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LCommander's NC Diary
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I will NEVER sell, trade, rent, or give away your information to any third party.
I HATE SPAM! Read Our Privacy PolicyPosted 1 month ago LCommander
offlineMemberHi everyone,
I have sent the NC letter after I returned her belongings and I got paranoid if I sent it to the right number (since I deleted it and I always second guess myself) so I blocked my number and called her, then hung up right away. So far she hasn't sent any reply to my NC message.
With that said, it feels like a huge weight has been taken off my shoulders and a new chapter awaits in my life awaits me. I am really glad and thankful for having such a tool such as this forum (and website) available to people who are coping with such a terrible feeling.
Does the NC message really evoke strong emotions to the dumper?
- LCommander
Posted 1 month ago #-
LCommander
offlineMemberHere is the NC message I sent her:
Hi,
I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didnt contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.
Posted 1 month ago # -
LCommander said:
Does the NC message really evoke strong emotions to the dumper?That would depend on their personality type.
But, the whole point of the NC message is not to affect your ex, it is for you, it puts you in control of your situation again.
It also tells your ex to leave you alone while you get your life back, and keeps the door open by saying you will be in touch when you are ready.
The most important thing about the no contact message is that you sent it, that shows commitment, and courage, the two most important things to have when it comes to getting your life back and evolving past a breakup.
Kicking loves ass isn't going to be easy, but it is a lot better than letting love kick your ass, right?
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
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Posted 1 month ago lunapearl
offlineMemberhi Lc!
welcome to the forum!
sending the nc letter is the initial step to get your life back!
it tells your ex not to contact you
because here you are going to learn and discover yourself,
to evolve from your past
to have control of your new lifestay strong!
Posted 1 month ago #-
willsucceed
offlineMemberLCommander, welcome to the forum. I know it's hard to read the words "focus on yourself", when your mind is thinking "all I want to do is focus on her, so what else can I do?" You can focus on yourself both mentally and physically.
Mentally, you can learn things to say to yourself and a way of thinking that helps you progress. Some techniques are thoughts of gratitude, fast-forward, and for me it was math (mental addition/subtraction) puzzles to give my mind a break from the emotional turmoil. Some people read more or read different types of books than they did before. The book The Power helps you mentally.
Physically are things you are doing. I began new exercising activities (running and biking) and taking classes (yoga, cooking, swimming butterfly stroke). I am going to now add in learning how to dance (wasn't allowed to growing up) and an art class. What have you ever wanted to learn how to do? What club, class, group can you join to stretch yourself? What happens is you learn new things while you build new connections with people.
Focusing your mental and physical energies on yourself really works. It doesn't take away all the pain and you have to be patient with yourself, but the alternative is much worse and you stay stuck much longer.
Posted 1 month ago # -
goodlucksuccess
offlineMemberHey..Welcome to the forum! Joining this forum i guess is just the path showed to us for our evolution..The forum members and Mr.Scott will be available to provide you any help you need to clear your doubts and answer your questions..But at the end its only you who will be helping out yourself..take care!
Stay strong and positive!
Posted 1 month ago # -
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Posted 1 month ago shapingup
offlineInactivewell said willsucceed!:) welcome to the forum commander, youre in the right place! just make sure you read the breakup stories already posted here and the NC diaries as well... this will let you know youre not alone and it will get you started with some excellent ideas for tools when youre going through the hardest times of getting your life back! stick to the plan, by all accounts, IT WORKS!:)
Posted 1 month ago #-
LCommander
offlineMemberDay 1 of NC
Hi everyone,
I just want to say thank you for all these words of encouragement. It really does make the situation that much better. I have decided to change my lifestyle by watching what I eat and exercising regularly. I have also picked up the piano again (after 3 years of neglect) and I feel its my way of relaxing my mind.
Have you guys ever wake up in the morning feeling (not like P. Diddy lol) a void inside? That emptyness that craves for the significant other.
Posted 1 month ago # -
willsucceed
offlineMemberYes, I've had those feelings and a bleak view of the future. It's hard, but the mental and physical work and practice you've started to do will help. Remember that you won't feel like this forever, it will get better, and that you feel that way because you've lost something familiar.
Posted 1 month ago # -
daphne_555
offlineMemberI found the nc letter to turn on a switch in me. I feel like I have a lot more control over the situation now. Before, I felt I had to sit around and wait for him to decide. Now, I feel I've taken back my own power and am now deciding if I even want to ever try and reconnect. I'm not sure I'll want to.
It feels pretty good.
Posted 1 month ago # -
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Posted 1 month ago -
willsucceed
offlineMemberWe understand that these emotions are strong. I started making new friends. I took classes and attended them whether I felt like it or not (swimming, cooking, yoga). I also had people I called when I needed to talk and they were incredibly patient with me. I started seeing a counselor. I started exercising, which helped the anxiety and gave me something to think about and is also a way to meet new people, even as acquaintances. I talked to my dog. I walked miles with my dog. I wrote in my journal what I would be telling him. I read, read, read old NC diaries here. I posted on my NC diary frequently. I read "The Power" and started using gratitude lists and thoughts.
I repeated "I won't feel like this forever", "this will get better"
I used the fast forward technique for the emotions and thoughts.
I used math puzzles to occupy my mind while I walked my dog.Posted 1 month ago # -
LCommander
offlineMemberNC Day 7
What a good day! After declining invitations from my friend to go out (since I always blew him off to hang out with my ex) I decided why the heck not. I met up with him and 4 of his friends, and wow it was just a great experience. At first I felt sad/missing her because we always had fun whenever we went out to eat but I just put myself out there and engaged in conversations and laughed along. It was a blast laughing and talking to other people, something I havent done in a WHILE.
It also didnt hurt that I got this girl's number from my class, because what do I have to lose? Right now, I'm always going to think of the phrase "You miss 100% of the shots you dont take"
BUT, I know I'm going to have those feeling down days in the future. I just hope it won't be as much as before.
Posted 1 month ago # -
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Posted 1 month ago LCommander
offlineMemberI really need some insight to this as it has been bothering me a lot lately. Almost a week before my ex broke up with me, she went and met her ex (of 9 months, us at 3 years) at a mutual friend's party. They chatted and got each other's number and she doesnt remember anything after that but she said she never did anything. At the time, of course I believed her because she never gave any indication of cheating on me/flirting with others. I didn't freak out because even though Im a somewhat jealous person, I knew better since I trusted her.
Now that we broke up, I couldnt help but think if that night played a factor in our breakup. I don't know if I'm feeling the way I am right now as a result of the break up (bitterness, anger etc...) or am I just genuinely looking into it with open eyes. I have a gut feeling she may have cheated BUT in the 3 years we were together she has never cheated/lied to me.
I'm really confused.
Posted 1 month ago #-
willsucceed
offlineMemberLCommander, I understand how things are clearer with hindsight on the one hand. On the other hand, because you are putting that old dead relationship to rest, thinking about what happened in the past is not helping you evolve now. I know that is easy for me to say. However, if you can envision bundling it all up together and putting it to rest, then you can move away from the torment of these thoughts. I work on this all the time.
I would say that past and current betrayal are what I am working on the most right now. Remember that the more you ruminate on this, the more you are allowing her and them to keep stomping all over your heart--to borrow a phrase that I just read this morning
Keep focusing on yourself and remember that the less you hold onto the past, the faster you can move forward.
Posted 1 month ago # -
LCommander said:
I have a gut feeling she may have cheated BUT in the 3 years we were together she has never cheated/lied to me.Are you "dead" sure about that?
These bad habits, poor character traits develop over time, they don't just happen.
She just got sloppy, or just didn't care if you found out any more.
You are confused because you conflict with yourself.
Your instinct (your survival instinct) tells you the truth, but you don't want to believe it.
Then her own actions confirm what your instincts tell you, and yet you still fight the truth.
Accept what has happened, let go of the past, and focus on the present.
The longer you do that, your mind will become clearer, and the pain and confusion will fade...along with the past.
You have to let go of the past, stop analyzing it.
You are only responsible for what you do.
Your ex had a choice, if she was over the relationship she could have had the decency and courage to tell you the truth.
Instead she plays head games with you which you continue to play with yourself even after she is gone.
She likes leaving that bit of doubt in your head, it leaves the door open for her, but if you focus on her actions, you will see the truth if you're willing to recognize it.
Leave the past alone, focus on evolving past the break up and the answers will come to you, you won't even have to look for them.
Go read the other NC diaries on our forum, and you will see (and read) what I am talking about.
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
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Posted 1 month ago LCommander said:
Its just those "what ifs" that are tormenting me =(No, YOU are tormenting yourself.
The longer YOU allow yourself to live in the past with the "what if's", the longer YOU torment yourself.
Your ex is not responsible for your pain anymore...YOU are.
She is gone, the relationship is dead, but YOU won't let them go.
Do you see the difference?
Happiness is a choice, it is your choice, you have to make it.
Do you want to make yourself a victim of the "what-ifs", or do you want your life back again?
If you want to be happy again, make the fucking choice.
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 1 month ago #-
LCommander said:
I agree, its a mindset that I'm putting myself in. Recently I have been a lot better but when I actually thought about it, it made me feel worse.You will be fine, it happens to everyone.
The key is to recognize when you're going off track, and put yourself back on track again.
If you need help, ask your forum buddy, or post here in our forum and be patient while you wait for a reply
As time goes on you will stay on track longer and longer, and then you will evolve past all this.
Not only that, but you will evolve as a human being, you will become better from all this, it is an opportunity.
Someday you will be telling someone the same thing I am telling you now.
Just remember, everything happens for a good reason...it really does.
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 1 month ago # -
misty
offlineMemberHello LC,
I went through the same exprience a couple of days back. Maybe day 6 or 7 of NC.
My ex had written a long email to me explaining he loves me but cant be with me because of several issues like he is depressed, has OCD etc etc. That had got me worried and i went to see him (the only time I broke NC) During that visit, he cried for almost 4 hours telling me all the issues he has with himself and his family. I was heart breaking and inspite of him treating me like shit in our relationship, I stayed that night listening to him and being there as a friend.
After 4 hours of crying, he also mentioned that he has been texting a girl he finds pretty and likes at work sinc he was lonely.
When i started NC again on the 3rd of Jan, after abouut 6 days, I couldn't sleep one night, cause it suddenly hit me that he decided to leave me since he found other opportunities. It broke my heart and I cried and couldn't sleep all night.
Then it was morning and this is how I rationalized to myself -
I will never find out what the truth is. Did he leave me because he was really depressed, did he leave me because he found someone else, did he leave me because he turned gay ........who the fuck knows.
What are my options -
1. Call and ask him. NO, because i couldn't care less what he says. After so much pain, i can't trust him anyway.
2. If he comes crying and begging me to take him back on my door, even then I don't want to see him. I'm not ready
3. Forget about it and focus on myself. I have plenty to do during the day and not sleeping in the night is wasting may daytime cause I'm tired and feel uselessSo I forgot about it.
Look, this is hard, but the point is, the relationship is already broken. Its broken because you were hurt and not happy. It doesn't matter anymore who did what.
I've moved past these thoughts now and I really hope you can rationalize this someway and move past it as well.
Posted 1 month ago # -
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Posted 1 month ago -
LCommander
offlineMemberGood news! I finally mustered the courage to approach this girl (who I've been crushing on the past 2.5 weeks) and it went better than expected! She was really receptive to me, taking the initiative to start conversations during the quiet times. At first she seemed intimidating but that was just my thoughts making it seem harder than it really is. I've been reading a lot of articles regarding confidence and the bottom line was: The pain of rejection will always be less than the pain of Regret.
Needless to say, my mind was more pre-occupied with not making a move to talk to her than I was concerned on my ex! I also know not to keep all my eggs in one basket so now I plan on taking to as many girls as I want!
Posted 4 weeks ago # -
LCommander said:
Good news! I finally mustered the courage to approach this girl (who I've been crushing on the past 2.5 weeks) and it went better than expected!!Great Job LC!
LCommander said:
The pain of rejection will always be less than the pain of Regret.
And this also pertains to failure.
The pain of failure is nowhere near as bad as never trying at all, and wondering "what-if" for the rest of your life.
I am a victim of this myself.
I wanted to be a musician so bad in my 20's, but I was afraid to try out for people I didn't know, and I ended up giving up along with my friends, and I totally regret that.
I still want to be a musician, so I haven't completely given up, but I was sooo close back then, if I just had a little encouragement to face my fears, I would have done it.
I have always felt that I missed my first destiny, and that left me in a sort of limbo for many years.
I know there is another destiny waiting for me, and I won't fuck up this time.
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
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Posted 3 weeks ago LCommander
offlineMemberI just wanted to write that Im feeling great! No contact is really really making it easier for me to move on. I rarely think about her now that I'm becoming more outgoing approaching females in my class (that I didnt have the balls to do when I was in the relationship), making new friends, laughing and smiling more. Ive actually become a lot more social now that Im not in a relationship. Before I used to be so anti-social. Time really makes everything better and its really true about the saying "When one door closes, another one opens". The only thing however, is that we have to move on so we can see other doors open!
I can just imagine how much better I will be feeling in another month.
Posted 3 weeks ago #-
LCommander said:
The only thing however, is that we have to move on so we can see other doors open!Exactly LC !
If you stand there staring at the closed door hoping it will open again, you don't see the other opportunities that are presenting themselves, better opportunities.
Keep up the good work!
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 3 weeks ago # -
LCommander
offlineMemberNow I know why they say its a bad idea to jump into a relationship after being in a relationship - the moment of bliss is temporary and then youre sucked back in the feelings of the breakup (although a bit easier this time. Case in point, I met this chick who has a bf but still showed high levels of interest, got my number from a friend before I asked for hers, instantly agreed to spend a day studying together, secretly asking a mutual friend if im single, playfully punches/kicks me and now im just bored of her. She is 10x more beautiful than my ex, very intelligent and we connect on so many levels but I would still trade her for my ex.
I guess what I'm trying to say is I was having a feeling good streak and then reality hits. I know time will help and I at least dont plan on breaking NC.
Posted 2 weeks ago # -
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Posted 4 days ago LCommander
offlineMemberI haven't been on the past 2 weeks since it was packed full of midterms. I've been keeping NC ever since sending the letter and I'm proud of that. I've also been going out a lot lately, to prevent those sad thoughts from entering my idle mind. I am 10x more confident and social than I was during the relationship but I find night times to be the hardest. Now that we have a mid-semester break, its really making me sad. I plan to keep busy but its just difficult.
Posted 4 days ago #-
Musicmaker
offlineInactiveHi. I go out a ton with my girlfriends to bars and out to dinner. I know that it is soooooo important to do that. I will be having a good time, when all of a sudden, I will get sad, thinking, I just want to be out with him and it's impossible. When I get home, I cry.
However, I will keep going out (I went out last nite and am going out tonight), until it doesn't hurt soooooo much. I actually make it through some days with crying just a little or to at all. Some days are really hard, but I am trying.
I wouldn't recommend getting into a full blown relationship yet, go on dates and have fun. But if you get into a relationship now, it will probably be a rebound and you will end it or she will and you will just be hurting someone else. That is not fair. Take it from someone who was the bad end of a rebound (at least I think it was a rebound - not for me, but maybe for him).
Good luck.
Posted 4 days ago # -
Musicmaker said:
I will be having a good time, when all of a sudden, I will get sad, thinking, I just want to be out with him and it's impossible. When I get home, I cry.However, I will keep going out (I went out last nite and am going out tonight), until it doesn't hurt soooooo much. I actually make it through some days with crying just a little or to at all. Some days are really hard, but I am trying.
Exactly!
You have to keep making forward progress which means even though you take 3 steps forward, and then fall two steps back, you still have made progress, and the more you repeat this, the more "forward" progress you will make.
The key is to not give up...ever!
Keep up the good work MM!
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 3 days ago # -
LCommander
offlineMemberI'm feeling really weak right now, tempted to make the call since its a week long school break! But I know it would satisfy a temporary feeling and bring down months work. Is there any way to stop feeling/thinking like this? I've been trying to go out often and take whatever chance I can to get out of the house but it seems like holidays/breaks are the worst when you have so much free time. I would honestly want school to come now. Anything to take my mind off of this.
Posted 6 hours ago # -
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Posted 6 hours ago julie
offlineMemberStay strong! Maybe do some workout, go to gym or go run or do what ever active. It usually helps me. It takes so much energy while you are doing that, that there is nothing left for thinking. Plan to go out with some of your friends I also would suggest something active. This is like the first aid
then of course positive thinking.
And remember you are in control right now with your NC, don't give it up!Posted 6 hours ago #-
LCommander said:
Is there any way to stop feeling/thinking like this?There are always ways to help yourself if you concentrate/focus on a solution, and not the absence of a solution.
Caving in to your fears is never the answer, the best way to pull yourself out of a negative place is with gratitude, be grateful for what you have now, why?
If you are not grateful you will not feel happy, and if you don't feel happy you will only attract more negative things into your life.
Everyone has tons of things to be grateful for if you really think about it...focus on creating "a state of gratitude" instead of breaking NC.
Make a long list of everything you have to be grateful for in your life right now, and then go listen to (or read) the power, that helps me.
It is normal to feel happy and sad during your life, but when you get stuck in "the sad/fearful mode", you have to get your ass out of it, or it will suck you down like quicksand.
If there is any mode you "want to get stuck in" it is the happy mode, then your life will become amazing.
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 5 hours ago # -
julie
offlineMemberExactly! It's a great thing to do..you don't need to think at that moment, it gives you accomplishment feeling after, you look better and you start to feel better and more confident as well
But I know sometimes it's hard to find something what to do. It happens with me as well. And that's why here are people to remind us why we are here and give some suggestions as well.
Posted 5 hours ago #
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