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MarilynsFan's NC Diary
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I HATE SPAM! Read Our Privacy PolicyPosted 10 months ago kittykat
offlineInactiveWow! That's a great post MF!
I'm definitely going to do that!
I'm feeling so much better and more confident today than I was yesterday! Thanks for echoing my feelings so perfectly in your PM! 
You know how to make me smile! 
I can honestly say that your NC is a real inspiration! Keep it up girl! You've got fans!!!
...the purpose of a doormat is to wipe your feet on it, not love and respect it. – BalthazarPosted 10 months ago #-
Crunchie
offlineMemberSame thx MF, I'm gonna do my list like that (when I'm not working ==), much more organised xD
I'm definitely a fan
You're doing so well MF *hugs* inspirational!!
xox
I don't get jealous when i see my ex with someone else, because my mother always told me to give my old toys to the less fortunatePosted 10 months ago # -
Confidence
offlineMemberThanks for posting that, MF. That's some great stuff.
You are a smart, strong woman!
I admire your strength.
Posted 10 months ago # -
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Posted 10 months ago MarilynsFan
offlineMemberThank you guys! I haven't done the negative stuff yet but will keep you updated.
So far..I feel GREAT!!!!!!
Why?
After two months of NC...I have finally shed that feeling of guilt! I allowed my ex for so long to make me feel so bad about myself..like I was a monster, like I was irrational or cranky and he was the responsible, patient, understanding one.HELL NOOOOOOOOOOO!!
I can't tell you guys how relieved I feel. For the longest time, and I stressed this to some members via pm, I felt like those abused housewives who felt everything was her fault and that my ex's actions (although bad) were not his fault or they happened for a reason.
F*ck NO! (Excuse my language)
He was a manipulating person who intentionally put me down to feel bad about myself so he didn't have to answer for his disgusting actions towards me and others!
The final straw was when someone we mutually know said that he had heard I was "cranky, and stubborn with mood swings and no patience".
It hit me! I had no patience!??!!?
If anything, I had TOO much patience!
When I'd catch him in a lie (or rather MANY lies) , I had patience.
When he made up stories to make himself come out to be a better man, I had patience.
When he'd blow me off for his friend and not tell me, I had patience.
When he'd flaunt another girl in my face just to deliberately hurt me, I had patience.
When he'd point fingers at me for things HE had done, I had patience.The list could go on forever guys but I'll stop.
The words of my friend keep haunting me..She'd always say "STOP! We keep making excuses for him..but we wouldn't tolerate this behavior from anyone else!"
And it's so true! He fooled me, with his "play dumb" act. Like a kid..like anything he'd do...it wasn't his fault, it wasn't his intention. Bullshit! That's how he's gotten through life...people making excuses for him and thus he has learned his behavior towards others is acceptable.
He's sorely mistaken if he thinks he can find another "MarilynsFan" with enough patience to keep hoping he'll change. I'm not holding my breath
I feel liberated! No more excuses for his behavior! Now or EVER.
I can fianlly say it and mean it.....I was a GREAT girlfriend! My only wrongdoing was putting up with too much bullshit and letting it bottle up to the point where I exploded and allowed him and others to point their dirty fingers at me!
Good Riddance!
It's taken me a while to get to this point, but damn the time spent is worth it! I feel like a veil has been pulled from my eyes.
I'm impatient, insecure, and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. - M.MonroePosted 10 months ago #-
sanity_fair
offlineMemberLiberated! Congrats, MF. You definitely need to reward yourself. You are way more than what he thought you were or how you contributed to the fallout of the relationship.
I'm so happy for you!
Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out.
Vaclav Havel, Disturbing the PeacePosted 10 months ago # -
kittykat
offlineInactiveYour posts are always so helpful and inspiring! You have given me such stregnth and so many laughs since you got here! You are wonderful and your Ex was a loser! Yep...it had to be said!
The only mistake you made in your relationship with your Ex was to actually get into a relationship with him!
You were the best thing that was EVER going to happen to him and HE KNOWS IT! That's why he is being such an ass clown now. He is trying to escape the uncomfortable truth that you were the strong and good one in the relationship and that he was the fool that couldn't see a good thing even though it was right in front of him taking great care of him! 
You have started to find your strength again and it is working for you! I only hope that a little of it rubs off on me!
You're doing great! Keep going and things are only going to keep getting better and better for you! Stay strong and be positive!
...the purpose of a doormat is to wipe your feet on it, not love and respect it. – BalthazarPosted 10 months ago # -
MarilynsFan
offlineMemberThanks sanity_fair and kittykat you're an angel <3
I noticed a lot of new members are having trouble with the "why". I can't tell you how many times I would burst out crying to my friends "Why did he do this? Was I that bad? Why did this happen? Why doesnt he/she care enough to stick around"
Bleh! It took me a while to get past that point. Essentially two months of self blame and then I finally got over it. I wish there was some formula or questions to ask yourself so that you don't care about the why but I didn't find any. I think it's human nature to wonder "why". Because we often think if we figure out why...we can come up with a HOW to fix it.
It's really a matter of finding your self worth. Realize that you are a good and loving person and you don't deserve anything bad happening to you from them. Most often it's like the abused wife syndrome where you find yourself going "Yea he beats me..but he buys me flowers". It's not right! Whatever good they did in the relationship...they're supposed to! It's not some bonus you're receiving from them! They are SUPPOSED to be kind and loving and giving towards you. It's not some balancing game where we think "oh yea they did this horrible thing to me but they also did this good thing so it's ok". NO IT'S NOT! Do not excuse bad behavior ladies (and gentlemen). There is a great deal of truth in their wrongdoings if you look closely enough.
From personal experience, (since I've been talking in abstract terms a lot). My ex used to lie to me all the time. About any and everything you could think of. When he broke up with me...I didn't even see his lies as a problem. I kept thinking, oh but he's so nice and he did this for me and he did that for me. Until my friend pointed out to me, "MARILYNSFAN...HE IS SUPPOSED TO BUY YOU DINNER!HE'S SUPPOSED TO BUY YOU FLOWERS! HE IS SUPPOSED TO HUG YOU AND SHOW YOU LOVE! JUST BECAUSE HE'S DONE THESE THINGS DOESN'T MEAN IT GIVES HIM A LICENSE TO LIE TO YOU."
Which is true. Now when I wonder "why" he broke up with me or "what" did i do... I think "who cares". He's the one losing out on a good thing. His good actions no longer outweigh his bad ones...the power of NC
As far as in terms of progress, I've been feeling better. It's so true what they say about NC and taking off the love goggles. I was so messed up in the beginning. I excused so much of his bad behavior I want to slap myself. I esentially likened myself to those abused housewives who couldn't see how dysfunctional and messed up their partner was. I was too busy blaming myself because i LET him blame me. It makes me so mad that I let him make me feel so guilty!
As far as dating, I'm having a hard time finding guys I'm attracted to. A few guys have shown interest in me but I'm just not feeling it. It feels a bit unnatural to me. My ex was my first in all aspects of a relationship..from first boyfriend, to first kiss etc. My head is still programmed to remember my ex in intimate relationships. And im 21 so i experienced all this a bit late
I'm not in a rush though...I'm certainly doing a lot better.
I'm impatient, insecure, and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. - M.MonroePosted 10 months ago # -
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Posted 10 months ago Crunchie
offlineMemberI totally feel you MF and completely agree with what you said. I think I had the abused wife syndrome as well and it really messed me up!! My ex started lying to me towards the end of our relationship and it really pissed me off too and I couldn't handle it anymore. Why they would lie to us is really stupid because I don't think we are judgmental people at all and understanding so how/why they can't be honest to us is blah!! But whatever. I also let the ex make me feel guilty as well as if his lies is because of me!! Thanks for posting it made me realise that it's not my fault and it's not ok that they lied to us.
Don't worry about dating that much, it will come when the time is right and it will be truly special when you least expect it - that's what I've been told so I'm not too worried either since I haven't found anyone either hehe.
Love your spirit MF you are super intelligent and your posts are a great read and inspirational! xox
I don't get jealous when i see my ex with someone else, because my mother always told me to give my old toys to the less fortunatePosted 10 months ago #-
Allswell
offlineInactiveHi MF..Wow..you are indeed wise beyond your years..totally agree with your last post..he was in a relationship with you because he supposedly loved you..WHY he let you go is because he is a f***ing idiot..you have realised,as we all do after some time,that asking ourselves "why this,why that" does nothing but put back our progress..self blame for the breakup is a natural response for a period of time...and then...NC works its magic on us and makes us realise that there were two people involved in the split..IT IS so simple..but I am sure most of us forget that..I went through a self blame period..I mistakingly thought "I was dumped,it must be all my fault,she wants out"..it took a while before I came around(removed love goggles)and said "hang on,in 6 months all I did wrong was get irritable a few times over 4 days and I am "elbowed" by email,this is not right"..from hero to zero..
You are right when you say that in blaming yourself,you forget/get sidetracked about their part in the breakup equation.."It takes two to tango"...Do not get too mad with yourself..you are not alone...ha ha!
You did make me laugh when you said at 21years old you are experiencing dating late..you,sweetness,are a "spring chicken"..maybe you mave have been cocooned for your teenage years but with your undoubted intelligence & awesomeness will know EXACTLY when it is right FOR YOU to date and with whom...as you said THERE IS NO RUSH
Stay Cool MF AWPosted 10 months ago # -
kittykat
offlineInactiveMarilynsFan said:
I noticed a lot of new members are having trouble with the "why". I can't tell you how many times I would burst out crying to my friends "Why did he do this? Was I that bad? Why did this happen? Why doesnt he/she care enough to stick around"
It's really a matter of finding your self worth. Realize that you are a good and loving person and you don't deserve anything bad happening to you from them. Most often it's like the abused wife syndrome where you find yourself going "Yea he beats me..but he buys me flowers". It's not right! Whatever good they did in the relationship...they're supposed to! It's not some bonus you're receiving from them! They are SUPPOSED to be kind and loving and giving towards you. It's not some balancing game where we think "oh yea they did this horrible thing to me but they also did this good thing so it's ok". NO IT'S NOT! Do not excuse bad behavior ladies (and gentlemen). There is a great deal of truth in their wrongdoings if you look closely enough.
Your posts are always so amazingly indepth and filled with knowledge that I lap them up with gusto! You have really made a difference in my journey and a lot of others since you joined!
You're right that we didn't deserve what was handed to us. We didn't deserve what happened to us...or how badly they treated us. When we honestly look at our relationships and stop asking ourselves 'why?' we do get to a better place. That is when the evolution can begin...and when we really do start to let go.
I no longer think of the ex that brought me to this forum unless I make a conscious effort to do so. Just 6 months ago I was inconsolable and so broken hearted that I felt I was caught up in a grey fog. MF... You got past your pain a lot faster than I did and I am so proud of you!
MarilynsFan said:
As far as dating, I'm having a hard time finding guys I'm attracted to. A few guys have shown interest in me but I'm just not feeling it. It feels a bit unnatural to me. My ex was my first in all aspects of a relationship..from first boyfriend, to first kiss etc. My head is still programmed to remember my ex in intimate relationships. And im 21 so i experienced all this a bit late I'm not in a rush though...I'm certainly doing a lot better.MF...
... if you are worried that you are starting the dating thing a little late please don't be! I still haven't worked it out and I have 7 years on you! I can assure you that when I first met my Ex and Fighter Pilot I was not particularly attracted to either of them. They grew on me as I discovered more of their good aspects and spent time with them. Do not worry because you haven't met a man that makes your heart pound and your blood rush! You have this time right now to enjoy being single! You WONT be single forever so enjoy it while you have it! ...And yes, it's likely that a cute guy will wander into your life when you aren't even looking for him! Seriously...DO NOT go looking for buses and apples... there are better ways to meet guys and it all starts with taking care of yourself first!
...the purpose of a doormat is to wipe your feet on it, not love and respect it. – BalthazarPosted 10 months ago # -
Georgeh-1980
offlineMemberMarilynsFan said:
I noticed a lot of new members are having trouble with the "why". I can't tell you how many times I would burst out crying to my friends "Why did he do this? Was I that bad? Why did this happen? Why doesnt he/she care enough to stick around"I know I have felt that way several times since the break up. And Ive been broken up for 5-6 months. I guess they are still 'questions on the minds' for alot of us. Even after the inital pain period that we go through. You know, the first few months.
We start to wonder what was it that I did wrong. Then we start to stop blaming ourselves for who we are and put the blame on the other.
After awhile you start to get the angry feelings from all the lies, abuse, mistreatments, etc, etc, then we start to blame them for the things they did to us. I believe this is were alot of angry feelings come from. Or at least this has been my experience with it.
I think it is best to not always put blame on anyone. Both people are somewhat responsible for the break up in some way. One person may be more right and one person may be more wrong but both have a part in the demise of a relationship. The anger of letting blame control you is something that I have gone through and I'm sure there aren't many that don't ever get angry at the other at some point during a break up.
Some things we just have to let go. Even though it is a hard thing to do.
MarilynsFan said:
And im 21 so i experienced all this a bit late I'm not in a rush though...I'm certainly doing a lot better.And I'm 31 so I experienced this pretty late myself.
I'm glad you are doing good though. It's alot of ups and downs to go through.
Let's just hope it's more ups than downs.
Posted 10 months ago # -
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Posted 9 months ago -
MarilynsFan
offlineMemberHi bluebell!
I occasionally read the stories. It seems like an odd comfort space..cuz I spent a few months in here before lol. Things are going good..been trying to get a job before I graduate but it's just damn near impossible! Relationship's going good..we're trying to tackle a new problem : him spending too much time on video games
Looking back i cannot fathom how any of us thought we could fix anything within a month or two! It's been four months and I'm still trying to perfect what I've learned. We still have a fight every now and then and even though I slip, I've learned to communicate my problems and it works a lot better!How is everything with you? I read you've been doing good and I'm glad!
I'm impatient, insecure, and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. - M.MonroePosted 6 months ago # -
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Posted 6 months ago Bluebell
offlineMemberHiya MF,
I'm really glad everything is going well for you!
Yes I agree, two months is such a short time to fix things that went wrong, that's why I am back here lol. Well its been four months this time for me, I broke NC after a month so resent NC msg so NC for three months unbroken on both sides.
I'm ok thanks, getting on with things as you do. It would be nice to meet someone but they all seem to be in hiding lol.
Anyways keep us updated when you can and I'm glad all your hard work and courage has paid off!!
Take care,
BB xxPosted 6 months ago #-
lunapearl said:
im still at learning on loving myself so i need advices from many peopleNo, what you need is to be patient.
Personally evolving doesn't happen overnight, it takes time, and focused intention.
All the advice in the world can not make time pass faster.
Stay Strong, Positive and Patient!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 4 months ago # -
farah
offlineInactiveit is day two of nc for me and marilyns fan your posts really helping me trough the day! When i was going trough your pros and cons list i felt like you speaking my mind!!! it makes me feel better that i am not the only one who is going trough this. I realize too that i was nagging alot but like you said he was using me as a punching bag for months just because of one error! I know it is going to be a rollercoaster and i really have to stop myself from picking up the phone, but your words made me feel stronger!
Posted 4 months ago # -
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Posted 4 months ago farah
offlineInactiveand janice i am really admiring your strenght! unf i have difficulties walking away from peopek due to abandonment issues in my childhood and teens. so even if it is soemone esles mistake i still take it! my goal is to become as strong and independent. I should leanr to walk away the moment a person is disrespectful to me instead of becomign the doormat! i realize am way too co-dependant and try to find happiness trough others! am glad i joined this forum!
Posted 4 months ago #
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