FREE BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLAN
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Free Break up Help, Relationship Advice, and Break up Survival Plan
FREE BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLAN
"Hi,
I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready."
Unbelievably, his reply to that was, "No. Don't contact me, ever."
Benefit of the doubt to his reply, simply because he was always an emotionally unstable person and always seemed so volatile when trying to run from something. Punk.
Oh, btw, I've been in NC for 2 months now. I think I'm kicking loves ass, but I've got my personal evolutation to focus on.
NeoSoul said:
Unbelievably, his reply to that was, "No. Don't contact me, ever."
Typical response from someone who just got a kick in the ass.
Don't worry about your ex's response, focus on following the free plan.
Stay Strong and Positive!
SW: Typical response from someone who just got a kick in the ass.
SW, you have a way of "re-framing" it. That was awesome.
Hang in there NeoSoul. Do the work on yourself. It helps. We're all evolving here.
He sent me an email the past friday.
"Hi, I'm e-mailing you to let you know that I will be leaving on May 2nd with ***** to ***** and then will be going to East Africa afterwards. Right now, I don't plan on coming back, but of course God is the best of Planners.
I just want you to forgive me for everything I put you through. I regret everything that I did and also the kind of person I was with you and towards you."
I didn't know he had sent me an email to that account, so two day later (Sunday), he sent the exact same email to another account.
For a person who wants nothing to do with me, he seems to be a pretty confused soul. I've been contemplating a simple reply, and what not replying would do to him.
If this were 6 months ago, I swear I'd have emailed him in 2.2 seconds, clinging on for dear life. He probably sent that email again knowing that I would never ignore him.
Simply alluring. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mcaXuW2-G1Y
ignore the mail.
don't reply.
if you do you will blow NC and he won't take you seriously.. that is your ass just gets kicked AGAIN because the power you just took you will give back.
Yes ignore his email, you have to evolve yourself and get your life back, all this please forgive me crap is to make him feel better and not you!
Take no notice of him and concentrate on yourself, It does my head in when the try and twist things to make themselves feel better!
Stay strong! BB x
"Anything worth having is worth fighting for"
You're right, BB and WH. The ball needs to be kept in my court, and by doing that I must abide the rulings of NC.
Bask in this: "As contraries are known by contraries, so is the delight of presence best known by the torments of absence" -Alcibiades
Welcome NeoSoul!
You did the right thing to ignore the email! You are worth more than an email that seems more about him obtaining your forgiveness and concern than about caring about you and your feelings. He is going to change his tune...you're right he did expect a response. That is why he sent the email twice. You are acting in a way that he never expected and it has thrown him. But let's not worry about the journey that he is just starting on. NC is about YOU!
Now is the time for you to find all those things that make you happy. You have time and patience and the courage to step forward and find your happiness. Be glad that you have been set upon a path that will make you stronger and give you opportunities that you would probably have been blind to before. Nothing in life is certain except that you have yourself and she is a wonderful woman capable of great things. No one is ever going to be able to take that away from you. No one is going to be able to break you...and you are going to be loved and cherished the way you deserve to be.
It will get better even though it feels so far away when you are right at the start. Have a read through other members NC diaries and you will see that I am right. By following NC and the plan you will either get your Ex back or move forward and find your happy future! You win either way!
Stay strong and be positive!
Kittykat, I appreciate you. Powerful words, and with that, I salute you.
I've been on NC for two months now, and I can now, without hesitation, say that I'm a bit over it. If you were to place me anywhere on the hierarchy of grieving stages, it'd be on the acceptance level.
I no longer cry myself to sleep. I wake up feeling content. I've ACCEPTED that life goes on, and that time still ticks with or without my approval. I love life and all that it has to offer me. Over the last 60 days, give or take, I took time out to fathom my being. Though hard with emotions, I overcame the person I never thought I was able to, and with that, I pat myself on the back.
I'm ACTUALLY proud of what i've acheived and who I've become, but I know with hardship comes ease, and that all affairs are with purpose.
I was always giving more in relationships. I was never a "no" kind of person, to say the least. Even with the little bit I did receive, I was always appreciative and content. I was never one to complain about what I never got.
I found myself apologizing so much that he started to live by day feeling like it was the norm of our relationship, a ritual. Even when he did or said something that upset me, I'd confront him about it, only for him to find SOME way to turn it around and make it about me, and again, it's back to apologetic old NeoSoul. Ironic, eh?
It was starting to become unrealistic - so much so that I'd go home forgeting what I had initially apologized for.
Only during the midst of absence do we face the reality of amiss behavior. -NeoSoul
I was the same Neosoul, I was very apologetic and put my ex before myself, but you know what, no more my friend, I am number one in my life, call it positive selfishness ( I have read a little about it) its not selfish in the way it hurts anyone, but you need to put yourself first. Somebody wrote in another forum about it, 'pamper yourself, enjoy the attention of those who admire you, have fun and forget about the loser who thought you were not worth it! It states 'do you ever wonder why selfish people always have people who love and are loyal to them', its because they radiate a certain vibration. (look at the law of attraction) this is true in my case, my ex was very selfish and I was the doe eyed bambi so in love with him and loyal. but I think that was one of the things we both have done wrong and it has played a part in the end of our relationships.
I truly believe if we give off this aura, air about us, whatever you want to call it, in which we love ourselves first, that our happiness becomes first, and we are so worth it etc, they will come running back and we will attract new admirers. If we are pining and longing all the time, even if we don't see or hear from them, I beleive they can still sense this and it repels them away even more.
You are the master of your life and your thoughts and feelings, nobody else!
Only YOU can make YOU happy, nobody else, I've realised that after 30 odd years lol
So your choice, to be happy or to not be happy, it's up to you!
BB
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Woke up a little late today. I guess the Nyquil did its job. Nonetheless, I love that he isn't the first thing swimming in my mind, and that I can ACTUALLY control what I want to think about. It's amazing. Before, all I would think about was if he was going to come back, when he was going to come back, who he's with, what he's doing, and which woman he's talking to, but now...well, I guess you can say I'm still mind boggled by the emails, and his desperation for a reply, especially since he told me to never ever contact him and that he wants NADA to do with me. Mehh, I don't want to go so far as to assume he's emailing me because he wants me back, but atleast I know I was on his mind. Also, he could really be seeking a sincere forgiveness, which I feel a bit bad about, but life goes on.
HELP!!!!!!!!!
I broke NC around 5 AM. I replied to his stupid email saying, "I have already forgiven you, and hopefully you can do the same." And he replied about an hour later and said, "I forgive you." I'm mad at myself for doing this and I'm beating myself up for letting myself go 2 months strong and then slip in the cracks of his stupidity and selfishness like this. I know I'm much stronger than this, and I want the ball back in my court. I let him have the upper hand when I in fact had it, by not replying. I messed up, horribly. What must I do to redeem myself, my fellow ass kickers?
Ciao!
Don't be too hard on yourself NeoSoul, you are not the first and will definitely not be the last person on here to break NC.
Basically you have to start right back at the beginning of the free plan and send the NC message again and start over!
Do it today, do it NOW!
Stay strong!
BB
Back again, in the same position of sorrow and regret. Love waits for none, but there's nothing I didn't do for this person. I guess they were just fetching for reasons to hurt me. We were this close to being married, and he's STILL overseas, coming back mid september, so I expect him to some how contact me, because sheesh, it's been about....I don't know...3 months since we've actually SEEN one another. It'll be 4 months when he returns. I expect feelings to resurface, because it's no longer virtual, it's him and I, face to face.
Ah well, I shouldn't expect. Time will and is going to continue doing its job, right?
Hiya Neosoul,
I was wondering if you sent the NC message again from you previous post and what has happened since, up until now?
I had a premature reconcilitation after two months of NC you can read my diary for more
details, so I am back here myself.
Hope you are ok, stay strong!
BB x
Aww, bluebell.
You always seem to be there when I am in dire need, and for that, I appreciate you to the utmost degree of virtual love!
He was very controlling and when I didn't followthrough with what he expected of me, he'd get emotional and leave...with this, "leave me alone, I never want to marry you, we're done" attitude. This time it was different. He's completely deleted me from virtual sources of communication. Don't know what'll happen when he returns, or if he'll feel differently of me. Patience breeds love and contentment.
Hi NeoSoul,
Read your NC diary. It is good to have patience, but contentment comes only when you stop starving for things that you don't have and celebrate things that you already had in past or still have with you in present. Patience will provide you strength to achieve what you desire. You are great that you stuck to your NC for two months or so in the past.
Enjoy, have fun, and focus on other things that you have in life(most importantly "YOU"!!)
-AA
BASK IN THIS:
Ex-Factor lyrics - Lauryn Hill
It could all be so simple
But you'd rather make it hard
Loving you is like a battle
And we both end up with scars
Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will
Is this just a silly game
That forces you to act this way
Forces you to scream my name
Then pretend that you can't stay
Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will
Hook:
No matter how I think we grow
You always seem to let me know
It ain't workin'
It ain't workin'
And when I try to walk away
You'd hurt yourself to make me stay
This is crazy
This is crazy
I keep letting you back in
How can I explain myself
As painful as this thing has been
I just can't be with no one else
See I know what we got to do
You let go and I'll let go too
'Cause no one's hurt me more than you
And no one ever will
Repeat Hook
Care for me, care for me
I know you care for me
There for me, there for me
Said you'd be there for me
Cry for me, cry for me
You said you'd die for me
Give to me, give to me
Why won't you live for me
(Repeat)
Try to focus on yourself. If you do meet up with your ex in September make sure that you know you don't necesserily want to get back with him. Hope all goes well xxx
Hey Neosoul,
I totally understand what you're facing thru. I gave in a lot of times to my ex, either. I know it ain't easy, but yes... you can. you did it before, why not now? Focus on your priorities, do your own thing. Hope all goes well. xox
I feel....weird.
I've been feeling wonderful the last 3 weeks, give or take, but now....it's, different.
All I've been thinking about is his arrival in 1 week, and I don't know why I'm in tons of pain, like the first time its ever happened. As the days approach, i feel more discomfort, and I don't understand why...why my heart is aching ALL over again; it's crazy.
Am I subconsciously expecting something from him?
NeoSoul said:
why my heart is aching ALL over again; it's crazy.
Simple.
You are focusing on getting your old relationship with your ex back, and not on your life.
There is nothing your ex can do to stop you from evolving, only you can stop yourself, and that is what you're doing right now.
It doesn't matter what your ex says, does, goes...etc.
It only matters if you make it matter...make sense?
Focus all your thoughts on the positive things in your life that you are thankful for right now, gratitude is the best (and most effective) weapon against negative thoughts/feelings.
When you're feeling overwhelmed use the fast forward technique, and then make a list of all the things you are grateful for right now, don't stop until you hit at least 100.
The more you fight back against these negative feelings/thoughts, the stronger you will get.
You are always in control.
Stay Strong and Positive!
the gratitude thing really works. i now apply the habit of writing down each evening at least 5 things I can be grateful for that day. and i feel my brain picks up on that and I feel more positive through the day. even people notice and tell me how happy i look. so it is a really simple activity with big effect
i mean i try hard in other areas of my life each day but i realised you just have to make it an ongoing process like changing a diet, to avoid yo-yo effects, it is about changing mental lifestyle really and it takes focused work, oh well
Sheri.Ruffalo said:
it takes focused work
It takes time and patience.
Think of it as escaping from a prison.
You wouldn't give up on your escape plan, you would keep digging that secret tunnel day by day until you finished and escaped.
Did you ever watch the movie "The Shawshank Redemption"?
That movie will teach you the meaning of patience.
Stay Strong and Positive!
Update....
It's been a few days, perhaps even a week, since I've posted...but that didn't place a barricade between my evolution and I, of course.
It's been a while...still no word from him. I didn't expect it nor do I, but he's always seemed to have this, "Once I say I won't contact you, it's a done deal, I WON'T CONTACT YOU" attitude. Oh, pish posh. I'm tired of his shit anyway.
I've been doing what I've been doing in life, and that won't ever change for a man. I was breathing before I met him, so you better believe my cords won't be tied for just another man.
I've been focusing on my writing and my on-stages, and that's all, literally.
He's coming back...TOMORROW, and I swear, I don't know why it's been difficult to swallow. It's been almost 5 months since we've seen one another, and I've been getting a little blur-minded lately, and I can't seem to put my finger on why. Am I subconsciously expecting something from him or am I subconsciously expecting something from him?
My mind is playing tricks on me, but I still sleep at night.
It's been a month and a bit of NC.
So, as soon as I got in from work today, it was difficult. I had a rush of emotions, to say the least, and broke down. Though it's healthy to let it out every now and again, this time it was more "internally intimate". In my mind, I was wondering why every one of my friends' husbands knew about his return from vacation after four months and not I, knowing I was one of the most important things in his life, and virtually shared his journey with him, while he was on vacation. We spoke on the phone often, though expensive and had shared tons of time via instant messaging, for the entire 3 months. I was in shock when I seen the sum of the entire 3 months of long distance calling on my bill. I almost fainted, but not to complain, I pay for what I use.
I guess it was this selfish feeling of, "the least he could have done was let me know he was back home safe. That all is well, and that he's alive; the very least." It's sad that the only person who was anticipating his return for an entire 4 months had to be thrown into the ditch because of his lack of understanding and stupidity. It's funny, everyone was informed, BUT I. Sad, indeed. I figured he could've at least hated me enough to rack up some sort of social respect and let me know, even through someone, that he returned home. Ah well.
Otherwise, I'm coping. I was slowly getting over it while he was away, but I guess it's difficult now that he's returned after 4 months. I feel like it's another start over, because he's physically present, here, locally. It's hard for me to believe, just because. I've been anticipating this day for so long, but not with this ending, not at all. Work has allowed me to focus my attention elsewhere, but that's only 8 hours of the day. I have a very small circle of friends, because honestly, they're the only friends I truly need in regards to EVERYTHING. Life goes on and I shall continue to cope.
As for now, I've laundry awaiting my arrival, but my thoughts are a train of destruction.
Hey Neosoul! I hope you've gotten off that train now. I think what you can do now is to accept what is and keep moving forward. See the positive in his non-information.
Change your belief so your thoughts and feelings change.
Be strong!
UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, yesterday, as I was driving...I heard the most heart-wrenching, most shocking and potential killer news.
As I was driving with my friend in the passenger, I asked her a few questions. (do bare in mind that her husband is CLOSE friends with my ex). The past few days (weeks), I just haven't been feeling right... this wasn't one of our regular break ups. It was one of those internal gut feelings that women just seem to get. So anywho, after a long question and answer period with my friend, I somehow dragged it out of her, and found out he (my ex), GOT MARRIED!!!!!!!! Amazing isn't it? I immediately went into anxiety and drove the car to the side and parked it. I looked like a dear in front of head lights, just looking on with flash cards of memories, and I felt like my heart was about to pound through my chest. I became so lightheaded that I kept falling back on to my seat and wanted to die, literally. I wanted to die last night. There is nothing in this world that could ever, ever explain what I felt when I found out he got married back home.
To my surprise, even though I cannot stop thinking about it, I just can't believe that I'm not as sad/angry/depressed as I should be, and I honestly cannot tell you why (though tears still remain, I think all day and night, and I feel lonely, very lonely. As though, I've nothing to wake up for in the day at times). I'm utterly shocked. People would be laying in their bed crying tears upon tears till it transitions itself into blood, but I'm just not. He finally came back to the city and when he did, he announced it to his friends that he got married...is going to another city to work and save up, and then going back home to his wife (though he's always planned on eventually leaving this city and living back home.
I am amazed. I have been there through the roughest moments of his life. The hardest. The happiest. The most memorable and the best. I never, ever thought this would've occurred, especially between a connection like his and mine. My memoirs with him sit across every intersection of this city, and now, whenever I drive by somewhere...I remember, us.
I have instilled in my heart, as a natural human reaction, that it is finally the end between he and I. What was, is, what was. There is no more hope. A few tears might drain me, but still, I know that the end has finally approached. After 2 years of struggle, longing, waiting, loving, hoping, being and living...this is now our future, separation.
Is it weird that I wanted to actually email him saying, "God has granted you what you've been needing all your life. I'm happy for you and hope nothing short of success."? And I don't know why. I swear to you, I have no idea...(because usually, in my mind, he's all mine and belongs to none other).
I prayed to God, and perhaps I've dodged a bullet, this time. Maybe He savored me from the stress and burden of someone like him, who very rarely notices the good I do, and the love I've to spare. I prayed to God, that if this man were good for me, to bring him near, and if not, to remove him completely from my life, and I guess this is it.
Otherwise, I've been doing wonderful. What's probably helped me SLIGHTLY get over us, is the mere fact that I have not seen him in 4 and a half months, almost 5. I have sat here and waited all that time, to my sorrow, but I know love still prevails in every aspect. I can't say that I do not love him, because that would be an utter lie, but I cannot speak on his behalf, because only he knows what he feels.
I've been keeping up with the important things in my life, and trying to kick the ass of love. This was just a stick in the road, and I'm sure I've seen worst. I know that my life does end where failure barricades itself, but I guess it's a new start for me. My memoirs remain, my heart still aches, but in due time...in due time, I'm sure of it.
I still feel as though my love is with him, my heart belongs to him and that I will never be able to love anyone like this. I fear that I will not become emotionally attached to anyone else.
For now, I've got work to do and others to please in my life. Life never did revolve around him, but sometimes, the illusion of love has the ability of making it seem otherwise.
Now, back to my life and the important things.
Many of you have been there for me, and I'm utterly grateful.
NeoSoul said:
After 2 years of struggle, longing, waiting, loving, hoping, being and living...this is now our future, separation.
All aboard...next stop drama-ville!
Just because he got married doesn't mean anything about yours or his future.
As a matter of fact, if you read through the success stories, I believe there is one about someone getting back together with a ex (not the one they started NC for) that had since been married, and then divorced, and couldn't stop thinking about her, so he looked her up again and they started dating again.
Old Boyfriend Back From Out Of The Blue
I don't know how it all turned out, but this just goes to show if there was a "real" connection it will not be broken, no matter what.
Just keep focusing on your personal evolution, and try not to jump to any conclusions, OK?
Stay Strong and Positive!
I guess you're right.
It's been a week, and I'm feeling a tad bit better. Everyone around me continues to say, "he was never the one for you", "we never wanted him for you" and "his manners didn't match up with the manners he was preaching".
Patience. There's nothing better than it.
NeoSoul said:
Patience. There's nothing better than it.
Exactly! Patience is a virtue! Just focus on the positive things you have around you! You have friends and family and a roof over your head. Sooner or later, you'll look at how much time has passed but it won't hurt or anything. As long as you keep smiling, things will always turn out for the better. :]
Hey guys,
I've been moving along with my life, as I always have. It's been difficult, but I know I have no choice.
I've been looking into getting my Masters degree. I think that would be a success that can keep me fulfilled. I don't want to look back to this time and regret the moments that've been wasted.
I seen him, for the first time since he returned, in a restaurant sitting with his friends. As soon as I walked in, our eyes met and I walked out to make my order from the car instead of dining in, because it would just make me sick. When I walked back in, he was standing at the counter picking something up and my heart sank. I didn't look at him for another second. I couldn't face him. I was disgusted by what he's done to me. Bare in mind, we haven't seen each for about 6 months or so.
Anyway, life goes on. Seeing him made my days hard again after that, but I'm taking it day by day. I'm just starting to realize erything that's happened, and I still wonder how I was ever satisfied it. Everyone in my circle of friends, family and even acquaintances would force me to believe it wasn't love, but I thought, back then, otherwise. I'm starting to finally realize.
After the news was sent to my friends about his new union, they were pretty much paralyzed from the waist down. They were at a loss for words, literally. They were crying on my behalf, knowing what I've been through during the last 2 years.
Anyway, I could care less at this point. I just pray I don't run into him for my evolution to be a success.
I wish to see the 29th of September, 2012. I will be back here on that very day, if this forum still exists and update you all with my progress. Who knows, I may be married, I may be happy again and I may be in love...real love.
That very day will be a proof for the success of this plan, and I've never doubted it.
NeoSoul said:
I will be back here on that very day, if this forum still exists
If this forum still exists?
Where the hell would it go...Am I getting the boot?
....Anything can happen.
Besides, I have seen you get so annoyed that you'd come across words of feeling like shutting down the blog. You never know.
NeoSoul said:
Besides, I have seen you get so annoyed that you'd come across words of feeling like shutting down the blog.
Actually I "closed" the forum 2-3 times in the past.
The forum was still here, but it was a "read only" forum. You couldn't log in or post.
Everything was still there to read, and follow, just no new posts.
I needed a break from trying to babysit all the self-pitying people who claimed to want to help themselves, and then did nothing but argue with me and other members.
I don't close the forum anymore.
I kick people out without ever letting them back in...ever.
This has solved the problem.
Now, the serious members (and I) no longer have to suffer the fools.
Did you ever wonder why I make people jump through so many hoops before I approve them?
I am trying to weed out the poseurs. It works about 95% of the time, and this makes my moderating job much easier.
I have worked very hard to get this place to where it is now. Our forum will be 3 years old in May 2012.
What do you think happens when I deny people access, or kick someone out? Do you think they thank me?
Fuck no. I get called all sorts of names, and told I am evil and sadistic (lol).
Obviously, these fucking idiots never read the success stories on my Blog, and our forum.
I do. I read them a lot.
Every time life kicked my ass down, I got back up again.
When I say "Stay Strong and Positive" it's not to sound "cool".
I am telling you what I did to survive.
This place isn't going anywhere but forward while I am still alive.
I need to add my sites to my will so people will know what to do in-case I become worm food.
I guess I will just add it to the list of shit I need to do.
Stay Strong and Positive!
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