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jane_eyres NO CONTACT diary
(53 posts) (14 voices)-
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I will NEVER sell, trade, rent, or give away your information to any third party.
I HATE SPAM! Read Our Privacy PolicyPosted 1 month ago shapingup
offlineInactiveoh jane_eyre... my ex is so similar. it's disgusting to me:( their craziness mixed with drug and alcohol abuse is a terrible sickness! and sometimes i felt that is was contagious because i would begin to mimic my ex's behaviour after being together for so long.
hahahah! i love the receipt idea... time to get a REFUND!
happy new year!
Posted 1 month ago #-
willsucceed
offlineMemberJayne_eyre, welcome back to the forum. You already know about the emotional roller coaster and the temptations to contact him. You sound very resolved in your post to move on and get your life back. I think you will be successful this time because you already know what will happen if you get back with him. I wouldn't be surprised if you move forward in leaps and bounds.
Stay strong and keep posting on the forum so you have it as a support system. We're interested in what you're doing to get your life back.
Posted 1 month ago # -
jane_eyre
offlineInactiveI am so happy I made you smile, shapingup! Yes, lets get a refund!
This time I feel ready, clear and strong. So it is nice to hear that you see and feel it too, willsucceed.
The main difference this time is that I ask for help. Last time, I felt like I had no voice.
I am so blessed with so many good friends, forum buddies and family. And I must have done something right myself, for their patience seems to never run out. They visit, keep me company while I do simple tasks as doing the laundry - really helps to have company when doing those things. Talk on the phone, even after a long work day, say yes when I invite myself over for the weekend, etc.
I enjoy organising my closet, papers, filing cabinet, bookshelves, etc. So today I have color coordinated my books in my bookshelves (all the white books with white backs are together, the reds, pinks, blues etc.) Looks really cool.
I love my apartment. I am so glad I didn't get pressured into moving God knows where with the X. Like my buddy wrote me: All of the things that make you feel co-dependent now will only get worse if you get more involved with him.
Maybe my autobiography should have the title: Not without my apartment? Haha!
Posted 1 month ago # -
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Posted 1 month ago jane_eyre
offlineInactiveToday one of my closest friends came over for sushi and a drink.
While she was there my ex called twice, I don't have his number, but I recognize his number. I didn't answer. NC is still intact.
After she left I made plans for tomorrow to meet up with one of my other girlfriends.
This time it is much easier than last time. It is still going to be a roller coaster ride, but I smile and laugh more than last time. Last time the smile and laughter would change into a crying face in just seconds.
While I write this I get a text message from my ex.
It is easy not to read the text or answer the phone. Just delete it. I just get annoyed. Can't he read?
Now I am getting ready for bed. But first something to eat. And then read some chapters in my very exiting crime novel by Liza Marklund.
See you all in the morning ...
Posted 1 month ago #-
shapingup
offlineInactive[When I get a text or a call I think: Oh, mom or Oh, a friend.]
i hope to get to this point very soon, jane... i hate that i still hope to see his name on my phone when i hear that familiar alert that i have a text or call. of course, i also hate when he does so, lose-lose at this point.
Posted 1 month ago # -
jane_eyre
offlineInactiveHi everyone!
Just wanted to give an update.
My ex used the NC-letter to ask me if I wanted to go to a concert in late February, this was sent to me the same evening as he rang and texted me.
Needless to say I didn't respond, but found myself a buddy. And asked for her advice. Together we decided that I didn't need to resend the NC-letter.
She is wonderful - so are all my buddies - and we have the feeling we have been dating the same guy (well, almost the same guy: mine is Norwegian, hers is American, but aside from that, the same guy).
It has been a couple of emotional days (ups and downs), but I have not broke NC. And when I need to vent I have my buddies to vent to.
And I feel I have a fine balance: deep despair and then joy.
My mother is very helpful. I told her I have a feeling my ex will text me about all my stuff that I have at his dingy basement apartment: lots of my favorite dvd's, clothes, a very expensive winter duvet that belongs to my mother, a pair of striped wool socks that my mother bought in the 1960's, and a couple of other things.
I was mostly worried about the duvet, and asked my mother if she didn't mind if we never saw it again. She said: never mind, sweetie, if he text you about it: answer that he can keep it, taht will leav him wondering! (If he does, I'll ask for the forums advice before doing anything, of course.) Haha. My mother likes this forum so much. She asks about my buddies, and tells me to listen to them, and if I have any doubts, she says, after listening to me vent: Now you need to re-read your buddies replies.
To me she said with a smile: we have enough duvets! True. And the one I have at my apartment - the apartment that makes me feel like a princess - is even more expensive and bigger.
And I have already bought the dvd's that I have left behind. And I am going to buy new clothes, and I have already replaced the wool socks with a new pair that isn't striped or from the 1960's, but dark brown and from the 1990's.
He can keep all my stuff, or give it to the salvation army. I really don't care. I also wanted to share my list of films that are a good watch:
The mirror has two faces (Barbra Streisand uses NC on Jeff Bridges)
Under the Tuscan Sun
The Shawshank Redemption
Norma Rae
500 Days of Summer
The Hangover
Julie and Julia
Gladiator
The departed
Proof of life
Persepolis (french)
He loves me he loves me not (french)
Paris je t'aime (french)Like my buddy and I say to each other every day:
I will not break NC today, neither will you.One day at a time ...
Posted 1 month ago # -
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Posted 1 month ago jane_eyre
offlineInactiveSince the break up I have been so thankful for not dreaming about my ex.
Today when I woke up and retraced my dream it dawned on me that I had in fact dreamt about him:
In my dream my ex and I are in my childhood house, this house was a three story high, terraced house.
In the dream we kiss, and then we are going to the basement. The basement has a two way aisle that leads to basement booths for all the people that lives in the terraced house.
Before I can ask him to wait for me he goes one way (right) and doesn't wait for me.
I can't follow him because I have to lock the front door that he hasn't locked.When I get back to the basement aisle I go left - thinking we'll meet in the middle.
But before reaching the middle, I meet my mother, and she needs help sorting stuff to keep, throw away or storage. I smile and help her.Posted 1 month ago #-
jane_eyre
offlineInactiveI had a wonderful time with two close girlfriends yesterday. They are from Pakistan, so no booze or men. Just good food, lots of kids running around, laughter and having a great time. They know about my ex, but was happy to help me think about something else. And it was easy for the most part.
When I got home, pretty late, almost 2 am, I wrote in my NC-agenda.
After I had brushed my teeth I saw that my ex had phoned me. A few minutes later a text came in saying: Hi kitten. Any chance for me visiting you tonight and talk?First thing that popped into my head was my mother's voice saying:
He can't have changed in 14 days.
And my own voice: Don't let him occupy your head.And then Ted's voice from How I met your mother: Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.
I then listen to chapter two/fast forward technique and fell asleep. Had lots of dreams about my ex. The one that stood out was this one:
I am in a big, white room. A man comes in a white door, he has an ice hockey mask that covers his face, plastic clothes, and an apron like the ones butchers uses. And a black chainsaw. He walks past me, he then stops, comes back and slashes half my head with the chainsaw. Blood everywhere! But I just leave the room/him, and go about my day.
First I thought that it reminded me of a slasher film. Then I realised that my gut was screaming to me: Don't let him occupy your head!
Today I read through my own NC-diary. Laughed so much at my second break up story, that I almost peed my pants.
To do list for the weekend:
1. Write to my buddy.
2. Visiting and spending the night at my mother's. Just watching films and relaxing. She is working from home, translating a book. So sometimes I'll hear: Argh!, what does that mean! And then mumbling: you pretentious ass! And then I hear her searching through her bookshelf and computer to find that word, from her office. Hah!Next week is packed with work, fun, friends, exercising, and some alone time. Just need some time for me!
Posted 1 month ago # -
shapingup
offlineInactivejane,
ugh! im disgusted by the text from your ex!:( what a fucking narcissist to think that at 2am youd have nothing better to do than have him over for a chat about, oh yeah, HIM. glad you did not respond! youre doing great!
the dream... wow... hahah! i think your observation that this represents "jason" slashing your ex our of your mind is excellent! i want my own dream ax murderer... then at least i know ive got some backup! hah.
hope youre having a great time with your mother:) i will send a message soon. off to a girlfriend's birthday party in a bit, i havent seen her in forever and i just adore her, so tonight is looking like it has lots of potential for fun and NOT thinking about you know who.
im going to look in to the fast forward method... several of you guys have mentioned it. sounds like it could be helpful to me as well. ok, chat soon!
Posted 1 month ago # -
jane_eyre
offlineInactiveHi everyone!
I haven't written here in along time.
But then my buddy asked why I haven't written on my wall, so I thought, a little update wouldn't hurt. And since I read all of your diaries, I know that you like to read what is going on with the other members.
I have had to re-send NC, since I broke it a week ago: My ex rang 6 times in just 40 minutes, I had to switch off my mobile, and then he showed up at my door the same night. After a lot of miss you's and thinking of you's and can't live with out you's from him. He spent the night.
After that he texted me (just random texts) and did this for three days in a row (I didn't answer), he also rang me, I didn't answer, three days ago. All the text's are deleted, so is his phone number.
NC is resent to ex.
My therapist says:
My therapist thinks that my ex still has feelings for me, but his feelings seems unstable: he is fine without me for a couple of days, then, maybe because of the alcohol, or if he is bored, or does something that reminds him of me, or if he misses me, then he neeeeedddddssss to see me - yesterday.
His feelings goes in waves.
He likes to hold the relationship on a beginner stage.
A relationship shouldn't, and can't, be like this after six years.
Your Ex is confused, immature and strange.
As my buddy puts it:
your ex only thinks and feels about himself.I feel like bloody Tarzan. I swing from branch to branch!
One day, Ex who? The next: I miss him!My other buddy wrote:
«I know how frustrating that is. I honestly was the same way when I was forcing myself to get over my ex husband. I think the alcohol in the relationship really adds another dimension, and that's a good reason why you are going back and forth so much.»This is my pattern, to join in in this crazy dance. He has a pattern,so do I.
I need to break this pattern.My buddy made me aware of this. I am so fortunate to have these two women in my life.
Writing to them is a safe place. And I can write write write them.
So now what I do every time thoughts of ex appear in my mind, I think:
5 10 15 20 25 30 35 40 45 etc - in French.
Or count in French. I can now count to 100.
Or I phone my mother, sometimes five times a day. Just to hear a friendly voice.
Or I exercise.
Or I write my buddies. And read their responses and help them with their
day-to-day struggles.
I help my mother with odd jobs that she needs help with, I think it is
important to give back.
I say thank you when I get a green light crossing the street.
I give myself time to heal. And feel what ever I feel when ever I feel
it, and then if the feeling wont go, I think: 5 10 15 20 25 30 35 40
45 etc - in French.Another text from my Ex:
I get that you probably hate me, but if it helps, know that I am
having a really bad time as well. Hope we can meet/talk.
Always love you - ExIt was sent 2 am so I received it early today. I didn't respond, just deleted it, and wrote my buddies.
He is just sending it to get a reaction, since it is way easier to ignore:
hey, how are you?-texts.Posted 3 weeks ago # -
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Posted 3 weeks ago jane_eyre
offlineInactiveAlso wanted to have this, from lunarmoonie's wall, on my wall - easier access.
I'm a woman of value.
I'm a woman of dignity.
I'm a woman of trust.
I'm a woman of grace.
I'm a woman who knows what I want.
I'm a woman who's truly me.
I will not beg you to want me.
I will not cling on you to accept me.
I will not hold on to you so you can pity me.
You WILL reject me, but only I will accept you.
You WILL want me, but only I will take you.
You WILL desire me, but only I will decide to keep you.
You WILL break me, but only if I decide to let you.I am in control. Of myself, my heart and my emotions.
Only I am the TRUE master of my own happiness, never you.
You are a drug I will withdraw from.
I DON'T need you.
I am a woman who will love, only to someone who loves themselves.Posted 3 weeks ago #-
jane_eyre said:
I have had to re-send NC, since I broke it a week ago: My ex rang 6 times in just 40 minutes, I had to switch off my mobile, and then he showed up at my door the same night. After a lot of miss you's and thinking of you's and can't live with out you's from him. He spent the night.You let him spend the night?
Why the fuck are you here?
I know it isn't to follow the plan, so it must be for attention.
OK, you got my attention, now go post your nonsense somewhere else from now on.
Buh-bye!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
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