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polkadotpandas NC Diary
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I HATE SPAM! Read Our Privacy PolicyPosted 10 months ago polkadotpandas
offlineMemberSo this is the NC message I decided to send to my Ex. I sent it last night and of course I got no reply. But thats quite all right I wasn't really expecting her to reply.
Hi,
I agree with your decision to take a break, I really believe it is the best thing for both of us right now. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.
Even though we've been broken up for 4 months now and I was 3 months into not talking to her I'm glad to have been able to finally send the right NC message. Not a 3 page love novel on why she doesnt want to be with me anymore haha.
Posted 10 months ago #-
polkadotpandas said:
Even though we've been broken up for 4 months nowUmm...
If you have "broken up" why did you use the "take a break" NC message?
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
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FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 10 months ago # -
polkadotpandas
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Posted 10 months ago polkadotpandas said:
The last time I spoke to her that was the status of our relationship we were on a "break".People who use the term "on a break" are just afraid to say break up.
Let's face it 4 months is a looong break, huh?
What is the difference between "a break" and breaking up anyways?
You are both free to date, and whatever, right?
You're not on a break, you are broken up.
All being on "break" does is drag out your personal evolution, and cause you more pain and confusion...is that what you want?
If your ex doesn't have the guts to say it, then you say it and get it over with so you can start evolving faster.
NC is not for the faint of heart, it will eat your ass alive if you don't take charge and kick start your evolution.
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 10 months ago #-
polkadotpandas
offlineMemberadmin said:
People who use the term "on a break" are just afraid to say break up.Let's face it 4 months is a looong break, huh?
What is the difference between "a break" and breaking up anyways?
You're not on a break, you are broken up.
All being on "break" does is drag out your personal evolution, and cause you more pain and confusion...is that what you want?
If your ex doesn't have the guts to say it, then you say it and get it over with so you can start evolving faster.
NC is not for the faint of heart, it will eat your ass alive if you don't take charge and kick start your evolution.
Stay Strong and Positive!
admin said:
People who use the term "on a break" are just afraid to say break up.Let's face it 4 months is a looong break, huh?
What is the difference between "a break" and breaking up anyways?
You are both free to date, and whatever, right?
You're not on a break, you are broken up.
All being on "break" does is drag out your personal evolution, and cause you more pain and confusion...is that what you want?
If your ex doesn't have the guts to say it, then you say it and get it over with so you can start evolving faster.
NC is not for the faint of heart, it will eat your ass alive if you don't take charge and kick start your evolution.
Stay Strong and Positive!
this is so true!! thanks Scott, I guess thats another reason why my version of NC hasn't been going so well, because i was still in denial. sure i wasn't talking to her anymore but I was still holding on to false hope. Great words of encouragement! I'm feeling better now. Should I attempt to correct my NC message then?
Posted 10 months ago # -
Crunchie
offlineMemberWelcome to the forum polkadotpandas! You're in safe hands here, we all know what you're going through. Maybe you should correct you NC message so you can start evolving for the both of you without the plans of getting back together.
Take care, stay strong!
I don't get jealous when i see my ex with someone else, because my mother always told me to give my old toys to the less fortunatePosted 10 months ago # -
polkadotpandas
offlineMemberCrunchie said:
Welcome to the forum polkadotpandas! You're in safe hands here, we all know what you're going through. Maybe you should correct you NC message so you can start evolving for the both of you without the plans of getting back together.Take care, stay strong!
thanks crunchie, I fixed it sometime last week. I just can't wait to move on, the thought of it is just so exciting.
Posted 10 months ago # -
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Posted 10 months ago polkadotpandas
offlineMemberSo here's a little update of my NC route. Since starting my NC diary and sending my NC message I don't think of my ex as much and when I do I don't get emotional anymore. Not quite sure if it's because of the empowering effects of sending that NC message or because I want to move on. The only thing that I can't seem to shake is these dreams of her. They happen every night and it irritates me -_-" because then I wake up thinking about her.
Do you guys know of anyways to stop these dreams?
Also today after I picked up my little brother from his practice I passed the car of this boy that she's talking to. I'm not sure if the person sitting in the passenger seat was her since I didn't get a good look but I'm pretty sure that the person driving was the boy. I see this event as a great tester to how far ive come along since the break up. I know that if this happened some time months earlier I would have back tracked into a jealous fit. but you know what guys? I DIDNT!!! I'm so proud of myself. It doesn't bother me as much now when I think of the two of them together. I can finally analyze the situation clearly now that I'm not emotionally unstable. When I started my personnel journal of the pros and cons of our relationship, the cons out weighed the pros pretty fast.
At this point I'm not sure if I want her back because I'm realizing every day how much better I am without her. awesome progress if I do say so myself.
Posted 10 months ago #-
MelanieStryder
offlineMemberI'm so proud to hear that you beat the jealous fit! Jealousy is possibly one of the worst emotions ever! Yuckkkkk! Not to mention one of the most destructive... Anyway, it must be so rewarding to have overcome seeing that guy in the car. I love this forum because it really clears your mind, like what you're going through right now! And you're able to really step back and evaluate the truth. I'm just proud that you're able to accept that cons outweigh the pros! That's a huge step to recovery!
Really awesome stuff.As far as the dreams go, I remember the anxiety was awful in the morning when I woke up. What helped me fix that anxiety was kicking myself in the ass and moving on! haha. the way you do that is just by what you're doing now - coming clean with the truth about your ex and realizing you're better off without her. I wouldn't be surpised if you slowly began to stop having those awful dreams....I remember I had them....but they do stop and it seems like you're on your way. Just be patient and keep doing what you're doing!
Posted 10 months ago # -
polkadotpandas
offlineMemberMel,
Your right the dreams did stop! the last one I had was last night -_-" but hear me out. It wasn't one of those long dreams it was a quick she popped in and out and then it was on to another dream. When I did wake up I didn't feel any anxiety and was going about me day as usual.
Posted 10 months ago # -
polkadotpandas
offlineMemberA couple days ago my friends put on a welcome back bonfire for another one of my friends that came back from A school in the Navy but I had to decline the invite. Me and my ex share mutal friends so there was a good chance she was gonna be there and i can't run the risk of seeing her just yet. In a way I kind of want to go MIA from not only her but all the friends that are associated with her...ie my high school friends. Back in high school when we would hang out or got invited to events it was always the two of us walking in together, so much so that our friends would make only 1 invitation for the two of us.
The last time I hung out with a bunch of my friends we were still together so I'm not sure how to act when I do show up to events by myself, so I guess thats another reason why I decided not go to my friends party, I might not know how to act when her name comes up. I will start hanging out with them eventually when I have some more isolation time from my ex and anyone associated with her. I need to learn how to act as cool as coolwhip without looking awkward when that time does come. I want to have genuine fun around them and not looked forced so they can see that I'm truely not bothered. It woulda been nice to show up and show off my enhanced beach body though
lol maybe another time.Last time I posted I mentioned that I don't know if I even want her back anymore and that hasn't changed I still don't wanna go back. In fact I dunno if I wanna contact her when my 30 days are up for a reconnection. I dunno if I want to reconnect even months down the road. I think I'd be alright with a spontaneous mini reconnection like a "ohh hey whats up" kinda deal when I pass her at the mall or something but as far as me calling her for a sit down ehh I'm not as keen to the idea. Mostly because I dunno what to talk about
yeah we did start off as friends before we became a couple but that was when we were still 10th graders and so what we talked about then is prolly boring or immature now. Besides meeting up with her will just open up wounds that for the most part have scabbed over. Now if she calls me for lunch (which I highly doubt) then I'll consider.Now that school is out for me and my brother is going back to school and my older sister is in summer school I'm left alone most of the time and thats when the thinking kicks in. I can't keep exercising for hours on end so I've been raping my brains for ideas on ways I can be productive. And I've finally decided to channel all my energy and efforts into a project that I've been wanting to do for a while now. With the help of my sister I want to start a small clothing line whoop whoop.. big dreams I know but the designing and planning will most def help me get by until school starts.
Posted 10 months ago # -
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Posted 10 months ago kittykat
offlineInactiveCongratulations on doing the things that will make you happy! I hope that you manage to get that small clothing line off the ground!
It's also great that you are in touch with the way you feel about the situation and are taking steps to avoid situations that you know you aren't ready for. This is a huge step in the right direction!
While it is never good to hide away from the world...you do need to take care of yourself and do what is best for you right now. Your friends will understand and still be there for you once you are feeling better and have more clarity and strength to deal with ANYTHING that is thrown at you. We all want to be strong and get on with things as quickly as possible after a bad break-up but the best way we can do this is by really understanding what we are going through and being kind to ourselves. Trying to rush through NC and self-improvement doesn't help you. I tried to do it and it backfired on me big time! Set me back a heap of healing and I kicked myself for it afterward!
It's good to think objectively about your relationship and the friendship side of things but don't try to make any quick decisions ok?
While in NC with the Ex that brought me to this forum I have been flip flopping back and forth over whether to ever get in touch again or not. It takes time to work these things out and that is one thing that you have on your side! Time. You have as much of it as you want to get your life in order and happy! Afterall, it is YOUR life! 
Stay strong and be positive!
...the purpose of a doormat is to wipe your feet on it, not love and respect it. – BalthazarPosted 10 months ago #-
polkadotpandas
offlineMemberI've sort of lost time so I'm not sure if I'm on point with these dates. We broke up some time at the end of March so that brings me to about 4 months since the break up. Maybe 3 months since speaking to her? I think?? But i am pretty sure that I'm into my third week of "official" no contact since i sent the NC message.
Shesh
that was kind of a head ache to figure out. Maybe I shouldn't count the months, weeks and days anymore since I'm getting along just fine now and don't need the strength of numbers to show how far I've come alongThings have progressed quite nicely. Even though my NC journal has SIGNIFICANTLY less entries than my personal journal. I can safety say that I've come a long way in my healing process. It's pretty obvious when I look back to the first page of my journal. I'm almost embarrassed to read my first couple entries and surprised at how weak I made myself out to be. I know that's not the kind of person I want to be and not the person I am.
A couple days ago I had a conversation with my mom that really hit home. she said "what happened to you? your not the same person anymore it's like **** took everything you were, with her" all I did was laugh. But man did it make me think. So that caused me to write my latest entry. which is a list of personality traits I had, before I met my ex, while I was with her and post break up. Its obvious I've changed but I've realized that I was a kick ass person prior to my ex(hell that's probably why she fell for me). I was a kick ass person while I was with her (that's also why some people might've tried to break us up to get to me) but the time leading up to the break up and the first month after is not the kick ass personality I had. I'm upset at myself for letting me stoop that low to become some stranger even to myself. I see now what my mom meant. I used to be such a great person and I can't let my ex or anyone else change that. There was life before my ex and now I'm going to make sure there's life after too!
I want to be that kick ass person again...I think I want to be that person again more than I want my ex back. Yeah and I really mean that folks, I can't really explain it in fact its really hard to explain but I think this is what S.W. means when he says find yourself first. I lost myself along the way and it sure is hard to find my way back. I'm inching my way back slowly how much more I have to go I'm not sure but there's definitely progress. My journal and NC diary prove it. These little baby steps (i.e exercising more often, eating better, studying harder in school, improving my wardroom, changing up the hairstyle, and socializing more outside my comfort zone) is bringing back the person I used to be. I can't wait to be me again.
I guess the above is a rant/self reflection but if I could summarize it in as fewer words as I can it'd be that
I miss "me" more than I miss my ex.
I read a thread here on the forum the other day. It was asking whether the idea of ex's coming back excites me? I think my answer to that would be...no, the idea of getting ME back excites me.
Posted 10 months ago # -
Crunchie
offlineMemberCongratulations on the epiphany PP!! You definitely have come a long way and should be super proud of your progress. It's true mom knows best isn't it? It's also great that you can take her words and turn it into something positive and improve yourself instead of taking it as an insult or criticism. Bravo!!
You will be that kick ass person again I'm sure; you've kicked jealousy already!! I will be here trying to get myself back as well! Getting back to the attractive people we were once
Can't wait to get YOU back fully!
I don't get jealous when i see my ex with someone else, because my mother always told me to give my old toys to the less fortunatePosted 10 months ago # -
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Posted 9 months ago polkadotpandas
offlineMemberI've been seeing some posts about "LOA" and was a little confused about what that was. I finally figured out that it stood for laws of attraction haha and was able to locate the thread for it. I read through the posts on it and decided to downloaded The Power and finally put my e reader to good use. I'm not much of a reader, i even had to clean the screen of my ereader because it was so dusty and the battery was dead. I've ony downloaded the free books and none of which I got passed the first 10 pages. So because of my dislike for reading I wasn't too keen on buying it but i sure am glad I did. I was immediately hooked and just breezed through the first 2 chapters.
It's really hard to explain but I enjoy the "mystery" of the power. Kind of like the idea of karma and darma or soulmates or dreams. It's a really interesting read just on the concept of LOA alone but even more so because you can apply it to yourself. I've stopped a couple time and was able to recall a time where LOA was in effect.. In fact my Ahhhha! Moment came after starting the 2nd chapter. I realized I attracted my ex because of LOA!!!!! I remember now I would imagine the things we would do if we were a couple, the dates the movies the cute things I'd say and what do you know a couple months later and were a couple. If that's not LOA in effect I don't know what is. How easily I've forgotten how I used to sit up in bed imagining things like that but I'm really glad I was reminded of it. Now I have motivation and reason to be a postive patty.
Anyways, just wanted to post that real quick. I'm going to keep reading now.
Posted 9 months ago #-
polkadotpandas
offlineMemberHi jasmine,
Aww thanks, it's nice to know I could help someone feel positive. The journey to this point wasn't easy but I know that I've gotten stronger, you can sort of just feel it. I still have long ways to go before I'm that ideal person I'm envisionig though. But a million baby steps go a long way versus one giant leap and then risk falling again. Stay strong yourself and I hope that positivity and motivation stay up!
Posted 9 months ago # -
polkadotpandas said:
I'm not much of a readerBoth those books (The Power and The Secret) are available in audio version.
Most books are available in audio now.
I am a terrible reader (it makes me sleepy) but I own both books in "both" formats.
I love listening to books while I workout, drive, or go for a walk.
Just keep reading (or listening) as often as you can, and it will start to sink in. Then, a whole new perspective will present itself...there is life outside of the box (most of us) were born/raised in.
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 9 months ago # -
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Posted 9 months ago polkadotpandas
offlineMemberThanks for the heads up S.W. I'll definitely download the audios for The Secret and The Power when the school year starts for me. I can almost bet that I won't have as much time to sit down and pull out my e reader as I do now. So those will be perfect for the gym or a couple minutes before bed.
I'm not sure if it's the contents of The Power or because I'm finally allowed to read something other than a school text book but I'm liking the tranquility and calmness that comes with sitting down in my lazy chair and reading up on LOA. Extremely good stuff, thanks again for recommending it.
Posted 9 months ago #-
polkadotpandas
offlineMemberI finally figured out how to get the PDF's for the self improvement tools onto my ereader!!! I finished reading The Power the day after I bought it and I wanted to get my hands on another good read but I won't get paid until next week so I thought I'd start with the PDF's from the $4,000 self improvement tools that we all got a link to when we signed up for this account. I downloaded it some time ago but because I needed my bulky laptop to read them I wasn't actually using them. But after tinkering with some software I have all those awesome tools on my portable cruz reader.
Last night, I started with the EFT article and even though it was a 60 page read. (I started it at 11 and finished at 1:30am) it was definitely worth it. I learned how to perform the psycho-therapeutic technique of tapping. When i finished reading the article I noticed I had a little pain in my elbow from the way I was holding my e reader so i decided to try out the technique on that little problem first. I dunno if its magic or what but the pain was nearly gone at the end of the session. It did come back within minutes so I tried again and after 3 more times my elbow was feeling just fine. After that I decided to go a little more in depth and try EFT on some emotional healing and I focused on the idea of letting go of the past, I focused on one particular memory, my ex talking to some boy behind my back. I did the session only once and
i felt an instant relief. To test it out I tried to recall that particular memory again and I had a hard time remembering the details of the situation. like my emotions at the time, the actual plot, what I said and what not. I did that session one more time again focusing on that painful memory and I was at ease. I didn't feel the need to recall it anymore. Another awesome feat of my tapping session was that I fell asleep within minutes of finishing. Usually it takes me about 20 minutes of tossing and turning before I fall asleep but ohh man I was asleep like a baby within minutes and I don't remember waking up once from my sleep. I woke up with awesome energy and attitude. I even made breakfast for my little brother (I don't really enjoy making him food or doing any kind of favor for him to be honest) my good spirits was overflowing so much so I decided to do some cleaning and I feel good about it. Usually I don't feel so great about cleaning I'd rather not do it but so far I managed to wash the dishes, do the laundry, change out my bed sheets, clean my windows and walls, reorganize my shoes and clothes all the while feeling awesome!! I decided to take a break and write up my experiences about the EFT. If you guys are like me and need a quick fix when you start having bad feelings about anything (EFT can fix just about anything according to the person who wrote the article. headaches, stress, depression, just to name a few) then definitely check it out its really easy to learn and only takes about a minute to finish a single session. Stay Awesome people!
Posted 9 months ago # -
polkadotpandas
offlineMemberI just came back from the mall and I noticed one of my friends working in this new store and I run over and say hi. I was really happy to see her, lol i haven't seen her in a while and the last time I did we talked about my break up and it was obvious how much of a mess I was. This is kind of how the dialogue went.
Me: Heeey, howre you? You work here now?
Her: Yeah but I think I might quit? Whatve you been up too?
Me: (I smile mischievously because only I know about my evolution) A lot! haha
Her: I have a lot to tell you
Me: (Still smiling) Is it going to bring down my awesome mood?
Her: Yeah it might but I think you deserve to know (After hearing this I knew it was about my ex and her new guy)
Me: hahaha nah don't tell me! It doesn't really matter anymore what it is cause I've moved on and I'm happier now. (I'm still smiling like a little demon)The look on her face was priceless! She knows how much I loved my ex so she probably wasn't expecting me to say that and was hoping I'd jump at the opportunity to hear something about my ex
Her: Awww well I'm happy to hear that. (She's one of the ones that's still holding out hope for the both of us, so her answer was a little kinda shaky like she seemed a little sad that I was ready to let go)
Me: Yeah we needa hang out soon, I'll let you go now so you can get back to working.
Her: Yeah for sure! Byee
I hope I portrayed that awesome atmosphere that I've been searching in myself for. I was genuinely happy though so I wasn't trying to put up a front or anything like that.
Posted 9 months ago # -
MarilynsFan
offlineMemberHer: Awww well I'm happy to hear that. (She's one of the ones that's still holding out hope for the both of us, so her answer was a little kinda shaky like she seemed a little sad that I was ready to let go)
She's holding out hope for you both yet wants to give you depressing news that will set you back? Something doesn't add up...but you handled it perfectly!
I'm impatient, insecure, and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. - M.MonroePosted 9 months ago # -
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Posted 9 months ago polkadotpandas
offlineMemberThanks M.F. Yeah I'm not really sure how to explain it, I guess she feels I have a right to know and because the last time we spoke I was so eager to know everything shes been up to so she thought I would like to know so when I mentioned I was happy and moving on she was totally caught by surprise.
Posted 9 months ago #-
polkadotpandas
offlineMemberI got a hold of another LOA read. It's convienently titled the Law of attraction xD and its by michael losier. It's gotten some positive review so I'm pretty hyped about being able to read it. I decided to save the quantum cookbook and the secret for later reads since SW pointed out they come in audio and those will be perfect for when I have no time because of college.
Also I've decided to add a new entry to my personnel journal. It's gonna be in regards to LOA. I'm going to try to document every senario where LOA is in effect and I have the ability to recognize it.
I'll note just one of the LOA instances here as an example.
So the first instance I saw LOA in effect was definetly yesterday where I ran into my friend. The fact that she barely started working there and is already thinking of quitting gives us a small window of opportunity to run into each other. I haven't been to the mall in weeks and really had no urge to buy anything, in fact I was only there because my brother needed a ride and it was literally an in and out purchase. But despite the slim chance of us meeting I was given the opportunity to test out the newly improved me. If you guys read back to my older posts I was a little hesitant to speak with mutual friends because I was afraid that I would still appear broken and hurt if the conversation turned to my ex but lately I've been feeling outstanding it really amazes me that I could feel this good by just reading a few books and and learning a couple techniques. After realizing I was legitimately healing I toyed with the idea of what I'd tell one of my friends if my ex's name appeared in a conversation. In the dialogue I mentioned above, the reason I was able to quote it pretty accurately was because that was the conversation I envisioned in my head. Just like what the power said to do, imagine. I imagined me smiling warmly even when the topic turned to my ex and I did that, I imagined saying that I was moving on and happy, I recited variations of that line but they all held the same message. And not just saying it but feeling it as well. I do feel happy and I am moving on. That's LOA instance number 1 that I've ran into. I'll keep adding them as I see it fit in my personal journal.Posted 9 months ago # -
kittykat
offlineInactiveLet us know how that works out for you! I was hit by a bus so I don't think I'm using it right!
But... in any event being positive and being grateful for the things that you have in your life is the best way to find your happiness! You can't be happy if you are always worried about the things that you don't have in your life!
...the purpose of a doormat is to wipe your feet on it, not love and respect it. – BalthazarPosted 9 months ago # -
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Posted 9 months ago polkadotpandas
offlineMemberHey K.K. if you think your confused as to whether your doing it right then its a really good read. I was in the same boat, after reading the Power I was thinking to myself, okay I have a general idea of LOA but was now interested in instructions and guidelines and sure enough Laws of Attractions shows you how to deliberately use LOA to get what your seeking and includes work sheets and exercises. Definitely check it out. I think reading the power was a good start and then the book i picked up next cleared up LOA a little more for me and lays out pretty well how to actually carry LOA out. Hope you find it helpful! Take care and stay happy!
Posted 9 months ago #-
Catinthehat33
offlineInactivehey Polksdotpandas you rock!!!!!!!
I love reading about your progress and how you handeled the possiblity of getting negative info....when I get a few extra bucks I will look into those books....
I am not as far as you are evolving wise because I still spend some time wondering if he still thinks about me etc but I am working on it...as you said, baby steps and they can lead to greatness! Please keep posting and good luck with school
Time Wounds All Heals Posted 9 months ago # -
polkadotpandas
offlineMemberLast night I ended up calling my best friend, Christian, he’s having girl troubles himself lol. Then the conversation just grew more and more lol. We were adding mutual friends left and right pretty soon there were 6 people on the line. My friends Delilah and Amber (these two in particular are really good friends with my ex aka her ‘girlfriends’) then they added two of our friends Justin and Brian, (I highly doubt my friends know about this website and doubt they’ll be using it. My friends tend to handle break ups a little differently so I don‘t mind using their names). Sure enough the conversation turns to my ex and the phone line goes quiet. 6 people on the line wanting to know the details.
Christian: So answer this question for me, how are you gonna handle seeing her on campus when you go back to school?
Me: Who Rachel?
Christian: Yeah
Me: Well I doubt I’ll be seeing her around now that I’m going to be living on campus I made sure to schedule all evening classes so I get to sleep in.
Amber: Have you talked to her yet?
Me: Nope, not since March? I think? I dunno I can’t remember (I didn’t mention the NC message I sent)
Amber: Do you want to?
Me: haha there’s really no point in talking to her anymore. Nothing can be said will change anything. I’ve moved on and I’m happy now.
Amber: Good! You deserve better (lol!!!! This made me chuckle my ex’s friend thinks I’m too good for her!!!!)
Me: Yeeeeah I actually have my eye on someone now
Delilah: Awww! I’m soo happy for you! I wanna meet her! You need to introduce her to everyone (everyone being all of our friends)
Me: Of course you guys will soon, I just don’t want to rush things so be patient![We turn from talking to my ex to talking about my new girl
then they joke about how I always try to pull Romeo tactics on girls.]Well now the cats out of the bag! It’s true I’m ready to date. I think I’ve evolved enough to the point where I can finally start dating now! I didn’t want to start dating anytime soon since I wanted to correct my flaws before I take any girl on a date. Now that I’m slowly getting my confidence and self esteem back I feel dating will give me that boost to send me into overdrive. There’s 2 girls in particular that I think about pretty often and no my ex is not one of them!
The first one, the one I mentioned to my friends, is my cousin’s good friend and I actually took her out on a date before (on my ex’s birthday to help me forget about not being invited to her party). I actually stopped talking to her for a good a while because I didn’t know if she felt the same and I fell back into my slump, I didn‘t feel it was right to pursue her when I still had feelings for my ex and run the risk of rejection and hurting even more (this was a month and a half ago). But now that NC has taken it’s effect on me I feel that even if I do get rejected that’s fine because I’ve realized now that I’m one hell of a catch (a bit cocky I know lol) and it’ll be her loss. When my ex and I broke up, I wanted the pain to go away so bad so I pursued her for all the wrong reasons. Every time I’d hang out with my cousin or her brother and I saw her I’d buy her a bouquet of flowers and throw in a corny line like “sorry these flowers aren’t as pretty as you are.” or “hey I just wanted to teach these flowers a lesson on what true beauty is all about” I’d tell the flowers, “now pay attention” and hold it to her face, she‘d smile and thought I was adorable. Another time I drove her to a lake that had these awesome lights and this giant gazebo and I parked my car, left the head lights on and blasted her favorite love song and I slow danced with her by the lake in front of my headlights. Now ladies if that isn’t sweet please tell me what is. I was aware of rebounding and even though I was falling for her the feelings for my ex was still stronger. I didn’t want to jump head first into a relationship merely because my ex was doing it and I wanted to get back at her. No, I wanted to be in a legitimate relationship with feelings that are existent without my ex in mind. So after playing Rico Suave for a while I decided to cancel our last date (this crushed her I heard) and focus on myself before I do major damage to anyone.
When I stopped talking to her, she also stopped all contact with me so I assumed that confirmed that she really didn’t feel the same way. Then one day I’m texting her brother and catching up with him and he mentions that his sister misses me. This was a month ago, about the same time I started my NC diary. Well ever since then she texts me randomly now saying she misses me and what not lol. Before it was always me calling or texting her first but now things have reversed. Apparently NC works even in relationships that don’t exist. I asked my cousin a couple weeks ago if she knew what that was all about and she says that the last time they spoke she would say that she misses me and how the dates I’d plan for her were fun and that no ones ever done things like that for her. Now I find myself missing her company. I plan on asking her on another date next week or 2 weeks from now. And throwing some corny line at her like “So I miss you to the point where I can’t ignore it anymore xD don’t make any plans next Saturday, I’m coming to see you
(She lives 2 hours from me, so coming to see her is a big deal)Now the second girl is a little bit more of a challenge to talk too. I’ve always had feelings for her and tried hard to repress those feelings but it seems my break up had uncovered them yet again. We went to the same high school and we had the same calculus class together (I would tutor her) but I had to stop talking to her because my ex was a jealous fiend. I want to say hi and catch up with her but I know that it’ll seem a little shady to do so since I ignored her for 2 years despite her still trying to talk to me. Like the first girl, I can’t just drive a couple miles to see her. She enlisted in the military out of high school so she’s stationed clear across the country. I heard she’s gonna be in our home town on the 19th of this month. I very much wanna ask her out to lunch or something but she’d probably think I’m some asshole that’s trying to catch her on the rebound. We weren’t particularly close before I cut all ties with her but that’s how I figured out she had a thing for me. I mean why would someone who isn’t even friend care that I want to avoid her except if she liked me right? Plus I heard many rumors, that I didn‘t take too seriously. After high school she shot me an email which I ignored. She added me on fb which I also ignored. 2 weeks after I broke up with my ex I decided to add her since now I have no reason to ignore her. We small talk, nothing big that was back in April. Now 4 months later I’m missing her and find myself wondering what if? Lol unfortunately, I can’t ask my other friends about this one. I’m a little ashamed and embarrassed to ask if she’s seeing someone or if she’s still interested in me?
Not sure if she’s taken but if so there’s nothing wrong in going out for lunch right? Like I said though we were never really friends so if I ask her out to lunch without mutual friends she’ll definitely think I’m hitting on her (I get butterflies just thinking if I manage to pull it off xD) Anyways, extremely long post for these questions. Fellas, how would you approach a girl that you constantly blew off but want to talk to again without coming off as a douche? What would you tell her? I want to seem apologetic for everything but not mention my break up. I feel if I mentioned my break up she’ll automatically assume that I’m trying to use her.
And ladies put yourself in a similar situation. Would you prefer for that said douche bag to just leave you alone? Or would you be ok with a meet up and if so how would you prefer them to ask? Blatantly or start with small talk and lead up to it? Thanks I appreciate it.
I’m not sure where this will go, a relationship or merely friendship but I’m glad that I’m enjoying the idea of dating other girls again. Boo yeah! I’m glad I went through that painful “alone” stage because now I don’t fear the idea of being single. In fact I embrace it now. I’m glad that I was strong enough to face my fear of being alone rather than take the easy way out and throw myself at someone else when I wasn’t ready. Like I said I’m not sure if either girl feels the same but that’s quite all right!! I’ve always been the type of guy that was into hard to get girls.
Posted 9 months ago # -
polkadotpandas
offlineMemberBooh Yaah! guess who has a date next Saturday...this guy!
So i couldn't wait a week to ask girl number 1 on a date. Here's our convo.
Me: So it seems ive missed you to the point where i can no longer ignore it xD don't make any plans next friday...im coming to see you
Her: Are you serious? Yayyyyy!!!!
Me: No, im lying -_-"
Her: Wait...wah???
Me: I was being sarcastic, of course im serious
Her: Lol yayyyyyyyyy. Are you going to spend the night or go home the same day?
Me: Go home the same day, i can't stay for too long cause then you'd stop missing me ;( (plus, even though her parents like me i don't want to disrespect them by staying over. I think it's enough that they give me permission to take her out on dates)
Her: Aha not even
Me: Its possible!! But you gotta plan the date this time! xD
Her: Mee? What?????
Me: Yeah! Its your turn, we'll trade places. You make the plans, research restaurants, make the dinner reservations, you drive and you pay for dinner xD and ill be you and take foooooooorever to get dressed and eat like a hippo. Ohh yeah don't forget my flowers xD
Her: I have $6 I can give you dead flowers from the backyard and I can drive, just give me the keys to your car
Me: Take me to taco bell! Haha im only kidding! but dont make me talk to your dad for too long! I run out of things to say -_-
Her: My parents might still be in hawaii next friday (not quite sure what she means by this lol). I'll text you later. I have to leave my cell for my brother
Me: Mmmk (she never suggested texting me "later" before)As for the other girl I shot her an email. Something simple, hey howre you doing and a whatcha been up to kinda deal. No reply yet but I have this gut feeling she will
and hopefully I can manage to ask her out to lunch when she comes home. LOA is definetly going in my favor!! So glad I read all those books!!
I also got an invite to go clubbing with a couple friends. I've never gone clubbing before. Mostly because I know the kinda person I become once I hear music xD I was always such a maniac on the dance floor. I was literally the first one in and the last one out at dances so I didnt want to find out if that was how ill be in the clubs. But i think this is LOA's way of testing my progress, helping me meet new people, or just reward me with fun, who knows? But I'm loving it!!
Posted 9 months ago # -
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Posted 9 months ago Catinthehat33
offlineInactivehey Polkadotpandas
Good for you! Looks like you are Kicking A** (sorry I don't curse much) 
If I was a girl that had tried to get your attention on fb and by email and you hadn't paid any attention I would actually be flattered and a little intrigued that you reached out to me. If I asked "why now?" which would be me having to acknowledge that you had rejected me in the past and who wants to bring that sort of stuff up??? Anyhoo if I asked you why and you said, "well out of respect to the relationship I was in I thought it was best I not add any girls I was attracted to" then I would be flatter and think you were a good guy who was true to his ex and good relationship material. If she persues questions about the why the relationship ended just dodge it and say, it's in the past, it ended awhile ago and we have gone our seperate ways. That way you are nopt talking bad about your ex and you can move on to talk about her!
Congrats on going strong!!!Time Wounds All Heals Posted 9 months ago #-
Crunchie
offlineMembercongratz and great job with the 2 girls PP! I know everything will turn out fantastic, no matter which girl happens to take your breath away, and vice versa
you really are sweet and your diary is such a fun read and heaps positive!! I've started reading the materials too thanks!! Take care xox
I don't get jealous when i see my ex with someone else, because my mother always told me to give my old toys to the less fortunatePosted 9 months ago # -
polkadotpandas
offlineMemberOMG!!! OMG!!! This just in!!! only seconds after right I posted the above I got a ping on my phone (email). Guess who this is, girl number 2!!!!
All I said to her was "Hey!! how are you? Watcha been up to?
I was really expecting to have to small talk with her first before I could ask to see her and if i was lucky I could score her number (the number I had for her in my phone doesn't belong to her anymore).
Her reply: Hey nothing much. I'm going home really soon so I'd be great if i get to see you
here's my number ********** text me some time. But how are you though?Folks, you have noooooooooo idea how happy this made me!!! I was literally jumping up and down in my room like a little kid lol!!!!! This happened a few minutes ago but I needed to clam my nerves before I wanted to post this
LOA is great great stuff!!! I used the exercises in Michael Losier's book to deliberately bring my ideal kind of girl into the picture and only 3 days after finishing the work sheet I don't have 1 but two girls that I outlined as what my ideal girl is!!!
Don't lose hope people!! I remember being all heart broken and what not a couple month ago, a month or 2 passed I've learned to ignore the pain and the third month I found this website and learned about evolution, NC and LOA. Now into my fourth month I could give a rats ass about my ex! I wish her all the happiness in the world because I have stumbled upon it myself!!! Whoooooo
Posted 9 months ago # -
polkadotpandas
offlineMemberOk folks so here’s the update with girl number 2
We exchange emails for a little bit.
I said to her : Nothing much? The Army doesn’t have you out killing bodies or whatever it is they do? No! lol you text me ********** (I gave her my number to see if she really would text me). I am doing out-fucking-standing my friend.
Her: No! The Army sucks! But I signed up for it so now I have to deal with it
Me: Pfft…I coulda told you that, that’s why I went Navy…(and before I could hit send she texts me!!!)
We small talk for a little bit. She invited me to her little welcome back get together, which I will use to my advantage. The way I plan on asking her out to dinner is so cute she can’t refuse! Unless she’s busy every night she’s visiting, which I hope isn’t the case. I can’t say for sure but the way she was talking to me I got the feeling I might still have a chance! She flirted with me a couple times during our conversation and even called me cute lol. I haven’t talked to her since then. I want to wait it out a little more before I talk to her again.
Also, in addition to the self improvement email newsletters I also signed up for dating tips. It’s not that I’m not confident when talking to girls. I just haven’t really had much practice as far as dating goes. In high school you don’t normally “date” you just ask the girl out and hope she thinks your cute enough to say yes it just so happens I had one of those relationships that lasted longer than a month. Anyways, when I do get to have that sit down with her I’ll apologize for the way I acted and let her know that even 3 years later I still think about her from time to time and wonder what if? Lol
Posted 9 months ago # -
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Posted 9 months ago polkadotpandas
offlineMemberNot quite sure where i am as far as times and dates lol but that's fine i think that's irrelevant now. Well it's been about a week since my last update so i thought i'd share some progression since then.
I'm still jolly as a roger lol, i've finally made that giant leap and started hanging back out with those mutual friends, as the new single me since i felt I was definitely ready
I took baby steps to get to that point, starting with texts so i could easily mask the emotion in my voice to phone calls to hanging out. Its great!! They've all commented on how much they've missed me and wondered what I've been up too. When they ask i just smile devilishly and say "a lot," never really letting them into what I've actually been doing. I want their imaginations to run wild lol. Yes my ex's name still pops up, that cant be avoided since we do share friends. But I've come so far along in my evolution that when i hear her name now it as if were mentioning anyone else in our circle of friends. No tingly or fuzzy feeling associated with her name anymore I'm not faking my happy image, not in the least bit and I'm sure my friends have taken notice of it. I thought this was kind of impossible, to be happy so soon. I thought i would have had to fake it for a while before i start to feel it. But i managed to do it, to be happy and do it without the help of outside forces
It's crazy to see how much I've transformed and changed in such a short amount of time. I started this journey 4 months ago when my girlfriend and I broke up and i joined this forum a little over a month ago. In that month i accomplished more than i could have imagined had i not joined. I've been introduced to some awesome concepts and blessings that would not have occurred had i not gone through a break up. My outlook on life is so much more optimistic and I'm getting closer and closer to that ideal person. How do i know? well i get reinforcements and proof from what my friends have been saying and not to mention how I've been feeling. True, i lost a meaningful relationship but I've also noticed that so many of my other relationships have been rekindled and others are getting stronger!! Strangers are becoming acquaintances, acquaintances are becoming good friends, friends are becoming like family and family is now a gift.
It's a crazy though actually. Once i allowed for possibility and stopped acting like a little pussy it seems more good things came out of our break up than bad xD. For example, yes i lost a girlfriend but I'm fast on the track to having a new, better one. How do I know? I don't for sure but the Law of Attraction says so. I have someone in mind and it wont be long before LOA takes effect. That's another thing, LOA. I would never have gotten into the idea had i not suffered heart ache. It also seems I've established a knack for reading and exercising now. I'm so much more friendlier, happier and more charismatic (friends noted the change not me lol). The list goes on and on, the blessings I'm experiencing now greatly outweigh the losses. So far the only thing i can think of that I've lost is a girlfriend but she wasn't so great to begin with lol. I have soo much more to gain. Even though I'm evolving quite nicely, improvement is continuous! Stay strong be happy!
Posted 9 months ago #-
polkadotpandas
offlineMemberI'm sorry for going MIA for so long now. Especially to Crunchie, I'm sorry break-up buddy!! With school, ROTC, my clothing line and just life in general I've been a busy bee. I've started the semester strong and I plan to keep it that way, I'm shooting for a 4.0 gpa this semester.
So now its down to the nitty gritty detail.
Since I attend a catholic university, I have to take religion classes in order to graduate. Well, last I checked my ex is a political science major so that side of the campus is her prowling grounds. at the start of the semester about 3 weeks ago I walk out of my religion class laughing with a friend.
Him: what have you been up to this summer?
Me: Oh man it was awesome I got to fly a plane, shoot a ton of guns, drive a submarine and a war ship (ROTC has me doing these things).
...I happened to glance at the wall and I see my ex sitting there looking so miserable and lonely. I might have been a little bit of a jerk but I glanced at her and just look away, almost like rolling my eyes. I didn't mean to but I think that's what I did. Anyways for 3 weeks now I've been running into my ex, more often now then I did in our freshman year, but because I thought she didn't want me to bother her I didn't even spare her a glance.
Anyways fast forward to today. I had to attend a group meeting, which turned out getting cancelled. I was a little irritated but decided to go upstairs into the library to study for a bit since I was there anyways. For whatever reason the library was packed this late in the afternoon. the only computer that I could see available was next to my ex.
law of attraction really has a way of working. I figured what the hell why not. I haven't talked to my ex for 5 or 6 months now and the sight of her hasn't been throwing my emotions off so I figured I'd go for it. If I turn it down now, the law of attraction will think I don't want it to happen. I sit next to her but she still doesn't realize it's me. I write "hi :)" on a flash card and pass it to her...the look on her face...PRICELESS
Me: Hi
Her: Hi (she smiles awkwardly)
Me: Why are you here so late? (she's a commuter student so it's odd that she's still there)
Her: I have no work
Me: Ohh why don't you go home?
Her: I don't know
Me: Well at least you have the choice of going home
Her: why can't you go home?
Me: I don't have my car I live on campus now
Her: Ohh I see
Me: Why don't you say hi to me when you see me?
Her: I thought you hated me
Me: Haha I don't hate you
Her: (She smiles genuinely this time)I laughed and she laughs along with me
Me: I'm going to go grab dinner at the dining hall soon, wanna come with, I'm buying
Her: No I'm not hungry, I just ate
Me: Haha your always hungry, but okay, I'll see you later
Her: thank you thoughI left the library after that. It would be too much to stay when it's still a little awkward between us but I'm glad I was able to air out any misconceptions we both had. I bowed out gracefully instead of begging her like I did 6 months ago.
Although I'm not gaga googly eyed over her like I used to be I still care for her. At the moment I'm not in love with her but I will always have love for her. I really don't know what will come of this maybe I'll never talk to her again, who knows? but I'm content whether I had that dinner with her or not. I understand if she didn't want to go because she felt awkward for not talking to me for so long but maybe that will change. Again, who really knows these kind of things?
Posted 8 months ago # -
Crunchie
offlineMemberAll good PP! So glad to hear that you're doing splendidly!! Woot Woot kicking loves and lifes ass you!!
that was such a cute way to break the ice with her lol you're just a sweetie aren't you. I'm sure she's just shocked that's why she turned you down for dinner. Very gentlemen of you!! I really need to get myself one, I'm saying bye to the guy I'm recently dating How was it going with the two ladies you had your eyes on?
But bro email me!! LOL take care xoxoI don't get jealous when i see my ex with someone else, because my mother always told me to give my old toys to the less fortunatePosted 8 months ago # -
willsucceed
offlineMemberIt really helps to hear about your evolution and also that you reached the point of not being consumed by thinking about her and reacting to her. It seems that I will never reach that point, so it is really comforting to hear it when others do. I know everyone says that I will and that helps to hear.
Thanks so much for the update; it gives a lot of us who are not at your point some hope.
Posted 8 months ago #
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