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broadwaymab - NC Diary
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I will NEVER sell, trade, rent, or give away your information to any third party.
I HATE SPAM! Read Our Privacy PolicyPosted 5 months ago broadwaymab
offlineMemberMy message to my ex. "I agree with you about the decision to break up. I really believe it is the best thing for both of us I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you did not contact me during this time. I will be in contact when i am ready."
*feeling really nervous...wondering if it is too late. We broke up 3 months ago and have met up a few times since.
Posted 5 months ago #-
Pixie
offlineMemberHi broadwaymab! Welcome to the forum, you did the right thing sending the NC message, just focus on yourself & heal from yor break up & the rest will fall into place! We are all here to support each other, keep strong
Posted 5 months ago # -
broadwaymab
offlineMemberDay 1 of NC: I am feeling anxious. I have been broken up with my ex for 3 months and tried the whole friend thing with limited contact...it got me nowhere. Now I am actually feeling excited to be heading toward getting my life back. I am not a needy, clingy person.
This breakup has brought out parts of me I didn't know existed. I am ready to be that girl who is hungry for life, encouraging to others and ready to find love of myself again!
Posted 5 months ago # -
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Posted 5 months ago welcome to the forum!
you will get support here. Anything or everytime you feel doubt and unsure, just pour it in here and there will be someone to be there for you. Stick to the plan and you will get your life back.
Stay strong! *big hugs*
God grant me the serenity to accept things that I cannot change....
The first step toward change is acceptance.
Change is not something you do, it's something you allow.
Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you.Posted 5 months ago #-
willsucceed
offlineMemberbroadwaymab, we're all familiar with anxiety. A lot of us found it especially bad in the mornings, but everyone is different. Hope you share often on your posts as we are interested in how it's going, your struggles and triumphs.
Posted 5 months ago # -
break222
offlineMemberbroadwaymab said:
I have been broken up with my ex for 3 months and tried the whole friend thing with limited contact...it got me nowhere.I can totally relate to that. I tried the same thing and I just realized that it hurt me more. This is why I took the next step and started to shift the focus on myself. Coming from that point where you actually realize that it is not going to change is going to make your nc easier. Trust me!!
Posted 5 months ago # -
broadwaymab
offlineMemberI am having a "bitter" sort of day. I am remembering all the good things about my ex and seeing him behave in ways I don't recognize. (we have SO MANY mutual friends - I hear things without asking) It makes me feel like I was so stupid for ever thinking our relationship was good or that I thought like I knew him. It has been 3 months since we broke up. I know I need to focus on me. Yesterday was really good, but today there are feelings of major sadness surfacing again.
Posted 5 months ago # -
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Posted 5 months ago -
broadwaymab
offlineMemberThanks willsucceed. I did just that. I am hoping this is something that continues. I told them that I was not interested in hearing about my ex and that they did not need to fill me in on his life. If I was curious, I would ask (which I won't but I wanted to make sure they know I don't care to know). I have also been avoiding a few things in the last few days that I know he will be at so I can build some space.
Posted 5 months ago # -
shia
offlineMemberhey, i m also in the same situation right now and i m avoiding all the mutual friends of me and my ex...it really helps not only for us but also to preserve our self dignity and sanity i feel...i am in my 2nd day of nc and it really feels panicky, sad and anxious for sure...but at the same time, as i have read other nc diaries and read the success stories, i m also sure i will come out of this...we all will...coz its a natural thing to happen..there is no person who doesnt get thru this...dats wht i know....lets support each other n be strong!!!!
Posted 5 months ago # -
willsucceed
offlineMemberYesterday was really good, but today there are feelings of major sadness surfacing again.
Yes, the roller coaster is hard to take, but it does get better. Remember that your friends will probably take a few reminders because they just can't understand how it hurts to hear anything about him and how that sends your mind into disarray for hours. They may need strict reminders or you may have to avoid/block them for awhile.
I have a mutual couple friend that I asked not to contact me at all until I was ready and I had to do that twice already and he still contacted me yesterday which caused me anxiety and pain. I have now just blocked them on my phone. He just doesn't seem to understand that any contact from them hurts because my mind imagines my ex with his girlfriend eating at their house like we did, or I interpret what he says as information about my ex, and one time it was clear it was information he knew from my ex. If they only knew the hours of painful ruminating they cause me by contacting me at all.
Posted 5 months ago # -
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Posted 5 months ago broadwaymab
offlineMemberwillsucceed. I hear all of that. I just keep changing the subject. Today has been good. I am headed out of town for a few days for a work project - I think that will be good. I am hoping so anyway. I am feeling strong today...I am seeing the independent happy girl who has been hidden for awhile. I have started to really recognize some things in my relationship I could have done differently. I am excited to take that into my next relationship - the lessons learned from the past. I am seeing that as a success today.
Posted 5 months ago #-
willsucceed
offlineMemberboradwaymab, when you're thinking about improving future relationships, you might take the "5 love languages" quiz online and read the short descriptions of those. I found it interesting and a "safe" thing to do for looking forward. It didn't cause me pain, except to realize that my two major languages were not recognized and spoken by him.
Posted 5 months ago # -
shia
offlineMemberhi all
let me post something really useful here. i read the 5 languages online and its really wonderful information. now i know y me and my ex were on different pages coz we were speaking different languages of love. so not understanding each other wer we are coming from. its really nice and helpful to go thru dat site.i understood y i was resenting my partner coz my primary love language is acts of service and i felt he wasnt reciprocating likewise as i expected(though he was trying his best acc to him)..but i kept feeling he was lazy and too casual in his life, etc and kept yelling at him!and this kept on buiding bitterness and resentment!
Posted 5 months ago # -
broadwaymab
offlineMemberThanks everyone. I was out of town with limited internet the last several days for work. It was great to be there away from the real world.
I had some great reflection time and was able to truly focus on myself. The last night I was in a session when MY EX SHOWED UP! I couldn't believe it. He was there for the evening. I agreed to this retreat when I knew he wasn't going to be there (we used to work together). I was told he had no reason to be there and had said he wasn't going to come. I freaked out a little at first unsure how to continue no contact in that situation. He came up and said hello. I said "hi" and then walked away to talk with other people. He kept heading my direction throughout the rest of the evening and I kept walking away. I was proud of myself. When the time came I went to bed, resisting the urge to say goodbye to my ex. He texted a friend asking if I was upset with him because I didn't talk to him and kept walking away. I ignored it all and kept telling myself how strong I am. I am not far into NC....I feel like I can't get away from him. ANyone have any advice on how to handle the unexpected run ins? I was so caught off guard...
Posted 5 months ago # -
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Posted 5 months ago -
broadwaymab said:
He texted a friend asking if I was upset with him because I didn't talk to him and kept walking away.WTF is wrong with this guy, can't he read?
This was all explained in the NC message you sent him.
You will be in touch when YOU are ready.
broadwaymab said:
I ignored it all and kept telling myself how strong I am. I am not far into NC....I feel like I can't get away from him.That is what he wants to you to feel, like you have no choice, well fuck him, you do have a choice, and you made that crystal clear.
broadwaymab said:
ANyone have any advice on how to handle the unexpected run ins? I was so caught off guard...You did a great job, and this is covered in one of the many articles on my Blog about NC.
But since you did such a great job, I will outline what you should do in these situations again for you.
1. Always be polite, until it is time to not be polite, I will let know you when in a minute.
2. Don't let your ex suck you into a conversation, give short polite answers, and then excuse yourself and walk away.
3. If your ex asks personal questions, or is just plain getting on your nerves, tell them you are not ready to talk yet, and you will be in touch when you are ready.
4. If your ex continues to disrespect your request for no contact, it is time to get mean. Firmly tell them to get the fuck away from you before you put your foot up their ass...especially if they feel like grabbing your arm or something stupid like that.
This is all about staying in control.
By maintaining your composure you show your ex that you are firm in your stance, and you will not be rattled.
They think they know you, and if they can push the right buttons, they will get you to break NC.
Then they will feel like they still have you on the hook, and that this was all a big game that they just won.
This is NOT a game, this is your personal evolution to get your life back, and move past the failed relationship.
Don't let them get in your way.
You did very good Broadway!
Keep up the good work, and...
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 5 months ago # -
broadwaymab
offlineMemberTHANK YOU SW. JUST the encouragement I needed. I kept thinking "did he READ?" I was so pissed that whole night. I kept thinking "HOW THE HELL can I move on with you ALWAYS breathing down my neck!?" I even thought to myself "do I want a guy like THAT?" Pissy me came out... on the way back to my room and I had a great workout as a result! THEN I got a great night sleep.
MY ex also told my friend who he texted that "he really wants to be friends..." Should I send the NC message again in light of it seeming like he didn't get the message...or just let it be?
I am looking forward to the holidays and don't want him to ruin them this year!
Posted 5 months ago # -
broadwaymab said:
MY ex also told my friend who he texted that "he really wants to be friends..." Should I send the NC message again in light of it seeming like he didn't get the message...or just let it be?OK, here is another problem...the friend who has to tell you everything your ex says, or does.
Tell them to stop.
Unless they want to end up on your NC list along with your ex.
You don't want/need to hear anything about your ex, it isn't helping you at all, is it?
Who cares what your ex wants?
This is about you, not them, right?
There will be plenty of time to be friends (or not) once you have gotten past the break up, and have your life (yourself) back again.
Just keep doing what you're doing, and don't re-send the NC message for the time being.
Don't worry, you are in control, and you will stay that way if you avoid talking about your ex, and just focus on your personal evolution.
Everyday you will get stronger whether you realize it or not.
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 5 months ago # -
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Posted 5 months ago broadwaymab
offlineMemberTHANK YOU! I just told my friend this very thing. I said "please don't tell me anything about him". She agreed. She said she is just still upset herself we broke up. I told her that I understood but the fact remained that we did break up. I said then told her that I really just didn't have time to hear all about him because I had too many other things going on. She agreed.
Posted 5 months ago #-
broadwaymab
offlineMemberThis weekend was great! I spent time with friends and also had some "me" time which was GREAT! I felt like I had a chance to get my life in order this weekend. This morning started well. However, I found out some friends (who started dating around the same time as me and my ex) just got engaged. While I was so happy for them, it made me sad realizing my current state and that my ex and I were talking marriage just weeks, even days before breaking up. I am trying to focus on being happy for my friends, which I really am, and not think about my situation. It's just a little bit of a sad day.
Posted 5 months ago # -
broadwaymab said:
However, I found out some friends (who started dating around the same time as me and my ex) just got engaged. While I was so happy for them, it made me sad realizing my current state and that my ex and I were talking marriage just weeks, even days before breaking up. I am trying to focus on being happy for my friends, which I really am, and not think about my situation. It's just a little bit of a sad day.It would have been an even sadder day, if you married the wrong person, right?
Being unhappily married and then going through a divorce (especially with kids involved) is much worse than a break up, believe me.
Everything happens for a good reason, look for it, and then you will evolve to the next step.
The reason will eventually reveal itself if you just focus on the present, and let go of the past.
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 5 months ago # -
broadwaymab
offlineMemberThanks Scott. I am doing much better now. I actually (sorta funny how crazy and silly this is) decided around lunch time to just stop. I told myself "seriously, life is great!" Then I started thinking about the fantastic things in my life and telling myself how only great things are ahead. THEN, within an hour, I got an email from my old job saying a check from my old energy company came for me. LOL! Not sure why it went there but free money is enough to put anyone in a better mood...and I was already there on my own.
Posted 5 months ago # -
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Posted 5 months ago broadwaymab
offlineMemberToday was fabulous! It is a direct result of the other day when i was out to drinks with a friend. She and I were talking about trying to enjoy being single. She said she is really excited to date and that it has been awhile for her. I took this as a challenge and started scoping out guys in the bar for her. I eventually spotted one, gave him her number and within a few minutes he came over to talk to her. They chatted awhile and he told her he would call. After he left, I said to my friend that I thought the guy would call. He called her today and asked her to dinner! I was so excited for her and happy to have encouraged her in this. It makes me so excited for her, which in turn makes me feel empowered.
So far this week I have been eating healthier, getting my apartment clean and organized and hanging out with friends every evening this week. Next week I will be on vacation and am looking forward to catching up with old friends and getting back in a workout routine. Good things are just around the corner!
Posted 5 months ago #-
broadwaymab
offlineMemberI got a response from my ex about the NC message. It said "okay. Whatever you need. I hope you get clarity. I look forward to hearing from you." (yeah - you won't for awhile buddy!)
It is amazing that the moment I received this I DID feel in control and almost had a feeling of "yuck" toward him. I think that feeling will help and encourage me in continuing NC and focusing on me. I have a new job possibility and am focusing on that and what that could mean for me! life is really good today.
Posted 5 months ago # -
willsucceed
offlineMemberBroadwaymab, you sound great. I especially liked your comment that you were "already there yourself". Yes, that is the best way ever to find satisfaction and peace. I am working on that myself. Nothing like working on a new job opportunity to keep your mind busy and your motivation up.
Posted 4 months ago # -
broadwaymab
offlineMemberHi All! Hope you all enjoyed the holidays! I had a chance to visit family, see lots of old friends and just relax. I was surprised at how much I was able to move past the thoughts of my ex during this time. I still missed him but realized it was not that difficult to focus on other things and continue to move forward.
This morning was little sad however. Just a twinge of really missing his friendship. I know he is respecting my space right now which really makes me feel even more confident in this whole thing. I can actually do this and not be distracted by my ex. It has been almost a month of NC. I ran into my ex (second time in NC) at a holiday party. He came and said hello to me and I replied "hello" back and was positive. Then I moved on to another conversation. I stayed for awhile longer then left. That was about 2 weeks ago.
It's been almost a month of NC (4 months since the breakup) and I have redecorated my bedroom a little, bought some new clothes and started eating well and excersising. I have taken a spa day, spent time with friends and really tried to have some fun. This whole thing takes time...I am realizing I am a bit of an impatient person. However, anything that is worth anything...takes time.
I also had the urge to call my ex yesterday AND DIDNT! I was so proud of myself.
Posted 4 months ago # -
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Posted 4 months ago broadwaymab said:
I also had the urge to call my ex yesterday AND DIDNT!Great Job BM!
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 4 months ago #
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