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I HATE SPAM! Read Our Privacy PolicyPosted 2 years ago Rox
offlineMemberI'm sooooooo happy to hear the new YOU doesn't want to know that your ex is up to!
That's such a clear indicator that you are in control of your emotions and of what you want. That is the next thing I will work on cause knowing what he's doing and whom with is making me feel miserable - yes I think "sick" is the best word here. It takes a lot of courage and I hope to find that strength within me as you have within you!This is what Surfie wrote on my diary: "What he does, where he goes and who he chooses to spend his time with is of no consequence to our own evolution".
This is so so true. Knowing myself, I know when I stop being worrying about what he's doing, that will be my first step on the letting go road. You already got there and I'm right behind you trying to keep up with you
"The Alchemist" is a really inspirational book, great suggestion MrEnte!
You're loving yourself and filling your life with happy days... what could be better?
Life is still good!
It takes strength to fight, but courage to let go.Posted 2 years ago #-
finallyfedup
offlineMemberHI All,
Well it's been a very busy week for me. Still trying to get adjusted to my new job and school...Whew!
I havent had time to focus on my ex much but he does still cross my mind. Some days I miss him and some days I am angry at him (more anger than miss). Like today, I missed him all day, in a good way :).....then someone calls me to tell me what he is doing! I have made it clear to ALL my friends, except this one, that I do not care what he is doing and to please do not update me about him! I think she was the last one to contact regarding the updates, therefore I have reached them all! But is seems the days I have good feelings about him, something bad turns up about him? Could be a reason for it huh?
So, seems the ex is staying late with the secretary at the office these days.....way later than normal business hours so my friend blurted out to me before I told her I didn't want to hear it! I must admit this makes me VERY MAD....urrrgggghhh! But I get over it, I deal with it, I focus on all that I have accomplished and I stay away from all the negative thoughts. I can tell......I am getting better!
It's been a month and a half since the break up and around 17 days (I think) since my last NC sent (for the third time). I know he is pissed about the NC message and I feel he is paying me back by doing "whatever" with his secretary......this hurts, makes me ANGRY and doesn't make me want him back.....EVER! I mean......Why should I ever follow after this Nasty girl, she is a HO and a drug head (NOT HIS TYPE AT ALL)! He has high standards for himself and stooping to her level is way to far out of his league! That's why I think it's a payback...But Oh Well, I get over those spells quick and continue my focus on ME!
I've been listening to a lot of self help books on my hour drive to work/school and this helps me to see MY PURPOSE in life even more. I do not need his burden, his hurt and I do not want to feel his hurt ( the hurt he has caused me). I am MUCH happier without it all and will continue to be :)!
I looked over my pro's and con's 2 days ago and when I first wrote those list my pro's list was longer than my con's list.....hmmmm...what did this mean? ha ha....little did I know, those list had been changing with time and now my con's list is longer than my pro's list? I must wonder if this is a sign that I don't need him (or want him) in my life.....and at this point,I DON'T!
The feelings I have toward's the ex are "I can do better than him", and I can. When I am ready to find love again, I will....but for now, I am doing just fine without him and am to busy to want or search for another love at the moment. But I am regaining the confident feelings I had before him....and that is I CAN!
My evolution so far has been a huge learning lesson for me, some days are good, some days are bad....but I keep going, I keep fighting, I keep exercising, I keep eating better and feeling good, I keep my head held high and I keep BELIEVING in myself........and that brings be GREAT JOY:)
Hope all is well with everyone? Keep up all your good work :)!
I will read all the new post this weekend to get caught up on everyone's updates...can't wait:)!
Have a good day and night....and Take Care of yourself!...Live Life on the Edge...Posted 2 years ago # -
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Posted 2 years ago riegs000
offlineMemberkeep staying busy. You are in a great mindset atm. Just keep working at it and contuine excercising and eating well. Atm you are a blueprint for anyone on this forum on how to go about the evolution process. Hope you continue having a good weeks.
good luckPosted 2 years ago #-
finallyfedup
offlineMemberThanks riegs! Your going to be in the same place very soon:)!
I realized something today that I have been doing for the past week or so.....Missing him is an Addiction!!
I wake up in the morning and I am "kinda" missing my ex.....morning was our time. I say "kinda" because the missing isn't as much or as bad as it use to be....BUT I have noticed I can redirect my feelings away from him instantly and not miss him?? That may be unbelievable to some but it's the truth. I redirect my feelings from him to ME by thinking about what is best for Me.....some things that come to mind are my goals in my life, my education, my health, my career and all the accomplishments I have made so far in my life and didn't get to enjoy for the last 6 years because my ex was jealous! I also think of ALL the "trying" I did and all the hurt is caused me to keep "trying" with him......and it wasn't working. I JUST don't want that feeling EVER again!
So I realized I am still "trying" to miss him, when I'm really NOT missing him due to a routine I was in for a long time. It became a habit to do this and I catch myself STILL trying to contribute to the habit. In the beginning of the break up I DID miss but I think I was missing the "good" in our relationship that we had lost.
Anyways, this is a small move for me, it brings me one step closer to finding myself. And I AM HAPPY with what I have found so far! It feels good to get a "high" of Happiness that comes from within and be perfectly satisfied with it:)!
I hope you all can feel this one day soon:)!
Good Luck to you ALL!
...Live Life on the Edge...Posted 2 years ago # -
finallyfedup
offlineMemberFor Sunshine ......
I am so Sorry Sunshine
for all that has happened in your life and with your relationship. You deserved better than what you have been dealt in life. I know this is not easy for you :(. I believe you have learned a lot from this forum, your counselor and life experiences and you can rise above all of it! Don't ever give up on your goals and dreams :)!Your still a Great inspiration and you have a good heart! Stay that way Always!
If you ever need to talk, email me....bodittleyis@yahoo.com
You will be Missed
...Live Life on the Edge...Posted 2 years ago # -
DanCAn
offlineMemberThanks for the post ffu. hope your having a great day. i can really relate to how missing your ex is like an addiction. In the beginning i would constantly tell myself how perfect she was which is obviously bullshit because were all flawed in someway. those thoughts are definitly getting weaker now which is a sign of our evolution. never stop searching for what you want, you'll find as good or better than your ex im sure.
Posted 2 years ago # -
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Posted 2 years ago finallyfedup
offlineMemberThanks DanCan...You will also!
I had a lot of Krazy emotions regarding my ex today.....up one minute, down the next, missing, wondering, curious, anger, judging him in every way, then happy again????????? This went on all day and I don't know why? At the end of the day, I became productive and got some major homework done.
I guess I was due for a day on a roller coaster ride since I haven't had one in a while :).... it wasn't bad though, no hurt, just mixed emotions.
I almost feel a sense of starting to forgive him......a small start...no leaps yet. I know if I forgive him, regardless of what he has done to me, I can let this burden of him go. I want to forgive my ex more for myself and not as much for his sake. If I forgive I can let him be free and free myself.....no worries, no burdens.... This is where I am headed.....Forgiveness! This will take time and as I said....Time is on my side!
I don't know where all this is coming from.....it's what I feel I suppose? I'm good with it!
I hope you all can do the same...maybe it will help you heal from your ex if you forgive him? Just a thought!
Take Care ALL...You have been Great support!
...Live Life on the Edge...Posted 2 years ago #-
Surfiechick
offlineMemberHey FFU - forgiveness is a sign of inner strength. Its also a major part of letting go. Feeling resentful or angry towards our exes just prolongs the pain, and uses up useful energy and emotion that should be put to good use elsewhere.
One day you will wake up and whatever he did and whatever went on between you will no longer tear you up inside and then you will know that you can move on to something better and stronger, safe in the knowledge that you survived, and you will survive, no matter who we choose to allow into our lives and our hearts.
I long for the day when we can all love like we've never been hurt before - because the joy of loving like that is worth the risk I reckon.
Stay strong FFU!
you cannot choose how people treat you but you can choose how you reactPosted 2 years ago # -
finallyfedup
offlineMemberYou are so right Surfie....so so right. I have been reading things on forgiving and I am starting to forgive. I know it's the best thing for me. I'm tired of living with the hurt and pain and I know the only way to release it is to forgive. It is a part of evolving and I am ready to take that next step.
It's been 20 days sinc my last NC and I lost count since the break up....but I know those days and numbers aren't important. If I keep counting then all I'm doing is counting down days and not evolving in a better way.
The last two days have been hard....no reason why......just hard! But I think I'm on the flip side now because things are looking better.
I wish you all the Best on your journeys and hope your making YOURSELF happy and not leaning on your ex to do that for you! Keep your NC's up. It's a great way to turn things around for yourself :)! Praying for you all!!!
...Live Life on the Edge...Posted 2 years ago # -
allee
offlineMemberHey FFU.. so i just finished reading your diary. I made the same mistake of breaking the NC note. During this time he begged me over the phone to meet with him so he could talk about the feelings he still had for me. But I said "no, plz respect my email that I sent you."
Well my point is, its been 2 days and I was debating when to send him the NC again.. well after reading your diary (the very first post).. you wrote that when u got off the phone, u sent him the NC few seconds later. It makes so much sense!! So I am gonna send him the NC RIGHT NOW too.
Its good u have found ways to divert ur attention. Its a long and hard process but we are all in it and this forum is so great.. honestly i dont know what i would do without this forum and the support from ppl here..
I wish you all my best to stay strong!Posted 2 years ago # -
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Posted 2 years ago finallyfedup
offlineMemberHi All,
I hope all is well with everyone. I have been very busy with school and work (to busy) and haven't had much time to post. I have been thinking and praying for everyone on the forum and I hope life is treating you all good!
Even though I haven't posted on the forum, I have had great support from great friends. They have given my insight on new ways to help myself along with the problems with the ex.
As for the Ex...... ha...well, I didn't break my NC since the last NC message I sent posted in my blog, but we did have a run in at our local gas station. Needless to say it wasn't nice. He had been calling/texting me over and over wanting to know why I wasn't speaking to him. I didn't reply. Then he saw me pumping gas at a gas station, pulled in and started his normal controlling BS from the past. I didn't say a word for a long time during his rage towards me then I flipped and let it ALLLLLLLLLL out and haven't spoke to him since.....that's been around 2 to 3 weeks ago ( I think)? I am remaining to keep my distance from him as I have been, so far, the NC has been the only way it has worked for me.........and I want it to continue to work for ME!
What I learned....he hasn't evolved AT ALL and I still need to evolve more. I shouldn't have flipped out on him but I felt SO MUCH BETTER after I got it all out towards him it was unbelievable!!
Life has been busy for me, full of ups and downs...Mostly ups so I can't complain. I have had a few good times since my last post but mainly I have been focusing on growing in my career and I have succeeded at it! My confidence in myself is much better and continues to get stronger everyday.
This forum was my "crutch" in the beginning and I appreciate everyone who helped me get through it. I am stronger now and can deal with what life brings me, however I still may need your assistance so I am not going far away :)!
Thanks again to the forum, SW for building and maintaing it and to all you GREAT, WONDERFUL, CARING PEEPS! You have been my Rock through the hard times :)!
Take Care All and remember to EVOLVE :)!
...Live Life on the Edge...Posted 2 years ago #-
finallyfedup
offlineMemberJust an update..... NC is working!!!
My NC period is working.......and it's working the best for ME! I have been looking back at my journal that I am still keeping and noticed a few things that smacked me in the face when I read them (below). They were things my ex told me I was doing incorrectly before the break-up (our relationship started declining a year ago today). As I remembered them after the break-up, I wrote them down in my journal (I wrote down everything, including my reactions to his words). Thank Gosh I did because they are very helpful now!
Examples......
I am controlling and he does not want to be controlled.....My reaction, he is the control freak!
I am demanding and he does not want the pressure......My reaction, he pressured me for years with all his jealousy, why is it wrong for me to do it now that he is not jealous?
He can never win an argument with me because I am never wrong.......My reaction, sometimes I am wrong but who cares who is wrong or right?
Our relationship will never be the same as it was in the beginning because of the fights we had...... My reaction, because he/ex won't try, he/ex doesn't want it bad enough.
He has fear, this causes a wall to be put up to protect him......My reaction, if you keep the wall up you will never heal.
He does not feel safe with me (I am still clueless about this one)......My reaction,I dunno what he means by this one?
He dosent love me the same way he use to, no passion, no desire, etc.......My reaction, HOW COULD YOU NOT AFTER YEARS OF BEING TOGETHER AND ALL I HAVE DONE FOR YOU???
He thinks being friends would be the best thing for us.....My reaction, I will try friends, we must start somewhere.
He cares for me and loves me deeply but it's just not the same.....My reaction, WHATTF?Ha..Can you see what I see? His words against my reactions?
What a evolution this has been for me as I have been trying to see what went wrong in our relationship. All the examples I have listed are true. I am all these things but NEVER realized it. He was trying to tell me but I wouldn't listen and pushed him away (in some ways). I am not blaming myself because it's not all my fault but I REALLY REALLY have been looking deep into the situation and recalling my actions. This to me is another step in evolving into a better person.
One more thing I noticed I wrote down.......Before our break-up I asked him what I could do to make "us" better. He replied "Just be You".
Just be ME..... meaning (I think) be the ME I was before him, the ME before the anger, fights, resentment. The ME he fell in love with to begin with. The ME he enjoyed and wanted to be with for the rest of his life. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh Haaaaaaaaaaaa........WHAT AN EPIPHANY this has been!!! (One day in the future I will ask him if this is what he meant by being "me")
This plan explains all about being YOU/ME. I have read all about on this forum for 3 months and the words he said to me then were not "clicking" with what I was reading now (Note to self: Read it over 100 times if you must for it to finally "click")!
I have been working on myself since the break-up, mainly trying to get over him/ex and see what HE did wrong and try to forgive him for his mistakes but I haven't looked at myself and my actions/mistakes this hard till recently. I see them now, I understand them and I can understand why/when and how my relationship failed.
In closing, NC does work, and it works for YOU! Although he/ex has made contact a few times since the last fight (posted in last post) I have not responded. I didn't want to give up what I had been working so very hard to achieve.........and that is "Just being ME" (before him of course).
Hope you all can see the importance of NC and what it can do for you. Don't ever doubt it OR this Plan, it works!
Good Luck to All
...Live Life on the Edge...Posted 2 years ago # -
KC
offlineInactiveGosh was m ex two timing with you? Lol those reactions sound so like me and those stupid reasons like him. I still struggle with rejection and esteem so yeah I am not yet where u r but deep down I know all of this too. So yeah power to me and to all NCers.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 2 years ago # -
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Posted 2 years ago finallyfedup
offlineMemberHi KC,
It's a hard realization to see or notice sometimes in yourself, again not that it's all my/your fault. I had to keep evolving and letting him take up my mind space at times was not evolving for me.
It's funny how you learn things after you go back to them a few weeks later (referring to journal). It's almost like I had a mental block on all the things I did wrong, I just didn't want to see them, I only wanted to blame him. So selfish of me.
But....Life is All about Learning and I learn everyday.
SW posted a link on the Quantum Cookbook on his blog, have you checked it out yet? Im going to see what it's about, I heard it was a really good book.
Take Care KC. My prayers are Always with You. You have come so far since I spoke with you last, Keep it up!
...Live Life on the Edge...Posted 2 years ago #-
KC
offlineInactiveBut FFU its the other way round in my case. Your ex reactions are actually what my ex was and your reactions in my case were valid. He had all those fears, those maddening things and he was projecting them on to me. Anyways let's hope for the best.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 2 years ago # -
finallyfedup
offlineMemberIt's been a great spring break for me, back to a busy life of school and work tomorrow.
Went out Saturday night and had a Wonderful Time :)! This is the 3rd time I have been out since the break up (3 months, i think) with the ex and I must say......I will be doing it more from now on! The days of sitting at home and trying to figure out what went wrong in my relationship with the ex are OVER!
I feel freedom, calmness, knowledgeable, peace, courage, excitement and happiness! Everyone has said in this forum that the "getting over the ex" period will come and I think it has finally CAME? If this isn't it then I don't know what this feeling is but I am Liken' it!
I believe the road ahead will be GREAT from now on! Words can't explain what I have learned about myself, him (ex) and life on my journey during my evolution. It feels so damn Good to get yourself back! Can't wait to learn MORE!
Good Luck to All, I wish you the Best on your Journey :)!
...Live Life on the Edge...Posted 2 years ago # -
finallyfedup
offlineMemberHavent posted in a while because I have been having TOO MUCH FUN! I have been HAPPY with myself in the last several months. I love my job....that has been my focus outside of myself and have been enjoying what life has brought me :)!
I still have my roller coaster rides but I now know they are not worth it. Sitting around worrying over someone or something you can't do anything about is out of the question for me!
Still NC with Ex and don't want any contact with him. He has tried but I denied him of it. I am having to much fun to deal with him.....so my motto is and has been for the ex....Cherri o Ole' Chap!! (That my sound bad to say but it's my way of dealing with him).
I miss the forum and I miss reading everyone's post. I hope all is well with everyone :)!
Don't ever forget yourself or settle for anything less than the BEST! LIFE IS GOOD!!
Stay Positive to you all....You will make it!!
...Live Life on the Edge...Posted 1 year ago # -
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Posted 1 year ago Shel
offlineInactiveAm just reading your diary and you have come such a long way! Good for you! Also, is it just me or does Scott have the most amazing way of breaking things down so they make sense? Example:
It is like falling off a cliff and hanging from the edge.
Now you can either pull yourself up, or wait for help (your ex to come back).
But!
The longer you hang there waiting (in the friends zone), the weaker your arms get, right?
You wait too long you let go and die...not good.
lol I love it. Straight, to the point, no cushing just truth.
Best of luck to you, so happy for you
Posted 1 year ago #-
finallyfedup
offlineMemberAs I read everyone's stories on the forum I am amazed at all the people going through the same thing I went through 6 months ago.
All I can say is if you continue your NC, readings and follow the rules it will get MUCH easier and it will work. I am so much happier now than I was 6 months ago and I still have no contact with my ex.
Once you take your mind off of your ex and work hard to please yourself instead..... magic happens! You wouldn't believe the people and events that have came my way. They say you radiate happiness and I believe this! My job has soared, so has school, my grades and the people that have came into my life has been truly amazing.
I even think of myself differently.....I have so much more self confidence in who I am and what I do that it makes me want to achieve more!
Stay the Path of No Contact and work hard on yourself......In the long run, it will be your ultimate reward!
Wishing All the Best!
...Live Life on the Edge...Posted 1 year ago # -
finallyfedup
offlineMemberha...Well to keep it simple. I am not back with my ex and I don't want to be. I have found myself and I am enjoying every minute of it! I wake up in the morning and I am not in misery anymore like I was before with my ex.
As for my ex...he has tried to contact me in the past but I didn't respond and still don't. It's been a little over a year since we broke up and the first couple of months were hard...very hard, but I latched on to the concept of "evolving" and finding myself, as this forum is all about, and realized I needed to wake up to reality....and I did. I read a lot of self help books, blogs, websites, etc. and I got out and had some fun with my friends! That helped me get over him.
I love to travel and do a lot of it, and I still love my job (with a passion), I have many hobbies, I am dating a few but not interested in any, just like meeting and making new friends. I am just being me and LOVING LIFE!
That's about it! I didn't realize I didn't have an ending in my diary?? But there never is an end..... There is always another corner to turn, I'm at the point in my life where I can't wait to see what's around the corner instead of being afraid of it like I was with my ex.
Life is Good and I am blessed.
I hope and wish the best for everyone else to! I love to come back and read others post...especially one's like Jayson and Melodiestryder! They are awesome diaries!
Take Care All..I will be reading!
...Live Life on the Edge...Posted 1 year ago # -
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Posted 1 year ago finallyfedup said:
ha...Well to keep it simple. I am not back with my ex and I don't want to be. I have found myself and I am enjoying every minute of it! I wake up in the morning and I am not in misery anymore like I was before with my ex.That's about it! I didn't realize I didn't have an ending in my diary?? But there never is an end..... There is always another corner to turn,
Congrats FFU!
That's right, life is a journey (an evolution), not a destination.
Your ex was just one page in your book of life, why get stuck on one page, when there are so many blank ones waiting to be written?
And as you learn from your mistakes the story always gets better.
FFU I consider you a success story.
You kicked loves ass, now turn the page/corner.
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 1 year ago #-
finallyfedup
offlineMemberHi ALL,
Hope everyone is Kicking Loves Ass :)!! I have an update that I thought might be important to the ass kicker's out there....
I have not contacted my ex since....well hmmmmmm gosh I'm not sure because I stopped counting down the days and months a long time ago. I would have to refer back to my diary here to find out. Let's just say its been a long time. Granted the time of NC was tough but I was going to do what this forum suggested....and I did.
Finally I had to contact my ex last week for business. I thought of all the ways I could get around not contacting him but I really needed to speak to him about this important information (nothing to do with our relationship). I thought about calling his cell but I realized how personal that might seem and I didn't want him to get ANY ideas that I wanted him back therefore I decided to call his office phone. I knew this was the most professional way of contacting him since I was speaking to him about business. And I planned on this conversation being very short....get what I needed and get out :)!
I called....His secretary answered the phone (the one he went out with right after me)... and she was NOT happy to hear my voice but sent me to his extension anyways. When he answered I explained to him briefly what I needed to speak to him about and asked him to advise me on how to handle it. I could tell he was happy to hear from me and in the past I would call and ask him a business question then proceed to beg him to come back to me (before I found this forum), so I could tell he was expecting it again even though I haven't done it in more than a year. He briefly answered my question and I politely said "Thank You for your Help", he then asked how I was doing and how were my parents..blah blah blah...
Before he got a chance to go any further and out of my own instinct (which I learned from this forum) I interrupted and politely said.."I must go, Thanks Again" and hung up the phone. I looked at the length of the call afterwards on my phone and I spoke to him for a total of 5 min and 33 sec!!!!
I am proud of my self, I have came this far and still rolling!
The moral of this post is..... I finally made contact with my ex after a very long period of time and I DID NOT FEEL like he was in control of me...I Was in control of myself like I have been practicing since I found this forum. I didn't not feel low, or needy for him. I didn't even think about him afterwards, other then I needed to post this in my diary. I must say I have been somewhat worried when I did make contact again that all the feelings from the past would come rushing back but they didn't..not even close. I believe this was my test to see if I would pass or fail. I PASSED with FLYING COLORS!!
To all you Ass Kickers...Keep kicking bootie! The philosophies on this forum work. I USE THEM EVERYDAY and I pass them on to others that I see suffering in a relationship like I was in (how sad that is to me now).
STAY STONG and Keep Rolling
God Bless you ALL!
Hope your doing well SW??
...Live Life on the Edge...Posted 7 months ago # -
break222
offlineMemberHi finallyfedup,
It looks like you are definitely in control now. It is always great to hear from people who have been in NC that long. I myself am at around 3 month but compared to you it seems like nothing. I hope that you are going to stay a bit here to help those people out that have just arrived.
I'm sure he was pretty confused about the phone call. He's probably asking all the why questions right now haha I think I need to read your NC diary now
Take care
Posted 7 months ago # -
finallyfedup
offlineMemberHi Break222,
Congrats on the 3 months of NC!
That is super!!!Keep it up and you will have your life back...plus some!
I remember when I was at the 3 month mark, I knew at that point I had made it out of the relationship hole ...ugh...but still had feelings that I couldnt control. Thinking back to those times makes me appreciate where I am
Now and makes me grateful I had some good insight (this forum) to help me out. I honestly would NOT be where I am today without finding this forum!I will read your diary and I will be here to help in any way I can. My best advice is to keep applying the concepts SW has created, they Work.....in more ways than you can imagine!
Take Care Break222 and keep doing what your doing!
...Live Life on the Edge...Posted 7 months ago # -
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Posted 7 months ago Pixie
offlineMemberHi Finallyfedup!!
You sound like you are doing great & have really got your life back, its good to see that NC has result no matter how long you stay in it, i have just hit the two month mark & am slowly moving away from the pain, anguish & upset that i felt constantly.
Any advice from a NC pro like yourself would be great
Posted 7 months ago #-
finallyfedup
offlineMemberHi Pixie,
Congrats on the 2 month mark! You should be proud of yourself! My praise goes out to you on that milestone. I have not read your diary so I'm not fimilar with your story but I'm gonna wing it :)!
Is there anything specific you want to know? I can tell you what I did if so and maybe that will help. I know advice for me during your stage was helpful and I got it on this forum. Let me know if there is anything specific.
My best advice for NC is simple.... don't initiate NC for any reason during your early stages. I am firm on saying this because SW was firm on applying the concept. He had a reason for NC and the way it works offers great benefits to yourself and right now YOU is all that is important. Listen Listen Listen to others that have succeeded on this forum and SW, read his post he offers to others. I even went as far to print some of them and kept them in my car to read for weak moments. I was determined to kick loves ass....little did I know it would change my life forever. Sure glad I listened or else I would still be that door mat and my ex would still be walking over me!
Apply the concepts and guidelines on this forum. They are so simple to follow( but yet hard at times) and you are in a Win Win situation if you do follow them. YOU CANNOT loose in this game if they are followed correctly.....Promise Ya!
I'm not sure that is the best advice but it worked for me and it is STILL working...that's the beauty of it!!! I am still learning and I come back here often to read post.
Please let me know if I can help Pixie, I will if I can!
In the meantime, keep on rolling in the direction you are going! I have faith in this forum and I have faith in anyone who applys
The guidelines.Keep Up the NC! GOOD JOB!
...Live Life on the Edge...Posted 7 months ago # -
Pixie
offlineMemberThank you!!
I am proud of myself for coming this far, im not entirely sure how i made it but i have & i havent broken NC at all, my ex hasnt either.
In my situation i know my ex wanted me to sort myself out & become the person i was when we first got together, alot of has happened over the past few years which has made me unhappy but i was never unhappy in my relationship, it was great in fact however we were too dependant on each other which caused rows.
I know that my ex has been asking a mutual friend about me which is a positive but has also said he isnt contacting me because i have asked him not to, he is respecting my decision but i question if this is a positive or not, he even said to me himself we need time apart to change & then everything will be ok....
I have good times where i feel great but then the emotion of being without me hits me, i dont have many friends which is hard & i know all my faults its just i question sometimes how i will ever feel ok to reconnect.
What did you do to make yourself happy again? & how did you know that you were ready to reconnenct? its not in my plan yet as i am not ready but i just wonder how you know the time is right.
Any advice at all would be great, support from this forum is what keeps me going during times of loneliness.
xx
Posted 7 months ago # -
finallyfedup said:
Hope everyone is Kicking Loves Ass :)!! I have an update that I thought might be important to the ass kicker's out there....Thanks for the update FFU!
I really appreciate it when "seasoned" ass kickers take the time to come back and help the newer members.
It really gives them hope.
I am glad to hear that you're still kicking loves ass.
Stay Strong and Positive!
PS - You became a forum member on January 10, 2010
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
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FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 7 months ago # -
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Posted 7 months ago -
sanity_fair
offlineMemberHi FFU! I know what you mean. The guidelines work their magic when you let them. You pulled yourself together and look how you handled that call! Nothing short of commendable! I bet you didn't see that before when you were hurting.
You are awesome!
Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out.
Vaclav Havel, Disturbing the PeacePosted 7 months ago # -
finallyfedup
offlineMemberHi Everyone,
I know Valentines Day is upon us and it is the National Day in America to honor someone you love (overrated in my opinion) so I wanted to update you on where I stand with my progress.
In the years past I spent Valentines Day with my ex as he treated me to nice gifts and me doing the same for him. I thought it was an undying love until things started changing. Last year I got nothing from my ex for Valentines Day, not even a Happy Valentines Day wish....Why did I not receive anything from him? Because a month or so before that I sent him a message....a "no contact message", the exact one that is provided for us on this forum. I was on my way of finding myself....
The NC message allowed me to do powerful things like love myself, find myself, be in control of my life, to be free and happy, and to not be bound to a man that was treating my like a doormat. The most important thing about this message is it gave me my life back and made me the person I use to be before my ex.
What a POWERFUL message that was for me now that I am over my ex!!! I am so proud of myself for finding this site and gaining the strength to send the no contact message to my ex as well as taking the actions that were recommended for me on this forum.
I look back to last year on Valentines Day and where I was... I was more than 30 days into no contact and I was starting to climb the "hill of happiness". I remember how low and depressed I felt (because of my ex) and thinking to myself how was I going to make it in life without him but I DID..... and I am sure he is shocked that I stood up and grabbed my strength and carried on without him!. You can do the same!!
Sometimes I ask the universe why it took 7 years plus to figure out that he was not the man for me? Why waste that many years of my life..on a man (no offense guys)?? I suppose it was a lesson for me to figure out my own strength and to NEVER be that dependent on a man again. It was also a lesson for me to LOVE LOVE LOVE myself, my life and who I am!! AMAZING LESSON LEARNED and what a great feeling it is to have learned it.
So, on this Valentines Day, if you are down in the dumps over a man/woman and think you can't live another day without him/her then your wrong. If your already practicing "no contact", then good for you don't break it on Valentines Day..it's not worth it! If you are pondering over sending the "not contact" message like I was in the beginning, send it now and LOVE yourself this year for Valentines Day!!!
Good Luck to you All and Happy Valentines Day!
...Live Life on the Edge...Posted 3 months ago #
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