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LovelyGirl - NC Diary
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I will NEVER sell, trade, rent, or give away your information to any third party.
I HATE SPAM! Read Our Privacy PolicyPosted 1 month ago LovelyGirl
offlineInactiveSo last night via email I sent my ex this message,
I agree with you about the decision to break up. I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn't contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.
And his reply was "Ok I respect that. I am sorry for everything"
I didnt reply to him. It has been 6 days that I initiated the NC with my ex. It has been hard but I have determination and strength to stick this through not only to get him back but mainly for myself. I want to change, be a better me. I have started going to the gym trying to look and feel better. I have so many goals I want to accomplish. And I need help because I know it will be hard to do it on my own.
He has tried to contact me during this period for several days, but I have not bended my hand, I have been firm. Its been hard as this is the longest I have gone without speaking to him or seeing him after 8 years of being together but I will stick it through.
"Long term happiness, over short-term hurt".Posted 1 month ago #-
willsucceed
offlineMemberMaddy18, many of us here have experienced betrayal and we're sorry that you experienced it as well. It is a roller coaster ride of emotions. What NC does for you is give you the space to follow the plan of actions that best help your emotions heal. It will get better. You won't always feel this way. Staying in contact with him just delays your recovery, so you are doing the right thing to start your "recovery space". I also used exercise as part of developing my new life. What are some of the other goals you mentioned? We're interested.
Posted 1 month ago # -
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Posted 1 month ago LovelyGirl
offlineInactiveWell my goals is to get a new job, and get my own apartment and obtain my bachelors degree, this January I just obtained my associastes degree so that is one goal closer to my achievement. Thank you very much for your words, I truly need them. Friends and family give me advice, to forget him and I will find someone better, but what they dont understand is not as easy as it sounds, but I made the step into bettering myself for me and my child.
"Long term happiness, over short-term hurt".Posted 1 month ago #-
sweetcalendula
offlineMemberhey Lovelygirl,
January is indeed a good month to start afresh. I am sure you will get a good job, a comfortable place to stay, and a good offer for your bachelor's degree.
NC is the right journey to get your life back ! 100% sure of it. You are indeed in the correct path now.
Forgetting someone is of course easier said than done, that's what ppl at the surroundings won't understand about. But with NC, LOA and MOMU, you will definitely be alright. The Power from Rhonda Byrne is worth a read, too.
Stay positive !
Posted 1 month ago # -
LovelyGirl
offlineInactiveSo today is day 7 of NC.
Today I woke up feeling good, even though he comes to my mind a lot, but I try not to think too much of him. Right now am in the stage of relieving the bad memories and everything that made us come to this point. So last night he called me but instead of calling me directly to my phone he called my house number, and I was the one who picked up. He had told my sister earlier that he was going to call me concerning the baby and what will happen concerning his responsibilities. So when he called I was acting indifferent yet amicable. He was talking about the money issue at first then he started talking about some problem that happened on Facebook over my cousin and the girl "that is his friend", then in one point i told him I would handle it and he said don't and I was like so nonchalant that my family has to understand that we are not together and that I am over that stage. Then he asked if I was mad, that I sounded upset that he knows me so well and I said actually I am not upset, I have grown a lot these past couple of days. HE then asked me how am I and I said I am actually doing pretty good. He then started talking of something don't really remember. Then he said that even though he knows I said no contact that he wants to only handle things about our child or us with me. And I said well when it comes to our child I agree but when it comes to us like I said before when I am ready we will discuss that, then he said don't worry you don't have to see me (so fast), then I asked him is there anything else? He said wow you are that busy that you want to hang up? I responded actually I am busy but like it is about our child I have time. He then told me that he doesn't have a girlfriend, that he isn't having sex with nobody, that the girl that is his "friend" they only flirt but that's its and I was like please I don't want to know. Then I gave him so advice about being with other people and doing things for him to grow as a person, I said that if he jumps to a relationship so quick he will be happy but then feel empty again and he told me he feels empty right now, then after that I said is there anything else he said no and I said OK well goodnight. So I made sure I didn't speak for more than 15 minutes, the conversation only lasted 14 minutes. And not once did I ask him about him, or show any type of emotional connection with him. I was feeling happy but sad at the same time. He sounded kind of disappointed. My mom though made my hopes drop saying he probably was saying that about the girl so he can get to my good graces and not try to get in child support, so that made me feel down.
But anyways today I feel pretty good, feel more confident and sexy and hopeful for a better tomorrow. I still miss him, but I feel that we are very wrong for one another right now.
"Long term happiness, over short-term hurt".Posted 1 month ago # -
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Posted 1 month ago LovelyGirl
offlineInactiveSo question guys, do you think I broke the NC? How did I handle the conversation? what could of I done different? Any suggestions will help. EVer since I found this site it has helped me a great deal, it has inspired me and motivated me to kick loves ass!
"Long term happiness, over short-term hurt".Posted 1 month ago #-
LovelyGirl said:
Then I gave him so advice about being with other people and doing things for him to grow as a person, I said that if he jumps to a relationship so quick he will be happy but then feel empty again and he told me he feels empty right now, then after that I said is there anything else he said no and I said OK well goodnight.WTF does this have to do with your shared child?
LovelyGirl said:
So question guys, do you think I broke the NC? How did I handle the conversation? what could of I done different? Any suggestions will help.Yes, you broke NC.
Where does it say in the articles about handling contact with your ex that you give him personal advice about his personal life?
You only discuss matters that you share like your child, and that is it...nothing else.
If he asks you, you say; "Please keep the conversation about our child", and if he won't, you tell him; "I don't want to discuss that now, good-bye" and then hang up.
You need to re-send the recommended NC message, and since you share a child, you add the line: "I would really appreciate it if you didn't contact me during this time, unless it concerns our child".
You should have added that to your first message, but you "obviously" did not read the free plan, and follow all the links explaining how to use the no contact rule correctly.
Plus, if you did read the free plan, you would have known how to handle your conversation with your ex.
Why the fuck join our forum and agree to follow the rules, if you're not going to do that?
I wrote all that stuff so I wouldn't have to keep answering questions like these.
Either go read the free plan, and learn what to do, or go somewhere else, and waste their time.
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 1 month ago # -
LovelyGirl
offlineInactiveSo Today is the first day of the second initiation of the NC.
I sent him this email this morning,
I agree with you about the decision to break up. I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn't contact me during this time, unless it concerns our child. I will be in touch when I am ready.
Today I feel extremely down. Yesterday was not a great day for me, when I got home from work my ex was there dropping some stuff of for the baby. I didn't expect him to go as he always announces to my mother before he drops by. I acted indifferent to his being there and so did he, and am not going to lie it hurt me a lot. I guess I thought the fact we had a week of NC that he would of missed me I guess I was wrong. I didn't think It would hurt me that much. But today is a new day, and this time around I am going to stick to the NC and be more careful to when he drops by. Usually when he does I go out so i wont bump into him.
I really want to be able to get my life back and forget about him for good, and be able to move on. And feel happy once again. Well on a brighter note, I have lost 6 pounds more after Ive been going to the gym, so that made me feel a little better.
"Long term happiness, over short-term hurt".Posted 1 month ago # -
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Posted 1 month ago Finding_Myself_Again
offlineMemberLovelyGirl,
Stay strong, I know everybody keeps saying it will get better and it WILL. You need the ex detox so you can take care of you. You will learn alot about yourself, your stronger then you think you are so hang in there. You need to concentrate on finding the person you used to be, before this failed relationship. Congrats on the 6 pounds! Stay strong sister NC works either way!
Positive thoughts your way!
Posted 1 month ago #-
lunapearl
offlineMemberhi lovelygirl,
welcome to the forum!the ex detox requires detox plan, my friend sam also recommended it to me, you can read it in many diaries, including mine, stay strong okay!
in my first days i read many nc diaries and success stories, it helped me so much, of course we will feel ups and downs but hang in there okay, we are strong! marrypoppin's, pinkchinchilla's nc diary, lunarmoonie's, sugarrabit's and many more are inspirational, you can give it a try
Posted 1 month ago # -
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Posted 1 month ago LovelyGirl
offlineInactiveHey guys so today is day 3 of NC, I feel sad but at the same time hopeful. I feel confident that what I want in life will become a reality. Yesterday I went out with my son to my best friends sons party like his father didn't pick him up because of the excuse that he was sick. Am getting fed up with it because this is the second week he comes up with an excuse, but I will not force him to take his responsibility, there will be a time he realizes how wrong he has been. And then this morning he called but I wasn't home, he was asking my sister if I was with her, and is like why the fuc* does it matter where am I, is your :Dson you are looking for. I guess he was calling my phone, but like it doesn't work and he doesn't know he didn't keep pressing to get his son. I swear it dissapoints me how he has time to call that girl he's so into everyday but u can't do the same foryour child ? And no matter how much you tell him nothing changes. I just really wish he would see how wrong he's doing. Well guys I hope that the upcoming days are much better, but on a brighter note I might have found a better job, so let's see
"Long term happiness, over short-term hurt".Posted 1 month ago #-
LovelyGirl
offlineInactiveToday I feel type down, but hopefully with time I will feel much better. I guess my ex doesn't understand the meaning of no contact because he has been calling me. Last night he called my home asking for me for the dumbest excuse, because he could of told my mother that, but the point is I told her to say I wasn't there, so then he asked to speak with my sister, saying that to tell me that there's some virus that dogs are carrying and to be careful with our son, like wtf is that about we have no pet at home, my aunt does and he knows we rarely ever go over!!!!! So I don't know what is up with him. Today he called my sister to tell her that I have some underwear at his place that I can go get it when hes not there or he will just drop it off today...Am getting pissed because is like I don't know what his true intentions are. My mother says that maybe hes after me to make things better now that income tax season is here. The point is that I really just want to get him out of my heart so what he does or say wont affect me no longer. But I see that hes really into that girl hes talking to and it hurts so much.
I guess with time it will hurt less, but for now I have to stay strong
"Long term happiness, over short-term hurt".Posted 4 weeks ago # -
Finding_Myself_Again
offlineMemberLovely stay strong, it's driving him crazy that you aren't on his leash anymore. Heed your mothers warning this is a person who can't be trusted and extremely selfish for not respecting your NC request. I know I told you this before you are stronger then you think, we all are. Just keep moving forward even if it's baby steps you will get there.
Can't remember which diary this was in but it helped me. Envision your healed self shaking your hurt selfs hand and thanking her for being so strong in doing the right thing. Helped me.
Also read finallyfedup's diary, it's very inspirational!
Stay up girl!
Posted 4 weeks ago # -
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Posted 4 weeks ago -
vandy2159
offlineMemberLovely first of all I want to say good job on resending the nc message...2nd I want to tell you WAKE UP!
look at what this guy is doing to you...he is not respecting you at all! I mean seriously calling your sister about some under garments? You asked him not to contact you and he keeps doing it...that is a big red flag...you know how I know? I once was that guy...I love my ex ex very much but the reason I never got her back was because I never respected her...I needed to learn how to respect a womans wishes even if it meant she wanted space and I was not going to get to see her or talk to her...Then I had my current ex and I refused to make the same mistake twice...and I haven't...it has been very hard to remain in nc but it has been the best gift ever for myself...it allowed me to see the whole situation for what it was...the good and the bad...right now I know it seems bad but it will get better...
Make this guy earn your respect! You have a lot to offer and you are not going to just give it to someone they have to earn it...when yo do that you will learn a lot about that person and about yourself...to me respect is one of the major building blocks for a great relationship...I know I had to earn it back...and I am glad I did...stay strong
Posted 4 weeks ago # -
LovelyGirl said:
The point is that I really just want to get him out of my heart so what he does or say wont affect me no longer.You can't get him out, it takes time, but what you can do is focus on all the other positive things in your life, and be thankful/grateful for them, and that will make you feel better while you wait for your (ex) obsession to fade.
LovelyGirl said:
But I see that hes really into that girl hes talking to and it hurts so much.Yeah, he was "really into you" at one time as well, and how did that turn out?
This guy has no respect for you, and seems to only care about himself, that combination is NOT what you're looking for in a life partner.
Give NC 12 months and the answers will start to come to you.
Everything happens for a reason, a good reason.
Only time will reveal that reason, you have to be patient.
Keep up the good work sticking to NC!
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 4 weeks ago # -
LovelyGirl
offlineInactiveFMS thank you so much for your words, I needed to hear that, you do have a point, he is being selfish!! And I need to start realizing and seeing the real him..
@ Vandy wow! Your words hit home for me.. You have a lot of truth on what you've said, thank you. I do deserve better!
@ Scott thank you, yes is true I don't want someone selfish in my life, and I have learned a lot these past weeks. I realized he is not the man I thought he was. He is a liar, selfish and maybe even a manipulator. I do believe everything happens for a reason, bad things fall so good things can come together
"Long term happiness, over short-term hurt".Posted 4 weeks ago # -
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Posted 4 weeks ago LovelyGirl
offlineInactiveToday I woke up feeling much better, I don't feel as down. I realized that life is lived once, and if we mop around for someone who doesn't deserve us than we are giving that person the satisfaction and the upper hand, and as well failing ourselves.
I started reading the book The Power last night, and it made me see many things differently. I want to change and become a better me, not only psychically but emotionally. I have always been a negative person, because that is all I learned at my home, but I want to change that. I want to be able to smile and laugh and think only positive thoughts. I noticed when one is happy and radiates that happiness you attract more people because they see you full of life. I have always been a strong person and I don't want to let myself down or let my self rot in depression over someone, I want to feel like myself, always smiling, joyful. People always used to tell me that I was always happy, and even though when I wasn't happy I would always smile, because I always felt that a smile brightens the heart. And so these are my following goals to work on myself:
1. Think positive thoughts
2. Control my impulsiveness
3. Work on my body
4. Boost my self esteem/ Stop being insecure
5. Be a better mother, daughter, sister, friend, girlfriend/wife (future)
6. Love myself more each and everyday
7. Stop assuming and jumping to conclusions
8. Take things one day at a time
9. Learn to be patient
10. Live life
"Long term happiness, over short-term hurt".Posted 4 weeks ago #-
Finding_Myself_Again
offlineMemberLovelyGirl said:
(and if we mop around for someone who doesn't deserve us than we are giving that person the satisfaction and the upper hand, and as well failing ourselves.)
You hit the nail on the head LG! Great Goals too, all on my "TO DO" also. Stay up girl, we'll get through this together!
Posted 4 weeks ago # -
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Posted 4 weeks ago -
LovelyGirl
offlineInactiveHello Guys so I don't have great news, NC was broken! Honestly this guy does not understand the term no contact. I was doing so good, not calling him or picking up his calls or nothing of the sort. Until this weekend, when he came over to my mothers home to pick up our son, to make the story short, I told him I did not want to speak to him, to not call me or anything unless is about our child, but he just kept crying telling me please not to do that to him and all this bogus crap, and that he doesn't want to lose me in no type of form, but I mean you still unwilling to be with me, or still say you don't know anymore about how you feel for me. But you know you like that girl who's "your friend", plus you even have pictures of her on your phone like really? But the point is this was an eye opener for me, he is full of shit and does not deserve me. I don't think I ever want to be with someone like him. I am determined that this time I will not break the NC that is a promise to myself. He thinks with his bullshit words he is going to make me fall, but I see man like him only think of themselves. I honestly want all the support you guys can give me, is true what you've said Scott, he doesn't respect me.
I just know that I don't want no re connection now or ever. I never will get back with someone like him. I deserve better.
"Long term happiness, over short-term hurt".Posted 3 weeks ago # -
LovelyGirl
offlineInactiveSo I just resent the No Contact letter,
Dear Miguel-Angel,
I agree with you about the decision to break up. I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn't contact me during this time, unless it concerns our child. I will be in touch when I am ready.
Sincerely,
Madeline S.
This time he will respect it! Because I am determined to see it through. I know many of you guys here has had to re initiate NC a few times, can you guys give me some advice?? Thank you.
But besides that today I feel pretty down, but I've been going out with my guy friends to dinner and to the movies and it makes me feel so much better. Tonight actually I'm going out with my guy friend to watch underworld. One thing I've learned about myself is that I always settle for less in every type of way, and that is something I will change for myself. I deserve the best out there, and I will work into obtaining it.
"Long term happiness, over short-term hurt".Posted 3 weeks ago # -
willsucceed
offlineMemberGood job LovelyGirl for sending the NC message. It seems to me that people who break NC realize the intentions of the other person pretty clearly from the contact experience. Even though your emotions will go up and down, you do seem determined to heal and get what you deserve. You sound strong.
Posted 3 weeks ago # -
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Posted 3 weeks ago LCommander
offlineMemberHi LovelyGirl, I think he's definitely stringing you along while keeping the main girl in focus while saying nice things in the hopes of you clinging onto the past. Just dont bite! NC gets a lot better, trust me. It's been 1 month of NC and I haven't felt better in a long time, even when I was in the relationship! I am now able to smile, have fun, and generally be more positive. It helps to talk to other people (not about the relationship but general conversation) because it takes your mind off of the ex. Trust me, it gets better! So many times I wanted to break NC out of neediness/desperation but it wouldnt do me any good but put me back into break up day 1. Hang in there!
Posted 3 weeks ago #-
MelanieStryder
offlineMemberLovelyGirl said:
I know many of you guys here has had to re initiate NC a few times, can you guys give me some advice??This is more of a temporary mental trick, but it helped me resist the temptation to text back with anything except the NC message. So, maaaaybe it'll help ease whatever reaction or nerves you get when he texts you. Maybe.
So this is what I used to tell myself when I got an unwanted text after I had sent the NC message: when your ex doesn't respect your very simple wishes to give you some space (which you have so kindly layed out in the NC message) you can tell yourself that you have the upper hand! He obviously can't resist sniffing around to see if you're willing to talk back, or if you're actually serious about that NC message. I like to think he is cracking under the pressure (which ended up being true in my case!)
The more casual the text, the more encouraged I got! I imagined him missing the heck outta me. Now it's impossible to know for sure .. but, like I said, it was a quick mental trick to calm any nerves you get .. it sure helped me to think that way! hehe
Posted 3 weeks ago # -
LovelyGirl
offlineInactiveHello everyone I know I have a while I dont write anything. Today I come here in need of some advice, so since the last time I was here many things changed, first thing is because of a problem that happened at my mothers with my child, the father of my child asked me to move back in, and I did because it was taking a negative toll in my sons emotinal development. But the point is that me and him came into an agreement to live together but just as the parents of our son. The point is that I dont know how to handle this situation, I feel worst then when I wasnt living with him. I just have over a week living with him, but at the moment he isnt there because he went on a one week trip so this week has been relaxing but i dont know how to act when he comes back advice please?
A recap of before he left to the trip, to make the story short the night before he left he preferred to spend it with his "boy" and told me to just stay over that he was not going to come home late, my sons aunt had my son for the weekemd, so I was going to be alone at home, which i dont like. The point is that it came a certain time and he wasnt there so I told him in a text i was leaving he never replied, then i called he didnt answer. so I decided to go take a walk, so when I did i just went around the block and when I come back in the building who i find? My ex and the girl he likes in the building!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The fact he lied instead of being honest hurt. I dont understand why he asked me to come back to live with him if he was going to be that disrespectful. The point is he kept lying that he was with her until after probing he confessed they had went out to dinner. Honestly I feel so humiliated, and I dont know what to do anymore. Am sick of this. I feel there is no hope for us both as he is totally into that girl even if he denies it. I just need some advice please! I feel that I can never get him back and specially now that we live together he can never see what and how much I really mean to him.
On the brighter side I have an interview tomorrow for a job, but the other side of it is that is where he works :banghead:, but I dont care I need to keep moving forward and he is not going to stop me with his presence.
"Long term happiness, over short-term hurt".Posted 1 week ago # -
LovelyGirl said:
Today I come here in need of some advice, so since the last time I was here many things changed, first thing is because of a problem that happened at my mothers with my child, the father of my child asked me to move back in, and I did because it was taking a negative toll in my sons emotinal development. But the point is that me and him came into an agreement to live together but just as the parents of our son. The point is that I dont know how to handle this situation, I feel worst then when I wasnt living with him.Of course you're going to feel worse!
You should have come ask for advice before making a HUGE mistake and moving back in with your ex.
You don't need to live with your ex to effectively co-parent your son, you just need to live within a decent driving distance of each other.
I should know, I have been co-parenting for over 10 years.
The constant tension between you and your ex will definitely take a huge emotional toll on your son.
You moved in with your estranged ex to make things better for your son...are you fucking kidding me?
This is one of the dumbest fucking ideas I have heard in a long time, and you only agreed because you thought he wanted you back.
It doesn't pay to come ask for advice with alternative motives, you are supposed to be working on getting your life back, not your ex.
You obviously you do not take following the free plan seriously otherwise you would have asked for advice before moving in.
This is not the correct way to use our forum and you know it.
You can still follow the free plan, but you're not going to post your drama in our forum.
Buh-bye!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 1 week ago #
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