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Kickass: My Break up Story
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I HATE SPAM! Read Our Privacy PolicyPosted 5 months ago kickass
offlineInactiveI sent my NC email on the 20th November 2011.
We have been broken apart for 5 months already, boy, this stings as it did with my ex wife of 27 years, when we parted 6years ago, same feeling of lose. Wow the power Love!!
I met my EX in the UK on the 15th February 2009 we were introduced by a mutual friend, I instantly took a liking to her she is a young, beautiful lady 36 years and I am 58 years, she needed a job, so I offered for her to clean my apartment (which I really didn’t need) I think she worked on a couple of occasions and we started going out together, It was a matter of a month before she moved in with me. This situation suited me as I had divorced five years earlier and thought I would never find love again. She had finished with her boyfriend and lost her job. Rebound I guess!!
We lived like a couple and had the usual ups and downs partly due the cultural differences at first, we had some great times also travelling, clubbing, wine-ing, dinning, dancing and some great nights in.
She wanted to stay in England to study English so I returned to’South East Asia’’ with her on the 27th April 2009 to get a student visa for her. I had deposited 18.000$ in her account which was to be returned to me as I had offered to support her back in the UK (anyway to cut it short she had used some of this money without asking me to fund her family, this was a great blow for me as I lost my trust for her. I confronted her sometime after I found out, (man that wasn’t easy at all for me). She broke down and cried. So as not to lose her, I turned a blind eye to the fact it’s stealing). I funded her every expense including supporting her family. We returned back to the UK 14th June 2009.
She got into the student life like instant coffee and made other friends and socialised often with them, which was ok by me, she even started to bring her friends home for make-up, nail art etc she needed to work to make money and support her family back home (which shee never really told me about) but she never actually made any money, not from the lack of trying on her part!
We started to fight over I can’t remember what mostly behavioural, cultural, and misunderstandings things. (Phew!! I hate sms, they can be so badly misunderstood) She would storm out and stay with friends for a few days, until we would make contact, I would than go and get her and no more would be said about the behaviour earlier, around Aug/Sept 2009 she moved in with her good friend, I was at my wits end so I packed up around 6 extra large black bags with her belongings and deposited them at her friend’s house, a clear message I would not stand for this behaviour (I was also fuelled up with alcohol, boy I regretted my stupid action over the next few weeks or so, I was so mad with myself) I guess we come together again, exactly, when and how I don’t know. We flew to her country again on the 21st to 28th September 2009 on business. On the way home I proposed to her on the plane she said she would think about it.
On our return she didn’t move back in with me because she would lose FACE with her friends, we saw little, of each other over the next few months, I recall until her return back to her country,
I believe her return date was around the 21st December 2009. I had a call from our mutual friend,‘’somebody wanted to see me and collect them with a HE! HE! HE! At the end’’. Well like a fool in love I went to collect her to cut it short we stayed in my apartment and I guess we kissed, made up and more! I dropped her off at the airport. We kept in touch over December and January by phone and email, just like teenagers. Until I went out to her country on the 18th January 2010, to be met by her at the airport.
I moved in with her at her mother’s house! It was meant to be temporary until we got our place. (I know now she had no intentions of leaving her mother in the house on her own and the mother isn’t prepared to let her daughter go either for she would become lonely).
Now I don’t know whether I was her emotional sponge or as the saying goes in South East Asian the ATM machine (No I am not going to give you 3 guesses)
I left my girlfriends mothers house where we lived on 24th June 2011 after another blazing row I collected up all my belongings and left telling her to erase me from her mind (Oh and a few other words and action’s).
I knew there was no returning soon this time! Don’t get me wrong I still had/have very strong feelings/love for her. I left her home where we stayed for about 6 months over a period of 15 months, the other 9 months were spent alone except on occasions when she would come over to the rented apartment on occasions we would spend a few nights at the mother’s house in the beginning.
We fought mostly due to her mood swings, insecurity and our lack of relationship communication skills with the difference in culture and the save FACE thing etc, she would be thoroughly miserable and unhappy with herself mostly over money worries, not enough revenue from over working in her shop (which I bank rolled), family including her 10 year old son, and work personal (I think for most of the time I was her foreign boyfriend on show with money) this would make me unhappy to see her this way, so I would button up so as not to piss her of more, with hindsight I think my lack of action pissed her off more. I am not in any way trying to apportion blame in any way, I except my responsibility in the breakup, in fact I believe if I had possessed some of the skills I have learned now we may still be together? (I realize her story would have a diffrent angle on it).
I was worried, scared to confront her about her/my behavior (well that’s not strictly true we did talk about the fights but nothing concrete was ever resolved of learned from those fights).
Living in the same house with mother did not help (me) at all. Please don’t get me wrong her mother loved me and I had a soft touch for her too this really isn’t about the mum.
Well here’s to swallowing the bitter pill. ( )
The period I stayed with her from the 15th February 2009 to date I spent more unhappy days than good happy days mostly due to her putting herself on a pedestal! I hope I can start healing.
Posted 5 months ago #-
Make a hole, we have another corpse on our hands! 
Now kickass's "old" dead relationship needs a proper burial, and a headstone of course!
OK get a shovel and bury the past (baggage), from here on in it's a new day.
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R.I.P.
Here Lies
kickass's Old Relationship
? Years
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This just means your "old" relationship is resting in peace, now it's time to work on giving birth (so to speak) to a stronger, better relationship having learned from the past, and not by living in it.kickass Welcome to our forum!
Now that you have shared your break up story, take the next step...
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FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 5 months ago #
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