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Poirots NC diary
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I will NEVER sell, trade, rent, or give away your information to any third party.
I HATE SPAM! Read Our Privacy PolicyPosted 4 months ago poirot
offlineInactiveHi. I agree with you about the decision to break up. I really believe that it was the best decision for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and would really appreciate if you didnt contact me during this time unless it concerns any financial stuff. Ill be in touch when I am ready.
This is the message that was sent today to my ex. I am posting my break up story aswell, but will try not to refer to that here, as this is my new start and I want to keep the past there.
Today has been very difficult, and I am a bit confused about how we should actually deal with the financial and household stuff - if he gets bills sent to the house, or when I have to give him money for the joint bills that we cannot separate? Should I contact him, would this be breaking NC, or should I arrange for a mutual friend to contact him on my behalf?
My son is finding it hard, he has not been in touch with him since the break up, but still has him as a friend on facebook. He has blocked me though so fortunately I don't see any of the posts between him and the girl he is seeing.
First day of NC is almost over. Night times are the worst though, I often wake and think that he is there only to rediscover the heartbreak that he isn't. I am going to really look through the blogs and forums to get the best idea of how to deal with this and how to really improve my life back to the fulfilled and happy life from before my ex.
Here's to a new beginning and a great new year.
Posted 4 months ago #-
misty
offlineMemberHi Poirot,welcome to the forum and Happy New Year.
I am so truly sorry for your situation. I've just come out of a divorce last dec and went through a break up with my new boyfriend this dec so I totally understand what you are going through.
I'm going to be honest, this is going to be hard, but you are already here without wasting months dwelling on this, so trust me this is a really really good start.
Please don't blame yourself for anything or spend too much time analyzing the situation. He's a looser. He didn't give a shit about his responsibilities. He's plannoing a wedding with you and in parallel dreaming of being single. REALLY ??? Who wants to be with such a confused weak person anyway ? If he doesn't know what he wants, that's his problem... you should focus on you and your wonderful son now. Let him go out there, be single, be married,be gay be whatever the hell he wants to be....... NOT YOUR ISSUE anymore.
The sleeping and waking up will be hard. When my husband confessed to me about cheating and i left him, I was waking up with panic attacks, nightmares, numb feelings on my whole lower body and with shivers and heart racing. I would wake up at 3am suddenly and sit and cry. Don't be hard on yourself for feeling this way. The only reason I'm sharing this with you is to let you know that this is absolutely normal and there are many others who go through this. I invited friends to stay with me and close friends to even sleep next to me. With time this gets better. I am so sorry that you are going through this, but at least in the begining, if possible try and stay with close positive friends/family who care about you and if possible sleep next to them. Try not be be alone.
We're all here for you.
DON'T BREAK THE NC. No Matter how hard it is. If you feel like it, just think of how he's insulted you, stamped on your feelings and hurt you. Then ask yourself if that looser deserves your attention and trust me you will be turned off to make any effort to contact him.
Posted 4 months ago # -
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Posted 4 months ago willsucceed
offlineMemberTry not to be alone.
I agree. This is the time to lean on others. Misty is right, you need to manage yourself in ways that allow you to cope as best as you can. I have friends who right after their divorce could only sleep in chairs or on the couch, even though they had moved out of their house and had a bed available. Just make sure you are around and talking with other people frequently. Long walks also help. Keep letting us know how it's going.
Posted 4 months ago #-
goodlucksuccess
offlineMemberHey poirot.
Happy new year first of all (I know I am wishing You a day later
).I hope this year brings you Loads of happiness in your life!
Misty and willsucceed are Absolutely correct on their part.AS its just the beginning of NC..U will find it real hard to be alone and will have an urge to contact yr ex..But Keeping yourself occupied and busy Is going to help you a lot..Things will be better.Give some time.That's all!
Remember :We cannot go into the past and mark a new beginning but surely can start a new today which can lead to a new ending.
Take Care
Posted 4 months ago # -
poirot
offlineInactiveThanks very much everyone for your replies, I really appreciate it.
The first few days, I slept on my mum's couch and at a friend's house, and came back after Christmas. At New Year, I stayed with another friend, with it being an 'unofficial' anniversary I didn't want to wake up alone.
Yesterday was the first day of NC, and I do feel a bit more in control as a result. I didnt constantly check my phone (I did a few times!) and when I woke up this morning I tried the fastforward technique and calmed my emotions. I didn't cry, or check my phone, just got up and made myself breakfast. It's the calmest morning I have had and a huge difference to yesterday, when I woke up and realised that I was to be married this year.
I have a close friend who is in charge of selling the wedding dress, because I don't think I could face seeing it. I am going to use the money to create a new and exciting memory with my son.
My driving test has been booked for a few weeks and I have enough money to buy a decent car with the savings. That will hopefully change a bit of my persepective on things, as I will have more freedom to do things, a freedom that was achieved without his input or presence in any way.
At the moment I am going through phases every day of anger, love, desperation, making excuses for him, imagining him coming back etc.
Seeing the headstone for the relationship has given me a bit of clarity, I can see now that the relationship is over and that if we did ever manage to rekindle anything it would be a new relationship and not an extension of the last one.
Just have to resist the temptation to find an excuse to get in touch with him. It's so easy to do aswell. We have a mutual friend who can do contact about bills or mail and stuff so that I don't break NC.
We still work together which is very hard. We both manage different teams within the office and while he has been doing a very good job of avoiding seeing me by taking different shifts, I know that it won't be as easy as that for much longer. My worry is seeing him face to face too soon.
Thanks again everyone. I am feeling different already and am looking forward to getting myself through this and out the other side a better and stringer person, ready to decide for real if we should be together or not.
Posted 4 months ago # -
poirot
offlineInactiveI have just ordered the P90X fitness system - something I had been keen on trying for ages. I have a reasonable level of fitness but a silly little baby pouch (even though my son is nearly 10!)
That is about to change!
I have started wearing business dress to work, and a wee bit of make up, which is something that was really starting to slide over the last year or so, with all the hours that I was putting in I couldn't be bothered with the effort, and have already lost half a stone, so I intend to keep that weight off and get toned.
Alot of the issues that arose over sex (not enough, or as much as at the start) was around my body hang ups. We both had confidence issues which would come and go in phases. Mine was that, in my mind, he was way out of my league looks wise and I spent alot of time worrying that he would one day not find me attractive - LOA seems to indicate that I got myself into the cycle of believing it so much that it ended up happening anyway.
I am taking steps to improve my self image, with the business dress and the excersise.
Got a text today, not from him, but seeing the envelope got my tummy fluttering. Need to try to get myself past that. I have asked him to not contact me, I should be expecting him to respect that
Am now listening to some great music and focussing on my plan for the next week.
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Posted 4 months ago shapingup
offlineInactivepoirot,
im sorry for your current situation, but hope that you will find the group here as awesome as i have. i'm curious about your son and how he is fairing? my son is 8 and had become very close to my ex. they played together a lot and, although my boy has SAID that he is fine, i get the feeling that after seeing me in a such a mess over my ex and our sad relationship for the past year, he may be trying to protect me. BUT IM THE GROWN UP! so i wonder how you are handing this and how is your son is doing... does he discuss his disappointment with you? does he blame you at all? has he asked to see your ex without you? (my son did this once... serious burn... ouch)
keep your head up and dont break NC... this man selfishly made you believe in him and the future you were planning without actually intending to go through with it. my ex used to tell me that he wanted to have babies and start a family... i recently found out that he told his new EX girlfriend the same thing aftering knowing her only a month(read my story and diary... ugh), but he wasnt faithful and then, when caught, cried about how he wasnt ready to settle down. loser.
ok, you got this! we all do:) and we're all here to help you when you feel like you dont.
Posted 4 months ago #-
poirot
offlineInactiveHi ShapingUp
My son has been quite good at expressing himself. He seems to be going through similar phases as myself. Little things remind him of my ex, football shirts, films, things like that.
He is more upset that, on our wedding, we were going to be changing his surname aswell and he is very sad that he isn't getting his 'dad' He has known him for half of his life almost and is finding it very tough. But he is, like your son, trying to be grown up about it. Occasionally the child comes out and it is truly heartbreaking.
What hurts is that we were actively trying for another child - he had been told a few months back that his chances of conceiving naturally were lower than average, for a few reasons, and we had an appointment with the specialist to arrange for IVF. Who does that with someone they don't care about? It's a very hard thing to comprehend and I keep using this, and the stress of the wedding as excuses for him leaving. I have to realise that if the relationship was as stable as I had thought, it would not have mattered.
I have no intention of breaking NC - Today has been my best day so far for not wanting to contact him. I am back at work on Wednesday after the New Year break so that will be a challenge.
Today was a lazy one, but tomorrow I am tidying up the bedroom and will be remoing memory stuff from view and putting them away out of sight. Might take a while
Posted 4 months ago # -
poirot
offlineInactiveThanks Lunapearl,
I think it is going to be an important part of the recovery process for me, we had lived together for 3 years and there are alot of things here that are his, or photos and memories. I will be binning alot of stuff but will keep important memories and photos. I don't want to forget about the things we did or the times that we shared but it is important to move on from them - storing them away will help me to do that.
This morning was pretty difficult for me, I had had a few dreams about him and when I woke up I already had that knotted feeling in my stomach without even consciously thinking about him. I tried the fast forward technique and didn't get upset, but I was surprised at the strength of my emotions.
I am getting my groceries delivered today before heading up to a friend's house this afternoon with my son.
Day 3 of NC - still have no desire to get in touch with him, but I know that I am internally hoping that he contacts me
That will pass I am sure and it is difficult when my mind is telling me that he will never contact me because he was never happy with me. I have to tell myself that the breakup was for the best, that I will be truly happy with or without him and that something great is going to happen to me today. I am keeping a journal and will be making sure I write in there anything fortunate that happens that day.
Here is a list of things I am grateful for today
My son - he is amazing, strong and supportive.
My wonderful home - there is a storm out there and I am safe and protected in my warm home
My job - Challenging but in a good way, I am advancing and can see a career there.
My friends - They have been keeping me busy when I would otherwise have gone crazy
Great music - I listened to so many great songs yesterday that I forgot existedHope you are all doing OK today, and thanks again for the support
Poirot
Posted 4 months ago # -
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Posted 4 months ago -
poirot
offlineInactiveHi everyone,
I took a huge step today and joined a dating site online. This is mainly for the boost that I will get from feeling as though people are attracted to me. However when I got a message from someone earlier today, I actually cried as a replied, even though it was very generic asking me about my line of work.
I felt as though I was cheating on my ex, and still feel a guilt in my stomach whenever I get an email. I think that my worry is, if he does decide in a few months time that he would like to see me again and start something up, will he be upset at me for this?
Don't get me wrong, I am in no way ready to start a relationship with anyone, and really am just looking for a bit of chat and to meet new people in a non romantic way. I feel as though I am being deceiptful.
I know that, in the long run, it is a great step to get out there and make new friends, but at the same time there is a longing there that I can't quite put out.
Thinking about it, I actually felt really giggly when I got that message, knowing that my profile had actually gotten someone's interest. I haven't felt that way for a while, even when I was with my ex, as we had gotten to the point that we were working so much that we had no time for each other. No blame to be placed with that one, just a natural drifting really. Although it is of course one which I had never intended to happen.
So, by being on a dating site and speaking to other men, even platonically, am I effectively cheating on my ex? Or should I be asking will he see it as cheating in the future and use it as a reason to hold back from contacting me? Am I thinking too much into it?
Anyway I hope you are all doing OK today, I am back at work in the morning so am about to try and get some sleep. No dreams tonight I hope
Posted 4 months ago # -
poirot said:
So, by being on a dating site and speaking to other men, even platonically, am I effectively cheating on my ex?How the fuck can you cheat on someone who broke up with you, and left?
He fucking moved out, and took half the savings.
After asking a dumb question like that, it is crystal clear that you are here for all the wrong reasons.
Buh-bye! ;wave:
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
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FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 4 months ago #
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