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*MelanieStryder's NC Diary*
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I HATE SPAM! Read Our Privacy PolicyPosted 4 months ago sanity_fair
offlineMemberMelanieStryder, your idea of voice-recording your thoughts totally reminded me of Felicity doing the same, except it was a letter to her friend Sally. I like it
I think you were too young to know who Felicity was, though. Anyway, I'd like to do this myself. It makes me stay in the right path. Plus isn't it fun, too?
Thanks a lot!
Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out.
Vaclav Havel, Disturbing the PeacePosted 4 months ago #-
MelanieStryder
offlineMemberHi everybody! I'm back from the land of buried NC diaries
! Just kidding, I never really disappared. I have some crazy updates that I need to address! They might be shocking and unexpected, but don't fret 
No, seriously. I'm still happily content with myself! Sooo that's all that matters!I'm single again!
In fact...
It's been weeks and weeks and weeks since I've talked to him! HAH!
BUT WAIT! Don't be discouraged. I know how it works. I used to be really discouraged whenever I read a success story that broke up in the end. I'd think, "Oh nooo! Now there's no hope if my ex and I get together again!" But that's not true!
He didn't want to break up at all. He didn't lose feelings for me, and he wanted to make it work! But he wasn't quite cutting it
I wasn't kidding when I mentioned that I'd never settle for less than I deserve!As a recap: We had a fabulous summer together and things were going well! He was talking long-term stuff with me, cried the night I moved out of town, and wanted to try long distance in college. I planned to test the waters with the LDR because this was new territory. I wasn't really sure how it was going to turn out, but I did know what happened was meant to happen. As the weeks progressed, he was getting swamped with tons of assignments for his major. Soon, he couldn't make much time to talk to me on the phone, and when he did, he seemed distant (no pun intended). Eventually, he didn't have alone time to skype me very often, so I was getting some warning signals here. Thanks to my NC evolution, I was more than prepared to pack my bags at the sign of this.
When he sensed I was becoming more detached, he came crawling back.
I can't quite remember the exact words, but he'd text me stuff like, "Baby I don't want to break up at all! I'm just having a hard time making time to talk on the phone from all of the work!" Eh, I dunno, it was a legitimate reason. I wasn't offended, jealous, bitter, or anything. I want him to do well in school, and my gut feeling was telling me that we'd become more torn as time went on. Not that our feelings would diminish, but rather, petty arguments might rise. Breaking up seemed to save the good feelings we had for each other so they could pick up at another point when we met again.The reason why I was so confident with the fate of our relationship is because of a PM I recieved back in the day. Long story short, two highschool sweethearts broke up before college and were devestated. The girl dusted herself off, went NC, met new guys, kicked ass, and was happy. The boy moped around, didn't meet new girls, missed her, etc. Sounds too much like my situation to forget. Years down the road, they met up and things worked out. This story has stuck with me, so much that I believe in it! Besides, Scott told me one time that if it didn't work out now, then it wasn't meant to work out at this point in time. And he knows his stuff! I'm not setting myself up for false hope, but something tells me that it will be ok!
I've been enjoying the single life yet again! I'm not heartbroken at all! In fact, I am bulletproof when it comes to breakups, especially with him, because I didn't lose myself. Nope.
I have a feeling he will be timidly contacting me over this Christmas break. We might possibly be in town at the same time. It's been a pretty long-ass time since we've last talked. Instead of being heartbroken, I'm excited about where this is going. I want to arrange a short meeting with him over break, like 30 minutes. I imagine it would be similar to the first reconnection meeting I had with him last year. Just to catch up.. Nothing special, at least on my part. The feelings he had for me didn't go anywhere, so this is going to be intriguing. I don't expect to get back together with him just to be safe
Basically, if you take anything out of this post, let it be this: He didn't want to break up and it was all me! So don't be discouraged. If you get your ex back, you can totally make it work. I just decided not to, for now anyway.
On the bright side, I know of a boy who has a crush on me, so it's always fun to see him all flustered around me.
Posted 2 months ago # -
stridokride
offlineMembernice to hear from u melanie...tried to pm u,but it says yr inbox is full...
i wish i cud chat with u...my email id is pterion2910@live.com
Posted 2 months ago # -
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Posted 1 month ago MelanieStryder
offlineMemberHe just KEEPS COMING BACK!
My ex-boyfriend has admitted that he will absolutely never get over me and that he will always have feelings for me no matter what. He has pretty much given up hope of moving on without me and I'm always going to be the girl he wants forever. He's not even thinking about finding someone else.
This is the same guy who told me back when we broke up, "now I really don't want you as a girlfriend. That's final." It's also the same guy who later gushed his feelings for me after I followed the free plan on this website. I knew his feelings weren't going anywhere after all of this, and now that I have reached my first success story, I decided to try out my own experimental plan
As a reminder, he and I decided we shouldn't date long distance due to school demands. 5 months pass without a word spoken to each other...
On Christmas day, I texted him for the first time wishing him Merry Christmas and that I hope his family has been doing well. He was thrilled to hear from me! We decided to meet up for coffee the next week. I would learn later that he thought I had completely moved on and never wanted to hear from him again.
It is for this reason that sending the NC message in the beginning is absolutely essential! If you just cut off contact like I demonstrated here, then you could very easily send the wrong signals, such as never wanting to speak to your ex again. With the NC message, they know you just want your own time and you'll be back when you're ready if you decide to. Just throwing that out there.
Anyway, he offered to pick me up at my house (big hint that he still likes me!). After we drank our coffee, he asked me what else there was to do. I casually listed off things like the mall, movies..and he immediately asked, "What movies are out??" He was all about the movie-going!
The movie was ok, but I also knew he was dying to hold my hand. and if I rested my head on his shoulder, he'd go beserk. I didn't have the guts, but it didn't matter - his real feelings came out afterwards!We decided to just park somewhere close and talk. Suddenly, I was overwhelmed with sadness and said, "I miss you." I wasn't surprised when he said he missed me too and pulled me close! And that's when I told him I love him, and he said it back. Even after 5 months without communication, he couldn't get me out of his head. Somehow I have a way of bringing back his feelings, even miles away and without talking to him. He wanted to see me during Thanksgiving Break, but he thought I didn't ever want to talk to him again. And I know he means wants a long-term relationship because he was saying how after graduate school, he can get his degree and move wherever I want to be.
So...really it's up to me whether I want to continue this or not! He's acting soo lovey dovey but we never talked about getting back together. So I guess I'm still single!
I always knew he'd be back!
Posted 1 month ago #-
samxarra
offlineMemberGood on you, young lady. Very positively inspirational. I'm keeping you in my favourites!
Keep calm and carry on.Posted 1 month ago # -
jane_eyre
offlineInactiveI remember when I first read your NC diary, Melanie.
You had been on here three months longer than I, I think. And I was so relieved that I had found just your NC diary, and to have your narrative in my head.
I always look for your name when I log on to this site. Because I am so inspired by you, and you calm me and the other members by your voice of reason. And humor.
I am going to reread your NC diary just because it makes me happy. And it is highly addictive.
Please keep us updated on everything when you have the time.
Posted 1 month ago # -
MelanieStryder
offlineMemberI'm so honored to be in your favorites, samxarra!
And jane_eyre, that means so much to me! Posts like yours inspire me in return to keep dropping by and updating on this forum. I'm so glad my narrative is enjoyable; I've tried my best to craft my NC Diary into a story that would be fun to read and easy to remember when NC gets difficult for people. I'm just going to continue calling him my ex-boyfriend, even though he's treating me like a girlfriend. I don't know what we are, but honestly, I don't care to define us at this point. Sometimes I wonder if I've become too indifferent. meh.
He's been eagerly suggesting Spring Break plans for the two of us, as well as summer plans! Whoa there, tiger!
Our awesome roadtrip last summer has stuck in his mind, because he wants to go back to the same beach, rollercoaster theme parks, and big cities again. All of this makes me giggle because we're not even officially together! I told him he might be able to come with me on my roadtrip this summer ("might" being the operative word) but I'm not positive. Who knows where we will be in 5 months?In addition to vacations, he's been nudging me to come visit him in college. I'm cool with it, except I'm too stubborn to pay all of that gasoline myself.
And because I'm still trying out my experimental plan, I figure if he really wants me to visit him, then he might fund my trip for my birthday. So, when he asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I told him a paid visit to see him at his university. Now, whether he follows through with that request is unknown to me! He'd win some serious brownie points if he pulled that together.At times like this, it's fun to compare my current mentality to my initial state. Backtrack 1.5 years and I'd probably hop in the car as soon as I had a free weekend and visit him immediately, while insisting I pay for gas, food, housing, and whatever else! But now I'm thinking, "Why doesn't HE come visit me?"
Annnd voila! He is looking into bringing his car to college. Problem solved... This sure is fun! Learning so much along the way and watching his feelings turn around was totally worth the heartbreak in the beginning. I wouldn't believe it at the time, though.
Posted 1 month ago # -
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Posted 1 month ago Marie21
offlineMemberThis just cheered me up so much, I get on feeling a bit glum cause my new relationship fell apart and I'm starting NC again. Reading your story gives me so much hope, and it inspires me to try and keep my diary up-to-date so I can inspire others too.
Happiness is a choice, it is your choice, you have to make it.Posted 1 month ago #-
MelanieStryder
offlineMemberFor the past few weeks, I've been going through the lengthy process of applying to be a Resident Assistant at my university. This is a job I've always wanted, and I was really excited for my interview. I've been told by several friends and family members that I'd make an ideal RA. Surely, I was going to nail the interview and be myself! Right?!
I had prepared my mental checklist of things to tell the interviewers about myself. The second I sat down though, my mouth became parched, my heart started racing, my mind began to wipe clean of any preparation whatsoever, and the mental checklist of my strongest assets flushed out of my brain and out my ears. After the interview, I felt like I blew my chances and hit a really low point. (I probably didn't do as bad as I think I did but that's not the point of the story!)
When I got back to my dorm, I pulled out my old journal from my NC days and read a positive entry from a long time ago. It really helped bounce me back. The moment you feel yourself driving to moments of sadness, try out these strategies:
1. Shift your thoughts - Think about something completely unrelated to your sadness whenever you begin to feel low self-esteem, frustration, or sadness. This breaks self-pity, mind-created stories, and a downward spiral.
2. Inventory of memories - Keep an inventory of memories that can make you smile. Occasions when you felt happy, appreciative, and cheerful. When you were at peace with the world. Whenever you are at a negative frame of mind, dwell on these memories. Reminiscing gives you a balanced perspective to the situation. You realize that what appears negative will change tomorrow.
3. Find the lesson - There is a lesson to be learned in every situation. Recognize the beautiful lessons waiting to be discovered in a sad situation. You may have made a mistake, but now you can accept it and continue. Every problem is an opportunity to be discovered in disguise. Understand this and be appreciative for the experience.
4. Attitude of Gratitude - You cannot be grateful and angry at the same time. Start counting the miracles and blessings in your life. Look for them and you shall find more. Remember how lucky you are and all the abundance in your life.
5. Positive affirmations and visualization - Practice seeing yourself in a positive light. Do this whenever you have a couple of minutes. Listing positives about yourself and self-image is a simple and powerful tool to train yourself to see yourself in a positive light. This is important, as many of us can be hard on ourselves through social conditioning. I am guilty of being extra tough on myself, but I will learn over time that I should recognize my gifts rather than finding false and self-imposed inadequacies.
As for the "Inventory of Memories," I immediately thought of that football game when my ex was standing behind me. I wrote about it earlier in my NC diary. That was one of the happiest evenings of my senior year in high school and always makes me smile! And about the "Find the Lesson" strategy - I'm taking this interview anxiety and turning it into something productive. I'm definitely going to get some interview practice at various resources on campus. Instead of moping around like I really wanted to do after my interview, I tried my hardest to look on the postive side.
This positivity entry in general had me thinking back on my NC journey. It really showed me how I'm definitely capable of amazing things! I thought I was never going to make it through NC in the beginning, and look where I am now. So basically, thanks to this old NC journal, I stopped boohooing and now I'm making improvements for the next stage of the RA process!
Posted 2 weeks ago #
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