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shapingup NC diary
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I will NEVER sell, trade, rent, or give away your information to any third party.
I HATE SPAM! Read Our Privacy PolicyPosted 1 month ago shapingup
offlineInactiveMy NC letter:
"Hi,
We need to take a break, I really believe it is the best thing for both of us right now. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready."His response IMMEDIATELY:
"Yeah it's just so hard not to contact you:( i think about you often, and especially over the holidays and everything... I don't know what your decisions are but I hope that we can be cool. Love love!"I need all the help to stay true to my NC promise that I can get! I'm ready to move on!
Posted 1 month ago #-
shapingup
offlineInactiveI'm getting a bit of a head start I suppose. I haven't contacted him in 2 weeks (save for the NC letter I just sent today). The first few days I thought I would die. I know that he will send texts and emails... especially to find out what "big decisions" I am making. Truly I can tell you that it will be difficult for me to continue to have NC w/him. I know that he cares for me... I think he even still loves me... but it is an unhealthy, heartbreaking kind of love. I'm very afraid that when his girlfriend doesn't work out he will bombard me with sweet words (my weakness) and stop at nothing to get me to come back to his arms.
Posted 1 month ago # -
shapingup said:
Truly I can tell you that it will be difficult for me to continue to have NC w/him. I know that he cares for me... I think he even still loves meActions speak louder than words, what do his actions tell you.
Never mind what he said, and what you thought you felt between you two, love is blind, but actions always speak louder than words.
You know it too, otherwise you wouldn't be here.
But I have to warn you, talking about failing before anything happens is a sure sign of failure, and the fastest way out of our forum.
A positive mindset is mandatory if you are really serious about getting your life.
Go look at the topic about The Law of Attraction and Relationships.
If you're not serious about getting your life back, you don't belong here.
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
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FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 1 month ago # -
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Survive The Affair
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Posted 1 month ago I read your break up story. I know it's hard but you had made the big step of sending him the NC message.
Put everything in the past and concentrate on yourself.
You need to detox yourself from him in order to get your life back. stick to the plan and you will realise how much NC will do wonders for you.
*hugs*
God grant me the serenity to accept things that I cannot change....
The first step toward change is acceptance.
Change is not something you do, it's something you allow.
Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you.Posted 1 month ago #-
lunapearl
offlineMemberhi shapingup!
welcome to the forum! u did well on sending that nc message! let's stay strong! read the power by rhonda byrnes, it helps me!Posted 1 month ago # -
shapingup
offlineInactiveyes! exactly what i should be hearing. of course i agree and i do absolutely belong here. my strength and drive comes from the fact that i have resisted for a record amount of time (so far) and it feels nice. im confident. now im searching for the right tools to resist a person so charismatic. anyway, im happy and grateful to have found this forum:)
Posted 1 month ago # -
shapingup said:
now im searching for the right tools to resist a person so charismaticOnce again you are framing yourself in the wrong mindset.
By saying you must resist your ex, you are insinuating he has some kind of control over you, when in fact you have just given up.
Don't look at NC like a period of resisting him, look at it as a period to be on your own.
You didn't need him before to be happy, and you don't need him now.
You make it easy for him to charm you, because you feed yourself full of lies about your relationship.
The best part of your personal evolution will be your awakening to the "reality" of your old failed relationship, and your ex's true feelings for you.
I have witnessed it many times in our forum, what people imagined their relationship was, wasn't even close to what it actually was.
Hence the saying, love is blind, which should have been, love makes you blind, and naive.
And if you were so sure about the strength of your love bond with your ex, you wouldn't be so worried about losing him, right?
The first step to letting go, is to stop lying to yourself about your past relationship, and let time reveal the real deal between you and your ex.
Be patient, and give the plan 9-12 months, you will learn a lot about yourself, and your ex.
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 1 month ago # -
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Posted 1 month ago -
lunapearl said:
i wonder if it takes 3-6 months or 6-9 months or 9-12 months?? im confused..I say aim for 9-12 months, I have seen much more success in that range.
It takes time to evolve past a break up, and it depends on just how tangled up your life has become with the past, and how long it will take for you to untangle it and move forward.
That means the faster you concentrate on evolving (untangling your life from your ex), the faster you will progress, therefore there cannot be a set time frame for success because everyone (and everyone's situation) is different.
But I have seen more people come back after a year (or more) and confess they feel a lot better, and they are no longer trapped in the past.
If you're looking for a set time to wait before contacting your ex, you are in the wrong forum.
This about getting your life back, not your ex, and with that said, you should be willing to commit for as long as it takes.
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 1 month ago # -
shapingup
offlineInactivei really like the idea of drawing up a detox plan, as is being discussed in luna's diary. i can see the immediate benefit this could have and the weekly rewards are almost like "instant gratification" because i can tell you that i've given up trying to leave him behind in the past because it always felt like i never saw any improvements in myself. the detox plan could keep me focused on short term goals, give me almost instant rewards and, best of all, KEEP ME OCCUPIED so as not to think of he-who-must-not-have-the-power-over-me.
i'm gonna start brainstorming now... thanks!
SW... man, you're hard on me! but i know it's what i need because all my whimpy friends (though i love them so) sure aren't helping me out! ;p
Posted 1 month ago # -
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Posted 1 month ago shapingup said:
SW... man, you're hard on me!I have to weed out members quickly, you either belong here, or you don't.
You have to be tough (or get tough) to kick loves ass.
If you don't stand up and fight for your happiness (your life), love (and life) will kick your ass until the day you die.
That is why the name of our forum is "how to kick loves ass", because if "kissing" loves ass worked, this forum would be empty.
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 1 month ago #-
shapingup
offlineInactivewow... didn't even get through 24 hours before he sent a text to persaude me to fall back in to our old pattern and break NC... and a sappy love song to boot! argh! he is definitely not going to make this easy. BUT i don't feel any desire to text back and am confident that i have made the right decision! this is breakthru stuff here folks... i'm finally on my way:)
Posted 1 month ago # -
shapingup
offlineInactiveMy BEGINNERS Detox Plan
1. Yoga 2x p/wk and increase my WATER intake daily. I’ve become stagnant in my health goals. No more putting it off!
2. Read “The Secret” and “The Power” to begin the study of getting my life back and finding my positive attitude. I need balance!
3. Spend time with friends, 2x p/wk… no excuses! Only POSITIVE friends!
4. No libations before 8pm! 2 drink max.this is a work in progress and i plan to add more as my recovery journey continues.
Posted 1 month ago # -
shapingup said:
BUT i don't feel any desire to text back and am confident that i have made the right decision!Great Job SU!
Your ex sounds like a selfish asshole that sorely needs a kick in the ass.
Remember selfish people will say and do whatever they think they have to manipulate another person for their own gain.
There is a big difference between being wanted, and being used.
Keep up the good work!
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 1 month ago # -
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Posted 1 month ago -
shapingup
offlineInactivei have found myself in the strangest place. it comes with both good and bad feelings, but mostly, i feel like ive been released from prison!
on sat morning, my ex's current girlfriend (the one from my breakup story) texted me out of the blue wanting to know if i have seen my ex recently since they decided to try to work things out. very nicely i told her no, that i refuse to see him or speak to him, much to his frustration. she then asked if he had tried to contact me because he told her he hasnt. i sent her a screen capture of his recent texts and emails, offered her my friendship and then told her about this forum!
20 mins later i received a video message from him telling me how much he loves me and misses me... very sincere, very sad, very VERY convincing. i forwarded that video to her and found out that just a few minutes prior she had broken up with him. gross! so i ignored the tons of calls, texts and voicemails he started leaving me over the course of the next two days (confessions of love and committment to me... hes insane). she and i continued to chat and i found out that shes a great girl, cool as shit and now she and i are actual friends. we met for coffee and are planning to hang out again soon... minus any further conversation about OUR loser ex:)
i did end up breaking NC with my ex so now im starting over. i resent the NC letter and, armed with all the information she has given me, i feel like im so disgusted that id just throw up on him if i saw him.
im not sure how i feel about how this all happened, except that i made a new cool ass friend and i dont feel so entrapped in the lie that i participated in and believed was a loving relationship with potential. hells yesss! but i worry that befriending her, no matter how awesome i think she is, may be another way of holding on to my ex. or am i over analysing? god this shit is confusing:( thoughts and advise REQUESTED!
Posted 1 month ago # -
willsucceed
offlineMemberWow, that is an amazing story. It was most interesting to read what was going on behind the scenes that prompted his behavior and how exes really want their cake and eat it too and how they test the waters with contacting us. Their behavior is really self-serving.
I have no idea what advice or comments SW will provide on this one and am waiting with baited breath to read them.
Posted 1 month ago # -
shapingup said:
but i worry that befriending her, no matter how awesome i think she is, may be another way of holding on to my ex.She broke up with him, so I don't see the connection with your ex...but!
If the only reason you're going to be friends is to talk about what an asshole your ex is, that is a different story.
If that is the only bond you two will share, it is not enough for a friendship, plus, it will just keep you both rehashing the past, and therefore never moving on.
Not good.
If you two connect on other levels, and promise not to talk about the loser, you should have no problems that I can think of.
Finding a good friend, one you can trust, is a rare and valuable treasure.
Don't pass up the opportunity.
I hope this helped.
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 1 month ago # -
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Posted 1 month ago shapingup
offlineInactiveok, so begins day 1 of my NC do-over. yay! im feeling SO MUCH BETTER about sticking to my decision to end the cycle of emotional abuse... from him and inflicted on myself! hollatchagurl:)
now his ex girlfriend is my friend. we have already begun to transition from our ex as the topic of our conversation to chatting about ourselves. how hysterical is that i stole my ex's girlfriend from him??? bahahahah! ANYWAY, we are making plans to begin our new year with community service (her idea for a "feel good" project! nice!) and then hanging out and mixing our friends together.
i can already tell that this year will be so much better than the last three. scott, im gonna assume this is what it feels like when you finally get started kicking loves ass! boom.
Posted 1 month ago #-
shapingup
offlineInactiveyesterday was a difficult day for me. i cried a lot and broke NC... again. im frustrated with myself that i cannot stop wanting him! he's so foul and i deserve so much better! i KNOW this but why does my crazy self take control when my sane self knows better? i feel almost as if i have multiple personalities lately!
honestly, at this point, i am anxious to be at peace and not on this roller coaster anymore because its seriously pissing me off... at myself! gah! is it part of the procees to be sick of yourself?
Posted 1 month ago # -
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Posted 1 month ago goodlucksuccess
offlineMemberHey SU..It happens..I can understand what you are going through right now!..Do not Confuse Your addiction (for him) as Love..Its Your addiction that is making You break your NC again and again! Common gal..Grow up! If You think he loves you then its wrong..He is using you.He is behind you because he is single again..He is just Desperate..Know the difference between being used up and being loved!..How can you let any XYZ guy use you..Face the reality.He is Your past..You cannot go back in your past and correct everything.Its not in your control.But present is surely in your hands.
Stay strong!
Posted 1 month ago #-
shapingup said:
yesterday was a difficult day for me. i cried a lot and broke NC... again.Did you resend the recommended NC message without any changes?
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 1 month ago # -
shapingup
offlineInactiveyes SW... i just sent it. thank you for the push (i really needed it) as i had been contemplating how crazy it makes me look to continue to resend the same message to him over again???
i have a buddy on the forum now:) and feel that i CAN stop wanting to contact him if i'll allow myself to maintain NC for a more significant period of time... like FOREVER! hah.
Posted 1 month ago # -
shapingup said:
yes SW... i just sent it.Great Job SU!
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 1 month ago # -
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Posted 1 month ago willsucceed
offlineMembershapingup, there have been many before and will be many after you that have broken NC. It seems that when it happens the bad feelings associated with it become enough to prohibit you from repeating the mistake in the future. Keep firm and you'll get there. Forgive yourself and only look to keeping NC as you move forward.
Posted 1 month ago #-
willsucceed
offlineMemberis it part of the process to be sick of yourself?
I feel the same way at times. I think it's because, as you indicated, there are two parts of us warring with each other in our own brains. The crazy and sane self. The rational and emotional self. The addict and the stable self.
We want to be better instantly and there are things we can do and think to hasten the journey, but it is not instantaneous and is a process. In fact, when things are 'normal' again, it is still a process to change our lives to accept and create happiness and peace instead of anxiety and fear.
Posted 1 month ago # -
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Posted 1 month ago XxfangXx
offlineMember-
shapingup
offlineInactivethank you everyone... i must learn not to be so hard on myself while still having expectations that i WILL achieve what i came here to do... GET MY LIFE BACK. your encouragement goes a long way:)
some good news, (and i've already shared this with my buddy) i woke up happy today! i did not immediately think of my ex! instead i only had a one-word thought, "smile". and i did smile and it felt amazing to have a complete thought and subsequent action that did not involve my ex in any way! hooray!
my favorite thing about this forum and my forum buddy is that i no longer feel alone in my struggle to regain control of myself. the dispair i felt before i found all of you would sometimes overwhelm me, in addition to my feelings about my ex, but now i know i am not alone. thank god for it... and for scott, who is really such a wonderful prick! hahah! we would all be posting in some sappy, sad broken hearts forum where everyone only whines and crys but no one wants to do the hard work to make any real progress... ick. no thanks.
Posted 1 month ago # -
shapingup said:
and for scott, who is really such a wonderful prick!Thank You!
Hey, we all have our special talents, right?
A support system like this wouldn't be worth anything if you didn't have someone serious enough to enforce the rules, and keep people on track.
I decided I would rather be effective, than to be popular.
Believe me, I have been called a prick few times before by forum members, but the words "no good rotten" was in front of it most of the time.
Sticks and stones...
When I see forum members helping themselves and others, I know I am doing the right thing.
That's all you have to do to pay me back, help the other members, and succeed in getting your life back again.
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 1 month ago # -
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Posted 1 month ago shapingup
offlineInactiveyesterday was a bad day. i wasn't feeling well and i missed my ex so badly. when i started feeling weak, like i wanted to text him, i wrote in my journal and then sent my buddy a few emails... this is most effective because im able to vent without spreading the poison of my attitude around to my friends and family. christmas day was a terrible low point for me. i was sullen and mad and sad. thankfully my son was with his dad so he didn't see this destructive behavior (but also not thankfully because i wouldn't have acted the way i did around him so maybe i would have enjoyed myself).
i spent the holiday on my own, drinking too much and not eating anything. i think back on that day now and i can't believe i was so low. i apologized to myself and moved on from it, but still... noone should be so sad. ever.
at this point im confusing myself. i know i don't want him back. im sure of it. but i continue to want him. it doesn't make sense to me... for me... because i am not the kind of person to want bad things in my life. my son is the most important thing to me and i would never allow another man like my ex to get close to him again, so why do i still want him? ugh.
i haven't broken NC since the last time i did (posted on this forum) and truthfully, my days are easier because i am not sorting out lies or drama or babysitting him when he's too drunk and has had too many drugs. i like that he is gone but why do i still want him?
see the problem? im addicted to a person. where are all the people that are addicted to a person meeting for support? people's anonymous maybe?
Posted 1 month ago #-
shapingup
offlineInactivei got some bad, but not terrible, news the day before... my son and i have to move. the owner of our house is moving back to the state and wants the house back. ugh. another move.
my ex and i picked out this house together. we lived in it for 6 months before our relationship ended... it's full of our memories... some very happy (that natural high you get from thinking "my future's so bright, i gotta wear shades") hah. i have mixed feelings about moving. i'll be happy to not look around and see him everywhere... like that light switch with the dimmer on it" or the beautiful rug we picked out or the leather couch that we fell in love with... i'll be happy to not have to deal with that, but i'll be sad because it's definitely over. the honeymoon, playing house or as my buddy just shared with me, the square... family, child, me, him... whatever you want to call it... it's over.
something that's great: i haven't broken NC and i don't even want to anymore. now my sadness isn't from a place that longs for him, but instead, from a place where i allowed this relationship to happen like it did and i contributed to it by enabling his behavior. i did this just as much as he did... that's fucking hard to say, man.
Posted 1 month ago # -
misty
offlineMemberHello shapingup, I read your post about your christmas holidays and wanted to give you a big hug. I truly understand how breakups around holidays can be even more devastaing, since mine happeded on the 23rd. I just dressed up on christmas, went over to my friends and forced myself to socialize......stayed completely away from any alcohol. Its no fun drinking when you are sad. I was broken inside, very very sad, but smiling for pictures! It sucked, and I did wish nobody ever has to go through this, just like you.
But, the bright side of it is that it's all done with last year
Nothing spilled into MY NEW YEAR, which is going to be an amazing year for me and for you as well.
I think moving out from the house you shared with your ex is a blessing in disguise. You needed to make that step to move on anyway, and the catalyst of you having to do this is just a push from the universe to help you make that step because you are helping yourself.Get rid of all the bad energy that is trapped in things that remind you of someone who made you so very sad. It's only a BLOODY RUG or a BLOODY COUCH. Your emotional health is more important than some stupid materialist thing. If I were you i would put up a yard sale and SELL EVERYTHING that you bought and enjoyed as part of the fake dream with your ex. THis is the right time, DO IT. New place, New stuff, New Life, New you.
You should get a new couch and a new rug and a new everything to mark your new begining. Then invite poeple who truly love and care for you to nice lovely house warming party at your new place that will HAVE NOTHING NEGATIVE FROM the past.
Trust me, it'll be a very very liberating and an amazing feeling
Posted 1 month ago #
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