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vandy2159 - My NC Diary
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I will NEVER sell, trade, rent, or give away your information to any third party.
I HATE SPAM! Read Our Privacy PolicyPosted 4 months ago vandy2159
offlineMemberI will first start with my no contact message to my ex..."I agree with you about the decision to break up. I really believe it is the best thing for both of us I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you did not contact me durring this time. I will be in contact when i am ready."
Posted 4 months ago #-
break222
offlineMemberwelcome vandy2159,
follow the plan and you will be surprised of the results. Don't worry about the weather. This is all about YOU. If I told you right now that there is hope and something better on your way, would you believe me? Believe me, because you made the first step into the right direction. Now smile and enjoy the good things that are coming your way!
Posted 4 months ago # -
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Posted 4 months ago -
vandy2159
offlineMemberWell I decided to do some cleaning after reading some diaries....step one get rid of phone number...step two delete old emails...step 3 but her personal items in a bag and away out of sight...step 4 delete her sisters number...step 5 and the most difficlut delete facebook...hopefully this wilk help get the ball rolling...
I have realized that i am not the same person as when she met me...I need to find that guy...that is the guy that was fun out going and always had a smile...i find him i find my happiness and all that goes with it...
happy hunting
Posted 4 months ago # -
vandy2159 said:
I have realized that i am not the same person as when she met me...I need to find that guy.Exactly Vandy!
That is the whole purpose of your personal evolution.
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
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Posted 4 months ago -
vandy2159
offlineMemberToday was tough it was very much a roller coaster...However I used the fastforward technique when needed and I do think that it helped a bunch...I know I am going to have to use it much more but hopefully less and less each day...
So when I had everything under control I made a list of things that I should try to get done...
-Clean the apartment
-Deposite funds into my bank account
-stop at the post office
-get back on track with teaching
-start praying again (i really need to do this)
-get back to church regularly
-forgive myself for the mistakes i made (I know I made them and allow myself to move on)
-take steps to correct my mistakes that I have made
-try to give one person a compliment every dayWell that is just a start I have two of them done already...Bank and the Post Office did that on the way home...
Time to start on the apartment...
Posted 4 months ago # -
vandy2159
offlineMemberMorning was a rough start...but I deleted the final email that I need to...kind of like the last swing needed on the wrecking ball to take down an old building...
It is getting better as the day goes on...can cross off another from the list up top...gave out the compliment of the day...so that is a start...plus it is sunny today that always makes it easier to smile and keep moving forward...
Posted 4 months ago # -
vandy2159
offlineMemberOk had my first facebook incident with my ex...One of my buddies loves to tailgate and sent out the invite for this sunday...I did not respond because I want to make sure that I remain in NC...I looked back and I saw that my ex said that she might be attending...This got my emotions all flustered...I simply walked a way...Used the fast forward technique and came back to my computer and closed the page...I am just going to tell my buddy my answer via a private email.
Normally I would have paniced and made sure I hit "yes" I am attending...knowing that she would look. I think I am still going to go because I like to tailgate it is fun...and he is my friend...I am just glad that I found this site otherwise I would have just acted on impulse instead of using the fastforward technique and reconsidering...Now I know I have to be prepared to see things like that and not to get all bothered...start a desensitization process...
I am on a road to get me back...and if tailgating is what made me happy that is what i am going to do...I want to be happy and I am who matters right now..
Posted 4 months ago # -
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Posted 4 months ago vandy2159
offlineMemberWell last night was good went and got some wings and watched the football game with my buddy it was nice to get out of the apartment. First time in a while that I have. Morninngs are still tough but I know it is a process...Time to get up and make the day a good one!
Posted 4 months ago #-
willsucceed
offlineMemberI was surprised myself that mornings are harder during all of this. I am normally a morning person and love waking up and feeling refreshed. Now I just wake up feeling hurt and anxious--in fact those feelings themselves wake me up because my treacherous brain is dreaming about you know who. I hope that at least it means I'm working through this even when I sleep so that indifference gets here all the sooner.
Good thing is that it prompts me to get out of bed and to the gym all the easier.
Posted 4 months ago # -
annabelleloka8
offlineMemberHi Vandy2159,
My worst time of day are the mornings itself as I wake up really anxious and my heart starts to beat faster because of the pain of the breakup. Its 7th week of NC and I still have these feelings. Maybe because my mom will be leaving in a week and then I'll really be alone so I'm feeling a little panicked. I plan on going to a meditation class tomorrow as many people I know have benefitted from this.Posted 4 months ago # -
selflove
offlineMemberI am glad to know i am not the only one having panic attacks in the morning. I went to the doctor btw no sleep and the attacks I was feeling like I was going crazy.. Well he put me on a little something to help and jacked up some other meds I take and it really has helped this week I selpt like a rock and even hit the snooze button if you know me I never do this.. So I am happy to hear I am normal waking up in a panic my poor dog who feels my heart coming out of my chest in the morning and sometimes at night when I am alone now.. its does feel like a roller coaster.. Hugs keep well....
Posted 4 months ago # -
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Posted 4 months ago willsucceed
offlineMemberI can't tell you how much it means to be on the forum and find out that I am not alone in a lot of these feelings and physical manifestations of the feelings. EVERYONE says it will get better as time progresses and we get our lives back. As we talked about on Marie21 NC diary, it feels like there are two separate tracks--getting our lives back and the emotional roller-coaster. As we get our lives back, the emotional roller-coaster track quietens down and then they meet and we have come out on the other side to indifference and are in a place to establish a new relationship. That's how I'm picturing it now, at least.
Posted 4 months ago #-
vandy2159
offlineMemberso even though the morning started off slow I think I finaly had my first great moments of letting go...(Im glad to know i am not the only one who struggles in the morning but i wish no one else had to go through that) The afternoons are definately much better then the mornings...
However I was able to really eat my first whole meal in about a week...I had fish-n-chips at the local bar...I was just talking to the guy next to me about the baseball game and the bartender would occasionaly flirt with me a little...It was nice...By the time I knew it my meal was almost all gone...:)
I know I still have a long way to go...I know that if i had to decide right now that I would want to reconnect...However I also know that right now I am starting to view things differently....I am finaly able to think about things and not get so upset...I have come to reality that I might not hear from my ex again...and that it will be ok if I dont...will be sad but it will be ok...I am heart broken right now but the world has not stopped spinning...so it will be ok...
My new goal is to find a way to make that anxiety and stress dissappear sooner and sooner...I have the plan just have to keep working it...and not worrying...someone once told me "It's ok...and if it's not it will be..." I am finaly starting to believe that...if it was true love and meant to be it will be...if not Id like to think that I will end of with the one it was meant to be...
Posted 4 months ago # -
break222
offlineMemberhey vandy2159,
I know that feeling in the morning. The way I cured it is starting the day with a smile on my face and pretending that everything I wish was true. You have to feel this moment and believe that everything is great and it will lift your mood. Pretending does wonders because your mind can't distinguish between what is real or not. Try it. Smile and think of what kind of a great day it is going to be. It's like getting up and knowing that it's christmas and being excited and happy at the same time.
Then take a hot shower! Hot showers are proven to lift the mood
I am heart broken right now but the world has not stopped spinning...so it will be ok...
It is not the end. Let's be grateful for that and enjoy the moment
Posted 4 months ago # -
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Posted 4 months ago sweetcalendula
offlineMemberHi Vandy,
Everyone has that fear of not hearing from the exes anymore... I still have those feelings right now, but as far I am concerned, if the love is truly mine it will find its own way back. I am glad to hear that you are seeing things clearer now, and that is what NC is all about. The pain will slowly fade away, trust me. NC will have its emotional roller-coaster ride.
Good job on finishing your meal. It will be better day by day. I was in that situation too before., I even refrained myself from eating and doing all the routine for about 3 weeks like I wasn't even hungry at all.
Stay strong, stay positive, stay focus.
Take care Vandy!Posted 4 months ago #-
vandy2159
offlineMemberBreak thanks so much for the advice i will try it tomorrow for sure...Sweet thanks for the support i really do appreciate it...
Well if there was ever a day that I was going to crack it would be today...However I am very proud to say that I have not cracked and I am still in NC and I am going to make it to my first week of NC...
My ex and I play in a co-ed football league...not on the same teams...that is where we met...When she got back from her trip this summer she had a very bad falling out with that team...Today she is suppose to be playing that team...they would have played at 1 pm today...the game is just about over...I know it was ugly when she came back and two weeks ago she asked me to be there to help her stay calm...
well last saturday did not go so well and I am not there to help her out today...I wanted to text her sister and say I am sorry that I could not be there to help her out. A part of me thought about driving down to the fields just to see...but i didnt i have my broken hand...I wanted to text her good luck...but i didnt I let it go...
I wish I could have been there for her but things change...I have to take care of me...and that is what I am doing...I have had lots of thoughts but I made sure to write them in my journal for me...some not so positive and from what I read I do not want to bring negative to these boards or any type of woe is me attitude...I dont think that will go over very well with Scott...
Now I am getting ready for the game this afternoon...working on keep moving forward and keep looking to the future and what I might attract...hoping it is good
Posted 4 months ago # -
break222
offlineMemberI truly admire your strength and the strength of everyone who is in NC and lives close to your ex. It DOES make it a lot harder knowing that your ex could pop up any time and try to break your NC.
Your doing well. You controlled your urge to text her. It is a small step, but it's the small things that will create the big picture. Keep it up!!
Posted 4 months ago # -
vandy2159 said:
My ex and I play in a co-ed football leagueWow
tackling girls, that sounds like fun. 
Do they ever have to pull people (men/women) off of each other after the play is over?
I know, it is probably touch, but it does create a weird image for a minute or two.
Is there a lot of illegal touching going after the whistle blows.
OK, enough.
vandy2159 said:
I have had lots of thoughts but I made sure to write them in my journal for me...some not so positive and from what I read I do not want to bring negative to these boards or any type of woe is me attitude...I dont think that will go over very well with ScottYeah, I frown on that kind of shit.
But!
Don't do it for me, think about your fellow forum members.
Everything you post can either give them hope/strength, or take it away.
Keep this in mind with your forum buddies as well.
Even though you're not posting it on our forum, are you over loading your FB's with too much negativity?
Remember you are all here to support each other, try not to take more than you give.
You're doing a great job Vandy!
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 4 months ago # -
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Posted 4 months ago vandy2159
offlineMemberScott the league is amazing! it is a lot of fun...and thank you for the post I have not been bombarding any FB with negativity...I have learned for me that there is a lot I have to fight on my own and this is one of them...
Well it has been a couple days since I posted but I think things are getting better...I am getting caught up on my work again and not dragging as much. Dont get me wrong I still have my ups and downs and today was hard...but the best thing is that these hard days only last 24 hours...
I did go to the game this past saturday...and a girl asked me if I was single that day...I said yes...she asked why and I said not by choice...so we talked a little more...as the conversation wrapped up she asked if I still loved my ex. I said yes...she said well I just want to let you know I am a very good judge of character...she said I can tell you are a good guy...and she also said that I was hot
but that my ex would be foolish if she didnt come back...I said thank you and walked a way at that point...It was nice to be thought of in that way again...and it was nice to have that conversation with out it being difficult...it was hard but not difficult...I think I am getting by this...I have read on another thread that we need to get to the point where we are ok with out having our ex...so we dont stink of desperation...I am starting to see what that is again...today is over a week now without any contact...It is getting better...day by day...
Posted 4 months ago #-
vandy2159
offlineMemberThanks sweet it is getting better...this week will be officially two weeks of no contact...i have had my moments of weakness however I have not contact my ex I have held strong...I have been staying busy...going out with friends and just getting out of the apartment...
It is wierd I will go 2 or 3 days and then it will be a nightmare of a day where I really have to figt the urge to contact her...However like i have said before I have managed not to contact her...
Now I am hoping those days get further and further between...I know I have to keep working at this...definately a work in progress...
Posted 4 months ago # -
congratulations for making it this far!
You are doing great!
God grant me the serenity to accept things that I cannot change....
The first step toward change is acceptance.
Change is not something you do, it's something you allow.
Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you.Posted 4 months ago # -
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Posted 4 months ago vandy2159
offlineMemberThanks so much Angel I appreciate it greatly...
Well today I woke up with a completely different feeling...for the first time I woke up with no "hope"...and what I mean is that it was no hope of getting my ex back...I think when we start this process that is all we are thinking about...
It doesnt mean that I do not think about her but I am not think about the possibilty of the two of us any more...I think what I am trying to say is that I am finaly comming to grasp that the old relationship is over...and that I have truely let her go...
It doesnt mean that I am ready to go and tear up the town...but I think I have finaly let my heart realase that last little bit that it was hanging on to...here is to evolving and moving forward...Long journy but a very much needed journy...
Now that I have finaly let that last piece go it is time to really give myself everything that I want...
Posted 4 months ago #-
sweetcalendula
offlineMemberHi Vandy,
Congrats for making it this far.
It is truly magical right? I know to a point of time the thought of the ex will be there but at least now you are coming to the conclusion of letting it all go, letting all the failure go. I really believe it is one of the most crucial step in order for us to evolve.
It is a journey, and the break ups are simply a lesson-learnt. Time will reveal everything.
Posted 4 months ago # -
vandy2159
offlineMemberWow I am not sure wh at it is but today is a struggle and hitting me hard...I have tried everything to stay positive and it feels like I just can't flip this switch...I so badly want to break nc but I know that will destroy me and the two weeks that I have already put in...is this normal to feel this way around the start of the third week? I have a little break going to try and listen to the radio a little and shake this feeling...and oh I forgot to clarify this but I did not break nc...ok time to shake this...
Posted 4 months ago # -
sweetcalendula
offlineMemberHi Vandy,
NC is indeed an emotional ride. I understand when you are feeling that way. You wouldn't wanna break NC, trust me. If you read my diary, that was the peak of time when I broke my initial NC. Remember, you asked for her favour to not contact you until you are ready, because you do have big decisions to make right now for yourself, you need to focus on you to get yourself back. Let it slowly go, trust me with time, it will slowly fade away.
Try to listen or get The Power, and you can also read about LOA. It really helps. Go hang out with your friends, do something that you've always love to do. I will go out for a jog or aerobics when I am feeling low. Endorphins are good for the mind and soul.
Hang in there. stay strong okay.
Posted 4 months ago # -
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Posted 4 months ago mamasteez
offlineMemberHey Vandy, yes around the third-fourth week your feelings shift & it gets a little hard. But don't allow yourself to mope in those feelings. It's difficult, that's true but please keep a positive outlook on it. Everyone once in awhile I get distraught but I have learned to control my feelings and emotions, overtime, you will also.
NC is a difficult process as it is a lot of change and getting used to, but you can do it !
Posted 4 months ago #-
willsucceed
offlineMemberI hadn't thought about it this way before, but the realization that the old relationship is truly dead does bring on anxiety and feelings of wanting to make contact. That connection of thoughts and feelings makes sense because you want to grasp at what you are realizing is gone. If only we could have control over our emotions, but I guess then we wouldn't feel wonder, awe, joy and other strong positive emotions at unexpected times.
Posted 4 months ago # -
it's normal to feel that way....I had my own share of ups and downs too during the NC period.
Listen or read 'The Power' by Rhonda Byrnes. It helps.
God grant me the serenity to accept things that I cannot change....
The first step toward change is acceptance.
Change is not something you do, it's something you allow.
Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you.Posted 4 months ago # -
vandy2159
offlineMemberSo I think I have figured out why this third week has been hell for me...I believe that I am starting to realize that this relationship is truely over...it is like you finaly realise that you are at the end of your rope...you only have inches left to hang on to...then you know it is completely gone...
I have realised I have not heard from ex for over 2 plus weeks now...I have alsoe realised that I am not going to contact her and that this has to end...I have to star a new with me first...I also noticed for the first time that I have absolutely no idea what she is up to and she has no idea what I am up to...
I think I am evoloving...I won't be able to think about her that much anymore because I will be thinking about nothing because I don't know anything about her...which is good because my evolution should be in 5th gear now and really taking off
change ...it is inevitable, scary, and needed to survive...I will survuve
Posted 4 months ago # -
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Posted 4 months ago -
vandy2159
offlineMemberyesterday was a pretty good day...thoughts are still there but not as loud...i was spontaneous yesterday and just went out and got a tattoo...I got a tattoo of a celtic cross on the back of my right arm...I like it...also played some cards last night...almost won money but cards did fall the way i need them to...just missed finished 4th had to be top 3...
I am off today so i have a long weekend that is good...i have to get a halloween costume for tonight so i think that is what I will be doing...Thank you so much for all of the support it is not easy but it is so much more managable with this site...Thank you Scott and everyone that is a part of this...
Posted 4 months ago # -
vandy2159
offlineMemberWell good news is I havent contacted my ex now in 3 weeks...bad news is I got the text from her today asking for her belongings back...I have been doing well...but when I got that text I got all excited I know I want her back but I would reconnect for sure I know that now...
Here is what her text said "strange question but if you ever play football again or let me know when I could get my dvd's you have of mine"
How do i respond and do i have to send the nc message again after that? My stomach has dropped and i have that really sick feeling all over again but I am not going to over do it...here is what i was going to send...
"I am playing again on the 29th...I will bring your dvd's then...I hope you are doing well"
to much?
thanks for the help... :/
Posted 4 months ago # -
vandy2159 said:
here is what i was going to send..."I am playing again on the 29th...I will bring your dvd's then...I hope you are doing well"
I would drop the last part: "I hope you are doing well".
The rest sounds fine.
If you don't feel up to it, make other arrangement for the drop off, just drop them off with one of her friends and they can give the stuff to her.
You don't have to put yourself in a tight spot.
This is your life, and you're always in control.
Stay Strong and Positive!
PS - Thanks for using our forum the correct way (asking before you do something you're not sure about).
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 4 months ago # -
vandy2159
offlineMemberThanks scott...I sent the message and she sent one back...asking what time i play and what field...i did not respond...i deleted her text again...I would be lieing if I said I am not hurt right now...but I am...I thought I was doing well and I was...this feels like it set me back three weeks and I did not do any contacting...I just dont know why she would contact me now about the things...she knows I would be playing again...because I told her sister I would be back...now it sounds more like it was a ploy for me to break no contact and I did damn...she got me...i just gave her back all the power that I had...i should have just waited until the 29th and brought the stuff with me...i am a dumbass!!
Posted 4 months ago #
xxx
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