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Choi14's NC Diary
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I will NEVER sell, trade, rent, or give away your information to any third party.
I HATE SPAM! Read Our Privacy PolicyPosted 2 months ago Choi14
offlineMember"I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn't contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready."
I sent this to my ex-boyfriend on the 19th of December. So, Monday of this week. After a few hours, I saw him in the hallway and he said "Hey" to me. I completely ignored it and did not make eye contact.
The next day, I was waiting in a room talking to my friend, he came in and stared at me. I did not speak with him and I quickly left.
Yesterday, I was walking and he was walking towards me to get on his bus and go home. He waved to me and said "Happy Holidays!" I ignored it once again.
Posted 2 months ago #-
Choi14
offlineMemberThank you!
I'm not feeling too shabby ever since I sent the NC note. I started a blog where I've been posting up stuff, listening to lots of music, been doing alright actually! So I feel that this forum is just going to help me tons.
I actually feel more in control after sending that note especially because the Ex continues greeting me despite my kind request to get some space. Well, let's just see.
(FYI, I'm on Day 4 of NC)
Posted 2 months ago # -
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Posted 2 months ago Choi14
offlineMemberLast night I wished "Please help me get over him."
I woke up this morning and I feel different...I don't know if I've actually "gotten over him" 100% or anything, but I feel more in charge about something.
I think putting all this space between me and him have made me realize that, I'm in control now. I've got HIM in checkmate.
This feels great! Thanks Scott!
Posted 2 months ago #-
annabelleloka8
offlineMemberHey Choi14,
Welcome to the forum. I read your breakup story and I was also in the same situation of being needy and insecure. NC is great for this as it helped me to see things in persepctive and see where I've been going wrong. Most of all, it really helped me to get rid of this needy and clingy behaviour. I've found the times alone to be specially beneficial as it made me stronger through self reflection. Only you are in charge of your life.Posted 2 months ago # -
Choi14
offlineMemberThanks Annabelle! You're right, NC is starting to help me kind of get rid of that clingy behavior. I'm starting to realize why and what it was that made him stop liking me/prevented him from liking me again.
NC is quite interesting though. You know, after I sent that note, practically a FEW HOURS after I sent it, he said "Hey", right? He said his little "Happy Holidays" as well. Of course this isn't exactly good either as he's NOT respecting my choice to be left alone. But it DOES show something.
Interesting, how this NC works. Scott was right when he said that line "Your Ex will try contacting you before 30 days is up! It works that well."
Anyway! Keep fighting!
Posted 2 months ago # -
sweetcalendula
offlineMemberHey Choi !
Welcome to the forum. You did the amazingly great thing for yourself to get your life back. Annabelle is right, we gain lots of benefits by self-reflection, then evolve for the better.
I know it's somehow magical right ? It shows something, that NC is powerful. It puts you back in charge right now and no one else will take that remote control from you ever again ! The same thing happened when I initially sent that NC to the ex and he immediately replied as well. Funny isn't it ?
Scott knows so much about this. But remember, 30 days is just a number. It can be much longer than that ! It depends on how far we have evolved !
Stay positive ! Much love !
Posted 1 month ago # -
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Posted 1 month ago Choi14
offlineMemberThanks SweetCalendula!
I'm pretty excited because of this NC Rule. Like, it's such a weird feeling. When he said "Hey" to me those two times, I felt like I was the one that was like in control. Like he was the one trying to hold onto me. At first I was like "Yeah, take that." but then I realized it's not about making him feel bad or something. It's about stopping that feeling that HE is better than me, and that HE is in control when he's not.
30 days is definitely just a number, and I'm going to take all the time in world before I go talk to him, if I even do. LOL.
Thank you!
Posted 1 month ago #-
Choi14 said:
At first I was like "Yeah, take that." but then I realized it's not about making him feel bad or something. It's about stopping that feeling that HE is better than me, and that HE is in control when he's not.Exactly Choi!
You must have the right mindset to succeed, and you're on the right track.
Keep up the good work!
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 1 month ago # -
Choi14
offlineMemberThanks Scott!!
I'm currently on break from school because it's the holidays and for some reason, I'm really not missing him that much. I guess I really am moving on from that old failed relationship.
I actually really thought about it. Like you said Scott, staying friends with your Ex will only keep you in that sort of relationship limbo thing. I would always over think everything he did. I'd ask myself questions like "Does he like me?" "Why would he do that?" But was it solving anything? NO. I would argue with him so much!
I think I know why now. Because I hadn't changed what so ever. The situation hadn't changed between us. Neither of us had 100% forgiven the other after we broke up. Meaning, neither of us had evolved or moved past the breakup.
He even told me once "I'll never like you again, unless you changed." and "You're too confusing, one day you're nice, the other day you're mean!" I think I know what he means now. Since I hadn't evolved from the past relationship, in HIS mind, nothing had changed. He still thought I was the same person he broke up with, and I was.
At least now though, things can change. Even if he doesn't come back, at least I can relax and stop worrying about him and get my life back.
Posted 1 month ago # -
Choi14 said:
At least now though, things can change.You always had the power to change things, you just never realized it.
Now that you do realize it, run with it Choi.
The Sky's the limit...or is it?
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 1 month ago # -
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Posted 1 month ago -
Choi14
offlineMemberToday was a little bump for me! My friend texted me like "A lot of people know about this thing between you and him..." and at first I was scared and angry at how word got out so quickly. I wanted to text and email Mr. Ex like "LOOK WHAT YOU DID." But did I? No.
I sat there and thought to myself; "By texting him, will I get him back? Nope."
"Do I really care what those people might possibly think of me? No."
"I've come to this point, why should a small text from my friend ruin that?"Then I realized that there is no reason to be hurt. What even happened? Did I lose my life? Nope!
So in regards to all the things that have happened between my Ex and I, I'm learning how to let things go. Think about it rationally, not emotionally. It makes a huge difference.
Also, I started my own personal journal. It's really helpful.
Thanks everyone.
Posted 1 month ago # -
Choi14 said:
I wanted to text and email Mr. Ex like "LOOK WHAT YOU DID." But did I? No.Great Job Choi!
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 1 month ago # -
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Posted 1 month ago willsucceed
offlineMemberChoi, to help yourself tremendously, tell your friends to not, and with no exceptions, tell you anything remotely related to your ex or your old relationship. It may take reminding them a couple of times, but be very strict about this. Your mind craves news about him, but it only hinders your evolution. It sends your mind into overdrive and focused on him. You may even have to have a smaller set of friends you can trust right now if some of them don't get it and keep giving you tidbits of "information", which only serve to set you back in your evolution.
Posted 1 month ago #-
Choi14
offlineMemberThanks Scott, Luna, and WillSucceed.
In reply to WillSucceed, yeah. I will. I'll tell them that. Thanks for the heads up!
But I've got something to share. Right now, at this very moment. I'm starting to feel less for him. I don't know if it's a feeling that will last from now until whenever, but it's a really nice feeling. It feels like I'm moving on bit by bit and it feels so free.
I started feeling this way after watching an anime, yes an anime. (For those who are wondering, in case you may not know, anime is a Japanese style cartoon) So right after watching that, I don't get why but something about the main character, Akira Takizawa reminded me who I was. O.O Yes, very odd. But he's very carefree and sweet, that's the kind of person I was, so it clicked. Then, I heard this song called "Out Of Touch" by the INNERPARTYSYSTEM that just goes along so well with the anime (At least I think so.) and yeah...now I'm feeling a bit free.
If that made no sense, I don't blame you, haha. But yeah...I don't know, it just feels calming and clear. Like Mr. Ex doesn't really matter much anymore. But let's not jump hoops too quickly! This feeling might not last, but for now, it feels nice.
(The name of the anime is Eden of the East, in case you might have wanted to watch it!
- Here's a link for it in English on YouTube - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qyZlvRP8L8I )Thanks everyone~
Posted 1 month ago # -
Choi14 said:
Quick question here~What does it mean when your Ex will also evolve with you during the NC period?
They will start to put the past (the break up) behind them too, why?
Because you are not always bringing it up, and trying to convince them to come back, or to give it another try...make sense?
Stay Strong and Positive!
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." ~ Henry David Thoreau ~
Learn How to Create The Destiny of Your Choice
FREE Step-by-Step BREAK UP SURVIVAL PLANPosted 1 month ago # -
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Posted 1 month ago -
Choi14
offlineMemberSo writing in my personal journal really helps. I'm starting to see what NC really is about.
I feel like, in my opinion, it's a way to get yourself back. Then, when (and if!) you go to reconnect with your Ex, you're not sitting there like "Will he like me again?" and asking yourself those questions that will drive you insane. Instead, you'll be this really happy self content individual that will not only radiate confidence, but almost be a changed person to your Ex. They'll see it (as long as they aren't beyond stupid) and will probably be like "Oh...hmm, was that such a good idea?" and if not, you won't be too hurt without them. Why? Cause you got yourself back and you don't need that fool in your life.
So yeah, that was just my opinion on what I think it'll do, it seems like that's how it's going to end up for me. I'm not sure if I'm going to get Mr. Ex back, but I'm pretty sure I'll get myself back and that's more precious to me.
I just thought I'd share, cause it was sorta like a legit revelation to me, lol. Sorry if this sounds awkward or if I totally missed the point of NC. If I did though, please correct me!! lol.
Thanks guys.
Posted 1 month ago # -
willsucceed
offlineMemberI'm not yet indifferent, which means I still have part of me who thinks that I need him to be happy. Imagine being to the point to be authentically evaluating, 'do I want to develop a new relationship with him?'. Perhaps I won't, like some NC and success stories on this forum. To be honest, a large part of me hopes that I won't want to. Regardless, it will be a real choice and not one based on anxiety and fear, and I will have my life back and will have improved and changed instead of withering away by this experience, which only helps me.
I guess that kicking loves ass means that I am kicking the ass of the emotional ties that remain in the face of my new reality? I'm still figuring out what it means to kick love in the ass.
Yes, I also read that 'he who cares less has the most control'. So with NC our actions are consistent with someone who has the most control, even if we care more right now. And eventually we will have the ultimate control and so much more: our lives back and beyond that, our new selves who are happy.
Posted 1 month ago # -
Choi14
offlineMemberToday was interesting. I was in class with my friend just talking to her, the Ex is in her class and he came in and I didn't acknowledge him. He didn't acknowledge me either, which is different then what he's been doing so I'm glad to know that perhaps he got the message since I haven't spoken with him AT ALL since I gave him that note.
Then, I saw him with this girl who had put him in a headlock and normally I would get jealous, but for some reason today, I didn't even care. It was like "Ok? lol. Wow, that's really pathetic."
Long story short, I'm starting to evolve little by little. ^^
Posted 1 month ago # -
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Posted 1 month ago Choi14
offlineMemberMy friend brought up a point "I don't think he really cares." and at first I was a little jolted but then I thought "What does it really matter? This isn't about him."
So I told her, "When, and if I go talk to him, and he doesn't seem to have changed, then I'll know it's not worth it and I won't be hurt because it's not like he had control over me anyway."
Also, I took her words on in a different way. Him not caring anymore, or being indifferent towards me is a good sign. I say this because at least he is letting go of all the vomit that happened between us. Therefore, when I go talk to him, it'll be like meeting a new person in a way. When meeting someone new you don't hate the new person, do you? But you also don't care about them.
So, yeah. A few steps back, ended up turning to a giant leap forward.
Posted 1 month ago #-
willsucceed
offlineMemberChoi14, I found that when I got my friends to stop taking about him and the dead relationship, I did a lot better. I had to be strict and remind them more than once, but it helps of they don't bring him or anything remotely close to him up in conversation with you.
Posted 1 month ago # -
Pixie
offlineMemberHi Choi14, i agree with willsucceed at the beginning of my breakup i stayed close to one of mine & my exes mutual friends and i came to dread seeing her as i kept anticipating bad news from her about my ex, i havent heard from her in over a month now & rather than be upset about 'losing' a friend i am grateful that my ex now has no way of hearing about me & vice versa. It really is the best thing for you at this time & you are most important!
Keep strong xx
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Posted 1 month ago -
Choi14
offlineMemberIt's nothing special, but I think I've almost forgiven him completely and I'm starting to feel like "Hey, all that stuff that happened between us doesn't really matter anymore." Because like, come on, it really doesn't matter lol.
Although, something really freaking awkward happened today...
I was walking in the hall and I went through a door and who appeared? Mr. Ex. I got kinda scared actually, ahahaha. But we almost crashed into each other and I was like "......" and he also didn't say anything, so he got out of the way and let me through and went on his way.
AWKWARD CITY! Hahaha.
But guys, NC will really make you feel better. It really will. Hang in there! I'm almost there!
Posted 1 month ago #
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