what love and commitment is.
   No , he was never with any other gal ever or even talking to anyone else. He was loyal. But still something dint feel right. On top of it, my anxiety. He felt I wasn’t understanding him and I wasn’t able to understand the fact that he was doing the best for me. I felt he wasn’t doing the best for me. There was a lot more he cud do in terms of help and also emotional support and love. The love felt not coming completely from the heart.
   His friends also weren’t too supportive .no one called me even after my sisters death. After he came to visit me last, I wanted to discuss future plans with him coz he was talking of marriage and future for quite a few mths. I wanted to be sure if we are on the same page. It turned out that we had a few differences, but yes, none of them was strong enuff to break up . it cud all have been solved out. Differences like where are we going to stay after marriage, whether alone or with inlaws, how to start our own life etc. he said he had too many responsibities to look after his parents, his two younger brothers etc. I had told him I ve no probs with dat I will support him completely with that. But it seems things were getting too pressurizing from my side coz he wasn’t ready to make any future plans I mean any concrete plans. I felt it was all in the air. I thot he shud have discussed with me instead of feeling pressurized and dropping everything. We cud have worked it out. But we started arguing and I had deleted him twice on facebook which pissed him off. After 10 days of not talking to each other, wen I finally called him, he said he wants to break up coz we aren’t understanding each other, its not working out, I wont be happy with him, he cant keep me happy, he is not financially sound, he is not settled, he cant leave his parents, I have a different vision of future, and so on. I tried convincing him, I said we can work it out together, we need not break up for such reasons. But he said anyways I don’t like him, I m not feeling happy with him, I always yell at him, I always talk of breakup, i don’t like what he says, everything he says makes me angry, whatever efforts he took all this while weren’t appreciated or did no good for me and my life, I m always stressed up, angry and never happy wen he is around, and since the time he has come into my life I m having loads of problems. He said he thinks he isn’t right for me, I shud find someone else with whom I can be happy. He said he does not deserve me, he doesn’t have so much capability to keep any gal happy. He cant keep any gal happy in his life, etc. he also said he doesn’t love me right now, and possibly he is attracted to someone else, but he added this wasn’t true wen we were together, I asked him a bit more to explain but he changed the topic. He even said he has lost me. He suggested me to be friends and even said we can be friends forever,but can never get into a relationship. I refused to be friends, I said its not possible between us coz we always had higher expectations from each other. I also said its fine if he doesn’t love me, I just want him to be happy. I also said if he thinks he doesn’t love me, den I have no right to ask anything or expect anything, so I wont be saying anything more.. He even told me to start coming back on fb since I had stopped coming on fb after our fight. I had deleted but added him again before only. Anyways I never deleted him till now but I m not coming on fb since I wanted a real life now instead of a virtual life. After my convincing failed, and he was adamant, I stopped and tried making him understand thru his friends. But I realized it wasn’t working. He told me not to force him. I agreed and told him I m sorry if I came across as forcing , dat wasn’t my intention, I only wanted to let him know that I was supportive and I am ok with whatever he says, I do respect his decision whatever it is. He replied to that”thanks for not inviting me to ur wedding”. I dint reply to that.
   I was in no contact period for a mth before I stumbled on scot Williams emails.by that time, my ex had already contacted me on a festival day 8 times. He had written a text for me also which said”hi howru?hope u r fine. I wish u lots of happiness and prosperity in ur life . plz take care of urself”. Well I never replied to that, I just felt I needed to be alone. After reading the free plan I realized I need to send out a proper nc msg and so I sent it 3 days back.and now I m here.
   My ex hasn’t read the nc msg which I have sent. He has stopped coming on fb,stopped coming online, stopped coming on chat , everywer.i wonder what that means!!!!!on the other hand, he has changed his display pic on fb to a pic which was my favourite. But he doesn’t come online at all and neither has he read my nc msg. well it cud also be possible that he hasn’t replied to my msg, but knowing him I feel he wud atleast reply, but now god knows wht is the matter!!!
   Anyways, I m here now, and thanks soooooooooooo much for listening to my story!!!!!!!!hope it was interesting too!!!lol!!!!thank u and hope to make new friends out here and help each other out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

   Posted 5 months ago #
   Secret

RSS feed for this topic

Reply

You must log in to post.