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vandy2159 - My NC Diary
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I will NEVER sell, trade, rent, or give away your information to any third party.
I HATE SPAM! Read Our Privacy PolicyPosted 4 months ago willsucceed
offlineMembervandy2159, remember that you will bounce back much faster than you did 3 weeks ago. You didn't give her any power--you followed the rules of NC and even asked about exactly what to do. You know in the future how this affects you, so to you're all the wiser. You should pat yourself on the back for going the route of NC, especially since you see how bad it could be if you were in contact with her frequently. Instead, you are getting your life back and protecting yourself from the harm of contact. It's hard to feel like you do, I know, but it will get better and those downs will get shorter and shorter, even if they do make you feel like hell.
Posted 4 months ago #-
finallyfedup
offlineMemberSo True WS...So very True!
And Vandy, your not a dumbass unless you keep breaking NC! I do understand how you feel at this point, I felt it too.
When I was at your point of NC I kept telling myself I can do this and I wanted to feel like I was in control of my life, not me ex in control of my life. I felt if I broke NC I would loose that control and in some sense you do. I didn't want that for myself anymore. I wanted to feel proud and I wanted to show myself some respect and for some reason I felt respect when I followed the NC guidelines on this forum. I believed in them and still do...... and I still use them! I think that was the key for me.. RESPECT for myself.
Hang in there, I hope that helps a little :)!
Stay Strong and Good Luck!...Live Life on the Edge...Posted 4 months ago # -
vandy2159 said:
now it sounds more like it was a ploy for me to break no contact and I did damn...she got me...i just gave her back all the power that I had...i should have just waited until the 29th and brought the stuff with me...i am a dumbass!!You didn't fuck up, you did good!
You set a good example of how to use our forum, and you didn't break down when you contacted her, you kept it all about business.
She thinks she's being cute contacting you for her stuff to shake you up, but actually she's doing you a favor.
How?
Once you give her stuff back, (and make sure you find "everything" that was hers and return it along with the DVD's) she will not have a reason to contact you any more.
NC isn't a game, it is an evolution, and people can't stop you from evolving it is a personal choice.
Stay Strong and Positive!
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Posted 4 months ago Bluebell
offlineMemberVandy, you did real good!
You didn't break NC!
I think you just felt like you did as due to her contacting you it unnerved you slightly and made you emotional. Basically she stirred up some feelings in you which made you feel that you had broken NC but physically you didn't!
You should be proud of yourself!
BB xPosted 4 months ago #-
break222
offlineMemberHi Vandy,
you did the right thing. And it didn't set you back alright! I think that you acted right to come here first before doing anything that you might regret later. I've read a lot of post where people just replied to their exes and of course broke NC in that way. Don't worry too much about it. You're still on the good path
Posted 4 months ago # -
sweetcalendula
offlineMemberVandy!
Don't worry about it. You did just amazingly great. You didn't give her the control back. You were dealing with your previous unfinished business, you didn't touch anything personal. It's good that you seek for opinions beforehand.
Stay strong over there.
Posted 4 months ago # -
sanity_fair
offlineMemberI agree with everyone! You still have feelings for her. You rallied though. That's what's important. NC means respecting yourself.
Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out.
Vaclav Havel, Disturbing the PeacePosted 4 months ago # -
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Posted 4 months ago vandy2159
offlineMemberWow! thank you all for the great support it means the world to me...after a couple days of just thinking and writing in my journal i feel ready to come back on here...I dont want to be negative on here what so ever...this is my happy place
place where i want ot post what is good and going well!Well here is something that I think is good...I am still on facebook because I do have a ton of friends that I love to keep in touch with...I have deleted my ex from my friends list but we did have a lot of mutual friends...However since I have gone into no contact I have realised that we now have 33 mutual friends...I know I am responsible for becoming friends with two of those eleven new friends...She is responsible for 9...
Today she bacame friends with a really good friend of mine and I know she knows it...When I saw it pop up I was not phased...the other ones made me upset but this one didnt...it seems like she is trying to become friends with all of my other friends...on purpose or not on purpose it doesnt matter...
It felt good to see that...I feel like she is trying to become friends with as many friends as mine so she can see what I am up to...without having to talk to me...I am over it...she didnt care before when she was over seas and not contacting me but now it seems like it does...and even better I could be wrong and I dont care...It doesnt matter why should i give a f@ck! I dont because I want me back...
I am actually looking forward to giving back her stuff on the 29th...I am going to give it back to her...I am going to smile hand it to her and just say here you go...Take care...and I will see you around...Then I am going to proceed to go to the bar that all the teams go to after the games and be ME! I am going to go and talk to the people that I would have i am going to be smiling like i would have and i am going to tell jokes like i i can do...I am going to toot my own horn here I am athletic and can play the game and for 34 i would say that I have a pretty good body! I take care of it...it is the only one i will get...
I think I am turning a corner...
PS if you are struggling READ READ READ the success srories...I found a post from scott to one of the members and it was awesome! Take advantage of this blessing of finding this forum!
Posted 4 months ago #-
Jetlag
offlineInactiveHi vandy2159,
It took me couple of weeks to
vandy2159 said:
Well here is something that I think is good...I am still on facebook because I do have a ton of friends that I love to keep in touch with...I have deleted my ex from my friends list but we did have a lot of mutual friends...However since I have gone into no contact I have realised that we now have 33 mutual friends...I know I am responsible for becoming friends with two of those eleven new friends...She is responsible for 9...
It took me weeks to finally delete my FB. I had like tons of friends. But most of them Im not really hanging out with and I already have numbers, emails, and IM of friends I really care of. Just like you, I had like 30 something mutual friends with my ex. That was one of the reason why I didnt wanna be on FB anymore. Everytime our mutual friends posted and updated something, I couldnt help looking for his reply. There were 30 something mutual friends, so everytime I opened my account, their new posts were there. Trust me, you cant just avoid it. Thats why you're recommended to not to have it. Give it a try. When I deleted it, I told to myself that I could get my account back anytime I wanted want anyway. I simply needed to log in. But I found peace and finally could move forward and realized that my life is a lot better without
As for giving back her stuffs, is there any other way beside handing it to her in person? I would avoid to seeing her
Posted 4 months ago # -
vandy2159
offlineMemberThanks for the two post! However I am going to be running the same circle with her and it is inevitable that we will see each other...So I am going to do this...I have to...but like i mentioned when I saw that she was friends with one of my really good friends it didnt matter...I am ok with it...I am moving on...yes I know my heart will race a little when I see her but there is a song my a country band Rascle Flats...its called so easy...talks about going out after a break up and having fun and living it up and that it is easy to see them out and about...that is what I am thinking...however I know it is a challenge to get ready for that moment...I will be ready...I am not going to be like a hermit and stay in...no way I am living my life and evolving...today was actually a good day I am getting back to my regular routine...it feels good :)Stay strong...
Posted 4 months ago # -
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Posted 4 months ago mamasteez
offlineMemberHey Vandy! Since you're going to have to be around her so much, limit your contact - don't ignore in the group. Just show you're indifferent by saying hi & sending a smile. You don't need to interact with her so much. Don't show you're hurting, just do what you're doing right now. Be courteous & have fun in the group.! :] You're doing great. Seeing ex's always send a heart pounding race but doing your own thing shows you're strong enough to pull through. Keep smiling & sending out positive vibes! :]
Posted 4 months ago #-
vandy2159
offlineMemberToday is going well! I got a lot of sleep last night and it felt really good. I was able to workout again finaly...my tattoo finaly has healed enough to start working out again...oh how i have missed the gym...i weighted myself and I am down which is good however I think I have lost muscle which i do not like but I am down in weight...I have been reading a lot of the success stories and they are great reads! All have one commone thread...they let it go...I have been letting go and I do a little more each day...I know I will be ready next week to give my ex her stuff back...I have to man up and do it in person...but I have a plan...
Keep it business...
Step one: Just give her the stuff back...I am going to say "Its all there" "Take Care" and "I will see you around" I will be smiling head up shoulders back and looking confident...I actually do not get any wierd feelings in my stomach now when I think about it...
Step two: I am not going to go to the first bar after football is done just going to go to the second bar...there are two bars that everyone goes to...eventaully everyone ends up at the second...the reason being...I want to...I want to go set up shop before she arrives there and just start having fun...being me...
Step three: I am going to leave about 25 minutes after she gets there because I have plans...I really do I have plans to see my cousin who is comming in from out of town and I have not seen her in a very long time...
Step four: Resume no contact and living my life (My very fortunate and blessed life that I have been given.) I know I love this girl because I have done everything so wrong with my past ex's...however I have respect for myself and for her so I am continueing with no contact and will reconnect when I am ready...
I know I will be looking good and I will be having fun and I will be around some of my best friends...head will be up shoulders back and I will be me I am pretty excited about next weekend
Stay strong everyone I am off to a halloween party
Posted 4 months ago # -
randall
offlineMemberHi,
I am rather new to this forum (second day of NC), but I've enjoyed reading your posts. Don't get me wrong, I don't enjoy seeing anyone go through a break-up, but your progress is encouraging for those of us in the "early stages" of NC. I know, I say that like it's a horrible disease or something...sometimes it sure feels like it.Anyway, good luck with your plan, sounds like you are evolving well and getting your life back. Congrats! Have a great time at the Halloween party, you've earned it!
Posted 4 months ago # -
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Posted 4 months ago willsucceed
offlineMembervandy2159, your plan sounds great. For your step 1, I was able to keep it together and look calm and confident the 3 times I had to see me my ex early on when we were transferring the dog. I was a bundle of nerves and upsettedness before and after, but was able to act perfectly fine during the interaction. It's not easy, and what I did is have a friend/family member ready to take my call right after I left so that I could talk to someone during the aftermath. You may very well be stronger than I was and not need that, but you might have it set up in advance until you know.
Posted 4 months ago #-
vandy2159
offlineMemberThis week has been a pretty good week...I have been able to get back to my regular life...I am working out regularly and I am doing the work for my job like I should be doing it with good effort! I have not heard from my ex since last week...I am now over a month with no contact and I feel like I almost have my life back...
I can go out and have fun and get lost in the moment...I don't wonder really who she is with or what she is doing because I know that this needs to happen...I know that I truely love my ex and that I would spend the rest of my life with her...however I also know that I want her in my life and that I don't need her in my life to be happy...I do think about her but I think about the fun we had and could still have...I know it is true love on my part and nc will give me my answer in time on her end...
I am nervous about seeing her for the first time in over a month but I am ok with it...I know what I am going to say I have visualized it in my head a million times and I know I will keep it about business...I am under 190 I am 188 today I am 5'11 I am getting a new hair cut tomorrow and I have my new football gear ready to go as well...I know I will keep my head up and shoulders back I will give her a picture to remember...but most of alli am going to be me! I know I am fun and when I am fun I know I am attractive! This Saturday I get to take a big step in evolving I know I am ready! Stay strong friends!
Posted 3 months ago # -
willsucceed
offlineMembervandy2159, it's so good to hear how well you are doing. This Saturday must be the day you are giving her back her things.
Sounds like you're really getting into shape with working out regularly. Do you play football on a team or with a group of friends casually? Good job on making it to over a month of no contact!
Posted 3 months ago # -
vandy2159 said:
I am now over a month with no contact and I feel like I almost have my life back...Congratulations Vandy!
Keep up the good work, and...
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 3 months ago # -
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Posted 3 months ago -
vandy2159
offlineMemberOk I do have a question and wanted to get advice before I acted...technically last time I had contact with my ex she said to let her know what time and field I play on so I can give her her stuff back...I never text her back...my question is should I text her with that information so not to be rude or should I keep my mind set if the items (2 dvds) are that important to her she will contact me as to when to get them? I don't want to be rude but I do not want to contact her either? Am I just reaching for a reason to contact her?
Posted 3 months ago # -
Katniss
offlineInactiveHmmm.... maybe just treat it like business and text her the morning of the 29th? "I'll be playing (a) time on (b) field." It was good that you didn't respond to the initial text right away with this info. I'd just leave the emotion out of it; no extras and no questions for her. She'll figure it out. I'm no expert, though, so I'd let others weigh in on it before acting or not.
Sound like you're doing great!
Posted 3 months ago # -
xxglitterfairyxx
offlineMemberI like Katniss' view on the matter. It is technically business. At least once the dvd's are gone there is no more reason for her to contact you unless she has seen the error in her ways?
Or, I think it was suggested before, give them to a mutual friend or something?
Posted 3 months ago # -
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Posted 3 months ago vandy2159 said:
last time I had contact with my ex she said to let her know what time and field I play on so I can give her her stuff back...I never text her back...my question is should I text her with that informationIf she doesn't know where and what time, how will she meet you and get her stuff?
Just send a short simple message:
"Hey, Here's that info you wanted...I will be at this field at this time with your stuff."
Keep it all about business and don't try to be too nice, just be firm and polite.
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 3 months ago #-
vandy2159
offlineMemberI sent her the message it said "I play at 9 on field 2 and I play at 10 on field 3...I will probably sub for johnnys team at 12 and 1" that's all I wrote hope that was ok...
On one of my friends post on facebook and my ex posted no biggy...however I noticed she did change her profile pic...she changed it to a pic of her and her sister...but not just any pic...it was the pic that I told her was my favorite pic of her! So my question is...did she possibly do this on purpose knowing I will see her Saturday? Do girls remember stuff like guys fav pics? Or am I just reading to much into I?
She hasn't responded to my text about the times...I guess she won't because there really wasn't a question in there...time to start thinking positive about Saturday...
Posted 3 months ago # -
vandy2159 said:
I sent her the message it said "I play at 9 on field 2 and I play at 10 on field 3...I will probably sub for johnnys team at 12 and 1" that's all I wrote hope that was ok...Everything looked good until...
You blabbed about Johnny's team, that should have been kept secret.
Why did you do that?
Just Kidding!
This chick has 4 chances to get her stuff that day, if she doesn't show I say use the DVD/CD's as frisbees.
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 3 months ago # -
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Posted 3 months ago vandy2159 said:
scott did I really mess up?Have you been reading our forum?
If so, where have I ever had a problem telling someone they fucked up?
I will let you know without a doubt when you fuck up.
You did just fine. I was just messing with your head a little.
If NC still confuses you, go read the links for NC in the free plan. I tried to explain NC from the inside out when it comes to dealing with your ex in certain situations.
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 3 months ago #-
vandy2159
offlineMemberThanks scott I didn't think I did and before I send anything I always go back and read the plan...it calms me down and let's me think more rationally...I know you would kick my ass if needed...I just want to make sure I do this right...thank you for all that you do for us!
Posted 3 months ago # -
vandy2159
offlineMemberSo I got a text back she said she plays at 11 on field 4 and that she could get it if I leave it in my car...or anytime that day whatever is easier...for me....so I am not sure what to do here I have not text her back...I want to see her body language but don't know if having er just get it out of the car without any contact what do you think?
Posted 3 months ago # -
vandy2159 said:
I want to see her body language but don't know if having er just get it out of the car without any contact what do you think?Since this whole process is about getting your life back, not your ex, her body language seems irrelevant...don't you think?
Just get this over with so you can continue on your personal evolution.
I would have her pick her stuff up from your car, that would be the best option.
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 3 months ago # -
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Posted 3 months ago vandy2159
offlineMemberScott you are absolutely right...I text her back and I said I will leave it in the front seat for her...that didn't sit well she text right back and said like I will find your car forget about it I don't need it now...so all I text back was ok I can bring it to the field...I just want to get this done like you said...tired of games this is bs!
Posted 3 months ago #-
vandy2159 said:
she text right back and said like I will find your car forget about it I don't need it nowWasn't the car her idea?
Yeah, she was expecting you to say, no, I want to see you, or something along those lines.
More games.
Why do people think it is fun to fuck with other people's emotions?
Is getting your ego stroked worth causing someone else pain?
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 3 months ago # -
vandy2159
offlineMemberSo I packed everything up had in the front seat left the door unlocked...I played my games went back to the car and she never picked her shit up! FUCK THIS! I azm not sure what to do now but at this time its time to go to the bar anbd have some fun! Suns out guns out!
Posted 3 months ago # -
vandy2159 said:
So I packed everything up had in the front seat left the door unlocked...I played my games went back to the car and she never picked her shit up! FUCK THIS! I azm not sure what to do nowIf you know a mutual friend give the stuff to them, and you are done.
Or just donate it to charity like ARC, The Salvation Army...etc.
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 3 months ago # -
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Posted 3 months ago sweetcalendula
offlineMemberVandy, I think she is trying to make you really break NC as in to plead her that you would meet her. ohhh no, that's where she got it all wrong. there's no way you're gonna give in! just pass her things to your mutual friend and dang, it's done. no more business.
Take care!
Posted 3 months ago #-
willsucceed
offlineMembervandy2159, did you set up the transfer with a mutual friend? We're interested in hearing how this situation has been resolved. She's really really trying to get you to break NC or at least have to see her. Stay strong and don't fall for her shenanigans.
Posted 3 months ago # -
vandy2159
offlineMemberwell this has been a crazy week since I gave her back her stuff...I was able to give her back her stuff and that went fine...We saw each other this week at the bar and unlike last time i felt myself getting buzzed and instead of making the same mistake before i was able to just walk out the door and not do anything stupid...
I do know that I am ok with myself right now...I know I have feelings for her but I also know for sure now that I can get on with my life...I am not sure what the future will bring but I do know that it can and will be great...
I do have a lot going on right now we started our swim season on Friday and I have a lot of girls on my team and we are good! I know that I have to cross my t's and dot my i's because this team deserves to have a great year...so I will be up at 6am for weight training every day and then they will swim at night 530pm to 730pm...I am finaly back in my groove at school of getting school work done and that is good because i teach 4 different classes...so that is tough...
I do know that when I see my ex that I still love her and would reconnect...however I am not out of the "I need her in my life" phase and I am in the "I would like to have her in my life but I don't need her part" I think that is progress...Stay strong everybody...
Posted 3 months ago # -
vandy2159
offlineMemberI do know that when I see my ex that I still love her and would reconnect...however I am not out of the "I need her in my life" phase and I am in the "I would like to have her in my life but I don't need her part" I think that is progress...Stay strong everybody...
sorry big TYPO should read "I am [b]NOW out of"
Posted 3 months ago # -
vandy2159
offlineMemberI don't know if this is normal but today I am at about 6 weeks since no contact was put into place and today I feel like I have been kicked back to square one...don't know why...I have a super strong urge to contact her today but know that I can not...I do not like posting like this but had to get it out of my system...won't happen again...time to be strong...
Posted 3 months ago #
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