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"Miaxpa's NC Diary"
(165 posts) (12 voices)-
Kick-Loves-Ass
Posted 3 years ago -
MVC
offlineMemberMiaxpa,
the reason I joined the forum is that NC in "my own way" didn´t work. Why not? because I was too focused on my ex... not on myself. It is almost a week of NC for me...difficult, of course, but much longer that I have ever reached before in the last 1,5 months! This forum helps! And it helps because we help each other...I recommend you to read the book Flourish, Martin Seligman´s book: it is about real happiness... As Scoot says "the real secret to success in here and in life, is helping other people". My daughter and I do RAK (Random acts of kindness...) to others, to each other...
Your post is more focused on yourself this time than on the anger towards your ex, did you realise this?
Evolution has started!Keep it up! Stay strong!
MVC"Sometimes our power resides not in what we do, but in what we don't do" (Paulo Coehlo)Posted 3 years ago # -
Miaxpa
offlineMemberI released the anger towards my former spouse eons ago. A new anger management came about. I thought it might be years of pent up anger - but years of therapy - I'm quite nuetral on ex. Dawn pointed out that my anger could be anger at myself for being a fool for sometime. I am going to talk more to the therapist about that idea today. I agree with you, I've been thong about him less, and more concerned with reading the forum and looking deeper into the concepts. Silly me. I over analyze too much. I also have a lot to do to manage my own conduct. I've been making some social mistakes - nothing to do with x
Thank you. MiaPosted 3 years ago # -
Kick-Loves-Ass
If you really want to know how he feels, and you really want him to know how you feel - talk to his heart.Posted 3 years ago -
MVC
offlineMemberDear Miaxpa,
I´m reading some books about Positive Psychology and in one of them there is this exercise about anger.
First of all you have to AKNOWLEDGE that you have anger (towards yourself, your ex, some circumstances....) and you write it down.E.G. "I´m angry at myself because I wasn´t strong and I allowed my ex take advantadge of it...."
.You make a list. After that you read it loud and feel the anger, sadness... punch a pillow if you need... Then you put the paper in an envelope and seal it. After a few days, or weeks, or after any time you need, feel the envelope: is it light? How can all that anger come from such a light envelop? Open the envelope en read each of the reasons for which you are angry and visualize the moment you were angry (visualize the moment your ex took advantatge of you...). However, this time, instead of feeling all the emotions, try to cover the memory with a a light (a pink light, or any color that you like). And try to forgive the reasons of your anger. Say it loud: "I forgive myself for being foolish when...".
You can repeat this exercise as many times as you need. Take rest in betweens... When you don´t feel anger any more, when you really feel that forgiveness has surrounded all the past events that caused you anger... then you can burn or through the envelop away.
I have been doing this exercise today (I wrote the list 3 days ago)... woow! I felt much better after wards. I´m not yet forgiving myself completally (neither my partner) but I notice some kind of healing...
"You know that acknowledging your anger, accepting that what´s done is done, and genuinely forgiving ourself and others is the only way forward" (Mirabelle Summers).
I see evolution in your posts Miaxpa... read them again and you will realise that you are on the right pad!
Kindly,
MVC"Sometimes our power resides not in what we do, but in what we don't do" (Paulo Coehlo)Posted 3 years ago # -
Miaxpa
offlineMemberHon, I throughout I wrote a post thanking you, but it isn't here. That's weird. Maybe I got mixed up with another. But again thank you for your precious advice. I did talk to my doctor about my anger being "angry at myself for being such a fool.". Obviously we are going to have to delve deeper into this subject - but he thinks it has validity. He has never thought the typical "anger management" techniques or groups could me. That, he's been quite firm on.
I will try your next suggestion - if I can put my finger on what I'm mad about. Thank you again, MVC
Posted 3 years ago # -
MVC
offlineMemberMiaxpa, curiously, today I'm having a terrible day because I was very angry and now I feel very guilty... So I guess that those anger and guilty feelings are part of the journey.... The techniques I explained worked well to forgive me... until the uitbarst of last week... so I will start doing them again... Tonight I will start!
I think that anger at your ex for having literaly dumped you.... is quite possible (and logic, if I may say so!). Anger at your self... for trying to save the relation? for having accepted humiliations? I honestly think that your great heart was hoping that your ex would come to realise that he couldn't keep treating like he did. You are nog guilty for this! You didn't have the chance to evolve! Don't be angry at your self (and while I'm writing this, I apply these same words to me!).
Stay strong Miaxpa!"Sometimes our power resides not in what we do, but in what we don't do" (Paulo Coehlo)Posted 3 years ago # -
Kick-Loves-Ass
If you miss her "real bad", and you want to get your ex-girlfriend back, you need to take a look at this.Posted 3 years ago -
dawnpricey
offlineMemberi agree with miaxpa too.its difficult in the early days when youve got so many different emotions racing through your mind.i tackled each one as it hit me,weve all been played for fools,thats what we feel this moment in time,it does get clearer as time goes by though.stay strong n positive.
Posted 3 years ago # -
Miaxpa
offlineMemberI'm looking at that quote above in MVC's post. I wondering if I should proceed with this thing. I've been talking to a really nice fellow I met on one of the dating lines. Our problems are similar - not in terms of divorce. But loneliness, boredom, fallen on bad times, looking down the street at what's left of our lives (him 58, me 57 both alone).
At first I was very impressed with his past career. But he was disabled many years ago, and of course, career goes out the window when that happens. Same happened to me, mine was a polital suicide.
I start gathering more and more information, as I begin to like him more and more. Bottom line, he has effed his life with multiple DUI's and 2 really dumb felonies as a young man. We talked about him reinventing himself once I gave up the prospects of expunging his record. He really is such a sweetie. He reminds me so much of myself. For instance, every single broken thing or project in my house he is eager to fix for me for free, just to have some human contact. Sort of the way I searched for methods to help him clean up his record free of charge. I told him I would never accept his work without paying him the going rate for these jobs.
I could and we have talked hours about our losses (he recently lost three close family members in one year, 2011, and was locked up on a DUI - and could not attend funerals. He says that is where he learned his lesson. He gave me a few tips he learned in his drinking school - to apply to my own concerns about going over the line sometimes.
I have not agreed to meet him yet. I wanted to bring this to the first. It has certainly humbled me, and took my mind off the "Liitle Nazi," whom had the same number of DUI's as this man during the divorce period of almost 5 years, but used the assets from our restaurant business to hire the best DUI attorney in Atlanta to get him off.
So both men did the same thing. One has a million dollar restaurant and was able to stay in the country (cause he also hired the best immigration attorney in the South), yet, the other, I'm talking to paid the normal price most US citizens pay for this crime and is wiped out.
Interesting conundrum, isn't it?
What does the forem think? I so enjoy talking to this new one that is respectful and kind, at least in speaking to me. Im not interested in a big dating or relationship deal. I just sort of need some companionship to assist me in leaving the house, and someone to talk to. He does still have a beer or so or more - but will never drink and drive again. Im no angel myself. But I would never drive even with a sip of wine. I await replies.
Mia
Posted 3 years ago # -
MVC
offlineMemberDear Mia,
My tip is the following: don't compare this man with your old "little nazi". Follow your instinct: you are having lots of doubts and these doubts could be:
a) your past has engraved those fears in your heart (which is logic, that's we are all here).
b) you gut instinct is saying to be careful.
c) both.Men can be very charming... my ex was the perfect person.... until his commitment phone came above. So, my tip is, don't make yourself vulnerable in depending on a new man... if you CHOSE to give him a chance is not because you are lonely, but because your really feel that you both can grow up something.
I'm going on a date this wednesday, just some coffe during the afternoon: I met him on a datingsite (not the same I met my ex, I'm not on that site because I don't want to see his profile which last time I saw was really pathetic and silly) a man who is a teacher and we go for coffee. I'm not ready for a relationship (I still have some kind of feelings, anger-love, for my ex...), but i'm happy to go out and meet new people. :). Who knows...
Try to make a list: why do you like this person? is it because of his qualities or is it because you need a person?
Sometimes it helps.
Stay strong and positive!
Let us know!
"Sometimes our power resides not in what we do, but in what we don't do" (Paulo Coehlo)Posted 3 years ago # -
Kick-Loves-Ass
If you miss him "real bad", and you want to get your ex-boyfriend back, you need to take a look at this.Posted 3 years ago -
sanity_fair
offlineMemberHi Mia! Your break-up story made me cry- I didn't know that there were worse guys than my ex. I, too, was abandoned right after having abortion. And I fell right back to him almost a year later, like nothing happened. But you had it worse, you had your illness to contend with. Please know that you are doing the right thing by being here and healing yourself. Your strength is inspiring me.
As for this guy, MVC is right, try to be careful. The fact that you are comparing him to your ex means that you may need time to recover from the past. I know that it gets lonely at times, but maybe it's better that instead of relying on someone to help you around the house, you try to learn the ropes of fixing the little kinks of it. You can still talk to him, but I raise a concern about his drinking. He still drinks before driving? That's a red flag, don't you think?
I read somewhere online that our chosen partners are a reflection of ourselves, at least how we view ourselves to be. You're still in a precarious position emotionally. Please take care of yourself first. I'm here if you want to talk.
Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out.
Vaclav Havel, Disturbing the PeacePosted 3 years ago # -
Miaxpa
offlineMemberThank you for your quick responses MVC and Sanity Fair. You are both right. I saw more red flags last night in texting with him. I think he was drunk. Probably still a drunk. I don't need to trade a Nazi in for an alchohic that doesnt earn a living. I was trying to talk to him about us making "Vision Boards" - he know what that is. And had the idea of reinventing himself the other day, just did know how. Then my "Mothering" and "Rescue" instincts kicked in, and the next thing you know - the guy says he will "fuck me deeply.". I'm like, what? I liked that talk - but, it is inappropriate at the moment during this lesson (showed he wasn't paying attention), plus, I have never met him before.
Therefore - I ended the lesson, and instructed him to go spank his monkey, and made it clear there would be no effing. He apologized and blah blah. I told him - that is just words. He hAd demonstrated his poor character. Then he accused me of being afraid of sex talk. I told him, the sex talk makes me hot. But I am a woman of class and he will not be getting any sexy-sex from me, that's that. Go have a deeply good time with your monkey. Nite nite.
I'm so sarcastic. That pissed me off. He already had enough strikes for God's sake. I need to just pay some Mexicans to do the work around here. And IF I date, I need to avoid felons. Thanks for being there for me guys. Case closed (or as Scott would say: Closed by Admin).
PS. He was really good looking. I have to admit, there was a side of me that wanted to walk around in my town again, with a handsome dude. BUT, too much problematic high maintenance. I need to learn to walk with my head high alone in my community again with fear of seeing 'lil Nazi hanging out in MY neighborhood - miles away from his. That has really gotten me psyched out). Mia
Posted 3 years ago # -
MVC
offlineMemberMia,
this man is rather ordinair and without manners. NC to him too! You deserve better! You deserve to be treated like a woman, not like a "thing". A drunk man who says this things to you is, honestly, I wound't bother to hear anything else from him.
Mia, head up! Always! Everywhere! All time! Don't ever let a man put your head down again!
Stay strong!
"Sometimes our power resides not in what we do, but in what we don't do" (Paulo Coehlo)Posted 3 years ago # -
Kick-Loves-Ass
Posted 3 years ago -
Miaxpa
offlineMemberHello Fellow Love Ass Kicker's!
Bit of evolution today to brag about. I wrote the details on new member "Alwal's" diary.
For my entire 27 year marriage, I put myself last or not at all. I am alone in the world now - and, I learned today, I must take the BEST care of myself. No one did it for me before. And no one is going to do it for me now.
I was removing the carpet to re-do a floor. I was barefoot and accidentally stepped on on one of the carpet tackings in the doorway while dragging the out. I didn't do anything about the injury, and just finished the job. Here's what I have learned:
No more limping around on a sore foot after stepping on a carpet tack - a deep puncture wound that has been hurting me for weeks. Then what happened next, a couple days ago? I tripped over all trash bags that I have not taken out, "cause my footie hurt." (also known as Laziness). So I was tring to get in the house, with my groceries, and trying to step over all the trash bags at the door, and I fell. I sprained my my ankle badly and wrist in a fall over trash bags. Now I'm really out of comission for a few weeks.
Excuses, excuses, excuses. None of this would have happened if I had taken care of the initial injury. Turned out, there was a little piece of broken metal up in my heel that had to removed - maybe that is why it has been hurting so bad. I was lucky it didn't get into my bloodstream, because I haven't had a tetnisis shot in ages. The doctor scared me about what "could" have happened. All sorts of things - main concern, blood poisoning from rusty metal. Good lesson for DYIer's and older women on their own. Did I ever evolve in her office! And that "bee sting" shot must have been a ZOMBIE QUEEN BEE.
It is a new day. When I get hurt, which is often, straight to the doctor. I'm older now, and I come first. No more patch-job homemade medical bandages with paper towels. I don't have to pay anything for the doctor, and I feel so much better. They were so nice to me there!
EVOLUTION! My medical doctor is in my phone directory - so it is easy to dial up! Yea for me! Haha! I'm proud of myself!
Miaxpa
Posted 3 years ago # -
sanity_fair
offlineMemberGood for you, Miaxpa! A tetanus scare is very serious. You heeded a warning sign and a lesson learned is always a reason to celebrate! That's why I'm really getting down on losing a few pounds, just five or ten, if I could help it. We all need to take care of our bodies because we only have one! Bravo to you and your leap forward!
Keep it up!
Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out.
Vaclav Havel, Disturbing the PeacePosted 3 years ago # -
Miaxpa
offlineMembersanity_fair said:
Good for you, Miaxpa! A tetanus scare is very serious. You heeded a warning sign and a lesson learned is always a reason to celebrate! That's why I'm really getting down on losing a few pounds, just five or ten, if I could help it. We all need to take care of our bodies because we only have one! Bravo to you and your leap forward!Keep it up!
Thanks for reading SF! I thought this fell under evolution. I see was right. I feel like a new person! Mia
Posted 3 years ago # -
Kick-Loves-Ass
If you're considering reconnecting with your ex, after NC. You should take a look at this system. It never hurts to learn more about relationships, how they work, and how to maintain them.Posted 3 years ago -
MVC
offlineMemberMia,
yes, your post falls under evolution. This diary (correct me Scott if I'm wrong) is to show how we start becoming more caring to ourselves at all levels; not only emotional, but also physical. This is why we all share our changes in habits (going to gyms, running more, doing more this, doing less that...). So you realizing that "your health, your body, is a temple you have to worship" is a great way to start loving yourself fully!
Mia, I really hope you feel better soon. I wish I could help you a bit with the house chores...
ps: I have decided to visit a therapeut who is specialist in dealing with high levels of stress... obviously I am now suffering from it and I'm losing weight... so I also decided to take care of it ;).
"Sometimes our power resides not in what we do, but in what we don't do" (Paulo Coehlo)Posted 3 years ago # -
Miaxpa
offlineMemberI was really looking forward to day yesterday. Took me all day to get ready, starting 7:30am. I had to do a complete makeover on myself. Laundry get clothes fix. Wash hair. Go out (a big deal for me) and get hair coloring stuff). Come home and do my extend roots, and rest of bright red color (huge project since my hair is very long now). I cannot afford hairdresser - so, I had to trim my own bangs - but my hair turned out smashing! My outfit looked hot, and all the basics were handled.
Then I get a text and call (2 hours before meeting) for cancelation. Guy says he has to help his daughter move out of a storage unit so she won't get again and it is kinda far away, and several trips - but he call me later on to chat like we normally do. I was graceful and responded, "family first," blah.
I kept him post on text what I read, and ideas for "Vision Boards we are working on, as we typically do - over past couple weeks. But no response at all. So my anger management issue seemed to get out of hand and I told him he can stick it. I think it is weird to talk talk talk and talk, and then cancel 1st date. He is getting NC from me - without curtesy if letter - as I got drunk last night and pretty much told him he is full of shyt.
I think I have evolved when I cut it off at the moment I see an issue. I got drunk cause I was disappointed, cause I looked really hot. But I am done with him. I think he should have known about this storage unit thing earlier - not 2 hours before meeting. You would think his daughter might have mentioned it before 4:30 in the afternoon. I know I shouldn't have overdone the wine, and I have to work that. And I really didn't need to expload his text with my pist offness (wine talking - stink thinking, drunk texting).
I know he was crazy about me, so he will feel a loss fast. For me, I don't give a flying fuck - since I've never met him. But he does have a very gentle quality that I liked very much. I already did the usual warnings to correct his behavior, and he corrected himself, and acted like a real Gentlman through our entire discussions. But, canceling a date that he knew I was excited (last minute), strikes me as a Pick Up Artist technique. NC is where I'm going with this. Unless, one afternoon, I find my yard cleaned and re-landscaped as if Edward Scissorhands were here. Criterion for that one to enjoy my company has just gone up like Bullish stock market. More evolution - I have high expectations for anyone that arttempts to crawl back that is new in my life and I chop (ex is not in this pix - this is current year of evolving). I dont need cancilations, I dont need guy, period. End of story.
Can I have some feedback please.
Posted 3 years ago # -
WoundedPumpkins
offlineMemberWell, that told him good and proper. Definite
I am sad though you needed to get drunk because that douche let you down
What a prick! 2 hours before a date UNLESS it was an absolute emergency like someone dying, it is no excuse.
Ooo, I have red hair now to
YAY for red haired goddesses … :thumb up:Tell you what though, good for you on your priorities, if he is doing this and you never met, imagine what could be if you were a couple. You deserve better … Onward and Upward …
Posted 3 years ago # -
Kick-Loves-Ass
Hey, I read about this on one of those relationship sites, the other day. It said something like, if you are ready, and you want your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend to come crawling back to you on their knees (no matter why you broke up and even if they’re dating somebody else now) you need to Watch This Video. I did, I thought it was really interesting.Posted 3 years ago -
dawnpricey
offlineMembermiaxpa it really could have been the truth,his daughter could have been let down at the last minute,and hes had to step in to help her.what dad wouldnt?.drinking clouds peoples judgement.if you actually chatted to him drunk then maybe he assume you have a problem.
i know it hurts to be let down but he did chat to you later afterwards.i think your maybe still carrying round baggage/insecurity from your breakup.sorry if this comes accross the wrong way but id see how it goes with him,give the guy a chance if hes only let you down once.stay strong n positive
Posted 3 years ago # -
MVC
offlineMemberMia,
What a pity the date didn't go forth! I notice that you really got disappointed, and it was your right to tell him about it. But I feel that your reaction was a bit out of proportion (and since you wrote it here, i have the feeling that you also thing so...). Specially reactions which come from disappointment mixed with alcohol... Mia, don't feel bad about it... it happened, it is past, learn from it... the lesson here is: avoid drinking while you are sad or down... In the same way we have to be strong and not break NC we also need to be strong and not harm ourselves (drinking after a disappointment is a kind of self harming...). Be strong Mia! You have made yourself so beautiful! Enjoy this! Feel how beautiful you are! Maybe talking to this man again and apologizing for your reaction and explain (from your heart) that you were very enthousiast and that you felt very down after the excuse will make you feel better. Of course, to cancel a date wasn't nice... He needs to also face this...
Take good care of yourself. Getting so upset only harms you... we are all here for you sweet Mia!
Staying strong and positive!
"Sometimes our power resides not in what we do, but in what we don't do" (Paulo Coehlo)Posted 3 years ago # -
Miaxpa
offlineMemberI only like the wine with the cigs. I broke down that "date" evening and went for cigs. I was doing sooooo good with my nicotine gum, probably 6-7 days without cigs/wine. Luckily I only got one pack which I disappeared fast that night with the wine.
So, I'm back on my gum and hot tea. No problem. It is actually better quality nicotine, and physically - I FEEL a lot better, and do not oversleep. Yes, I will have a "simi-good" report for weekly doc meeting tomorrow. Six days off substance, then blew it on one day.
We are noting triggers. Learned another: "disappointment."
So that's it. I know what the problem is. We are getting handle on substance triggers (which can lead to bad Miaxpa behavior). I'm working hard, I suppose this is called practicing Strong and Positive, or at least learning the way with careful focus in therapy. Rather than yapping about blah blah blah nothing in the sessions. There are clear goals now. And we using this model and my journal for the focus. Cause my head can get all over place.
I have also cut one unneeded trank out of my system (diazepam - valume). Psychiatrist will be happy on Thursday that I do not need this extra crap anymore. His take is the less drugs the better. Don't tell me - I already know, drugs and alcohol are bad. I no try, I'm doing.
Eff the two cases of wine in garage. I took it across the street to the neighbor's house this morning, and left it on their front porch as a gift. They have been mowing my lawn for me, and I know they love wine. (It is good wine - not cheap. - but I got a really good deal on it.) Such nice people. How do u like them apples?!?!? All temptation is gone! Absolutely no way I will pay shelf price! Cigs are no good without wine. Works both ways.
I got hot Pomagrantes Tea and 4mg. Nicotine Gum. I'm in Hog's Heaven! I quit smoking 25 years with this gum, and Im doing it again. Done and done. Miaxpa
Posted 3 years ago # -
Kick-Loves-Ass
I was lurking in another forum the other night, and this woman was talking about Valentines day, and how her man never does anything "special" for her, anymore. She was seriously doubting if he loved her anymore, and was asking for advice on how to tell if a guy still loves you. This one woman answered her, and told her about this video she watched. It explained the best way to discover if your man still loves you, without him even realizing that you're asking. I checked it out, myself, it's pretty cool.I think this might be the best way to tell if he still loves you.Posted 3 years ago -
MVC
offlineMemberMiaxpa said:
I got hot Pomagrantes Tea and 4mg. Nicotine Gum. I'm in Hog's Heaven! I quit smoking 25 years with this gum, and Im doing it again. Done and done. MiaxpaThat's the spirit! A healthy body will really help you keep a healthy mind! You need to be you! And those substances don't allow you to be in control of your emotions. So... Pomagrantes Tea rocks!
You don't need any extra substances! Valiums are the worst! I had taken them for a few days after the break up... I was in a kind a shock and the doctor gave them to me... I only took it to sleep better for 3 days... It helped... but then... gone! No way I'm going to be depending on these drugs! I was already too 'addicted" to my ex! New addictions weren't needed! I take valeriana tablets and tea... and I avoid coffee... I sleep much better :).Staying strong and positive!
"Sometimes our power resides not in what we do, but in what we don't do" (Paulo Coehlo)Posted 3 years ago # -
Miaxpa
offlineMemberGood meeting at therapist today. Didn't mention Nazi one time. Only current events, and positive forward movement. New boundaries which I act upon at first site - no BSing around. Amazing the clarity one has once they really open their eyes and wake up smell coffee - and finally know the abuse once affected as normal life. Just weird how long it takes to come to this point. But, I do agree with something Scott wrote somewhere, you learn to accept certain situation from the modeling given you in childhood. At least that is certainly becoming clear to me in my case - and the more time that goes by siince my Mother's death (same month as hidious divorce trial - August 2012, RIP).
I'm challenging myself this week to do two things. First will be my own yard work. I filled a 3 gallon container of gas at the gas station for the first time on the way home from therapist. I was a bit nervious - that it might slash out while pumping - but it went easy breezy. Now I have my own gas for the mower. I will try 3 rows a day till I build my strength. Getting the gas was today's goal - done.
This week - I have to contact my retirement fund and get financial direction. I got to get myself out of debt from divorce - to this monthly worry stops - and money is no longer wasted on stupid interest charges.
That is enough goals for the week - cause I hate calling people/companies (procrastination).
Doing good! Positive direction! I don't need a guy to do my lawn - I can do it myself. I got the gas to prove it now!!!! How do you like that? Miaxpa
Posted 3 years ago # -
Miaxpa said:
Doing good! Positive direction! I don't need a guy to do my lawn - I can do it myself. I got the gas to prove it now!!!! How do you like that? MiaxpaGreat Job Miaxpa!
Becoming self sufficient again is (one of) the first step(s) to kicking loves (and life's) ass.
Keep up the good work, and...
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
"If you don't think finding true love is worth risking a broken heart, then, you don't deserve it."
FREE Step-by-Step BREAKUP SURVIVAL PLAN
Click Here to Buy The Magic of Making Up SystemPosted 3 years ago # -
Kick-Loves-Ass
Posted 3 years ago -
MVC
offlineMemberMia! You look like a complete different person! These goals you are setting are little steps to show yourself that you can be independent! Well done! I'm soooooo proud of you! And you always make us smile with your posts! Do you know how easy it is to evolve when you read posts like yours! Smiling and laughing are the best therapy to be more and more positive. And the more positive you are, the more positive you become. Mia, you don't need a man to do chores! The man who will fall for you will not fall for you because he can do chores... but because he really loves you! Meanwhile, you can do anything on your own! Promise (I have been a single mum for many, many years in another country... I do all the chores, from car repairs, to hanging paintings.... even electricity work! :)). So, our future man has to be one thing: he has to love us unconditionally :).
Keep it up! Great to see you so positive!
"Sometimes our power resides not in what we do, but in what we don't do" (Paulo Coehlo)Posted 3 years ago # -
Miaxpa
offlineMemberThanks guys. I had no idea how powerful 3 gallons of gas can make a girl feel, STRONG and POSITIVE. I'm a big shot now, I got a full tank, and I know how to use it. Try Me, just Try Me! I'm waiting! Anyone come near my three gallons of petro - It will be a replay of the last scene in Walking Dead.
MVC, without my tri-focals, u look like a moose in that pix! But, with my glasses - u are beautiful woman. Maybe I get the pussy cat icon if I put up good pix? I guess "Triangle Head" has to get with the program, and download her cutest shot. Will do. Over and out! Mia
Posted 3 years ago # -
MVC
offlineMemberMiaxpa said:
I had no idea how powerful 3 gallons of gas can make a girl feel, STRONG and POSITIVE.Mia! It is not the 3 gallos of gas... it is you willing to do things and DOING that makes you feel strong! Keep setting up goals, one each day.... share them with us... and you will see! Even stronger!
Thanks for the compliment... Moose are quite beautiful animals...
Mia, I can't wait to hear what is the next achievement! And I cant' wait to see your picture :).
Staying strong and positive!
"Sometimes our power resides not in what we do, but in what we don't do" (Paulo Coehlo)Posted 3 years ago # -
Miaxpa
offlineMemberBetter watch out. I'm a bad ass. I like a new name. "Miaxpa" is to nice. It is a Greek slang word that means "I'm cool - I'm doing fine.". I show youhow to pronounce it: MIA - Hair - AH. Correct! the "x" is "h" sound, and the "p" is "r" sound. Backwards! Not a surprise for Greek, right?
Do you guys like "Mean Snake." Or "Cut Throat" for me better?
Hope u guys r good. I'm participating, as u see. Yes, I believe there is some residual anger lerking (I'm not the only one with this issue). Oh well. Let us pour the energy towards a good service, such as this site. We have a newbie to protect, that's nice, I feel like Mama bear!
Haha. Kick'in ass. I think Ive gone a bit cynical. Gotta get that positive going again.
Good report with psychiatrist today (see that dude once a month). He is basically the drug doctor. He agreed with me - no more diazepam - and he liked my plan for the month. That is to focus on financial planning ONLY. So I don't get overwhelmed. [there are legal issues, probate issues with my Mother's death, bs, and more bs that can wait]. therefore, one thing at a time - put out a fire - and worry about the other fires later.
That is what the problem has been. Too many complicated fires. I sorted - found most important - financial - that's the one that controls everything. That is all I will think about for the next month until I re-evaluate. Now - I feel relieved. Miaxpa (AKA Mean Snake)
Posted 3 years ago # -
MVC
offlineMemberMiaxpa,
a sweet name doesn't mean we are softies! We still can be caring, compassionated, grateful...without been door mats! I honestly think that true happiness comes from LOVE and it's aims is TO LOVE. I'm not talking about husband-wife kind of love, but LOVE at a higher level, love for life, love for being able to evolve... love others... A sweet name is good because if shows that you are sweet to yourself :). Or you can make a combi... a kind of "I'm a NINJA-BUTTERFLY" thing...I'm seeing that you are making goals to your self and that you are now working towards those goals! Financial security is really a good base to build up your happiness.. if you can support yourself economically, this gives you a strong stepping stone to start flying. Those fires wil stop burning...
RIP diazepam! This drugs only "kill the pain for a while.... so that later you can feel it even more... it is a torture! Mia, you are doing well! keep putting goals and work towards them! My goal this week was to be able to organize the Olympic Games and have a great event in school. I put energy on that... Now is paying back :). I feel so good! The kids are enjoying!
Your goal "financial stability" takes priority: keep us informed and explain us how are you planning to achieve the goal. We will help you and support you through out! You will Flourish!
Staying strong and positive!
"Sometimes our power resides not in what we do, but in what we don't do" (Paulo Coehlo)Posted 3 years ago # -
Miaxpa
offlineMemberI just mowed a quarter acre of grass, with only one break. It took me a couple hours, I haven't done any strenuous exercise in a decade. But I was determined to finish it. So I am dead. The sweat is pouring off me. Neighbors were cheering me on. While was catching my breath on front potch new neighbors (sort of reclusive - even a little unsocialable at times) drove up. The lDy had her passenger window open, so I heard what she said, in a sarcastic tone: "OMG, can you believe it!". I knowshe talks about my new yard, cause my mower was still. So I got up, and I said to her:
"Yes, Helen, you can believe it! And I did it myself too! Ha-Ha. I'm so proud!". Her and her and her enemic unfriendly child went in, and I chatted up husband. I apologized, that my yard has not been up to par. I told him I have made several calls to local landscaping companies, and they don't call back. Guys in the bringing want year round contracts for tree and scubbery and leaf, money up front, and I just don't have it. Like many other neighbors, I trim my trees and do leaves myself. Neighbors help on yard when they can, but I'm trying to learn. The husband was very friendly, and I explained I have a medical disorder, and have been home bound for quite some time. He is also a professor - I knew that, so I let him know that used to be my work as well. Chat chat chat. Nice, nice.
Everything went well. I feel comfortable being outside in my yard. There was kind of a "zen" to it. But I am terribly out of shape - and had to go very slow. Out of breath, sweating. But, I guess you have to start your work out somewhere. And there is no way I am going to a gym.
Wha' cha think gang? Miaxpa
PS. If that Nazi saw me taking on that lawn, he would have dropped dead. Well, he could have seen, he drives thru here often enough! But my attention was consumed by my BIG 6 HORSEPOWER LAWN MOWER! He wouldn't even mow it when he lived here, that's for sure!
Posted 3 years ago #
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