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*MelanieStryder's NC Diary*
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I HATE SPAM! Read Our Privacy PolicyPosted 1 year ago MelanieStryder
offlineMemberAlright. I sent the reccomended NC message:
"Hey. I agree with your decision to break up. I really believe it was the best thing for the both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn't contact me at htis time. I'll be in touch when I am ready."*Note: I had already been praticing NC for 5 days so far. I simply dropped contact with him. I didn't make any special message like this one above. Would you mind telling me where I stand at this point? Our last conversation wasn't so pleasant.
You want to see what went down the last time we texted each other?
7/20 @ 1:30pm
HIM: Hey melanie. I like you a TON. I really mean it.
ME: What does that even mean for us?
HIM: That we can be good friends7/20 @ 4pm
ME: Im pissed
HIM: y
ME: You left me because you were BORED! I've been too blinded by my feelings for you to fully realize how shallow that is! To tell your girlfriend you want a new girl because you've become bored?? That's what assholes do and I never knew you'd ever be like that. Gah that pisses me off...and how you suddenly didn't feel like having an anniversary because you didn't 'feel it' anymore...the worst part is that there is more and I've never been so pissed at your behavior before. [Yeah, this was a mistake, but it felt good to text him angrily since I'm such a sweet person usually.]
ME: I thought you were different thats all...
ME: I have a right to be mad about all of this!7/20 @ 5:25pm
HIM: I fell out of love. When you fall out of love you become bored. Has it happened to you? No. So im sorry it happened but I did nothing wrong. Be my friend or not7/20 @ 6:20pm
HIM: Gah i just wana be friends7/22 @ 10:00am
HIM: hey wat upI never responded to that text message. it's been 5 days. I think he was in the area and wanted to see me/hang out...as a friend. Good thing I didnt answer.
You know what? I've already felt my own transformation these past 5 days. I dont really want him..but I do at the same time. Maybe 5 days later I wont even want him. But Im still going to fight for him since he is my first boyfriend, and I am physically/mentally bound to him....Hmm..I will definitely start on the journal. It is something Ive been wanting to do for awhile now anyway, before running into this website.
Any advice, tips, or input is greatly appreciated. He is my first boyfriend, so I have no breakup experience under my belt yet.
Posted 1 year ago #-
veronicajj
offlineMemberJust follow the guidelines to a T. Be strong and don't feel bad you were not that mean at all. I was much meaner. It's good that you're doing this now when he still wants to be a part of your life. Rather than starting after things have just completely unravelled. You can do it!!
Posted 1 year ago # -
SuzyBee
offlineMemberDon't worry about your age, and don't worry about your relationship experience. My ex fiance and I were also each other's first proper relationship, and I've got over a decade on you! Every break up's different. My ex decided he didn't love me anymore either. Advice? Welcome to the forum, and keep to this plan! xx
Posted 1 year ago # -
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Posted 1 year ago Annie123
offlineMemberWelcome! Don't worry about what your last conversation was. You need to focus on YOU now. And you know what? Giving yourself that much needed attention is kinda fun
Good luck and keep us updated on your progress!
"If you really put a small value upon yourself, rest assured that the world will not raise your price." -AnnonymousPosted 1 year ago #-
MelanieStryder
offlineMemberIt turns out the message did not send due to bad reception. I was in the basement using that computer when I sent it. No wonder he wasn't responding! I re-sent the text, and now I have major butterflies in my stomach...I'm panicking a little, and now I know I'm going to be checking my blocked application constantly.
Yes, I did download the application for my Droid called "Super Private Conversation." It forwards all of his texts to a special, isolated chat log, so I don't hear the phone ding when he sends it...it keeps me from feeling tempted to reply to him.
He's not responding! ahh. Well maybe it's because he's at the concert with the girl who likes him. Maybe he's just respecting my request. Maybe I should just hush up. I'm so nervous. I was doing so well for these 5 days without contact, and now it feels like I'm starting over in a way.
Please encourage me! Was it right to send the NC text, or could I have continued the silence?
*~ UPDATE ~*
My ex's friend Hank just texted me "Hey. is this Melanie?"
I noticed that it was a Georgia area code, so I knew who it probably was.
...And it was. It's Hank.This text message came after I sent the NC text successfully. I think my ex may be with Hank, and he's trying to get information through texting me. It simply cannot be a coincidence that Hank texts me right after the NC message.
I'm sorry I haven't found this on the website yet.Do I communicate with my ex's friends?
Posted 1 year ago # -
SuzyBee
offlineMemberAll these anwers and more can be found here. Have a little read, you won't regret it. I didn't read this thread until a few weeks into NC, and I wish I'd read it earlier.
And don't panic. You'll be fine. xx
http://forum.howtogetyourexbackfast.com/topic/inspirational-articles-and-storiesPosted 1 year ago # -
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Posted 1 year ago Richard2010
offlineMemberMS welcome, thats good that you get his texts sent some where else but if he still texts you that means time to resend NC message. Its taken me now weeks to realy get going better. Atm my feelings for her are like null i miss the company she used to offer and being so close to moveing I dont want to get a girl involved and break her heart to satisfy mine. Its taken me 2 months to get here. Hope it will be faster for you. What has helped me is hanging out with friends, working out and playing cards. Most of all is going to places where me and her used to go to. I think that has helped me the most. Stay stong
Posted 1 year ago #-
finallyfedup
offlineMemberHi Melanie...
I just read your diary...... and I understand!
Your ex has plainly stated he has fallen out of love with you and has become board. I have learned that when a man becomes board you have overcompensated, given your all and expressed your feelings. I don't think men like this???? They like the chase...
Keeping your NC in force is your best asset! IT WILL AND IS THE ONLY THING THAT WILL WORK and get his attention again. But NC is about YOU not him. Read and follow the guidelines to this forum and don't doubt that is works because it does.
With time, evolution and evaluation things will get better.
Oh and the contact with the ex's friends...... is not good! Stay away from anything and everything that has to do with him. If you don't, your only killing yourself and making the entire process longer!
Good Luck!
...Live Life on the Edge...Posted 1 year ago # -
MelanieStryder said:
Any advice, tips, or input is greatly appreciated. He is my first boyfriend, so I have no breakup experience under my belt yet.Read the others NC Diaries, and success stories, and then get yourself a forum buddy, preferably a male to help support you as you both go through NC.
Why a male?
Because it seems to work better getting the perspective of the opposite sex, but a woman buddy works too.
Stay Strong!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 1 year ago # -
MelanieStryder
offlineMemberNC: Day 1
Lol finallyfedup, I learned that talking to my ex's friend can be very damaging, especially in the beginning. However, I did get a lot of insight about how my ex is doing.
I was told by the friend (Hank) that he asked my ex for my number days ago. My ex simply gave it to him. He was really worried "about how I'd take it." I'm not sure if my ex knew that Hank was into me or not when giving my phone number to him.
What felt so suspicious is that I recieved Hank's text message less than an hour after I re-sent my failed NC text message. I thought that my ex was with Hank at the time, and Hank was trying to get a hold of me through his own identity. That isn't the case tho. Nevertheless, my guard was UP as soon as I was getting Hank's texts.
If you're interested to see what the conversation was like, read below. It looks long, but it only takes about 2 minutes to read through.
HIM: hey. is this Melanie?
ME: yeah. can I ask who this is?
HIM: yeah. this is Hank, I asked [my ex] for your number the other day and he gave it to me. Is that ok?
ME: Oh hey Hank. yeah its no problem
HIM: Ok how are you?
ME: I'm good thanks. How about yourself?
HIM: I'm good. Just chillin
ME: That's cool. I assume you're with him right now? [My guard was going way up. I had just sent the NC message when I got his texts...I thought my ex was with him.]
HIM: No. Just hangin with my friends. I was just kinda scared to talk to you
ME: Ohh mk. Why were you afraid? lol I don't bite
HIM:Haha I don't get to talk to a girl as beautiful as you every day [I was TOTALLY WEIRDED OUT BY THIS!!! I'm in love with his FRIEND! not him...anyway...]
ME: Oh haha..that's nice of you, thank you
HIM: Youre welcome. And because well idk
HIM: ok. Here we go. I was wondering if you would think its weird if I would like to get to know you better. And maybe talk sometime [I was ultra weirded out by now and considered not talking anymore]
ME: Do you mean clarifying that a little more?
ME: Well Hank...you need to realize I just got out of a year long relatioship with [my ex] and I'm sure you can understand that Im not ready for anything like that quite yet
HIM: I understand. But can we still talk?
Me: haha yeah of course there is no reason not to
HIM: Ok but for real though. If your ever ready or interest I'm sure I will be too [ew.]
ME: haha ok. dont take it personally. I'm loving the single life [lies, but I remembered to always look cheerful through NC] I haven't had this is over a year. I mean its senior year I have a very busy year ahead of me haha
HIM: haa yeah I feel yaME: Um when you asked for my number from [my ex], what did he say about it? I'm curious [I knew I was walking on thin ice by asking this :/]
HIM: Nothin he just gave it to me
ME: Ohh I see [hah...my heart was really hurt by that...]
HIM: Yeah but he was really worried about how you would take it [hmm?]
Me: No I understand. I know him very well
HIM: *He still has feeligns for you but not the same feelings
ME: Lol yeah..I've heard it all too many times from his mouth..
HIM: Haha well its true though. He was upset the day after he did it. And he felt really bad
ME: Hey. are you some kind of messenger for him? I'm being dead serious. He should wait to tell me these things in person if thats the case
HIM: (something about him talking to his girl friends, so he is probably moving on just fine. I deleted it cuz it hurt a lot.)
ME:Well I wish him the best. I wont be around to see it. because I am not setting as "just friends" and he knows that by now. I'm moving on with my life and whether he is apart of it is up to him. He knows how to reach meetc etc
Me: does he think I am ignoring ihm out of anger?
HIM: Idk. He was saying yesterday that he should just give you time to think about things[my ex was right on the money. He said that before my ex knew of the NC message..how interesting]Thanks for reading all of that. Any insight about this conversation? I won't text Hank again, I knew that it was really fishy...
Is this a possibility?...My ex is upset about the fact that I'm no longer around, since he really cares for me as a friend. as a result, my ex doesn't like talking about what happened between us with his friend. is he trying to bury this?
He has been talking to a lot of girls..Is this because he's trying to distract himself from my absence?Posted 1 year ago # -
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Posted 1 year ago Monserah
offlineInactiveThis conversation seems like a complete trap to me. In your case, I'd completely ignore your ex's friend Hank. It ain't helping your NC and he might be passing all your msgs to your ex and even trying to gauge your reactions.
Just cut off from all your ex's friends for a while. They're gonna disturb and intrude in your personal evolution. You need to completely disappear for a while.
"To truly love something, you must first give it a chance to fail. If it survives, it is going to be stronger than ever. If not, it was never meant to be."Posted 1 year ago #-
Monserah
offlineInactiveBtw, I see that you've given out too much info about yourself to Hank (eg. that you want to remain single for a while, etc.) Now someone as close as your ex's friend shouldn't know all of this, right? He might communicate it to your ex.
Infact, it's best to just avoid disclosing about your NC, your personal evolution and related stuff to just everyone. Since you're doing this for you, keep your plans to yourself. Else, either someone might communicate stuff to your ex or someone else might simply discourage you from doing all of this.
Be careful about such conversations now darl. Best is to don't even make such conversations happen
Good luck
"To truly love something, you must first give it a chance to fail. If it survives, it is going to be stronger than ever. If not, it was never meant to be."Posted 1 year ago # -
Annie123
offlineMemberI don't know your ex or Hank at all, but would you put it past your ex to have asked Hank to send you those texts to gauge your reaction?
Either way, I would get Hank's texts sent to that special folder too, if it were me. Since he is your ex's friend, I would bet that whatever you say to Hank, Hank will tell your ex. You could almost consider it indirect contact. Plus, you want to remove the temptation of asking about your ex. You don't need to know what your ex is up to anymore than he needs to hear about you. It will not help your evolution in any way, shape, or form.
Good luck!
"If you really put a small value upon yourself, rest assured that the world will not raise your price." -AnnonymousPosted 1 year ago # -
MelanieStryder
offlineMemberAt the end of the conversation last night, I asked Hank if he could please keep our conversation between us. I actually think he is going to do it..at least, that's what it sounded like last night. I asked Hank if my ex knew we were texting each other, and he said that my ex didn't even know about it...which is logical, I mean, assuming Hank really did ask for my number a couple of days ago.
I used this knowledge to my advantage and told Hank that I want to be the one to communicate with my ex when I am ready. That sounds pretty, uh..respectable? Maybe he will go with it. That's not a lie at all, and I actually think Hank will respect my wish... I wouldn't worry about him passing the information along. However, I'm not going to talk to him like that again. I told you that I'm really new to the dynamics of a break up haha..
Really and truly, I think Hank just wanted to get to know me better, since I think he likes me. Yuck. I do admit I let too much information slip.
I said to Hank, "I will definitely talk to [my ex] again...But I need time to think things over. That's why I need to be the one who talks to him about all of this. Ok?" and he replied "Ok cool :)"
He's just looking out for his buddy. I even said "you can forward that message to [my ex]" and Hank said no if you want him to know, you can tell him yourself.I just texted Hank, "Hey. You're keeping your word, right? Not a word about last night to [my ex]. I want him to hear it from me" Hank replied "Not a word has left my mouth :)" and I replied "Thank you Hank I really appreciate it"
I think I'm good. However I will NOT slip up next time. I got lucky this time. I'm going to go work on my journal now. I bought my ex a brand-new journal that I was going to write all of our favorite memories in and give it to him for an anniversary present. However...we broke up before our anniversary, and so I'm using the journal for my NC diary! haha how ironic!
Thank you for your input, everybody. I really appreciate it. I am so glad I found this website. I think God directed me to it in one way or another (: it was no mistake. Same with the journal- I meant for it to be filled with my favorite memories with my ex and make it an anniversary present. I now have a very practical use for a journal...to win my ex back!
Posted 1 year ago # -
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Posted 1 year ago MelanieStryder
offlineMemberHey! Here is a positive update
Lmao I put Hank on the same block list as my ex!! I'll flirt with some guys..but not my ex's friends! Especially Hank!!
I was feeling very down this night...It is 1 am but I couldn't sleep. Thinking about him. I deleted my ex off of Facebook and blocked the girl who flirts with him all the time. I know deep down that the girl is not his type. He even said so himself. The truth is that if they ever did start anything, it wouldn't last. He likes good girls. Like me. Not her. Which is why NC WILL WORK! Before I even stumbled upon this website, I was already kicking loves stinkin lil ass. I had the "screw you" attitude. I know for a fact I can make this through. My ex has feelings for me still...just not right now. He loves me as a best friend, a life friend..that's only one step below the real thing. That's good cuz I'm not ready to confront him.Overall, I am very excited about my NC journey. I thank God for directing me to this website. After this breakup, I will be set for every relationship in the future. I'm only 17! Not 27..not 37..but 17!! I'm so young and I deserve my bf to love the crap outta me. Too bad its not him
or is it?
well I just felt the need to update my journal. Oh, writing the pros and cons really works miracles as far as my heart is concerned."I Am Done" by Christina aguilera sounds like my story in a song lol...it was therapeutic to listen to it, but I got myself together and I'm going to kick ass now. Whether it is loves ass or my ex's, or that skinny lil girl's ass, someone is going down and its not me Scott, you are a miracle worker!! Initially I was imitated by your straight-up bitch-puhleeez attitude but I know its for the best. I almost was scared out of this but then I realized how real the results are...who cares if I get him back..its about moving on and enjoying my last year in highschool!!!
with or without my first boyfriend. I regret losing my virginity to him cuz he was infatuated, not in love..but maybe that will work to my advantage..if he does come back I'm going to tell him I'm not giving it up until he commits for good lol until then...its him or nobody! Peace out my heart is at ease
Posted 1 year ago #-
Sarah
offlineMemberMel Scott scares the hell out of me too lol but we know he's right
I think you're doing really well Mel, keep it up!! I'd like to add what others have said .. staying friends stinks. I'm not saying that one day way way way in the future you cant reconnect on that level with an ex but in these early days it will only bring you more pain.No Contact = No New Hurts
Posted 1 year ago # -
Sarah said:
I'd like to add what others have said .. staying friends stinks.Staying Friends = Relationship Limbo
Relationship Limbo = Constant Pain & Confusion
The you have to bury the old failed relationship, and let it go, this will happen during your personal evolution...if you let it.
Sarah said:
Scott scares the hell out of me tooYou have to get scary,
when you are trying to help/teach heart broken people how to kick loves ass.The people who get scared away would not have been able to kick loves ass anyways.
This takes "guts".
What will happen is they will label me an asshole know-it-all prick,
but they will still keep reading the forum, and then one day...Bam! They are ready to kick love ass.
And we are all ready to help them, right?
Don't give up until you get your life back again.
Stay Strong!
P.S. Go read the latest success story in the success forum, I think you will like it.
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 1 year ago # -
MelanieStryder
offlineMemberNC: Day 3
I have just discovered a very useful, more efficient way to get my thoughts out. It's a method that is right for ME. Yes, writing in my journal helps... but I've realized just from experience that I suck at maintaining regular journal entries. I will go very long periods of time without jotting down my immediate ideas, thinking "Oh, I'll add that thought later," and when I open up the journal, I'm too overwhelmed with thoughts to write everything down since it's been so long. It is a very soothing thing to write things down- if it is kept up daily.
So I tried this new method out. I opened voice recorder on my phone, and spilled out my thoughts about a certain topic on why my relationship was failing. I found this much more effective because:
*I can hear my own voice and the emotion behind it. I can acknowledge the struggle I'm having to find the right words.
(That's one of my major issues I was having! I just realized that again. I'm going to record that on my phone to remind me later.) Writing in a journal was very frustrating because I could never find the right words...I'd procrastinate my thought process until I pulled the journal out, and then I'd feel overwhelmed. By using this voice recorder method, I can work on how I say it over time, so that when the real deal happens and I'm explaining to my ex, it will be very fluid conversation- No choppy explanations, no choking on words.
*I'm more comfortable with speaking out my feelings, it turns out. Having my phone is very convenient- I don't always have my journal on me. Being from such a technological world, I find my phone more appealing than a hand-written journal. Kinda sad..but it's the simple truth!
*I can envision myself at the exact moment and thought process of when I recorded the voice message. I can go back to that particular thinking at that moment.
*Voices provide a sense of body language that journals can't...My voice is a little shaky and choppy in my first recording. That tells me that I really need to THINK about that certain topic. Plus, I can always listen to it over and over again at my own convenience...I'm not always able to find the journal, or I may be too lazy to add or read through it, like if I'm laying in bed. I can always reach for my phone though, and talk into a recording for later.
So, I've found a good plan that works for me. I suggest everyone try it out, or consider it. After I've thought about all of the topics I'm recording myself about, and after I've really considered a good way of explaining it, I'll put it into my journal.
I'm learning a lot about myself, not just about what went wrong in my previous relationship. Thank you so much everyone for your support..and just listening to my story. I know my friends and family are at the point where they're telling me "JUST FORGET HIM! screw it he's not worth your pain."
Melanie
Posted 1 year ago # -
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Posted 1 year ago MelanieStryder
offlineMemberLMFAO!
HE CALLED ME!!!! and it BLOCKED HIS #!! SUCCESSS!!!
I'm feeling so jittery with excitement!!!! AHAHA I KICKED LOVES ASS AND I FEEL GREAT!!!!!!! I mean HIS ass.
IN. YOUR. FUCKIN. FACE.
!!!!!He actually called at 2pm, but thanks to my BADASS SPC app, I didn't find out until I clicked on the "blocked calls" tab!!! hahaha I bet he was tired of the lame-ass, shallow girls around him that he's talking to!!! and wanted me around! or maybe he wondered wtf I'm doing not talking to him. or maybe he's wondering why the hell I deleted him from facebook. it's not my problem anymore!! haha I can live without him!! he deserves the cold shoulder!! I havent slipped up and I dont plan to!!! >:]
I just got home from driving. There was this car that looked exactly like his best friend's car, driving very slowly around my neighborhood. I thought "Oh shit- is that his friend!?" and put my sunglasses on. I looked badass, just in case if it really was him...I think it WAS him, because I saw the bike rack on the back of the car..anyway I zoomed pass the car and ran into my house when I got there haha.
I can't believe he called. Fuck him. >:) (not really, though.)
Hahahhaaha I feel so fuckin amazing you guys!!!!!!
I forgot what else I was going to say...OH well..until then..HE CALLED! and it BLOCKED HIS ASS! HAHAHA
peace!
-elated Melanie
*EDIT* ahah it must have been the facebook thing!!!! because 1) he RARELY ever uses facebook, so for him to actually notice I'm not his friend anymore would mean he actually took the time to open facebook for once and click on my profile
2) He made his profile picture from the snowboarding album I have posted!!! lmao! that means he was looking through pictures of us or something...something definitely is suspicious about me, and he's trying to sneak into my plan. I SAY HELL NO! he deserves it, I gave him everything in my heart, so he can shove it right up his ass >:]
I rarely ever speak like that, but I feel SO TRIUMPHANT! I LOVE NC!!!!
Posted 1 year ago #-
MelanieStryder
offlineMemberNC: Day 4
I need help please. Especially from Scott. Please read the entire thing.
I broke NC without even realizing it until it was too late. ...Yeah, you can punish me, but I feel punished enough. No need. I know what I did.You see, I went downtown with my best friends tonight. Hank texted me whats up, and I admit it: I wanted to tease my ex by telling Hank I was downtown with my friends. I knew they would come downtown too.
Well my ex and Hank both hung out downtown after that, but we never ran into them...but Hank kept trying to contact me...asking where we were. UghAnyway, throughout the night my friends and I were having a good time. Hank called me 2 times trying to get me to pick up...I didn't. (Earlier that day, my ex texted me why I deleted him off of facebook. I ignored him.)
I didn't want my ex thinking I was ignoring him and talking to Hank...that sends the wrong message. so I made the decision to break NC (stupid, the whole idea of including them was stupid) thinking it would give my ex the idea that I wasn't ignoring him out of hatred.
7/28 @ 9:48
ME: Hey. Are you still downtown?
EX-BF: Not anymore
ME: Oh ok. Maybe next time
EX-BF: Yeh sure. Why did you delete me as a friend? Im not mad or anything jus wondering [bullshit-he was mad/hurt]@10:19
EX-BF: Alrite whatever. See ya [I should've ignored him but...]
ME: Driving
EX-BF: Alrite
ME: Isn't it clear why I deleted our Facebook friendship? I didn't think you actually looked at my profile. [translation in his opinion: I dont want to be friends (?) I mean, I dont want his name on my notifications! I dont give a rats ass about what he is doing these days]
EX-BF: Well i did jus today and i was a lil hurt by it. I guess its fine tho.
ME: You hurt me too. This is nothing. I have to go now. Please don't speak with me at this time. I have big decisoins to make and I need time to think them out. I will be in touch when I'm ready. [Uh..NC MESSAGE FAIL! hah wow]EX-BF: What decisions? Hah ok fine. And I know I just wanted to be friends. I wasnt like devestated or anything just wished you could be cool about this. Guess not tho. Your being bitchy about it. I dont want you as a gf. Thats final. And I am sorry. But I thought we could be friends.
Scott, this is where your advice is needed the most. I know I failed at the NC message, I know I broke NC, I know I need to resend the real NC message, I know, I know, I know. You have permission to bitch me out. BUT. Could you also please answer these questions regarding my ex's last text message?:
1. Does he really expect me to reply to that message by asking "What decisions?" By not contacting him after this text message, what will that do.
2. By saying "I wasnt like devestated or anything," was he actually devestated? I read that when someone overreacts, they usually say the opposite thing they really feel.
3. By saying I'm "being bitchy about it," is he just hurt that I am rejecting him? I feel like that is the case. He knows I'm not a bitch...I'm just not giving him what he wants anymore.
4. By saying "I don't want you as a gf," was he reconsidering me in the first place?...I suppose he was unsure about it. I think he just overreacted and is hurt. I didn't actually think he was reconsidering me as a girlfriend at all. I thought he made his decision already, lol... I guess I fucked things up. but thats ok. really.
5. He mentioned about wanting to be friends twice in one message. He REALLY wants that to happen. So...overall, is this message just filled with the pain of rejection?Assertiveness in females is commonly mistaken as bitchiness.
I know I'm not being bitchy. I'm taking control of the situation.
Does he really believe that threatening me to not want me as a girlfriend bother me? Maybe a few days ago. Not now.
Overall, today was a fail concerning my ex. But I've evolved to the point where it doesn't really bother me. I think he's just pissed that I don't want to be in his life.
Thank you
Posted 1 year ago # -
buttercuproses
offlineMemberMel I think you are still angry form your breakup - which is normal - but it seems as though you are focusing your thoughts and actions around your ex.
SO what if he changed his facebook photo to something else. Fact is - you were checking up on what he was doing. NC means just that - so stop it. remove him from your life entirely. it will be hard but you are only making it worse for yourself by not doing it fully.
You texted hank cause you knew it would get back to your ex so you broke NC then. Get it?
I would restart NC, I don't reckon you need to send the message again tho, and this time do it for real. If hank texts you then ignore it. If he is really a friend of yours then he wouldn't have sent you all that stuff before. He sounds like a toxic person to know in this split.
Do you do any sports? It will help to get out the anger while you are in the angry phase of your split up.
it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at allPosted 1 year ago # -
MelanieStryder
offlineMemberNC: Day 5
What the heck have I been doing? No....seriously?
I have slipped up quite a bit recently and that is NOT ok. Where did my "screw you" attitude go? It's all because of Hank!! Screw him. Grrr...he is interfering as a third party!!!
Alright. I'm not even putting Hank in a private chat, I'm flat out blocking his ass. I won't even know if he calls. I mean serious business now.
My ex knows to leave me alone. That's how it's going to be. And I'm very serious about progessing forward. So I'm downloading MOMU as soon as possible.
You know what? My ex thought I was over him by now. That's why he got pissed that I removed him. It was "bitchy" because even though we were "just friends," I still removed him. I'm pretty sure he knows that I don't want to know what's going on with him right now.
Either way...he doesn't matter, he's out of my life, out with the old and in with the new! I'm only in charge of my own happiness <3 so the NC is permanently here now! Until I am ready. I can't wait to download MOMU!
Posted 1 year ago # -
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Posted 1 year ago Our forum isn't the place to vent, try to keep it to a minimum, and use your home journal to vent.
Oh yeah, read the forum guide lines...if you mention facebook on our forum again you will be banned...period.
Close your facebook account until you are finished with NC, if you don't you will make NC last A LOT longer, or you will eventually fuck up altogether and give up.
Get rid of facebook and stop talking about in our forum...or you are gone
Stay Strong!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 1 year ago #-
MelanieStryder
offlineMemberWill do. I really don't want to get banned, but that's not the main reason why I'm doing this...it's because it's the right thing to do for me! Thanks for keeping me on track. I need a good kick in the ass every now and then.
Scott you can delete that email post, it is quite lengthy and I shouldn't have posted it up here. I will make sure to do all of that, and I'll vent in my journal. Sorry about that. Thank you for the warning, I know you won't give it again!Posted 1 year ago # -
Claire
offlineMemberHi Melanie,
Just read through your diary all exceot the full e-mail...please don't send anything like this. Send the NC message and stick with it. I know it's hard but it WORKS! Write all those messages, letters etc in a home journal like scott says, leave it a few days and when you look back over them you will be so pleased you didn't sedn them. You can burn it or tear it apart at a later date when you're through all of this and it will feel fantastic (i did this!). Anything you send looks like you are bothered and still affected by him, it will let him know he has you dangling by a string! Don't be that girl!!! You are calling the shots and making your own choices. Whe you become unpredictable he will came crawling back to you. He expects you to break NC....he will SHIT HIMSELF when you don't and if he really loves you deep down he will be scared you are slipping away!
I had a friend who was in your situation, her boyfriend told her point blank he didn't love her anymore and he thought of her more as a sister. She was smart and did NC, in three month he turned up at her door in tears and a couple of months after that they got engaged. They were each others first love too and they are now happily married and trying for a baby.
Stick with the plan, stay strong!
Posted 1 year ago # -
Monserah
offlineInactiveMelanie,
Listen to Claire. And I wished I read that myself before.
The full email which you just wrote and didn't send your ex - well, that's pretty much the email I sent (!) to my ex (shorter version though) before sending him the NC message. I said the same stuff like you just need to vent your anger for what he did, that he needs to leave you alone to work on yourself, that you don't want to be his friend, blah blah blah. At that time, sending that email was very helpful since I was satisfied that I said all what I had to, and then got prepared for my NC. It worked indeed. However, when I read that email now, I somehow regret. It showed that I was still bothered and affected by him after 2 months of break up (limbo!) Ah, my mum did warn me not to send something like this.
Just remain strong and be focused Melanie. I had a couple of failed NCs before because I did it the wrong way. The only way to properly do NC is cutting him completely off your life - making as he doesn't exist to you. Delete him off everywhere and avoid talking to any of his friends, especially if you know the message will be passed to your ex (you did know Hank would do it, right?) You used Hank to tease your ex about you being downtown with your friends. That's far from NC and working on yourself.
But don't worry, most of us have gone wrong with NC too and learned from our mistakes.
Good luck!
"To truly love something, you must first give it a chance to fail. If it survives, it is going to be stronger than ever. If not, it was never meant to be."Posted 1 year ago # -
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Posted 1 year ago MelanieStryder
offlineMemberThank you so much Claire!! I really needed to hear that. I am sticking with the plan for good!! I regret posting the long email post, but I would have regretted it even more if I had sent it to him. I'm sorry for burdening everyone by posting that. I hope the email post can be deleted.
I already feel free today. I am putting my mess ups behind me. I know not to vent on here, i should only post my progress. I no longer feel the heartbreak pain. Again I'm sorry for the annoying post! I do hope it can be removed.I will keep your friends story in mind. NC is the only way this will work!
Posted 1 year ago #-
MelanieStryder
offlineMemberTonight has been so enjoyable!! Ive been having so much fun! I ate dinner with my dad and we talked about what our family is doing for spring break! It was really nice bonding with my dad... Since this is my last year in highschool, I should spend as much time as I can with my family!
Last year I spent my spring break with my ex..so I told my dad, now that I'm single, I can go with my family! We were thinking California, a cruise, maybe Canada! Hahah.
Tomorrow I'm going to six flags with my brother! And right now I'm chillin out at his apartment. His roomies are freakin hilarious! They're like your ex dumped you after you gave him cookies and six flags?? What a douche! I laughed so hard haha I'm having a great time. Right now I feel like NC is healing me so much.:) I'm going to have a blast with my big brother tomorrow!!Posted 1 year ago # -
MelanieStryder
offlineMemberNC: Day 7
I really feel like I'm making progress on my personal evolution. I do have the heartbreak pain in my stomach, but I've learned to embrace it instead of torture myself with it. That's noteworthy progress! I found a Livestrong bracelet I bought a few months ago, and I put it on as a reminder to Stay Strong! As long as I'm wearing it, I will not communicate with my ex at all. Just a silly way to remind myself
This morning when I woke up, my mind was absolutely wiped clean of my ex. This was the most liberating feeling I've felt in a very long time. It only lasted about 30 seconds, but during that short period of time, the weight of my heartbreak wasn't pressing against my chest...I momentarily forgot about my ex, and it felt great. Maybe in a week, that feeling will last an hour, and then 2 hours, and so on...
My ex's birthday is coming up on August 15. That's also my mother's birthday, so I have an excuse to avoid wishing in happy birthday. One part of me warns me to send him a happy birthday message, just so he can't hold it against me in the future, if he really does take me back. Example: "Why didn't you wish me happy birthday? I thought we were friends, my ideal girlfriend would have wished me happy bday, etc." I know him..
But, the rational side of me warns me to stay strong on the NC plan, and that he knows I am aware of his birthday. Maybe he will feel like I really am slipping out of his reach once he doesn't get that birthday text from me. I would always talk about my plans for his birthday, so he knows I am aware. I guess I won't wish him happy birthday, that's what the NC plan would say. He has other friends to wish him happy birthday. Any input? I'm kind of excited not to wish him happy birthday haha! Especially on his 18th! I just hope it doesn't damage my chances with him. I fear he may be indifferent about it, but that's ok.
Posted 1 year ago # -
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Posted 1 year ago Loe
offlineInactiveJust passing through. It seems like your ex is wanting to keep tabs on you, and yes it does seem like that 'hank' guy is some sort of trap to lure out your true feelings about your ex.
Appears as if your ex would like to keep his options open by maintaing a friendship...how very nice of him. I think it is very strong of you to not give him that satisfaction. My ex didn't seem to want to maintain a friendship with me. Perhaps that was because he felt I may still hold some control over him. I don't know.
Lets just watch this unfold. He'll be back in some form lol
Posted 1 year ago #-
MelanieStryder
offlineMemberWell, Loe, the thing is, he's putting me in the friend zone against my will, if that makes any sense lol... The last time when I slipped up and broke NC before I realized what I was doing, I got the information that he views me as a "friend" that he hasn't talked to in awhile. You know those friends that you only speak with once every few weeks? Whenever I asked him why he only wants to be friends, I get responses like:
"I don't want you as a girlfriend anymore"
"I only like you as a friend"
"You're a good friend *pat on back*"
I KNOW I'm a good girl, that's what brought him to me in the first place. It just doesn't make sense in my own little head right now why he could expect a magical friendship to form.In addition to my post above, what does it mean when my ex is actually encouraging me to move on? And wants me to "just be friends"? I'm not sure if he sees me as an option to date or not. I mean, I think I know what this all means, but maybe I need to hear it from someone else...He is eager to be my friend since I have been so generous to him this past year.
Posted 1 year ago # -
MelanieStryder
offlineMemberNC: Day 8
Things are getting smoother for me. Removing my ex from my life really does wonders for the broken hearted. It was selfish for him to expect me to be friends. Right now I'm in the mindset where I'm excited to move on without him. Either girlfriend or nothing at all. That's what I say!His best friend tried to contact me. He asked "Melanie, how are you these days" Hmm...secret spy perhaps? I think my ex is really wondering about me. If he is, cool. If not, meh.
His friends are trying to contact me but I say nope!My heart is healing, because I am letting go of my past relationship for good. I know my real value, I know I'm a great girl. And he doesn't get anything less than a girlfriend in his life. My friend is coming over, so I better go. I just wanted to update everyone the good news.
Posted 1 year ago # -
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Posted 1 year ago MelanieStryder
offlineMemberIt has come to the point where I don't feel a need to count the number of NC days. Instead, I count time based on my emotions. I no longer feel a desire to have my ex in my life for the sake of having him around. Yes, I did have him around for an entire year, but I'm not the one with the loss. He is.
I felt the need to re-initiate NC with my ex, so I did. I also made it clear that if it is a friendship he is looking for, then we should go our separate ways. I didn't seem whiny or bitchy, just honest with him. Even though I added some words to the reccomended NC message, it left me feeling fresh and renewed. That's the part that matters. I have a life to live, and school starts in 10 days. I don't have time to wonder what my ex is up to.
I did ask for him not to contact me at this time, I will be in touch when I am ready. He better respect that, or else.
Posted 1 year ago #-
MelanieStryder
offlineMemberOh wow, just ran into one of his friends at the grocery store. My mom asked if I could pick up some groceries for her, but little did I know I'd face his best friend. I did what I was taught to do, keep it simple, smile, say hello, keep going on with my life. I kept it composed, I'm really proud of myself! Thank you everyone for giving me the tools to be prepared for that occurence. I also realize I shouldn't have added the extra sentence but I read on an article on the inspirational article forum that explained that it was best to say that. The result is the same though-I am regaining my own life back.
I've been reading MOMU tonight. I am very glad I bought it. I made sure to buy it through S.W.'s name so that he gets all the credit. I feel like I am truly on my way to evolving. I have removed every single thing that reminds me of my ex from my life, and with MOMU and this forum as my tools, I can not go wrong. I feel free!
Posted 1 year ago # -
MelanieStryder
offlineMemberI feel like I have completely detached myself from my ex's life for good. It is really alarming, out of my comfort zone. There is absolutely NO turning back now. I haven't felt like this, ever, and I'm sure it will hit him too, one day. I can't tell whether I'm wanted in my ex's life or not anymore. Hmmm...Oh well, doesn't concern me!
Only time will tell. Whether he will miss me or not is the question. We get along great (as friends) but I don't think I'm in the friend zone. Here comes the feeling of loss...let the real challenge begin.Posted 1 year ago # -
Loe
offlineInactiveI'm feeling that sort of detached, 'loss'. Except I think you are coping better thsn me. I am still in the shocked stage that somebody can just cut you out like this, but then again you have to remember they can and will and we all must have seen it done to at least one person we know. If they are going to do it, they should expect the same treatment. Simple as. This is what they wanted, so give them enough rope hopefully lol
Posted 1 year ago # -
MelanieStryder
offlineMemberToday felt so refreshing. The point of this post will be about how I am truly moving on from my ex, starting with my coworker.
There is this boy I work with about my age. He is so stinkin cute and I am a little shy to admit it! It feels good to have anxiety replaced by butterflies in my stomach for once. These good feelings began when my cute coworker asked me for my number, for work purposes of course. We ended up using my number to prank text our other coworker! A fun day at work! We are on our way to being good friends.
This boy teases me all the time
I think I have a rebound crush! He's a catalyst to my evolution. He has a girlfriend, but that doens't mean I can't think he is cute. Here is the bad news: He looks exactly like my ex. 
Blue eyes, brown hair, lanky body...has the same ipod AND phone. It's like I get to see my own ex, except without the asshole attitude. You'd think this is a step back, but actually, it feels good now. He's a fun guy. At first, I felt a constant pang of anguish in my stomach when I looked at him. Now, I feel butterflies, because I am really moving on from my own ex because of this forum. Sometimes he snatches up my phone and threatens me jokingly, "I'm gonna text your ex!"I am so glad that my mood has completely reversed course. Detaching my ex from my life was initally very scary, only because it was going into the unknown. But now that it has been done, I am evolving even more rapidly.
I guess the lesson I have learned is to have faith. Take the leap of faith. I put faith in the NC plan, even though I felt like it would push my ex even further away. But the results are truly rewarding. I feel fantastic. I also prayed and asked God to please help me with my sadness. I didn't ask to get my ex back--just to help me with my feeling of loss. He is granting my wish, and I am very grateful!!! So have faith, both in the free plan and God's plan for you, because He brought you to this forum for a reason.
Posted 1 year ago #
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