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Farah's NC diary
(34 posts) (7 voices)-
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I will NEVER sell, trade, rent, or give away your information to any third party.
I HATE SPAM! Read Our Privacy PolicyPosted 1 month ago farah
offlineInactiveHi,
So i have sent the NC messege
hi,i agree with your decision to take a break.I really believe it is the best thing for both of us right now.I have some big decisions to make and i need some time to think them over.I would really appreciate if you do not contact me during that time.I will be in touch when i am ready.
After three hours i got this response from him which hurt me actually quiet alot
Dear Farah ,
As far as I know I'm not contacting you !! You are !!! Only if it's all in my head like u were saying ... But I would go eith what u r saying and delete all your contacts just in case I do by mistake . Hope you take wise decisions this time & wish you all the best .i did not reply to it but it really hurting me right now
Posted 1 month ago #-
farah
offlineInactivei forgot to mention one more thing. yesterday was my birthday and i was waiting the whole day for him to call and wish me. I just got an e card saying happy birthday. I reacted to that and messged him that after sevne eyars of friendship he could have at leastc alled me. no response. I feel like he is really enjoying now to hve the upper hand as i used to reject him before. I hve been trough abusive relationships before and now i feel like i have messed up a good one. I dont loike the feleign of rejection and neediness. But even now after sending my NC messge i still keep on checking my phoen and inbox .
Posted 1 month ago # -
willsucceed
offlineMemberfarah, welcome to the forum. Good job on keeping NC. I assume you sent NC today and not yesterday. We all understand the deep hurt you're feeling, especially the hurt that comes from them taking stabs at us with sarcasm or trying to confuse us with sweet words. All that contact with them only hurts us and keeps us dependent on them. Good job on using NC to begin to focus on yourself and to show your self-respect.
Posted 1 month ago # -
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Posted 1 month ago -
farah
offlineInactivethank you luna pearl and will succeed for the kind words. I finally feel somebody can identify with how i feel. All i hear from my friends is that u can do better without him and he is not worth it which is not helping much at this point. i feel like i am obsessed. I used to be very outgoing, fun loving joyful person and now i cant recognize myself anymore. The guilt of messing something good up is just getting me. But i know i am too hard on myself. everybody makes mistakes and i apl;ogized with all my heart and i kept my promises and changed accordingley. he made me feel every day like i have some criminal record and justify each and every action of mine. So why do i feel so hurt and sad.Just annoying me
Posted 1 month ago # -
lunapearl
offlineMemberfarah, of course we feel hurt and sadness, because we love this person and losing someone we love is never easy,
but the hurt, i felt it too, now it fades away, i dont feel that hurt anymore, it will take time, yes,
but it definitely will go away,its your first days, mm, it helped me when i read the success stories, i needed to hear that on my first days, why dont you give it a try?
stay strong okay!
lunaPosted 1 month ago # -
farah said:
I just got an e card saying happy birthday. I reacted to that and messged him that after sevne eyars of friendship he could have at leastc alled me. no response.Was this before or after you sent the recommended NC message?
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 1 month ago # -
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Posted 1 month ago -
willsucceed
offlineMemberfarah, in my experience I feel like I am obsessed because I was and to a certain extent still am addicted to having him in my life. In all those very small everyday and all the very big special day ways. He is the familiar that I naturally turned to. It takes conscious work to both continue my life and build a new life without the familiar. The work is to keep positive, to put myself in situations where I grow and learn new things, and to learn that I can be happy without the familiar.
Keeping positive means I have gratitude, I use the fast-forward technique, and I actively think about what I want from my life. I learn new things to improve myself but also to focus on something that is just for me. I succeed in my everyday life so I can see for a fact that I can function and have happiness as a single person. For me, exercise helps in all three of these categories. I am also meeting new people, taking new classes, re-developing past relationships, progressing in my career, and working on the house. It is a work in progress every single day and takes time.
I take solace in the fact that the alternative is to lose self-respect, stagnate, and have my life stay focused on someone who chose to leave and in my case chose another. Eventually I will celebrate my new life and also be indifferent to him.
Posted 1 month ago # -
farah
offlineInactiveday two of NC. Its six in the morning and i didn't get much sleep. first thing i did is check my phone for any messages from my ex. Thank you will succeed. I really neede those words early morning. I am determined not to waste my day being sad and thinking if my ex will meet someone new etc. You are right its more the comfort and addictiion and the idea of the relationship i am missing. yeh fir first year when he was changing me he made me feel like princess but who am i fooling. I was miserable at the end with his aLL his emotional abuse. Problem is as i am new to this country it gets pretty lonly. He made sure that i make no friends but spent every waking hour with him! so my goal is now to get out there join the gym today nd make some new friends!!!I can either sit here and think how miserable i am and how i have been miserable since the past 16 years of my life due to wrong relationships or i get up and do somethign about it!! enough with the self pitying!! I just want to fast forward this stage! i wish i just could get some closure!!
Posted 1 month ago # -
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Posted 1 month ago -
farah said:
i wish i just could get some closure!!What do you mean you "wish" you "could" get some closure?
You gave yourself closure when you sent the recommended no contact message, if you meant what you wrote.
You buried the old failed relationship in the heart break hotel, and if that isn't closure...what the fuck is?
There is a huge difference between actually doing something with focused intention, and just going through the motions.
If people join our forum and follow the free plan without focused intention (and just go through the motions) they will suffer a long time in relationship limbo.
Closure is just a fucking excuse to keep holding on to the old failed relationship.
He/she won't give me closure...oh my I am a victim...poor me.
I solved that problem when I introduced the NC message.
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 1 month ago # -
sweetcalendula
offlineMemberhello Farah !
welcome to the forum. this will be an emotional roller-coaster ride but the end result is worth a shot. have LOA, MOMU and the Power a read. it helped most of us here !
talking about closure Farah, to be honest with you, I didn't get mine as well. no matter what you do it won't change anything. like SW said, the relationship is already dead. buried deep at 6 feet under the ground. let it go.
stay positive and strong !
Posted 1 month ago # -
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Posted 1 month ago lunapearl
offlineMemberhi farah!
the good books are the power and the secret, i recommend you read the power first, it's a great book, have you read it?
when you feel low, i suggest you read lunarmoonie's diary, melaniestrider's, pinkchincilla, or sugar rabbit's, from my experience, for the first days i only wanted to read the happy ones, it helped me, but now as the tome goes by, i can read all of the other stories and learn from the mistakes,
hey stay strong okay!
Posted 1 month ago #-
farah
offlineInactivethank you sweet candula and luna! yes iknow it is not the end of the world! when i think about the initial stages i met him i was not even into him! thats why he kept chasing me for more then year! point is i had a life without him before and i should really get a grip and stop going on auto pilot@ unf easier said then done! i dont think i ever want a person to have so much controll over me and my emotions ever again!and funny thing is only happy memories come up even though i know that he was abs not treating me nice later on again!!!i will force myself to not hybernate today but go to the gym and meet my friend for dinner!!!! yes i have been reading the nc diaries yesterday whole night! it helped me alot specially killed the urge to contact him!s can do it then so can i!!!!!!!!!!postive thoughts right!
Posted 1 month ago # -
willsucceed
offlineMemberLet me add another NC diary to lunapearl's list: My No Contact - NC Days. The person is anna_a. She does reconcile, but what I found most interesting is how she went about reconciling. It was interesting to see her establish boundaries, even though her emotions were wanting her to move really fast. Also, there is a priceless "eating shit" quote from SW that is the icing on the cake.
Posted 1 month ago # -
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Posted 1 month ago farah
offlineInactivethanks will succeed. I will def check it out! i was just reading others nc diaries , hmm most of the exes did try to contact them but mine just vanished! i know i know i should focus on myself but it does soem good for your ego if the ex at least tries to contact you and not just vanishes from the surface! but then i remember all the putting me down things he said to me. that i am not worth being with, worst person he has ever met. no guy will stick to me but leave me every time . This is not ok and because of his passive agressiveness in the end i felt like everythign is my fault and i am the crazy one. Some lines just came to my mind
Im not going to stress over you anymore. It isnt worth it. I tried to work something out but you just ignored it. Im not trying to say I dont want you, because I definitely do. All Im saying is Im done chasing after youPosted 1 month ago #-
farah
offlineInactiveday five of nc! wow i am really proud of myself This is the longest i have ever gone without talking to my ex. even though i am missing him and still feel that pain in my heart i have abs no desire to contact him!! Sending the NC letter did give me some closure! I rather keep my self respect and dignity .It is a nice feeling not to contact or beg someone to meet you just to be rejected all the time. I purchased the power and secret and looking forward reading them over the weekend. I still dont feel like going out or socilaizing. I just need some quiert time for myself. My life has been rollercoaster since past 16 years and i need to pause and reflect! I ahvent heard anything from my ex but i jsut use the fast forward tech whenever thoughts about him come to my mind. I do not want to think where he is or what he is up to. Why putting myself in agony:)But now my next goal is to get out there, join gym socialize more and get out of the hybernation. I also realized am not happy my job so i already send some job application out. I dont know if i am just in a dneial phase but i am very surpised that after six months of begging and pleading non stop i can just swtich off like that
this forum is abs amazing. My friends so happy that is topped calling them 24 seven to cry about my ex :)all the nc diaries are ab inspirational to me:) I do miss him alot but i also realize that life does go on and it is not the end of the world like i thought it will be
Posted 1 month ago # -
farah
offlineInactivealso i am trying to get him of the pedastal i created for him. whenever i remember just all the good times i had with him i give myself a reality check and force myself all the bad times and fights as well.!!It will be very hard for me to trust anyone after this and i put a high wall around me now. I just never want to feel that hurt ever again!
Posted 1 month ago # -
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Posted 1 month ago farah
offlineInactivehmm i realized one thing today. I am taking my anger and frustration out on others right now. Even though am not contacting him i get irritated and defensive on every little thing. It is not that iw ant to talm to my ex but i at least expected some kind of message from him.It shows shows me that he abs doesnt care bout me or our 7 years friendship. We used to be best friends before we started dating recently and what hurts me most is the best friend i lost. I just dont want to talk to anyone right now just sit my home watch tv and read. Is this normal?
Posted 1 month ago #-
LovelyGirl
offlineInactiveFarah I completely understand you, but putting yourself in that mood and isolating yourself from the world doesn't help instead you are giving him the power to control your life. I know we all have our moments to grief but you will feel better being around others or talking with others. I realized that at first we get into that mood, but when we decide to do differently we actual feel better than we would have expected, and it makes you feel glad that instead of throwing yourself to suffer you made yourself feel a moment of happiness even if it means sharing with a friend or relative. But we are all here to give eachother strength to become s better us
"Long term happiness, over short-term hurt".Posted 1 month ago # -
farah
offlineInactivethanks lovley girl! yes i ned to work on myself! plannign to go out this weekend! doesnt help the situationthat am stuck ten hours day at work front of a pc! so today my ex fiancee not the current ex called me after two years. we have been in a very abusive seven years relationship. he used to dump me every second week and i was practically his doormat. funny how things change. he was asdking me for forgivness that am the greatest girl in world and what an idiot he was bla bla. sw words came to mind" actions speak louder then words and i did not fall for them. No short term solutions for me anymore!!!!!!!!:)it made em think. if i could get over that person and be so strong then will get over my current ex as well!!!!
Posted 4 weeks ago # -
MelanieStryder
offlineMemberSounds like you handled the ex fiance perfectly! Hearing those kinds of words of regret from an ex, whether they are truthful or not, can help empower and encourage you for sure! But sometimes it takes a lot of strength to not believe those words that you might've once wanted to hear. So you did really well! And you said it all, there really are no limits to what you can accomplish
Posted 4 weeks ago # -
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Posted 4 weeks ago -
LovelyGirl
offlineInactiveVery proud of you FARAH, you handled it with the right attitude, and like Melanie said, even if the words were true or not, it makes you feel so much better to know that they regret letting someone as great and wonderful as you go. Is true what Scott says NC works, it proved it with your ex fiance. And concerning your ex, once he realizes that out there, there are not many women who are like you he will come back, and if he doesn't see what hes had all along in front of him is his loss, because hes letting a great woman go!
"Long term happiness, over short-term hurt".Posted 4 weeks ago # -
farah
offlineInactivethank you so much lovley girl! yes guess who messaged me today! my ex! asking how am doing and he was passing by close myworkplace. he wanted to stop by but was not sure if ama lready dating anyone. I did not reply but it makes me feel great:) overal i just feel soo much better just after nine days of NC! what was i thinking to degrade myself so much in past! i ama lso realizing all the mistakes i used to make in my previous relationships. right now am reading the book mars and venus together forever and the insights it gives you are pretty amazing! i would highly recommend it. I also got asked out for date today from my class fellow so its raining men since yesterday hahah but i still jsut want to focus on myself! this forum gave me so much strength am very grateful to everyone!
Posted 4 weeks ago # -
LovelyGirl
offlineInactiveHi Farah, wow thats amazing...Let him work for it now, so he can truly learn how to cherish you and appreciate you
I guess is true what they say you don't know what you got until you lose it I see you have learned and grown more and more and that's inspiring to see, because it gives us hope to know if others can do it so can we...
"Long term happiness, over short-term hurt".Posted 4 weeks ago # -
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Posted 4 weeks ago farah
offlineInactivefor sure and you have supported me alot! thanks for that! i love your to do list! i feel the exact same way! you taking one strong step at time and that is the right way to do! and yeh nc really works but what is even better is that their words dont influence me that much any more. all ic an think now is that action speak louder then words! so am not jumping up and down my seat that oh my gosh he has messaged me :)am so glad am out of that limbo. there is so much more to life then drama.
Posted 4 weeks ago #-
farah
offlineInactiveSW i need your advise now!!!!! this got now way more complicated. My exes father passed away last night. he called me early morning and left me message. he was very upset and sad and crying. As i was very close to his family too i had to call him back. he was a wreck so i went over his house to support him and his mother. I also will need to go to the funeral.obv, i broke all nc rules as i had no other choice. what am i supposed to do now? i cannot send him the nc message back right now as that would make me a total insensitive jerk!
Posted 3 weeks ago # -
farah said:
i cannot send him the nc message back right now as that would make me a total insensitive jerk!He broke up with you, why does he still expect your support?
He should be getting that support from his immediate family.
All you had to do to avoid being an "insensitive jerk" was to say you're sorry about his loss, and that was it.
You didn't have to go over there, that was your choice.
There are plenty of alternative ways (so you don't break NC) to pay your respects.
You're just looking for any excuse to break NC.
People die, that is part of life, and a commitment to a plan is a commitment.
There is no section of the plan to cover a death, or shit like that, why?
Because it isn't necessary, this is a fight for your life/happiness, and fights get messy.
The bottom-line...
You refuse to keep your commitment, so the free plan will not work for you.
If you're not dedicated to succeeding, you shouldn't be a forum member at all.
I suggest you find a different plan to follow that allows you to do whatever you want and still succeed.
Buh-bye!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 3 weeks ago #
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