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My No Contact - NC Days
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I will NEVER sell, trade, rent, or give away your information to any third party.
I HATE SPAM! Read Our Privacy PolicyPosted 2 years ago -
anna_a
offlineMemberThanks bet. It's his birthday next week, and I am going to feel absolutely MEAN not to contact him for it. I know that I have NO INTENTIONS of contacting him, but I still feel mean about it. I am trying to think about it in the end as being KIND, because after 30 days I can move to have a better relationship with him.
Posted 2 years ago # -
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Posted 2 years ago hd
offlineInactiveHi! we've got the same feeling. i just sent my nc message earlier and got a reply but still not settled ( of course bec it was only a week ago after we broke up ).
i didn't reply back when i got a reply from my ex after 20 mins of sending my message.
it's really hard but it is also nice to think that this might be a start of a completely new relationship with our ex.
in your case, you don't know if you wouldn't contact him on his birthday, it's gonna make him think how important you are to him and he will see what he's gonna miss on his life if he will lose you completely.Posted 2 years ago #-
Cristina
offlineMember"in your case, you don't know if you wouldn't contact him on his birthday, it's gonna make him think how important you are to him and he will see what he's gonna miss on his life if he will lose you completely."
God i hope my ex reacts like that!
I'm in the same situation, my ex has his birthday coming up, and I've been debating on whether to break NC and wish him a happy bday. I can totally relate to anna_a about feeling mean, but i don't want to ruin the possible effects of NC.
Posted 2 years ago # -
anna_a said:
I am trying to think about it in the end as being KIND, because after 30 days I can move to have a better relationship with him.That is exactly how you should feel, you're giving your ex the best present of all another chance with you...right?
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
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Posted 2 years ago anna_a
offlineMemberhd and bet and Scott, it is so helpful to have you said what you said...
hd, I am feeling so much BETTER about NOT CONTACTING him for his birthday, after you said:
in your case, you don't know if you wouldn't contact him on his birthday, it's gonna make him think how important you are to him and he will see what he's gonna miss on his life if he will lose you completely.And, I had an instinctive feeling about NO CONTACT for the birthday! Scott you are tough and kind and brilliant.
Cristina - I am in the same boat, so let's support each other and get support from the wonderful helpful people here!! NO CONTACT means NO CONTACT. My ex is going to be very surprised when I don't contact him, he may even think I am pissed off. I don't quite know what to say to him when he asks me: "Why didn't you contact me for my birthday", one month from now...
x A
Posted 2 years ago #-
anna_a said:
I don't quite know what to say to him when he asks me: "Why didn't you contact me for my birthday"Change the subject if he wants to keep bringing up the past it will be hard to reconnect.
If you follow NC correctly he will be so glad to have your attention again that a missed birthday greeting will be the last thing on his mind...right?
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 2 years ago # -
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Posted 2 years ago -
anna_a
offlineMemberJust a note, what does one say when your ex says to you:
"You were the one that wanted to break up too / or be apart too".
Because this is what the NC letter says - it says that "I agree with him about being apart"
Just a thought... and you know what - it's probably premature - because in 30 days, we would have forgotten about it??!!
.....
And Cristina - stick with me girl - NO CONTACTING THE EX FOR HIS BIRTHDAY. Scott and others have made it perfectly clear about what will happen... 100% say not to call - so I am going with the odds
A
Posted 2 years ago # -
anna_a
offlineMemberDay 6 - NC
Well it must have worked a little, the NC... because today he tried to send me a gift on facebook. I didn't accept it, just ignored it. Without this forum and the book, I don't think I would have made that choice. Feeling really strong about it, thank's guys for all your support.
Posted 2 years ago # -
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Posted 2 years ago anna_a
offlineMemberi haven't been posting, but have been keeping up to date with everyone's progress... and it's so great to support you all, even if I am just giving you all good vibes!!!
It's his birthday tomorrow, and although I have been really strong for the past 8 days (having started NC 8 days ago), I am really feeling the pain of not contacting him for his birthday.
I know that I won't contact him, but I know in my heart that he will be very upset. He called me 5 times on my birthday day (while we were broken up, and before I initiated No COntact properly).
I definitely won't contact him, but I can't help the pain I am feeling, and I hope he doesn't feel that I am deliberately being MEAN. I am really following the PLAN, but it fucking hurts!
Posted 2 years ago #-
anna_a
offlineMemberIt is his birthday today. If there is anyone out there that has wished their ex a happy birthday during NC, I would like to hear how it went and your story. I think it may help this feeling I have. Also, if there is anyone out there that didn't contact their ex on his birthday (during nc), it would be great to hear from too. Thanks, tough day today.
Posted 2 years ago # -
KC415
offlineMemberI messaged the day before his birthday and it was a huge mistake!!! So don't do it! I totally broke NC when I did, read my forum post called I fucked up. I think its under the no contact rule with children. he was telling me he missed me and still loved me and that we needed to talk and so on, so I broke no contact said that we do need to talk and blah blah, then he never messaged me back, because then he was feeling at ease again. So Scott helped me re-initiate NC a second time and that was right on his birthday, which I felt kind of shitty about.
Formerly the forum member named "aaarrrggghhh" I have evolved since I joined this forumPosted 2 years ago # -
anna_a
offlineMemberGreat - thanks KC, amazing help - THANK YOU!!! It's probably the hardest day of NC yet for me, but your words and your story have confirmed that I must stick to the PLAN. And, you are doing so brilliantly, I am so happy for you at this time and I really hope things go exactly as you have planned them. xA
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Posted 2 years ago -
BrokenHearted
offlineMember -
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Posted 2 years ago -
anna_a
offlineMemberA mutual friend of both my ex's and mine called me this morning. She mentioned that my ex was spending time with his old girlfriend (before me). I can't say that surprises me - they were childhood friends. And, while I read the posts throughout this site, I see a lot of parallels. She lives a couple of hours away as well, so he is making a special effort to see her, as he has spent a few days with her. It does hurt, it really hurts.
You know, if someone asked me right now - "Do you want him back", I would say "I would want him to be truly happy, and I would want him to do exactly what he wants to do in life (e.g. be free)". But in my heart, I dearly dearly dearly want him back!!!
So, if hanging out with his ex girlfriend makes him happy, then great. The sinking feeling in my stomach says that I should get myself together and do something with myself - exercise, touch base with friends, have some fun.
The potential cry that I am about to have, tells me that I have a long way to go. But, I do have to be patient and strong and find my sense of self again.
I am glad he is catching up with an old friend, I just wish it wasn't his ex!!!!!
Posted 2 years ago # -
wisegirl
offlineMemberhey Anna,
Hang in there, it's sucks hearing these kind of news!! one of the reason I don't encourage anyone to talk about the ex with mutual friends,plus there's always the possibility that this info isn't true or the person is trying to get a respond out of you..If it's true, then he's just being a baby, afraid of being on his own, that is why he is hanging out with his former girlfriend. Don't think too much of it, wasn't it only a few days ago he was hugging and kissing you?
Life is all about the chances we make, are you ready to make that final decision that will finally plunge you into a new situation?Posted 2 years ago # -
anna_a
offlineMemberYes - I know - it sucks
I didn't react, I changed the subject. Although I am tearing up inside, I kept ultra cool. She had to speak with me about a work thing, so I kept the whole call work related. She initiated the info.
I really appreciate your comments about him being afraid to be on his own, and yes, two weeks ago, he told me that he missed me and that I was "perfect". No one has ever told me that I am perfect before. Even though he retracted all of his feelings a few days later, I think for him to say that I was "perfect" was how he was feeling at the time??
Gosh MEN!!!!! I have been told that Men want to be told exactly what a girl means, and that they can't read minds etc. - they like it straight up! But, when they are fickle with their maturity and words, what is a girl meant to think!
I just think also, give me 20 more days and I will be ok. I think with his birthday and the news of his former girlfriend, it's just stirred me up a little.
There is NO WAY I want to contact him at the moment. NO WAY.
Posted 2 years ago # -
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Posted 2 years ago anna_a said:
But, when they are fickle with their maturity and words, what is a girl meant to think!Don't think right now it will only make you more crazy, use the fast forward technique and deal with your emotions.
You woke him up when you kicked his ass with that NC message, now he wants shit like him being with his ex to get back to you.
anna_a said:
A mutual friend of both my ex's and mine called me this morning. She mentioned that my ex was spending time with his old girlfriend (before me).And thanks to the Woman's Bad News (or Bull Shit) Hot Line it always does...doesn't it?
What is it about women loving to inflict pain and bad news on other women...is it jealousy?
I mean if she was "really" your friend she would've kept her mouth shut...it sounds like you have the same kind of girlfriends Roxychick does.
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 2 years ago #-
anna_a
offlineMemberI have definitely calmed down over the last hour and have been using the FFT. I am also about to clean my entire house top to bottom, which is a really constructive thing to do - and exercise
I mean if she was "really" your friend she would've kept her mouth shut...it sounds like you have the same kind of girlfriends Roxychick does. [:evil:]
I know what you are saying Scott about the mutual friend, but I think she said it because she thinks I am over him, because of the NC. I don't think she was being mean or jealous, I just think she was just being talkative, because apart from work, my EX is pretty much the only thing we have in common. She's not a great friend, but I truly don't think she was trying to be mean, I don't think that is her nature.
You woke him up when you kicked his ass with that NC message, now he wants shit like him being with his ex to get back to you.
I would have NEVER have thought that he was spending time with his former girlfriend to GET BACK AT ME, because he doesn't know that I know about him spending time with her. But, I think you are right though - subconsciously, he may want to get back at me??
Posted 2 years ago # -
anna_a said:
But, I think you are right though - subconsciously, he may want to get back at me??You have definitely affected him with your NC message...it is working great because he is trying to console himself (and yes make you jealous) by hanging with this woman.
anna_a said:
I just think she was just being talkative"talkative"? Is that what women call it when they talk without thinking?
One way or the other your friend should've known that this information would not help you in the least bit...make sense?
What I would take away from this whole little drama is that NC is working, and you're in control...even though you don't realize it, you are in control.
Stay Strong!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 2 years ago # -
anna_a
offlineMemberWOW and yes! A light just came on inside my head, it's because of me initiating NC that he wants to seek out his former girlfriend! I am thinking he feels LOST without me and him in contact, and he is just trying to find a FILL for this gap in his life. NEVER EVER would I have thought that this was the scenario, and yes you are right - I am in control, he's the one that is jumping all over the place. OMG thanks Scott. xA
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Posted 2 years ago anna_a
offlineMemberI have a question... when we broke up, it was because I expressed the want of children with my ex, and he "didn't know". I put it down to a maturity level, because he used to tell me he was SOooo in love with me when were together - all of the time. From the "kids" discussion we both agreed that we couldn't see a future together, although this hurt like hell for both of us.
The question is - the KIDS issue is the only thing that went wrong with us, how will he change his mind about it, just because I am not contacting him? Yes, I KNOW that he will miss me, but it's a big deal to have kids for anyone?
THoughts? Thanks.
Actually I will copy and paste this one, as it isn't really relevant to my NC diary. xA
Posted 2 years ago #-
losangels
offlineInactiveanna, ithe issue abt kids and all is an agreement, the "deal" that goes into the marriage contract agreement. That you will work out separately--AFTER you reconcile and get things right. Not to be done prematurely!
Your ex and to some extent u seem to be very confused by emotions flying about.
So you need to keep sticking to NC, be strong and hopeful, and dont ask yourself too many questions!
The kids part, I know you want them, and in the end someone will have to come to an agreement with you. Trust in this...Now, You have to stop thinking and asking all those questions, and do the good NC!
Posted 2 years ago # -
BrokenHearted
offlineMemberanna, maybe by not contacting him he will realize how much he really does love you. And if he really loves you he will want you to be happy. If having kids is one of the things that will make you happy in life he would want you to have them if he really loves you. It wouldn't be fair for him to ask you to give up your dreams of being a mother just for him. If loves you he will realize how much it means to you and do what he can to make you happy.
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Posted 2 years ago anna_a
offlineMemberThanks for your amazing responses and advice nad, los and BHearted. Yes, I do have to stop asking questions, and trust in the NC. And I actually have no problem sticking to the NC and keeping strong (generally keeping strong, with the ocassional step back). Although my emotions have settled down heaps, I still have a long way to go. I realise this now, after I asked the question, and received your response losangels.
And, yes I really have to stop asking too many questions.... and TRUST (consistently
)Practice, practice, practice. I really don't want to send out any confused vibes when the NC is over, so I have this time now (the NC time), to develop into a secure, confident woman - something people have told me, they have been inspired by (in me)!
Posted 2 years ago #-
losangels
offlineInactive
Anna, Im sure that once we get the "practice" part of the calm NC attitude down, we can and (have to?) move onto trying to contact the ex again. Is that right scott? Did we get the right idea? "When we are emotionally ready" he said once.
And if the ex by then doesnt want anything, we are ok to move on.....Posted 2 years ago # -
losangels said:
Is that right scott? Did we get the right idea? "When we are emotionally ready" he said once.
And if the ex by then doesnt want anything, we are ok to move on.....Yes that is right!
You have to fully evolve emotionally to be ready for the new relationship (rid yourself of the bad feelings from the old failed relationship).
Also you have to learn that you can and will survive without them if necessary.
Plus if you ever wondered if your ex really loved you this will be a great test...won't it?
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 2 years ago # -
Cristina
offlineMemberHey!
First: Sorry i haven't been around, FINALS
Second: Good for you anna_a! Birthday NC could not have been easy.
Third: This is why i strictly FORBADE my friends from speaking about him. Seriously, if it were another subject maybe it might be OK, but telling the ex girlfriend that the guy is hanging out with another girl? Not cool.... it smacks of evil "bitchitude". I think that some girls have an innate attraction to gossip that is very destructive, especially in these situations. That is why you have to be very clear to your friends, acquaintances or whatever that you would rather not know whats going on with him.
Posted 2 years ago #
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