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Jasmin's NC Diary
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I HATE SPAM! Read Our Privacy PolicyPosted 10 months ago Jasmin
offlineMemberHello, everyone. This is the NC message I sent:
Hi,
I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.
I saw some entries of members saying they were disappointed when they didn't receive anything back. I managed to get a response, but not the one I'd expect. He responded practically agreeing with all I said and ended it with saying "And, don't worry, I won't contact you" and he appreciated if I didn't contact him as well. It looked sort of like he was mimicking what I was saying/doing. It was really tempting to say something back out of shock, but I all I did was shut down the last remaining social account of mines.
I'm glad I did. Because, the social accounts of mines have been distracting me from school. Plus, I would've just used it to continually gauge when he would be online. So, I'm hoping to get things back on track for myself.
Posted 10 months ago #-
Jasmin said:
So, I'm hoping to get things back on track for myself.Great!
That is EXACTLY why you're here, and if you're "really" serious...you will get your life back.
After that, anything is possible.
I have been doing this long enough to know that the response people get to their NC message is about as accurate as the daily horoscope in your local newspaper in predicting the outcome of your personal evolution.
It don't mean Jack!
You create your life with your thoughts and feelings, and if you let other people color your thoughts and feelings, they are controlling your life.
Don't do it, you are in control.
Take it one day at a time, and let yourself evolve past the break up, and the old failed relationship.
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 10 months ago # -
Crunchie
offlineMemberWelcome to the forum Jasmin!
Well done on initiating NC and making that first step! We're all here to support you on your journey. It might get rough some times but stick to it and you will see results!
Very glad you closed your social accounts too! You do not need to know what he's up to and you'd feel much better not knowing as well.
There are a lot of tools to help you through this time on the forum so make the most use of it and also start a journal
Take care and stay strong and positive!I don't get jealous when i see my ex with someone else, because my mother always told me to give my old toys to the less fortunatePosted 10 months ago # -
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Posted 10 months ago kittykat
offlineInactiveWelcome Jasmine!
Good going starting NC! You're right that your Ex mirrored your message because he HAD to have the last word and try to take back control of the situation. Your message got to him.
While you may be tempted to want 'breadcrumbs' (texts and messages from him designed to make you break NC) the reality is that you really don't need them. They will only set your evolution back and slow down the healing process. Take this time to think about what you want from life and to follow Crunchie's advice!
Stay strong and be positive!
...the purpose of a doormat is to wipe your feet on it, not love and respect it. – BalthazarPosted 10 months ago #-
Jasmin
offlineMemberOhh, wow, thank you so much everyone. Your words are very encouraging.
Well, I made a list of things to do today and goals for the month and future. What I wrote down is I would focus on completing all of my homework, ensure to sleep for 8 hours a night, be social in school and talk to new people, hang out with old friends (I'm planning on riding a bike with one of them so we can both exercise together) and perhaps try out a new instrument or try out for opera (which requires a lot of focus I'm told).
And, honestly, I am starting to feel better than I was days before. I even got the Magic of Making Up e-book as was recommended on the site. It provided a lot of good suggestions so I'm re-thinking my eating habits and maybe I'll be getting a different hair style shortly. It just sounds interesting to try something new.
Posted 10 months ago # -
Crescendo11
offlineInactiveJasmin that the spirit! Its important to get your mind amd that means stop worrying and limit your thoughts about your ex. This your time and its good to see that you have already set goals for yourself.. That's awesome! Keep it positive and you can't go wrong...here's to kicking love's ass
Posted 10 months ago # -
Jasmin
offlineMemberThank you very much, Crescendo11. I really appreciate the feedback.
And, actually, something really strange happened today. The thing was, I was having a pretty deep conversation with a friend of mines. They opened up old memories, pressed questions and re-opened wounds as well. But, at the end of the conversation and after everything I said... I didn't feel as concerned or sad about my ex anymore. I know I had something left over, but it's like it just drained out mostly. It was kind of freaky. Is this normal or is this a tiny phase?
They said it sounds like I'm getting over it for good, but I should not contact my ex and focus on myself. And, I am starting to do so with little steps of actually eating right and completing homework. I'm advancing to other things. My keyboard/piano (the thing without legs) is here so I'm going to be practicing with it soon.
Posted 10 months ago # -
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Posted 10 months ago Georgeh-1980
offlineMemberJasmin said:
Is this normal or is this a tiny phase?I think it's normal and it's a phase.
You will be having thoughts about it for some time to come but those thoughts shouldn't control your life. You need to take control of it and the sooner the better. There is plenty more out there to enjoy so why not enjoy it while you can?
I still have old memories and re opened wounds after all this time and I know it will pass in time. It's just a long phase. One that we are all going through now.
Posted 10 months ago #-
Jasmin
offlineMemberOhh, thank you for responding to that, Georgeh-1980.
Yes, I'm allowing those thoughts to not be controlling over me now. Lately, I've been pushing down any feelings of doubt and negativity and replacing it with positive and hopeful things. You make a really good point.
I'm sure they do linger on and we are going through phases like that from what I've been seeing and reading. So, I should really not allow myself to hinder the advances and progress I'm trying to make here. Thanks again for what you're telling me.
---
Well, it's going to be nearing a week in a few more days since NC. I decided to add in order goals to my overall list. The thing is, my life prior (and current so far) coming here had some other flaws that I just never took care of. I have this issue of not doing things before deadlines such as "I'll get this done by Friday." This relates to my issue with homework as well and I procrastinate so much with it. In high school I was always on top of things. But, it just went down when college appeared.
And, there were these plans such as making gift art or surprising people with things that I have never got around to either. So, I marked my calender and made sure to give myself enough time to complete whatever it is I want to do. I can't go all out now, so I'm doing it small. It'll help with my To-Do list that always seems to increase.
Posted 10 months ago # -
Jasmin
offlineMemberAlright, it's been a week of NC. Time's been going fast in a sense.
I've been thinking over my goals again. Some of them just seemed like external kind of goals rather than something mostly internal as well in my notebook. So, I thought about some things to improve about myself. And, one of the things I came up with was that I haven't been really considerate of other people as I should be. I noticed that behavior comes up and it's pretty toxic. I'm also being more aware of it so I can avoid it.
So, I ended up calling two friends of mine to show them my gratitude and apologized for my behavior with them using the Clean Slate Method. As for another friend, I keep missing her phone calls. But, I left a voice message suggested us riding the bike together every other day. Also, just to catch up on how her life is as well.
I've been lacking confidence lately as well. What I did with that was think of the reasons as to what's stopping me or making me embarrassed in front of other people. The reasons are minor, but have a major effect on me apparently. After taking note of them, it's just too ridiculous.
Any new encounter I get I make sure to keep in constant eye contact. I'm lifting my head up more instead of looking down. Also, fixed up my posture as well. I'm thinking of getting some new clothes as well that are different than the usual color I wear, but is comfortable to use.
I don't plan on dating anyone just yet. Not quite ready for it, but I'm sure it will be beneficial. I have been talking to a couple of guys I know and they do seem interested. So, perhaps in a few weeks I'll try it out and see how it goes from there.
Posted 10 months ago # -
Nicko_way
offlineMemberYour doing great...Stay strong and positive. Do not date until your ready, conversation is always great though but can also be dull. Stay busy, building your confidence should be new goal you would like to achieve to keep your mind off things. Take care
sometimes love is magic, but magic can also be an illusion.Posted 10 months ago # -
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Posted 10 months ago Jasmin
offlineMemberThank you very much, Nicko_way. I appreciate your comment. Yes, I still feel awkward with dating, but it seems I'm on the fence at the moment. Because, I know a date would help with communication as well as confidence. Ahah, conversations are good when the other person wants to talk too. I've been busy with school, that's for sure. Thank you again and take care, too, Nicko_way. Confidence is definitely something I'm trying to build.
I am nearing two weeks of NC, I think. As for last night, I decided to really be brave and continued keeping my head up in class and sitting up straight even when people were looking in my direction. Also, it's because I thought there isn't a real good reason for me to hide my face anyhow. I think I also had some sort of "spring in my step" while walking since it felt like some sort of determination walking. Even the guy I've been talking to lately seemed to be enjoying my company more now.
I had my class and was grouped together with a boy I have found attractive since last year when I saw him. So, when I heard he was grouped with me I panicked for a moment. Guys like him make me go shy and I allow it. He does not remember me since we never properly met (and maybe the hair cut I have). So, after we sat together he asked for my name... which I had to repeat a few times since I said it loud at first, but it got lower as my confidence got chipped away.
But, as the class went on we actually talked more and more. He was leading the conversation and I paid attention and added in commentary as well. I kept eye contact and couldn't help but laugh at times since he said some funny things. There was a girl, though, that he's close friends with in the same class. Gah, it was sort of nerve wracking having her watching from behind since he glances at her when she's trying to get his attention. I'm curious if she does that often with trying to grab his attention.
I asked if she was his friend because I obviously acknowledged her presence by turning to look so I may as well say something than ignore it. He said she was, but it was kind of odd how he said it since his tone sounded soft and tender. So, I said something that I deemed to be true, "Ohh, she's a very interesting person." He agreed and asked if I knew her and I thought for a moment and said that I might. She does seem familiar to me, that's for sure.
We all left class and I told him it was nice talking to him. He was being polite and said the same thing back. The girl was waiting for him out the door so I kept my distance and tried to seem busy fixing my sweater. I didn't want to get too close. Luckily, other people came into the elevator with us and the boy asks me what do I play on my game system. I told him what it was and he smiled saying how awesome it is. The other guy said he doesn't want to hear about video games right now (since we have so much work and he's upset he can't play video games) and we all laughed. Leaving the school, the boy looks back to tell me goodnight and take care. I say the same thing back and walk over to my ride feeling flushed.
So, I was in a good mood. I noticed I've been doing pretty good with talking to guys if it's one-on-one. For girls, it doesn't appear they want to say much of anything to me. I don't feel as awkward as before, though. I'm thinking if I get to know more people in class I'd feel comfortable walking in and out of there without even worrying what people think of me.
Posted 10 months ago #-
kittykat
offlineInactiveI think that you are doing great Jasmin! There is so much in your post that shows you are growing and really thinking about yourself and your past relationship! I am proud of you!
I can tell you that dating is very difficult to start off with. It looks like I may be heading back into the dating world at some point for the SECOND time since I joined this forum...but I am taking my time and making sure that it is the best thing for me. The good thing is that I remember what it was like the first time round and I know how difficult it was but then how I really did start to have fun! That is the point I am trying to make... it does get better Jasmin. Time and slowly working on your confidence and self-esteem will work wonders on how you feel. I promise you that.
Since you are only 2 weeks into your NC I think you are doing GREAT!
You are being very brave and very sensible! It's good that you like this attractive boy but I would make sure that you keep casting your eye around for other options! I can assure you that they are there! It rains men when you start to take care of yourself, become more happy and confidence and make a firm decision to 'put yourself out there'. Remember that you are an amazing young woman with a beautiful future ahead of you! You have a lot to offer and there are going to be a lot of boys that want what you have! Just be sure that YOU make the decisions about what you want and have clear boundaries.
If you want to meet people in your class and around the place I have found the best thing is to smile and make eye contact. It feels terrible and awkward at first but it does work.
I would feel much happier talking to someone that looked happy and smiled at me than I would talking to someone that looked miserable and didn't want to make eye contact with me! 
Have you thought about signing up for some activities that will bring you into contact with more people? Maybe a group sport where you would have to meet people and learn to work together as a team? These are great places to meet new friends!
Stay strong and be positive!
...the purpose of a doormat is to wipe your feet on it, not love and respect it. – BalthazarPosted 10 months ago # -
Jasmin
offlineMemberThank you so much, kittykat, for your response and input. I'm glad you're proud of me. I really want to make improvements.
When you say it like that, the dating does seem really hard. It's too bad it seems to have knocked you around during your time here. But, it sounds like it has provided you a perspective on things, though. And, you're going out and doing it so it's even better. I'd like to try it out too. I never dated before so I'm not sure how to even start it. Do you have any tips or things I should know about when I attempt to?
Ohh, yes. I think by now it's my third week based on when I made this diary. I hope to continue on with improvements. Thank you once again. Ahah, I will be sure to keep an eye out for other options as well. There's a chance he has a girlfriend and I don't want to interfere with that at all. But, being friends is nice since it seems he's been trying out a lot of new things (playing ukulele, meditating). I think that's being open-minded of him? It might give me some ideas of what to try. It's funny how you say it rains men (reminds me of the song, too). When reading other NC journals it appears for both genders they do end up getting attention when they do the things you've listed: taking care of themselves, are more happy, confident and putting themselves out there. It's working steadily for me so I do believe what you and others say to be true.
Ahah, thank you very much. Your words are very encouraging. The same can be said about you considering how you participate a lot in the forums and encourage people. I will keep the making decisions and having clear boundaries in mind and be sure to implement them as well. Thank you for pointing that out.
That would explain a lot and makes sense. I have been looking happy and smiling at whoever talks to me. It's just, when I'm not talking to anyone that's when I might be hiding my eyes or looking suspicious. That's why I've been making sure to keep my head up and eyes showing if no one speaks to me. Much better that way (and I end up seeing who's actually in class).
Ahh, I actually haven't thought of it. What sort of activity would you recommend? A sports one is good, but in my current area they don't have many for my age group right now. I think maybe boxing is something for all ages, but I don't think you talk to people much.
Thanks again for your post. Continue staying strong and positive as well.
--------
So, for a little update... this month has been going really fast, though. I'm finishing up two last classes of mines and then I'll have vacation for a while. For my online class, it's pretty hefty with needing to read so much. So, on my breaks I'd come back to the site to browse around through NC diaries.
Also, I realized taking down all of my social accounts also relieved me of a lot stress as well. The thought reached me a few days ago. I thought I had "responsibilities" on them. But, in reality, they were things I wasted time on that didn't help me move forward in what I wanted to do. I think I was pretty "stagnant." I always went there to avoid doing homework, which was pretty awful. Now, I have been completing homework like crazy. Next month or two is when I'll see if I'm still procrastinating or not since I'll have more classes.
I was planning to put in a few more tasks for the next coming weeks as practice against procrastinating. I even have a good exercising routine going since if I ride my bike in the morning I can avoid most of the heat from the sun. My friend is unsure of riding the bike, though. She hasn't ridden in years and I've been riding the bike like crazy sometimes.
I do notice I need some more friends, though. Most of the ones I know now are busy with their children or live very far away. For those living a great distance, we're planning to meet up sometime in the future, though. Now, I just stick to calling them at least.
I hope everyone is doing well. Stay strong and positive everybody.
Posted 10 months ago # -
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Posted 10 months ago jasmine
offlineInactiveHey!!!Hii Jasmin...Your username and story is more or less similar to mine
I am actually feeling great after reading your posts and story and it has encouraged me a lot.And I believe you will pass through every obstacle and come up with beautiful colors.
Stay strong & be positive
Posted 10 months ago #-
Jasmin
offlineMemberThanks again, jaysun. I hope things are going well for you and everyone. I see you're inactive, but thank you for the post, Jasmine.
Hello everyone. It's been a long while since I've posted here. I've been visiting from time to time reading up on diaries and I'll give an update for anyone curious.
I've been pretty quiet these past months because early on I spent quite a lot of time logged in here using the forum like a "crutch" in a sense, until I felt like I could start "walking" a bit on my own. My progress has been very slow, so there wasn't much to report even monthly.
Starting back a couple of months and up until now is when I felt productive. I'm close to getting licenses, finishing general education at school, de-cluttering my room, taking up instruments and drawing. Unfortunately, exercising has been an on and off thing. But, I'm glad I've actually been doing things instead of being at the computer all day, which is a huge obstacle in my case. I've deleted a lot of bookmarks and barred myself from more places (like chatrooms) to prevent spending too much time online.
As for my ex-boyfriend, I have not messaged him since his last response when I joined here and I wouldn't know if he has made further contact as I've halted from logging into MSN ever since. He still crosses my mind, but it has lessened (as well as the sadness and regret) when I keep focused on other things as people have mentioned.
During the time I joined, I thought about the relationship a lot and what went wrong with it while the break up was very fresh. I just wanted to examine it until I was satisfied and wouldn't need to look for more answers so I could move on. I read a lot of diaries and had conversations with people here, which were very helpful and appreciated highly.
And, when I think on it, if he had given me a second chance when I asked for it after he practically told me it was over, I probably wouldn't have learned anything. I would've gone straight back to my old habits with being completely oblivious and not handling the issues that were in front of my face. My life would still have been stagnant because I would've felt too comfortable/unmotivated to make a change.
Now, I just hope to continue improving along with everyone else here.
Posted 3 months ago #
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