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Finding_Myself_Again NC Diary
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I HATE SPAM! Read Our Privacy PolicyPosted 1 month ago Finding_Myself_Again
offlineMemberI do not regret my decision to break up with you, I really believe it was the best thing for the both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.
The ex very quickly responded with: ok, good luck.
I initated NC on Dec 6th, Break up was Nov 28th I came across this web site about a month later and started to read. I want to get my life back, before this relationship, I was confident, outgoing, active in my community, self assured, I am none of those things today. I don’t think I want her back she would have to some pretty major evolving. I don’t blame her for this relationship failure, we both could have done things different. I emailed SW he told me to send the correct NC message so I did that day. Also was having difficulty with FB, so I deleted it entirely. I felt liberated!
I have been steadily working on myself. Lost 20lbs, been working out, tanning, new wardrobe. Getting messages to relieve stress, traveling to see my friends I have been distant too.
The days are definately getting better, the first few weeks were hell. I've always enjoyed my independence so learning to live alone again is coming along quit comfortably.
Staying positive and wondering what the future might bring.
Posted 1 month ago #-
shapingup
offlineInactivehi FMA... welcome to the forum. i read your breakup story and im sorry to know that your gf was so inconsiderate and unfaithful. my ex was just like her, he didn't like "closing doors" and so he kept it cracked a little with each girl he became involved with. i found out about his lies almost the same way you did. its like getting sucker punched.
you'll find a lot of helpful members in this forum with a lot of great advice.
you've come to the right place:)
Posted 1 month ago # -
Finding_Myself_Again
offlineMemberThanks shapingup, sending positive thoughts your way!
Posted 1 month ago # -
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Posted 1 month ago sweetcalendula
offlineMemberhey FMA !
welcome to the forum ! you are indeed in the right path of getting your life back. focus on you, you and you now !
stay positive !
Posted 1 month ago #-
Finding_Myself_Again
offlineMemberStarted to read "The Secret" today very interesting, just a quarter through it and it puts things in an awsome perpective. Stll going to the gym another 2 lbs lost total of 22lbs all together. I forgot how nice it was to take care of myself.
Positive thoughts Happiness & Peace everybody
Posted 1 month ago # -
Finding_Myself_Again
offlineMemberI read this today thought it was inspiring:
Deep at the centre of my being,
there is an infinite well of love.I now allow this love to flow to the surface.
It fills my heart, my body, my mind, my consciousness,
my very being, and radiates out from me in all directions
and returns to me multiplied.
The more love I use and give, the more I have to give.
The supply is endless.
The use of love makes me feel good,
it is an expression of my inner joy.I love myself;
therefore, I take loving care of my body.
I lovingly feed it nourishing foods and beverages,
I lovingly groom it and dress it, and my body lovingly
responds to me with vibrant health and energy.I love myself; therefore provide for myself
a comfortable home, one that fills
all my needs and is a pleasure to be in.
I fill the rooms with the vibration of love
so that all who enter, myself included,
will feel this love and be nourished by it.I love myself; therefore I work at a job I truly enjoy
doing, one that uses my creative talents and abilities,
working with and for people I love and who love me,
and earning a good income.I love myself; therefore, I behave and think in a loving
way to all people for I know that that which I give out
returns to me multiplied.
I only attract loving people in my world,
for they are a mirror of what I am.I love myself; therefore I forgive and totally release
the past and all past experiences and I am free.I love myself; therefore I live totally in the now,
experiencing each moment as good and knowing that
my future is bright and joyous and secure,
for I am a beloved child of the Universe
and the Universe lovingly takes care of me
now and forever more.And so it is.
Posted 1 month ago # -
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Posted 1 month ago Finding_Myself_Again
offlineMember7 weeks since the breakup, 16 NC
I finally am starting to feel a shift inside myself. I dont find myself thinking about her every waking moment anymore. Staying in my routine, writing alot in my personal journal, getting out doing stuff, gym, even went to a movie by myself. Mornings seem to be hardest time of the days, once I get past the morning I get stronger as the day goes on. I have absolutely no desire to contact my ex. Feeling more like myself everyday.
I know I dont post alot but I read all of your journals and breakup stories, success stories. SW and you all truely inspire me everyday!Keep up NC!
Posted 1 month ago #-
Finding_Myself_Again
offlineMemberI've actually started to completely unpack in my new house and make it feel like me. I have picked out some colors and paint and will finish furnishing it this weekend. Set up a guest room, get my bedroom together, and then the office. I hadn't unpacked fully yet and was feeling a little depressing there. I have absolutely nothing there that is a "trigger" I left everything with her hense, the need to refurnish. Will be nice to live in a place that reflex me again.
Sticking to my plan, going for a new job that is more challenging and different, gym, softball starts this weekend so I'm excited about that. Really glad my emotions have eased up a bit.
I went to my therapist (started seeing her after my breakup)last week, she asked me what was on my mind. I told her I was having a little anxiety of actually running into them together somewhere. That I had hoped I would be able to keep my emotions under control and chin up and not show any weakness to her. I know that I may run into them at the softball tournament this weekend. There is only one SB league in my town and we both play. My therapist gave me an exercise to do. She said to envision exactely what I think it would be like and to make it as detailed as possible, right down to if the wind was blowing to what clothes I was wearing, and then think of how I would like to react to this. This exercise is suppose to ease the initial shock. Well I obviously want to take the high road and show her I will not let her get to me anymore. I am fully taking this to the worse case scenario also, she will have the new girl, the kids, the dogs, and look just as happy as can be.I want to have the courage and self-respect to handle myself well and not give her any of my power.
I have been strong in NC for 3 weeks although she has texted me several times for money, because she thinks it's not fair I moved out the day I found out and left the financial burden on her alone. ha! I didn't respond, NC did it for me.
Feeling pretty good, got a puppy to occupy my mind while at home (She demands my full attention!) lol Helping me open up my heart. After the breakup it was like a scene out of the movies I just imagined my heart slamming shut like jail door and a big chain wrapping around it several times. I know it will get better it already has since I started here, nothing but up from here!
Stay strong everyone, I read your diaries daily and you are all inspiring!
Posted 4 weeks ago # -
LovelyGirl
offlineInactiveFMS, wow you are inspiring, I believe seeing a therapist is a great step into healing and finding yourself. I have been thinking of doing the same thing. Keep it up, as they same time heals, and I know in the long run all of us will kick loves ass!
"Long term happiness, over short-term hurt".Posted 4 weeks ago # -
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Posted 4 weeks ago -
Finding_Myself_Again
offlineMemberWell 30 days NC, I have no desire to contact her nor has she tried to contact me. I have no plans for reconciliation as I’ve seen the true person she is during this breakup.
I have really tried to focus on myself this last month and do things that I like to do. I am feeling like I am making good progress. The one thing I am really really having a problem with is my brain seems to be stuck in an endless loop of this failed relationship and no matter what I try it goes right back there. My only relief is when I am sleeping. I’ve been reading a lot on LOA also bought the audio cd of the secret. I am really serious about getting my life back, not my ex. I have things that I am very thankful for today. I have great friends, a great job, family that loves me (none of them live in this state), car, Harley, nice place to live, loving pets…sheesh that’s a lot to be thankful for!
But I just can’t seem to get my brain off this loop. I have tried the FF method. I’m pretty sure I have good grasp on what LOA is but these negative thoughts seem so powerful and keep bullying their way into my mind. Have I missed a step? What am I not doing right? I feel like I’m stuck. Am I stuck on self-pity? I know it is early in my NC, am I being to hard on myself because I want to be over this already? I’m sick of feeling this way, I just want to feel normal again. Any advice would be helpful guys.Posted 2 weeks ago # -
Finding_Myself_Again said:
What am I not doing right? I feel like I’m stuck.You asked a question, and answered it yourself...you feel "stuck", therefore you are stuck.
Feeling stuck is NOT a positive feeling, is it?
Do not tell yourself you're stuck, just tell yourself this pain/confusion is part of the healing process (because it's the truth), and it takes time to get to the other side and feel like yourself again.
In fact, you will not only be yourself again, but you will be even better than you were, you will evolve into a better woman.
Whatever doesn't kill you, right?
But you have to fight back so it doesn't kill you from the inside out.
It takes time and patience to change the way you think and feel, and if you keep telling yourself you feel stuck, you will stay stuck.
What is the best way to get unstuck, and prevent from getting stuck, to keep moving forward.
Don't give up...don't even think about giving up.
The book The Power goes over a lot of ways to break the negative barrier, and just like anything, you will make some forward progress, and then get pushed back.
But if you stay consistent, you will start to go forward more than you go back, and then things will start to turn around for you.
The key to succeeding is to believe (because it is true) that you will feel better, and this (break up) is all for the best.
30 days is just the beginning of NC, feel good that you have managed to keep it without breaking it, but don't expect miracles, OK?
Miracles take faith, and focused intention, and then they happen.
You are not stuck, you only think you are stuck, you are just evolving, and you must stay positive about your chances for success if you ever hope to succeed.
You can also look into subliminal messaging to help reprogram your mind from negative to positive.
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
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FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 2 weeks ago # -
Finding_Myself_Again
offlineMemberOk Scott I am damn determined to pull myself out of this I have been listening to The Secret and The Power audio book whenever I can throughout the day. For the evenings I just picked up a couple of subliminal MP3’s. One is Develop A Positive Attitude and the other is Law of Attraction. I will have these playing on a loop while I sleep at night. The affirmations in the messages are below. Please keep kicking my ass when I need it. Thanks for everything you do!
Develop A Positive Attitude Affirmations
I am positive
I keep a positive attitude at all times
I remain positive in all situations
I always think positively
I see the bright side of any situation
I focus on the good things in my life
I am grateful for all the good things in my life
I am always optimistic
I have a bright, positive future ahead of me
My positive mental attitude is consistent at all timesLaw of Attraction Affirmations
I believe 100% in the law of attraction
I am attracting money into my life
I am attracting wealth, financial freedom, and money in abundance
I am attracting success into my life
I am successful at everything I pursue
I am attracting opportunities into my life
I am a magnet for opportunities and always take advantage of them
I am attracting health into my life
I have a strong immune system and I am healthy at all times
Whatever I think about I effortlessly attract into my lifeThe site I got these from is http://www.subliminalmp3s.com in case anyone is interested. They have a big selection.
Stay strong and positive
Posted 2 weeks ago # -
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Posted 2 weeks ago Finding_Myself_Again
offlineMemberWell I am sticking strong to NC, 34 days. I have been really reading into the LOA and I listen to “The Secret” audio book whenever I’m driving. I am also doing my subliminal messages (positive thinking) while I am sleeping and at work, there is no sound so I listen to it all day. I have just now been able to start to shift my negative thoughts. I felt like I have been at a standstill because of my negative thoughts these past few weeks. This week something new has happened, I have been able to throw up a big stop sign in my head when I catch myself stuck in these thoughts. There is also a very loud train horn that sounds when the stop sign appears. It maybe just be a fraction of an inch forward to most people but coming from the feeling of hopelessness 34 days ago to today it is a giant leap for me, and has given me hope I will get through this.
I have read a lot the diaries and got really inspired to start running again (Haven’t ran since my Army days 2007). I have forgot what a great release this is. I am concurring 2 miles for now but hope to work my way up to 10, maybe I can race willsucceed one day lol.
I also have a great movie to recommend “Zoo Keeper” comedy, great story about evolution from a failed relationship, laughed my a$$ off the whole time. Loved the scene at “TGIF’s”.
I have started to get involved in the community again. Yesterday I joined the local Habitat for Humanity in my area. I am looking forward to learning how to build a house, meeting other people, and getting outside.
I have also decided to get out of my comfort zone. For those of you that don’t know my story I am a lesbian. I have never been really open about it as I spent 13 years in the Army, and was not allowed to share that part of my life. That never bothered me though, that was my personal life and had nothing to do with the Army. Anyways, I am joining my local GLBTQ (Gay Lesbian Bi Transgender Queer) Center. This is very out of character for me and is causing me a little anxiety but I think the overall result will be beneficial. I need to get out there and meet new people, I am in no means ready for anything but making friends. I still feel like the thought of being in any kind of relationship gives me a sick feeling in my stomach and I still feel like I would be cheating (weird) hope this will help with that feeling. I need to break that connection for sure, it’s holding me back. Going to start off by dipping my toe in the water like going to open mic night, and movie night, farmers market. We’ll see what happens.Posted 2 weeks ago #-
Finding_Myself_Again said:
I also have a great movie to recommend “Zoo Keeper” comedy, great story about evolution from a failed relationship, laughed my a$$ off the whole time. Loved the scene at “TGIF’s”.I liked the part when he got on the back of the ostrich.
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 2 weeks ago # -
willsucceed
offlineMemberI have forgot what a great release this is. I am concurring 2 miles for now but hope to work my way up to 10, maybe I can race willsucceed one day lol.
Sounds like a plan
It's really made a huge difference in my life and it's something I'm keeping for the long haul. How is the puppy doing?All your other activities sound really thoughtful and meaningful. I find it very interesting to hear what others do and how they progress and even branch out from the new things they are doing. Make sure to keep us updated because we're interested. You can see from my NC diary that I shamelessly reported my advances there. It means a lot that I can do that.
Posted 1 week ago # -
Finding_Myself_Again
offlineMemberThanks Willsucceed,
My puppy is great brings me joy everyday! I went to the shelter and she picked me, her name is Bella she’s a mix of something like a Chihuahua/terrier mix. I have always had the “CALLING” to want to serve things other than myself so I joined the Army, when I got out in 07 I felt kind of empty and started to get involved with a few charities here in this community. I don’t have any family here and it brought great joy to my life. Never going to stop doing this again for anybody.
Anyways I forgot to add something in my post yesterday. I had bought her a Harley Davidson during this relationship. It was in my name so I took it when I left (hell yes I did!). I’m not licensed for a motorcycle and was wondering what to do with it. Well, I decided to keep it. I signed up for a 4 day riders training course at our local Harley Dealership March 1-4th, to get my motorcycle endorsement OMG! (Out of the comfort zone again lol). So I guess I am officially a Biker Chick lol. Pretty excited, scared, and nervous about it.
Posted 1 week ago # -
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Posted 1 week ago Finding_Myself_Again
offlineMemberOk, just had my first run in with the ex since the breakup. So I went to a college softball game tonight with one of my good friends. Before this relationship I use to go to every home game, I would get season tickets. So a girl walks in at about the 1st inning and my friend said I think thats the girl she's with. So as the game goes on I am really trying to concentrate on the game and not read too much into it. It might be her it might not, I dont know because I havent seen her yet. So at about the 5th inning she gets up and walks out leaving all her stuff there. Well, lo and behold she went to the ticket gate to get HER. She walks in looking very very uncomfortable. I didnt give her a second glance. Well they sat down and SHE see's my good friend. My good friend tells me she sat down and isnt watching the game at all. She has turned her back to us and is talking with the girl the whole time. The whole time I'm sitting there I'm trying to be very aware of my feeling, and all I kept saying in my head is "I wish you peace and happiness" over and over again. This is where it gets interesting, after 1 inning they leave. I'm really really glad I didnt leave before they left.
I'm not really sure how I am feeling right now. She looks like she's gained a little bit of weight and I know now that I am definately hotter then this one she is with. Who by the way is the polar opposite of me. I'm pretty girly and this other girl is butch looking nothing like her type, I find that odd.
Not sure where I'm going with this just wanted to write while it was fresh.Posted 1 week ago #-
Finding_Myself_Again
offlineMemberI woke up feeling pretty down today due to the encounter last night. I have no desire to contact my ex. My sleep was bombarded with dreams of my ex. Getting back together, talking, arguing, laughing. When I woke up I told myself I needed to resend the NC message, the dreams were very real. I laid there for a while and cleared my head. I leave my gratitude letter on the table next to my bed, and immediately read it.
I realized this morning that I am still angry at her, wave of emotions normal I guess. I'm only 30 something days into NC, so I need to practice patience again. This has been very hard for me to do.
As I'm writing this I realize I need to see the bright side of this encounter. In the beginning of my diary I talked about how I hope I can handle my emotions when I run to her and, I did. I'm glad I stood my ground and did'nt leave before them, made me feel strong that it bothered her that I was there. I can't wait to get some more time under my belt and get stronger. It hurt me to see them together but she'll never know that.
Going to another game tonight, I'm not going to avoid these situations. If she shows up or dosent I won't let her control my life anymore. I feel like this is something I need to feel to continue to heal.Posted 1 week ago # -
Finding_Myself_Again
offlineMemberHead Games begin.
Finished off the tournament this weekend. HER best friend shows up out of the blue (has never been to a game in her life) in the 5th inning pretends she dosent see us and sits down. After one inning gets up to leave and see's me and my friend and comes over to us, awkward hug. Then the 50 questions start, how are you doing? whats going on with you? Hows your job? blah blah blah. I was polite, told her I had alot of exciting things going on and that I was doing great. After an awkward moment of silence from her waiting for me to tell her something more, I wished her well and she left. When she left my friend said "What the hell was that all about?"This weekend was a little hard because it was my first encounter with the ex the new girl and her friends popping up. This morning I woke up feeling ok, I'm GOING to be ok. I KNOW I will get through this, I BELIEVE I will get through this. I'm not going to let HER get to me. I am so thankful for my friends they really have had my back through this whole ordeal and keep me grounded.
Moving Forward.Posted 1 week ago # -
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Posted 1 week ago Finding_Myself_Again
offlineMemberThanks WS. Went to another game last night she showed up again with the girl. I didnt see them walk in because it was a good game and I was really into it. As the game went on we happened to lock eyes. They were sitting to our right up two rows. The usual m.o. showing up in the middle of the game and leaving before it's over. I am in awe of her vindictiveness and it has reassured me of my decision as to why I left her in the first place. I’m not sure what type of effect she thinks she is afflicting on me but I can tell you this, it gets easier and easier the more she throws it into my face. I had a great time at the game, I felt like my light hearted, funny, outgoing self and was very talkative to my friends. I didn’t clam up and sit there like a zombie. Does it hurt? Yes it does, but it will get easier.
Posted 1 week ago #-
Finding_Myself_Again said:
I’m not sure what type of effect she thinks she is afflicting on me but I can tell you this, it gets easier and easier the more she throws it into my face.That's right, your ex thinks she is wearing you down, and you will break, but in reality she is helping to make you stronger and more resolved in your decision to continue with your personal evolution.
Great Job FMA!
Keep up the good work!
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 1 week ago #
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