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My ex has been partying too much as well. It makes no contact just a bit easier huh? In my case, it's just a turnoff.
Hi Baudelaire, your right it is a turn off when you think how much work you are doing on yourself & they are acting like a teenager again, they way I see he doesn't know what to do with his & it's a great way to block out feelings! Maybe seeing how well I'm doing will kick him into shape who knows I just want to be with someone that realises my value & feels lucky to be with me if that's my ex or not!
I have Christmas particularly difficult this year & have had yet another encounter with my ex that has rocked me & knocked me from feeling/doing great, maybe it's a reminder that I still have some healing to do & after 4months it would seem he has t begun to face things!
Anyways I have just been watching the movie eat, pray, love it reminds me of the journey I have been going on & I've never noticed the end quote before but I found it particularly uplifting giving my current upset mood....
"...I've come to believe that there exists in the universe something I call "The Physics of The Quest" - a force of nature governed by laws as real as the laws gravity or momentum. And the rule of Quest Physics maybe goes like this: "If you are brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting (which can be anything from your house to your bitter old resentments) and set out on a truth-seeking journey (either externally or internally), and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared - most of all - to face (and forgive) some very difficult realities about yourself....then truth will not be withheld from you." Or so I've come to believe."
I hope everyone finds a little comfort on this like I have.
Pixie xx
Pixie said:
I've come to believe that there exists in the universe something I call "The Physics of The Quest"
This is exactly how I feel!
That is why I refer the way we use the no contact rule as a personal/emotional evolution, it is a personal quest to get your life (happiness) back again, not your ex.
Your happiness, not your ex, is the most important thing.
During your quest you will come to realize that you can make yourself happy, and you don't need your ex to be happy and fulfilled.
Once you have yourself back, you can have anything you want.
Thanks for sharing Pixie!
Stay Strong and Positive!
hi pixie, im new here but i want to thank you for sharing your knowledge, i hope i will do better too as time heals..i want to heal myself too
Hey Pixie !
How are you coping there ? I am still sure that you had an amazing Xmas ! I know, despite 4 months sometimes we do have our ups and downs, I usually take it as a " cleansing " time whenever I feel low, and an assessment to our evolution.
I second that quote ! Can't agree more ! I came to realise that I can be much happier on my own, and all I need is me to have a better life and I am pretty sure that this NC has given us the chances to grow better for self-love and a room of improvement for interpersonal relationships with the people in our surroundings !
Much love, xx !
Very nice Pixie. Food for thought!
Ive been feeling like i stepped back on to the emotional rollercoaster since i have bumped into my ex twice now, i know i handled both times really well but it sort of hit me how i still love him & i have been feeling very down & my emotions have spiralled! Has anyone else been in this situation & has any advice of how to regain control of ur feelings, i know i need to get on now & not waste anymore time thinking of him! It just seems to feel like the early days of NC all over again.
I have more work to do on myself but i know from the encounters that when im doing great i attract things to me, people seem to want to be around me more & i feel good about myself, i just have to get off this roller coaster & back to being happy if i really want to achieve my dreams.
Pixie
Pixie said:
ve been feeling like i stepped back on to the emotional rollercoaster since i have bumped into my ex twice now, i know i handled both times really well but it sort of hit me how i still love him & i have been feeling very down & my emotions have spiralled! Has anyone else been in this situation & has any advice of how to regain control of ur feelings
I haven't been in a situation like that in quite a while, but I can give you my advice.
Don't focus on how you were pushed back a little each time you had an encounter, that is focusing on the negative aspect of each encounter.
Instead, focus on how well you handled yourself, and the obvious sign of your personal/emotional progress and growth, that is focusing on the positive.
And we all know (those that read about the LOA) that what you focus on, you attract.
Be thankful/grateful for your progress.
Always be aware of the negative, but focus on the positive, so you can attract more positive things, and continue to move forward...make sense?
Stay Strong and Positive!
Thanks SW that really helped!! What we all do without your advice, time & patience
I should focus on how well i did rather than feeling knocked, if i feel proud of myself i can only attract better things & thats what i need to concentrate on rather than my stupid ex! I know i deserve better treatment & especially from myself
Pixie, yes the roller coaster of emotions is only beneath the surface it seems. However, just like Scott has pointed out that their actions are what count, you can take comfort in your actions when you met him. Also, when the emotions are strong, remember that your actions are important, even though you may have to fall back into "fake it till you make it" mode.
After feeling quite down over the festive season i have started the new year off on a much more positive note & i am starting to see the benefits already.
As much as i havent realised it, i have actually been moving forward with my life & i dont want to go backwards to the person i was or to the type of relationship i had, i still miss & love my ex but i have done all this work on myself & he hasnt done anything & it makes me see that right now he isnt someone i would want to be with as he seems to have gone backwards whilst i have been moving towards a better future, he doesnt deserve me whilst he is such a mess!! I never thought i would be someone that would say that
Right now i am actually starting to enjoy my life & i am doing things for myself which i enjoy even if its sat at home reading a book or going for a night out & meeting new people! i really have changed in so many ways because of this experience & now im determined not to let someone i dont know anymore affect the way im feeling. Heres to more positivity!!!
Hi Everyone,
I havent posted on here for a while but thought i would give an update on how im doing, after months of feeling like i was on a roller coaster, ripping myself apart & like this was all my fault im finally in a good place, i've let go of the past & i am finally concentrating on the present & myself most importantly!
Im feeling alot happier in myself, im moving forward with my life and im alot more positive and im attracting positive things to me! As much as i understood LOA its often hard to put it into practise but you will suddenly start feeling positive more of the time & it will bring more good things too you. I have stopped hiding myself away & im now actively going out & having fun, making new friends - who are really positive people & are always willing to do things unlike my friends in the past.
SW is right when he said if our exes want to come back they will & we cant control them, everytime i feel down i remind myself of what i can control about this situation & that is myself, how im feeling & what i chose to do with my time! I can sit around feeling miserable or do something to occupy my mind even something as simple as doing the ironing, a boring task but it really helps focus ur mind away from the negative.
Ive had 3 encounters with my ex all within the festive period & havent heard anything since then, i was really down about this at the time & wondered why it wasnt the start of us reconnecting but now i see that i wasnt ready for that & nor was he & that it has only been the past few weeks that i have been feeling better & now things are really starting to fall into place.
SW was also right when we said its our decision if we take them back or not & i feel like ive done so much work on myself & even tho i know i still miss & love my ex i want him to have worked on himself too & i wont except any less than i deserve now from him, other potential partners, friends or even family. I have alot more respect & confidence in myself now to see the good i deserve.
Stay strong everyone im not all the way there but after 5 months im finally on my way
hi pixie!
thanks for the update, i am glad that you tell us about your progress!
it does take patience, i need this patience haha, wish me well!
Pixie, I agree with lunapearl, thanks for the update. You sound very strong. It might interest you to read your first page of your diary and your last page back-to-back to see how much you've evolved.
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Pixie said:
everytime i feel down i remind myself of what i can control about this situation & that is myself, how im feeling & what i chose to do with my time! I can sit around feeling miserable or do something to occupy my mind even something as simple as doing the ironing, a boring task but it really helps focus ur mind away from the negative.
Exactly Pixie!
We are NOT victims, we (all) are, in fact, the master of our own destiny.
And it starts with a choice like this one, and then snowballs in the "right" direction...you get stronger and happier, not weaker and sadder.
You had a decision to make, and you made a choice, you chose to fight back, and you didn't choose to fall prey to the "dark side"...great job!
A lot of people believe they don't have a choice, and just let things happen to them.
But, they did make a choice after all, the wrong one.
They choose to do nothing.
It is your life, your happiness, if you don't believe it is worth fighting for, you do not deserve it.
And we ALL deserve to be happy.
That means get off your cry baby ass, and start fighting...like Pixie.
Keep up the good work Pixie!
Stay Strong and Positive!
SW thank you so much for your praise! I'm glad im finally doing this the right way after feeling hurt for so long im finally shifting to the positive & fighting back against the negativity that my break up brought into my life! It takes time but you finally reach a point where you wont want to keep hurting yourself & realise how much better you deserve!
Keep strong everyone, i never thought i would be in a positive place but im fighting every day for it now
Pixie said:
It takes time
I couldn't have said it better myself.
Stay Strong and Positive!
I havent updated in a while so thought i would let you all know how i'm doing - as the 6 months mark approaches my life is steadily falling into place, i still have times of really missing my ex & i do still love him but i am taking each day at a time & concentrating on making myself happy.
I am spending time doing things i enjoy & attracting new people along the way, i havent considered reconnection as i feel if my ex wanted me back he would come to me! maybe my opinion would change but for now im the most important person.
I have made new friends, doing great at work & developing new hobbies, i have even attracted new guys into my life & have been flirting around altho i do still miss my ex, im not sure if these feelings will finally leave me or if we will come back together but im not focusing on the things i cant control anymore.
I never thought i could go this long without talking to my ex but now i dont even think about it, i am grateful for this time of self reflection & have worked so hard on myself that maybe now im too good for him & he is the one that needs to catch up before he misses out on me!!
Wow girl, you are rocking, that is s inspiring, I hope 6 months down the line I am where your at. You are doing amazing.
So many great things are happening for you and you know what you deserve them all. Keep up the good work.
Pixie,
You sound great! Congratulations on reaching where you are. Make sure to continue to keep us updated.
Hey All!! Thought i would stop by & give an update on how im doing...which is amazing!
I feel like a totally new person right now & have come so far thanks to the journey of NC, i am actually grateful for my breakup as it as helped me heal in so many ways & to restart my life! I am now coming to the end of my counselling sessions & i am happy every day
Everyone i know, my family, friends & colleagues have noticed the change in me & i feel great for this opportunity, even a month or so ago i felt like i had to prove i had changed to my ex but now i feel like u just have to look at me to know i have, i feel great & i never thought id say this but my ex is the one that would now have to show he's good enough for me
I still love him & miss him but i dont focus on that i focus on what i can control which is my life & happiness! you will get there stick with NC & you will get further than u ever imagine!
Keep strong everyone
Love Pixie x
hey pixie, i do hope that i can love myself more, i know that i need patience, im in second month of nc, i just found my ex' thing and i threw it away, i didnt want to see it anymore, but i wonder why i still love him and miss him, i just want this feeling to go away, sometimes i dont know if i am progressing or not because i still love him and this feeling hasnt gone away after all this time. thanks for updating, i am really happy for you!
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