http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ Free Break up Help, Relationship Advice, and Break up Survival Plan en-US Wed, 22 Feb 2012 21:48:04 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/search.php http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/is-alcohol-consumption-prolonging-your-healing#post-56730 Wed, 22 Feb 2012 13:49:27 +0000 Finding_Myself_Again 56730@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <p>I have realized today that I am hindering my own evolution. Since the breakup, I have had one two drinks (vodka &amp; whatever) to help my sleep. It has become a routine very easily. I have to stop escaping into my own little safe place at night, I need to feel it ALL of it sober. I’ve become dependent on it to sleep every night. This is only hurting me mentally and physically. I found that I have turned down some friends offers to socialize so I can escape to my safe place. I am dumping it all out tonight. I’m not going to drink at home alone anymore, it’s too easy to get lost there. I feel I will be more productive and clear headed. I need to be at my strongest mentally and physically, no more lying to myself. Time to take a cold hard look at my life. My actions speak louder than my words.</p> <p>Just curious as to how alcohol has played in other people going through their evolutions. </p> http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/where-are-u-all-from#post-23206 Tue, 23 Feb 2010 06:17:08 +0000 nevagen 23206@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <p>as it say in title lol<br /> im in the uk, im guessing a lot of u r from the USA?? </p> http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/lcommanders-nc-diary#post-55989 Fri, 06 Jan 2012 22:10:50 +0000 LCommander 55989@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <p>Hi everyone, </p> <p>I have sent the NC letter after I returned her belongings and I got paranoid if I sent it to the right number (since I deleted it and I always second guess myself) so I blocked my number and called her, then hung up right away. So far she hasn't sent any reply to my NC message.</p> <p>With that said, it feels like a huge weight has been taken off my shoulders and a new chapter awaits in my life awaits me. I am really glad and thankful for having such a tool such as this forum (and website) available to people who are coping with such a terrible feeling. </p> <p>Does the NC message really evoke strong emotions to the dumper?</p> <p>- LCommander </p> http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/julies-nc-diary#post-56632 Thu, 16 Feb 2012 07:25:03 +0000 julie 56632@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <p>So this is what I sent to my ex :<br /> "Hi,<br /> I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready. "</p> <p>He didn't respond, and I'm trying don't look for reasons why. He wrote me next day on skype (V-day) saying I have skype virus &lt;img src=&quot;http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_biggrin.gif&quot; title=&quot;:D&quot; class=&quot;bb_smilies&quot; /&gt; I didn't respond.<br /> I already started to do workouts now for like 3 weeks, I already have lost 10 lb and I feel so much better about myself. In general as strange as it is I don't feel that my self-esteem would be damaged, most likely it's the other way around. </p> http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/smile2days-nc-diary#post-56433 Tue, 31 Jan 2012 23:52:25 +0000 SMILE2DAY 56433@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <p>Hi all &lt;img src=&quot;http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_biggrin.gif&quot; title=&quot;:D&quot; class=&quot;bb_smilies&quot; /&gt; </p> <p>On Saturday 14th Jan 2012 I sent this NC message to my ex. </p> <p>'I do not regret my decision to break up with you, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn't contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.'</p> <p>Today is day 19 of my NC. I found this forum in December and I officially started following the plan on Saturday 14th 2012. I have not broken NC since. I chose not to initially post my NC Diary on the forum because I needed time on my own to figure out my emotions. I want to be inspiring not sad. &lt;img src=&quot;http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_biggrin.gif&quot; title=&quot;:D&quot; class=&quot;bb_smilies&quot; /&gt; </p> <p>The journey so far has been tough but I am taking it day by day and life is becoming amazing &lt;img src=&quot;http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_biggrin.gif&quot; title=&quot;:D&quot; class=&quot;bb_smilies&quot; /&gt; I am meeting new guys, exercising, spending time with my family and friends. Each day I feel like I am living again and when I get down I allow myself too, because thats okay as long as I remember my goal, which is to evolve and be happy. I have stopped counting the days now, because that is no longer important to me, I want to forget my ex. </p> http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/depressed-exs#post-56673 Sun, 19 Feb 2012 13:39:44 +0000 Musicmaker 56673@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <p>I wanted to start a thread about Ex's that broke up because they are clinically and being treated for depression. I want to know if this kind of situation is treated differently than the normal break up, whether anyone out there has come across it, whether anyone was having any success, and if so, what happened and what can you recommend.</p> <p> My ex is clinically depressed (was diagnosed after we broke up). I have started the nc about 4 days ago, been broken up for a few weeks. I plan to do the necessary nc to heal myself, but was just curious if this aspect changes the situation any.</p> <p>Thanks so much for this site and the support. &lt;img src=&quot;http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_cry.gif&quot; title=&quot;:cry:&quot; class=&quot;bb_smilies&quot; /&gt; </p> http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/fenixs-nc-diary#post-53219 Thu, 15 Sep 2011 13:19:25 +0000 fenix 53219@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <p>It has been about ten days since I sent the following NC message for him:<br /> Hi,<br /> I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready. </p> http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/musicmakers-nc-diary#post-56638 Thu, 16 Feb 2012 16:13:50 +0000 Musicmaker 56638@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <p>"I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn't contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready."</p> <p>I feel such anxiety in this break up in that my ex is depressed. He wants to call me and have coffee. I do not like being his emotional crutch without being the girlfriend. I also don't want to slip into the "friend" mode either. He is in no shape to be in a relationship anyways at this point. But to leave him having all of the control in the contacting department, just made me sooooo stressed. I believe this NC period (even though I never contacted him anyways after we broke up) will give me the peace of mind that I will not be looking at my phone all of the time, wondering when he may contact me again. I can move to get over him so we can start a new relationship in a few months, or however long it takes both of us. </p> http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/nc-and-when-they-text-you-thoughts-please#post-56711 Tue, 21 Feb 2012 20:05:08 +0000 Musicmaker 56711@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <p>So, 6 days ago I sent the exact NC message. Today, my ex texted me the following text. Mind you, I do not plan to respond.</p> <p>Hi. I was thinking about you and hope your rehab is going well and that you are also doing well.</p> <p>(I had knee surgery and the rehab pertains to my PT.) I think this is a pretty vague text and it did leave me a little confused as to why he sent it. Is it really just his way of having the last word. It really did not even seem to want a response...... So why send it? did my NC message make him want to text me?</p> <p>Now, I mentioned to my girlfriend that I received such text And she said, that by sending the NC message, I was actually daring him to respond. If i did not really want him to contact me, i should have just stopped all communications, not responded to phone calls and texts and that would be a better method. I was creating curiosity in him by sending the message, and he would curious enough to send a text anyways.</p> <p>I find that very interesting. any thoughts or insight, would be appreciated. </p> http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/marie21s-nc-diary#post-44159 Thu, 25 Nov 2010 11:14:57 +0000 Marie21 44159@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <p>Hi everyone, just starting out here before I get ready for Turkey Day. I sent the NC letter to my ex yesterday (I almost chickened out cause he tried to chat with me), but here's the one I used:</p> <p>Hi,</p> <p>I agree with your decision to take a break, I really believe it is the best thing for both of us right now. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.</p> <p>I'm still nervous because I want him back, but the way I was going about it (if you read my breakup story) was just making me his "back-up girl." We were in a LDR and if there's any hope for us it isn't going to happen until he comes back in the summer. In the meantime I need to focus on myself, not him. And I need to make sure I'm ready to start fresh with him, or walk away if it's really over. So that's why I'm here.</p> <p>If you want to be my buddy PM me! </p> http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/willsucceeds-nc-diary#post-53109 Mon, 12 Sep 2011 22:15:22 +0000 willsucceed 53109@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <p>I sent this to my husband via email two days ago. "I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn't contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready."</p> <p>Before that I had read "love must be tough" and had conversed mainly about finances and him keeping our dog while I traveled, and in most cases only in response to him unless it was absolutely necessary. However, it was still not strictly NC because I did respond to an email with some good news about his work. All his email contact with me causes a lot of stress and upheaval, so I am so glad to not receive emails from him unless absolutely necessary for financial agreements. I was calm and collected the three times I met him to transfer the dog and the initial divorce papers. I will admit that a large part of my motive was so that he could come back in the future, but I am glad that it had the very large benefit of keeping me from acting like a fool. </p> http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/ncman01s-nc-diary#post-56506 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 15:41:35 +0000 NCMan01 56506@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <p>My message:</p> <p>Hi,</p> <p>I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn't contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I'm ready. </p> <p>she replied back a few minutes later saying: "Ok, good luck with everything. I will talk to you when you are ready".</p> <p>I will admit I was afraid to send the message at first, but enough is enough. I'm tired of putting myself out there for her, it's her time to come to me. She screwed up and left me when I needed some support, when I was supporting her emotionally the entire time we were dating, it's time to get mine. I want my life, my respect, my dignity and myself back, I'll be better then ever before. It's been an emotional rollercoaster ride and a long journey so far. Thank you SW for that pep talk a few days back to pursue this route. </p> http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/samxarras-nc-diary#post-55281 Mon, 28 Nov 2011 09:47:25 +0000 samxarra 55281@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <p>I sent the NC message yesterday. He was still emailing me everyday (I broke up with him two weeks ago) with all his thoughts and explanations about our issues, but not calling or meeting up with me. I truly had enough.</p> <p>I was reading the break up plan two days ago, and I posted the NC message below yesterday:</p> <p>"Hello,</p> <p>I do not regret my decision to break up with you. I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I really need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn't contact me at this time. I will be in touch when I am ready."</p> <p>I didn't feel anything. Just empty that it's done, and that I can give myself an opportunity to start over again. </p> http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/lunapearls-nc-diary#post-55672 Tue, 27 Dec 2011 22:23:36 +0000 lunapearl 55672@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <p>"I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn't contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready."<br /> I know that I have to do this and I have sent the nc message. I hope I will have the better me after this nc and I have a better future with my next relationship! </p> http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/angelbears-nc#post-52608 Wed, 31 Aug 2011 07:48:48 +0000 AngeLBeaR 52608@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <p>After thinking and staring at my phone and wondering if this is this right thing to do, I finally made decision that everything just has to stop...so I decided to send him this message to his phone couple hours ago:</p> <p><em>Hi, I agree with your decision to take a break. i really believe it is the best for both of us right now. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciated it if you didn't contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.</em></p> <p>Me and Bud had been together in LDR for 2 years now. It was fine at first, and we contacted each other on daily basis in the net, talking on the phone once every few days, discussing everything from paintball to photography (we're both into this), looking forward to meet every 2-3 months and just last July, we spent 1 week holiday in Borneo for our birthday (we share the same birthday on 11th July). </p> <p>However, things suddenly changed after we returned from the holiday, he gradually contacted me less...and starting 1st August he no longer initiated chats with me like he used to, let alone to call...I noticed this sudden changes...I tried to get him to talk, but all the answers was 'I am blank' or 'I got some problems right now, and I don't want you to get involved' or 'I don't know'. it went to an extend that I had to chase him around, wondering what's wrong with me, with our relationship that suddenly he detached himself from me. But it doesn't work at all...and it left me in the dark, hurt, ignored...it's because he was all happy commenting posts here and there in Facebook and Twitter but...seems like he turn his back from me. A friend somehow found out about us (I never told this to anyone) and she copy pasted their chat log to me and he told her that he 'feels like wanted to be single again' but he can't tell her why.</p> <p>and 2 days ago, I seek advice in the blog if I should started NC as per my situation, and Scott told me I should go for it. I read and re-read the plans, almost every single topic there is...and last night, I decided to give myself one last shot..to ask him again. He still gave me the same vague answer...and yeah...here I am. </p> <p>I know it will be hard...I know this process will be painful, but reading thru some of the post here, I wish I can manage to go thru this, no matter how long it takes. I can't stay long like this - feeling hopeless, sad, depressed. It's just not me. As much as I want him back...I want my life back more. &lt;img src=&quot;http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_sad.gif&quot; title=&quot;:(&quot; class=&quot;bb_smilies&quot; /&gt; </p> http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/topaz-has-successengaged#post-56455 Fri, 03 Feb 2012 01:48:57 +0000 Topaz 56455@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <p>Hi friends!</p> <p>It has been a while since I joined this forum and written anything. The wonderful news is; I met someone so fabulous and too good to be true. I asked the universe to give me someone with the qualities I listed, it didn't matter if it was my ex or another man, and waoh, this man came into my life.<br /> He is in fact everything I asked for and more, loving, romantic, caring, good looking, etc. I got engaged last month (January) and the wedding takes place July this year. I`m also expecting bundles of Joy by October this year (twins) &lt;img src=&quot;http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif&quot; title=&quot;:)&quot; class=&quot;bb_smilies&quot; /&gt; </p> <p>What can I say my friends, thru this site I discovered more than I searched for. I learnt a lot from Scott, then he introduced me to LOA. The LOA now took me and my life to a whole new level. I searched for answers everyday and I found them. After I started living my life according to the LOA, it took me exactly 1 year and 2 weeks to meet this man, the love of my life.<br /> The funny part is, we knew each other (as friends) 12 years ago, but he couldn't tell me he loved me. I met him again 3 months ago, and he was bold and very sure about us. He reminded me of things I did those days that I had forgotten. He regretted not opening up to me before I left the country. </p> <p>Well, all these while, someone great was waiting for me, and I had no idea. Everything about him and I are easy, I`m enjoying every bit of it. He said I have turned his whole life around. I get along well with his parents and siblings and vice versa.<br /> He is very open to me and involves me in his life fully, Family, businesses and other things.</p> <p>But I know my source of happiness is not from him or anyone but from myself; This is the most valuable lesson I learnt from the Law of Attraction LOA. Love thyself &amp; be happy and all your heart desires must come to pass.BELIEVING IS SEEING.<br /> Thank you Scott, Jasun, MelanieStryder and my other friends. It has been a journey, that turned my whole life around. This is just the beginning of great things to come for all of us. I`ll come by every now and then to read your success stories and give words of encouragement. </p> http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/pixie-my-no-contact-diary#post-52381 Fri, 19 Aug 2011 07:43:13 +0000 Pixie 52381@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <p>Hi,</p> <p>I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.</p> <p>This is the message i sent to my ex, i text him to ask if he had read it &amp; he said "yea he read it, i'll hear from you when your ready, take care".</p> <p>This was last night so today is my first official day of no contact. Here's how i feel...</p> <p>Feeling dreadful and missing him like mad, i keep staring at my phone trying to convince myself that that he will have messaged me but obviously he wont, he will be glad that im not badgering him about his decision &amp; enjoying the peace. I want him to change his mind but i doesnt want me back whilst im desperate &amp; needy obviously.</p> <p>I need to regain control &amp; keep busy to take my mind off of whats happened - i need to do things that i enjoy for myself &amp; not to fill the void of seeing him.</p> <p>it's going to take all my strength to not contact him but i know im not ready &amp; havent got myself back in 1 day - time to stop acting like a crazy desperate person. </p> http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/mistys-nc-diary#post-55785 Sat, 31 Dec 2011 14:12:34 +0000 misty 55785@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <p>Hi<br /> I have sent the following NC message to my ex boyfrined yesterday. He broke up with me about a week back. I have not contacted him since then, though he has been texting me to say Hi casually, check on me, tell me he's alone and that this is hard for him and asking for us to be friends. I have not responded to any texts or phone calls. He has not suggested we get back together. Only that he will heal in time, but right now is hard for him and that we remain friends.</p> <p>Hi,<br /> I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.<br /> Misty </p> http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/musicmaker-break-up-story#post-56637 Thu, 16 Feb 2012 16:02:56 +0000 Musicmaker 56637@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <p>My ex broke up with me because he is severely depressed about work, his health and his kids.  Our relationship was going extremely well!!  There was no fighting, the sex was amazing, we are friends, and there was tons of passion. It was an extremely sudden break up.  I know that us getting together just as he was getting out of a long-term relationship, is one of the things he was also sad about, because he said he ever really mourned that loss.  He is currently seeking counseling.  I did not call or text him since we broke up 2 weeks ago. He has called, but nothing about getting back together. He has called me, said he felt terrible and explained how the counseling is going, and said that he would like to call me and have coffee.  I understand about that this depression is overwhelming to him. He said he'd call soon. Though the stress of waiting for the call is killing me and I feel I cannot move on with him having the control to call me. I also feel that if I remain in his life currently, i will be an emotional crutch and he will only associate me as a rebound and I want to be more than that. If we make a clean break, there is the chance we could have a lasting relationship</p> <p>The text I sent to my ex was as follows: Hi, I agree with you about the decision to break up. I really believe it was the best for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would appreciate it if you did not contact me during this time. I will bein touch when I am ready. </p> http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/julies-break-up-story#post-56631 Thu, 16 Feb 2012 07:18:14 +0000 julie 56631@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <p>My break up story<br /> We were together for almost 7 years and a half. We got together when I was still in high school but he had graduated one year before. I was 18, he was 19. My best friend who worked together with him introduced us. We got together almost immediately although as I was still virgin I wanted to wait some time and to get to know him better before have sex.</p> <p>Our relationships were great in all these years we even haven’t had a single fight. We always talked a lot, we became each others best friend, he adored me, he really did, all our friends have always said this with wonder, how after all these years his love can still be so strong. I also loved him and I still do, but I know my problem was that I never showed it as much as he did, especially in society. I did critique him too much, but he never complained. Of course I wasn’t bitch all the time I also did a lot of nice things to him.</p> <p>Then I got opportunity of my life time, I got scholarship in a great school abroad and as hard as it was for us to separate we did and he agreed to do that, he said it’s my dream, I need to do that. So we started long distance relationships. This happened after we were together for 5 years. At the beginning he wanted to come with me, but find a job here before that, he didn’t succeed also because of language barrier. And I had a lot of money problems so we decided it would be better if he would stay in our country, keep working and sending me money. In this first year we met only once, after 3 months I had left, next time we met only when the school year was over and that was after 6 months. In these last months I started to doubt our relationships, the thing which I have never liked that he often were too lazy to go and do things, it seemed for me that he doesn’t have any aim at all. But I did give him a second chance, I agreed to wait till we meet and see how thing will go, and how I will feel. In that summer I was quite bitchy, probably trying to push his limits, although closer to the end of summer break I realized how good we are together, how much I love him, how much he loves me, also that I was angry to him by leaving me to be there alone, and I never thought before how hard it was for him. Even harder than for me, because I had reason for doing that, his only reason was that he loves me and lets me do things which are important to me. So when I realized that our relationships improved a lot, I think all my actions improved.</p> <p>So than I left again, but we did meet more often, almost every two months, and after summer was good, but I need to admit that for sure there was lack of passion, from both of us. Then I left again for my third and final year which is now. I left in November and before we talked about buying or at least renting apartment, to finally start to live together, because all these years we always lived with my parents. I needed to get school loan and for that he sold his motorcycle which was everything for him and gave all that money to me, to pay my debts. Ant that was his decision I never pressured him to do that.</p> <p>Then came Christmas break and I went back to my country, so of course we did spend all that time together, but I noticed that something is not right, so I started to ask him. His answers where that there is something gone between two of us and that he is confused, and that he needs to think. So I said OK go ahead, think, I will be back after two weeks (as we needed to go to my friend wedding). I went away with feeling I’m in love again. I was sending him nice messages and then I started to notice he is not saying “I love you” anymore. I started to think and realized that even in Christmas break he didn’t said these words to me anymore, and we used to say it all the time. So as closer it got to the day I needed to go back as more I started to realize that he will break up with me. So of course I started to do all usual stupid things, saying how much I love him, that I can’t imagine my world without him etc. He just said “I know”. We had a long conversation on Skype and after that I was sure about what will happen. So I cried all day, at least he never saw that.</p> <p>So I came back, I was acting all nice, but of course I saw how distanced he was. We started to talk in the night before wedding and finally he said that yes it’s over, he doesn’t have these feelings for me anymore and he doesn’t think that it’s possible to get them back. He even cried knowing that I will be gone from his life forever. He did admit that he wanted to have this conversation after the wedding, so like this he doesn’t ruin everything. Now I can say even if the ceremony in church was awful for me I’m happy that he did tell me that before. I already started to read MOMU before leaving to my country, so the thing which I did after the ceremony when we went to party place, I acted that I’m having the time of my life. I laughed, danced with other guys and he basically were just sitting and drinking. In one moment he pulled me out and started to tell that maybe he have made mistake, but that he still needs time to think about everything. I said do as you wish.</p> <p>In next morning he started to hug me and I asked why he is doing that? He said that he likes to be with me. I said that then he needs to choose we are together or not, because there is no middle way. He said yes unfortunately there isn’t, so it’s better for us to not to be together.</p> <p>We went back to all other guests, we went to sauna, then it was time to leave and I had flight in the same day. He asked where do I want to go? Do I want to go home? I said that no, because I didn’t want to face my family and listen to the things they would say. So we went to city center. In car I made him to want me, but not because I was thinking like that I will get him back, I wanted it, at least for last time. And finally in all these days he really got horny, we had amazing sex. After we went to café where we went in one of our first dates (his decision) we chatted there, kissed, everything was good. He was telling all the time that he needs to figure out what is going on his mind. That when he is together with me everything is good, but when I go away probably all will fall back in to the previous feelings. I suggested talking to some good friend of his, or writing a diary, search in internet. He took me to airport and said that he thinks everything will be ok.</p> <p>I didn’t contact him after arriving. He contacted me after one week. Calm, diplomatic way like acquaintance and I responded in the same manner. He asked me of some tango song (we used to do tango together), so I gave few to him together with joke, that I hope I’m not doing this to impress some other girl. He said what other girl, what in the hell you are talking about.</p> <p>After few days I discover that he is dating someone else. She is 5 years older than he. I have no idea when and how they met. All those songs he was sending to her. They do all the things we used to enjoy like theater even yoga which I started to do last year. All his friends are supporting him, ok maybe not all, at least few which I know do. His sister and mother are furious about all this and in general he is not telling this to anyone. He is not friends with her in facebook they even don’t exchange e-mails. Ok I’m hysterical, I know this because I checked all his profiles (I also have all his passwords) and I found all this out when I checked his Skype. But I feel better now when I know, so I don’t regret. And I have never logged on his profiles before and I’m trying not to do it anymore. Sometimes it’s just so hard to let go even if I understand I need to.</p> <p>Now I have stopped looking for him, just trying to think about myself and what is better for me. At this point I’m even not sure I want him back or no...I think time puts everything in order. </p> http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/maddys-nc-diary#post-56216 Wed, 18 Jan 2012 17:35:41 +0000 LovelyGirl 56216@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <p>So last night via email I sent my ex this message,</p> <p>I agree with you about the decision to break up. I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn't contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.</p> <p>And his reply was "Ok I respect that. I am sorry for everything"</p> <p>I didnt reply to him. It has been 6 days that I initiated the NC with my ex. It has been hard but I have determination and strength to stick this through not only to get him back but mainly for myself. I want to change, be a better me. I have started going to the gym trying to look and feel better. I have so many goals I want to accomplish. And I need help because I know it will be hard to do it on my own. </p> <p>He has tried to contact me during this period for several days, but I have not bended my hand, I have been firm. Its been hard as this is the longest I have gone without speaking to him or seeing him after 8 years of being together but I will stick it through. </p> http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/takingitbacks-nc-diary#post-56606 Tue, 14 Feb 2012 03:05:47 +0000 takingitback 56606@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <p>Via text:</p> <p>Hi. You were right. I agree with your decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time and that you move your car from my garage ASAP. I will be in touch when I am ready.</p> <p>He responded not long thereafter:</p> <p>Hi. It didn’t take you long to realize it, so I’m assuming it was something that was said in our last conversation together. If that’s what you really want, I will respect<br /> your decision. I wish you nothing but the best with those big decisions you have to make in the near future. I will try my best to get the car out as soon as possible. Whenever or if ever you do feel comfortable to contact me, I would like to know what solidified your decision and brought you to agreement with our separation. I wish things didn’t turn out the way they did and I’m sorry. I still care very much about you and I do miss you. It’s hard thinking about all the little quirky things we used to do together, those will be the things I miss the most. I know you won’t need it but I am here for you nevertheless. </p> <p>DAY 1</p> <p>We have been broken up for a month and a week and I have not talked to him for a week.</p> <p>I initially went on a search to find out how to win him back, to find out how men think, why they leave, and what went wrong...then I came to this site where I realized my focus was all wrong. I needed to stop making it about him and make it about me. I have to let go of the old failed relationship in order to let myself evolve and have the chance for a new successful one, whether it is with him or not. I do admire him for his courage to let it go as much as I hate it. He was right, I do deserve better than the point we had gotten, but I also felt the man I fell in love with and the potential for us to be wonderful together is still there. I believe that core is still there.</p> <p>I want to gain back that confidence I once had. It’s hard to be on this side of the equation. He was so in love with me and then it somehow ended up where it did. I played a part in that and I do think I pushed him away by some of my actions. Still, he has to be responsible for himself too and that includes learning how to communicate better. I think because he didn’t tell me anything and everything on his mind the way I did, I translated it as him thinking and reflecting about nothing. There were times in conversation though where I realized I wasn’t giving him enough credit. Regardless, we both made mistakes and need to grow.</p> <p>More importantly, I know that I can’t stick around waiting for him to grow and evolve. I need to take back control of my feelings and emotions and be that strong, independent, confident woman that I once was. It is my time to grow and evolve and be an amazing woman by myself, first and foremost, and then alongside someone later on as well. If it is him then so be it, and if it is not, it won’t matter anymore at the turning point in my journey (I don’t want to say end because I know this growth will be lifelong) because I will know that I, and only I, am responsible for my happiness. I will take back control of that. </p> <p>I am truly excited about the journey ahead of me and I mean every bit of that. I am ready and willing to take on the challenge because I know I will come out of this better and stronger than ever. I have no doubt about that. I know there will be good days and then there will be bad days. The journey will not be easy, but I know I can do it and that I am in the right place to do it. </p> http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/finding_myself_again-nc-diary#post-56172 Tue, 17 Jan 2012 12:42:52 +0000 Finding_Myself_Again 56172@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <p>I do not regret my decision to break up with you, I really believe it was the best thing for the both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.</p> <p>The ex very quickly responded with: ok, good luck.</p> <p>I initated NC on Dec 6th, Break up was Nov 28th I came across this web site about a month later and started to read. I want to get my life back, before this relationship, I was confident, outgoing, active in my community, self assured, I am none of those things today. I don’t think I want her back she would have to some pretty major evolving. I don’t blame her for this relationship failure, we both could have done things different. I emailed SW he told me to send the correct NC message so I did that day. Also was having difficulty with FB, so I deleted it entirely. I felt liberated!</p> <p>I have been steadily working on myself. Lost 20lbs, been working out, tanning, new wardrobe. Getting messages to relieve stress, traveling to see my friends I have been distant too. </p> <p>The days are definately getting better, the first few weeks were hell. I've always enjoyed my independence so learning to live alone again is coming along quit comfortably. </p> <p>Staying positive and wondering what the future might bring. </p> http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/shias-no-contact-diary#post-55416 Thu, 08 Dec 2011 01:02:03 +0000 shia 55416@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <p>well, here i m!!to kickstart my personal evolution and to kick love's ass!!i m confident that i will surely do it and i m here to help not only myself but all the forum members as well!! </p> http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/takingitbacks-break-up-story#post-56605 Tue, 14 Feb 2012 03:00:47 +0000 takingitback 56605@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <p>The first flowers he ever handed to me were my bridesmaid’s bouquet in his brother’s wedding. His brother and his brother’s wife have been my best friends since 2002 in undergrad. Oddly enough, I had never met him before in all those years. I was also in a long relationship, as was he. I was away into my second year of medical while he was back in my hometown working on a second degree, and I flew back in to be a part of my best friends’ wedding. I remembered when he handed me those flowers I thought to myself, “Wow, he is really good looking,” not to mention he had this amazing smile. As I struck up conversation throughout the day, I could tell that he was nervous. I’m a very outgoing, sociable person and he was just so shy. It was so cute. That smile was always there though and he was quite intriguing. Later, he would come to tell me that he just didn’t want to say anything stupid and that he just felt so nervous to be talking to a beautiful girl like me. He was very sweet and you could tell he was a gentleman.</p> <p>At the end of the reception they wanted the bridal party and bride and groom to all do a couple’s dance for pictures so we ended up on the dance floor with his arms wrapped around my waist and my arms around his shoulders. Our cheeks were close together, not touching, but just right there next to each other. The feeling that I had was indescribable. It was like there was this intense electricity and connection between us…some unseen force that just had wrapped itself around and through us. I certainly was not expecting it, but I felt it.</p> <p>After the wedding was over the bridal party went over to their house and we celebrated some more, played games, and just had a great time hanging out. He began to relax and open up more to me, but I could tell he was still a bit nervous. And all the while, when he talked to me he would still have that shy smile that tugged on my heart strings. We didn’t even exchange numbers that night and I flew back to school the next morning with him at the back of my mind.</p> <p>The next day I found him on facebook and friended him along with a couple of other people I had met that night. Two days after that I got a message from saying, “Hey beautiful. I never got the chance to tell you I had a lot of fun the other night. I hope everything is going well. Take care!” I responded and we continued to message each other every now and then and a love began to blossom quite quickly. We fell for each other very hard and very fast. If I went back I probably would have taken it slower, letting a stronger friendship grow first. It was hard to take it slow though. It was a whirlwind and we were separated by four and a half hours, very busy with school, and wanted just to see and be with each other so badly.</p> <p>We were still good though and we kept up with school. I counted the hours and days when we would be able to have a free weekend to see each other. We were so in love, head over heels for each other. I would say that he fell harder for me in the beginning though. He would have done anything and everything for me. He was so passionate and loving. I had him wrapped around my finger, but the truth was I was very much in love with him too. He was the first to say I love you, and when we were together, he would just look at me and tell me how lucky he was. He would say he couldn’t believe he was with a girl like me and that I was so out of his league. He would confess to me that sometimes he was scared that I would break his heart. I would always tell him that he was crazy in all that he was saying and that I was the lucky one. Ironic, considering how I supported and reassured him in those times that in the end I ended up with the broken heart.</p> <p>We have many similarities and also some differences. Our core values are the same. We are two really loving, honest, genuine people. He has a wonderful, big heart and so do I. We both value our families and friends very much. We both love food and trying and cooking different things. We both love to travel and learn about the different histories of cities. We really enjoy just doing different things together…it could be a local city event, an art festival, a museum exhibit, ice skating, a concert or some other kind of performance, pretty much anything and everything. We both want to have family and children as well. </p> <p>One big difference between him and I is that I am an optimist and he is a pessimist (one of the reasons why the law of attraction resonates with me so). He felt sometimes that our differences worked against us causing us to clash, whereas I thought they helped us to complement each other. I felt he brought me back down to reality and kept me in check, and I opened him up and encouraged him to reach for the stars. I’m also an extrovert and he tends more to the introverted side. When we were out with friends or in public situations, I would always be the one striking up conversations and just kind of the happy go lucky life of the party. He’s more the quiet, chill kind of guy. </p> <p>One other difference is the way we communicate. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I have no problem at any time telling him exactly how I feel, good or bad. For him, it is more difficult to talk about his feelings, even when I am supportive. It would drive me crazy. He did tell me though that he has just never been that way. I have had a few serious relationships and he had one before mine, a high school sweetheart, that lasted for 6 or 7 years. Ultimately, it got to a point where he just didn't feel the same way about her anymore. However, he did tell me that I am the first person, friend or girlfriend that has gotten him to open up the way he does, when he does. He has never been able to do that before. Regardless of how little it is in comparison to how much I open up to him, it is a big step for him and I have come to really appreciate that, though I did not at first. I am always the type to talk now and be done with it, rather than have it hanging around needlessly. I was often impatient and would not let anything go until we talked about it and learned something from it right away so that we could move on. </p> <p>I transferred my last two years of medical school so that I could finish my rotations in my home town and be with him at the same time. When we started spending time together more, we of course got to know more about each other's personality, our quirks, and ways of communicating and fighting. We absolutely loved being able to see each other more often, but we also discovered that we are both stubborn people. I am a perfectionist. I had high expectations of what I wanted from him and was demanding at times. He very rarely got mad at me, but I'd point out everything he did. If I made a mistake, I was very good at taking responsibility and apologizing for it and he would let it go pretty much right away. For me when he made mistakes, which I pointed out often, I just couldn't let it go for some reason, no matter how big or small. I would just be mad that it happened in the first place because his actions were uncalled for or completely insensitive in my eyes. I would think that if he just thought for a minute before he did or said something, he would have thought better.</p> <p>It came to a point where we almost ended our relationship at about 14 months in. We were fighting often. I knew it wasn't a good place where we were at, but I still loved him very much and I knew he loved me. I figured that all the little fights were just small things to deal with and that we were just working out how to communicate and understand each other better. For every disagreement I always wanted to take something from it and learn something about each other. However, all the fighting was taking a toll on him inside...and he never told me until one day he just said he couldn't take it anymore. He said he had never felt the way about a person, the way he did about me when we were fighting, and didn't think it was right. I was so surprised that he had all this building up inside because he never gave any indication of it. When we fought we'd make up and he'd be perfectly happy and loving, so I had no clue everything was building up inside of him to where he was looking at me differently when we fought. </p> <p>I told him the only way I could help to fix things was if I knew there was something to fix in the first place and that he needed to be more open with me, even if it would hurt me, so that we could be a team and be there for each other. He said he was hoping that it was just a phase and that it would just go away and he didn’t want to hurt me by telling me that he was looking at me differently when we fought. We separated for a week and then he came back to me, telling me that he couldn't imagine his life without me. He also said he never had anyone point out things about him and be honest with him the way I was and he really appreciated that I did that and still loved him. I said the same, that I had learned so much about myself though the time we had together and that I knew I had some more growing to do too. I too, appreciated that he loved me, regardless. He cried and said he was scared of ending back up in the same position. He said he knew we could be very good together though and he saw a future together with and didn’t want to let that go and would continue to fight for us.</p> <p>After we got back together, things were pretty good and we rarely fought and we began to fight better. I had done some self-reflecting on what I could do differently to be a better person for myself and for the relationship. I stopped pointing the finger at him. I asked myself, would working on those things make me better as a whole? I didn't want to change just for him, I wanted it for me first, if it made me a better person. I hoped that he did the same self-reflecting while we were apart. I came to the conclusion that yes, I was too hard on him and that some things just weren't worth pointing out or fighting about. I said to myself, “ Why waste the time?” I needed to stop being so demanding and also be patient and respect the fact the way that he couldn’t always pour out his feelings, good or bad, to me right away. So, I started to change the way I approached things. Change doesn't happen over night, but I think that I was really giving my full effort. I saw that though it was hard to let something go at first, I forgot about it five minutes later and could care less. It was a great feeling. And by being more patient, I felt I was respecting him and his needs more in our relationship.</p> <p>Things were good then it came to a point where he had a lot of stresses going on and I still was needy emotionally sometimes. Then I caught on that he was feeling disconnected, but when I asked him, he said nothing was wrong. Eventually, I was able to pull it out of him after a few weeks, that he did in fact feel disconnected. He just wasn't all there and he didn't know why. He knew he still loved me very much though.We both worked to try to discover if it was me or all the stressors he had in his life. Things settled down a bit and then we were okay again.</p> <p>Still I never felt like he was back 100% after our first separation. When we were happy, we were great, but when we fought, he just wasn't all there and it became really apparent after year 2. We were still laughing and loving each other all the while, but he just didn't put all the effort in when we fought. He didn't try as hard to find a solution or reconcile the issue so that we could move on. We did talk about it and he said he knew he wasn't putting in all the effort, he just couldn't figure out why. He said he knew he loved me, but was confused as to why he wasn't trying as much. The passion wasn’t there like it was before.</p> <p>I got tired of being patient eventually and it came to a head January 6 when we were on the second to last day of a cruise. I was so angry of him not being all there, being fully aware of it, yet still not knowing why, and in my eyes not doing enough to change it. I pushed him in a corner and pressured him and kept on saying, "Are you done? Are you done trying now? Ready to give up finally?” and he just said yes. I cried and said many things like you need to come get all your things and that he was dead to me. Finally my emotions settled down and I was just sad. We still had to finish out one more day and night of the cruise together. We didn't do anything, but stayed in our cabin. I cried a lot and the last night as we slept next to each other, he stared at me and I could see tears rolling down his face too.</p> <p>When we got back Sunday, we drove back to my house and I asked him if it was really what he wanted and he said that I deserved so much better. He said he didn't know why he had no desire to fix things when we were fighting and it just wasn't right. I made him get all his things and he dragged his feet doing it. When I gave the scrapbook that I had made for our one year anniversary he completely broke down and cried like I had never seen any man cry before. I still tried to ask him if this is what he really wanted and he said I deserved better and it just wasn't right how he felt. Finally I said, "I'm sorry I'm making this so hard, I won't fight you anymore, I won't fight for us anymore," and again he broke down like before. He gathered up his things and kept coming back to stand in front of me and I just didn't acknowledge him and he left eventually. </p> <p>He texted me on Saturday to ask how I was doing. I ignored him for two days and responded emotionally with my true feelings. I told him I wanted to talk to get some answers and I had some more things to say. I didn't think he was sure he was doing the right the thing and it was confirmed through a mutual friend that he told him he was confused. I wanted answers as to why he got to where he did. I was hoping that he would have some “eureka” moment and at the same time I was looking for a definitive answer to see if I needed him to really move on, again giving him the power. We met the following Monday had small talk at first. I could tell we were both happy to see each other. We ended up going to eat and caught up with what was going on ended up watching a movie. It was nice, there were no arguments and no pressure from me.... til the end where I asked where we stood and if we were trying to be friends. He said he would like that and I asked, “What does friends mean?” and he said he didn't know. I said I didn't want to be around when he found another girl and I kept on pressuring him to define friends. He said he couldn't and to stop trying to predict what would happen. He didn’t know what was going to happen to us. He said at that point, he just didn't love me the same as before, and again, he didn't know why. He repeated that I deserved better, and I just kept putting pressure on him for answers. I then just stopped and said that I was sorry for pressuring him so much and that it was just hard to be in my position. I cried of course and he just held me tightly and gave me a kiss on my forehead and walked me inside.</p> <p>That weekend he texted me again, small talk, asking about a movie website he had set up for me. I responded and we had a few texts back and forth and that was it. We talked again once a few days later where he told me that he just felt too much pressure to be the man I had wanted and that he just couldn't meet my expectations. He said he felt like nothing he did was right. It was just too much pressure. He also said that he did think about me and us and that he did miss me.</p> <p>In the fourth week, I texted him for a movie (I had 10 free groupons to use by Feb 15 that we had decided to purchase awhile back) and he said yes. We met and watched the movie and grabbed food to eat. He opened my car door for me for me which he didn't do the last time we had seen each other (he always did it for me when we were together). We talked, laughed, and ate Cajun food. I had made a comment about my nails just being painted and he even peeled the crawfish for me and fed me. It was great. I made no comment about our relationship and just enjoyed being with him. I asked him for another movie Saturday and he said yes.That night he sent me a text, thanking me and telling me he had a lot of fun.</p> <p>That Saturday was 1 month we had been broken up. We spent the day together, it was nice eating together and going to see the movie. He opened my car door again. We got back to my house and hung out and watched tv for a bit and then I told him I wanted to talk again about us right before he left. I told him a month was a long time to think about how he felt and that I needed answers because it was too hard not knowing and I was really stretching myself to be patient. He said he was sorry that it had been so hard for me. I kept on pressuring him for answers and he repeated some things...that though he still loved me, he didn't love the way he did before and he still didn't know why. He said he shouldn't have felt absolutely no desire to fix things with me when we were fighting towards the end, but he did and he knew it wasn’t right. Again he said he felt so much pressure to be the man I needed and that he felt he wasn't meeting my expectations and that he was just disappointing me. He also made a comment that sometimes he didn't feel we were compatible because the way we fought. He knew there were many good things about us, but in the end for some reason all he could see was negativity. He said he never loved anyone the way he loved me before, but he also had never felt the opposite extreme either and in his mind that wasn't normal. </p> <p>His brother and my best friend are married and have been together for 8 years and another couple that are our best friends have been together 9, and I said, "Do you not think that there have been times when they grew apart and had to re-connect again together...or times that they wanted to choke or practically kill the other person...or that they were too tired to make an effort and may have felt like giving up?" I told him real love takes work, but it's worth it. However, you have to work on it together and realize that it does, in fact, take work and has it ups and downs. In the end I pressured him for answers immediately and I could tell he was uncomfortable and antsy and he said, "I've told you exactly how I feel and I don't know what else to say say. If you want your answer now and think that 1 month is more than sufficient for me to figure things out, then that’s my answer...to make it easier on you and because I don't want to hurt you anymore, it is probably best that you move on." I was quiet at first and then I went into panic mode and said to him repeatedly, "Please don't give up on us...please don't let it all go and give up on us." In retrospect I'm sure I looked pretty desperate and pathetic and me saying it over and over just made him more antsy and resistant. I then said, what if I gave it more time and he said that he thought that was what we were doing, but I needed my answer now. I just kept repeating to not give up and asking him if he wanted more time and he became really uncomfortable and kept pulling away and saying,"What are you doing, why are you doing this." Finally, he said,"I just don't think we are meant to be." Ouch. I was quiet and let him go after that one.</p> <p>I texted him the day after and asked him how it felt to be around me again. The previous day I had asked him if he agreed to see me because he felt sorry and he was quiet for a long time. Finally he said he didn't think so and that he was a little curious how it would feel to be around me again, but he never answered my question. After I texted him the next day, he texted back and said he had fun spending time with me again, and that he didn't feel any pressure. I said, "Was that what you were looking for or were you trying to see if feelings of longing and affection would be there?" He said, "I don't know what I was looking for, anything really." I said, "But you didn't find anything...you felt nothing, right?" He responded, "I wouldn't say nothing" and that was our last communication this past Super Bowl Sunday.</p> <p>I know I have talked about a lot of negative things in our relationship, but we had many, many wonderful and happy times in the two years and two months we were together as well. We support and care for each other very much, even now. We were good together in several ways and others not as much. I know we both really loved each other the same way at one point, but here is where we are now. Thank for letting me share my story with you. </p> http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/finallyfedups#post-19249 Mon, 11 Jan 2010 00:37:11 +0000 finallyfedup 19249@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <p>I initiated first NC on Dec 29 after not hearing a word from him for 5 days (refer to break up story if interested). The next day I got a reply from him wishing me wisdom, knowledge, happiness and peace making the decisions I have to make and while he was at it he went ahead and wished me a blessed, safe and happy new year. NICE! Good Example that NC does work :)! I didn't reply and kept reading this forum and using the plan. I started my journal a while back and have wrote more since I found this plan. The journal has been a blessing and I write in it everyday, sometimes 5 to 8 times a day! I kept the NC up and it's been very tough. I had given him so much of my time and now all this free time I had was killing me but I read the forum and plan over and over and over and everyday I would read the same thing I read the day before but it would finally hit me as to what it meant. For instance, NC! I just wanted to sit around and wait the 30 without evolving and expecting things to work....I was fooling myself as I learned from this forum last week :)! I broke the NC on Jan 5, I just couldn't stand it anymore and called him, he didn't answer and I hung up. Then decided to call right back and leave a message...he answered! We had a great conversation (thank god I had been evolving), I didn't ask him a series of questions like I use to, talked about the weather (paha), talked about people we knew in common, and then I asked how he has been? He said he had refocused and redirected himself to "him" and that he has went to himself...hmmmmmm? And he is doing better and the anger isn't near as bad (he said that several times). He met his quota at work in December which he was stressing over and things were getting better. He talked and laughed like I have never heard him laugh with me before....it was a happy laugh, which made me happy, he was happy to hear from me and hoped that whatever BIG decision I had to make was going well. Then stupid ass me let it slide right out of my BIG mouth and said that BIG decision I am dealing with is HIM! I changed the subject quickly and told him I must go now because it's lunch time.....and he replied.... "wait, how are you"? I replied, "evolving". He then asked if I had gotten "me" back yet, I replied "half way"..I said "Take Care" and he replied "wait, wait"....with a pause "wait"....then he said "I love you"........I replied "have a good day and hung up"! Exactly 5 seconds later I RESENT the NC text again and I haven't heard a word from him since then nor have I contacted him since then. I am staying on track this time with the NC, I feel it's working but it is sooooo hard for me to let go and do without him!! I will just keep reading this forum, writing in my journal and continue to make every effort to evolve myself and get my life back! Any suggestions are welcomed...I will listen! </p> http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/my-nc-long-distance-ex#post-56504 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 15:19:07 +0000 sandyblove 56504@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <p>Hi,<br /> I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready.</p> <p>I sent this to my ex some time last week when we where barely starting to talk again only because of a month of not talking but i had made the contact 2 to 3 times. I had nothen to lose other then maybe his friendship. This is way i wanted to leave out i would really appreciate it if you didnt contact me because i figure it make me look like a fool. It made me realize I didnt care to lose his friendship because I never want to end up in the friends zone or be to friendly to somebody who took are realtionship for granted. </p> <p>No shock here but He did reply back saying since when do I ever contact you and dont ever text my phone again. Im slowly getting over him and staying strong to the no contact. Im hoping this didnt just made me look like a fool in his eyes in the end. Im still waiting to meet him again at jobcorps. </p> http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/sweetcalendulas-nc-diary#post-52490 Thu, 25 Aug 2011 11:13:13 +0000 sweetcalendula 52490@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <p>I have been reading Scott's blog for the past 2 weeks, and I decided to send him the recommended NC diary, unchanged, via email, that was about one month after the break up ( 3 weeks of text messaging terrorism, 1 week of total disconnection until I found this site, and finally I did send it without hesitation )</p> <p>" Hi,</p> <p>I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready. "</p> <p>Note : I had practising NC for 12 days so far. and Yep, I got his email 3 hours after I sent the message.</p> <p>He sent me pictures of his car getting involved in an accident at 4 am.</p> <p>He even sent me whatsapp messages like:<br /> " Dear friend, have a peak at your email and your whatsapp message, thank you "</p> <p>Later 1 am the next day :<br /> " Hi, I just wanted to ask how are you doing, but you never replied. It's okay, sorry for disturbing, take care there "</p> <p>" I know you're doing fine, because I sent you the email and whatsapp message but you never replied "</p> <p>He even called me the next day, and left me with a text message again,<br /> " I called because I needed help from you. Not money if that worries you, I need help in terms of transportation to work if you received my email and whatsapp message "</p> <p>" Hello... anyone there? "</p> <p>He began calling both my cell phones again and again. </p> <p>Left me messages like " So this is it? the end of us? we are not even friends? say something will you?"</p> <p>" Testing... testing... testing... "</p> <p>Until it ended like this,<br /> " you moved on? i'm not here to open old wounds, but to beg for help and mercy. i know the truth hurts for you, i wouldnt lie i have feelings too, i wouldnt lie i do loved you when we were together. old memories kept haunting...it was a hurtful, very very hard to make the decision... but i had to take it. because i wouldn't wanna hurt you and foremostly lying to you. there was this one time i thought of keeping you... but it would be really unfair to you... i'm here to make a truce.. to be a friend to you... it's okay if you're not up to it. forgive me, a thousand apologies. you take good care there. "</p> <p>again, i ignored. and he ended " it's okay. i'll disappear into thin air"</p> <p>so roughly throughout my Day1 till Day4 of NC he had been trying to text, and call me. I left him without a word. </p> <p>It's been Day 12 of NC and yet I am staying strong, I see my transformation up till today, although sometimes I had him in my mind, sometimes I even thought of breaking the NC but hey, I've been this far... and I'm here to get control over my life again and be a better me. I don't know if he will ever contact me again, but if he had respected my request, he would haven't contacted me right? </p> <p>Roughly I am equipped with my studies, went out with my girls for movies, and window shopping. and yes, i am in greater shape now. Yes, I even started my own personal diary to begin my new journey! </p> <p>This is my first break up so far, and I'm 24 &lt;img src=&quot;http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_confused.gif&quot; title=&quot;:?&quot; class=&quot;bb_smilies&quot; /&gt; well, it was rough at the beginning... as in my break up story i did all the donts in the following 3 weeks after the break up. and yes, I let it go, I finally got the courage to bury them, and to officiate its own grave that my last relationship is now dead. </p> http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/inspirational-movies-and-songs#post-388 Wed, 20 May 2009 08:31:31 +0000 admin 388@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <p>Here we will start a list of Movies, Books, and Songs that will help people to stay inspired and motivated. What movie/book/song has moved you to find more inner strength?</p> <p><u><strong>Movies </strong></u></p> <p>Indecent Proposal<br /> High Fidelity<br /> YES MAN<br /> The Blind Side<br /> Waiting to Exhale<br /> Under the Tuscan Sun<br /> Avatar<br /> Bram Stoker's Dracula (hot vampire chicks alert!) &lt;img src=&quot;http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_iagree.gif&quot; title=&quot;:iagree:&quot; class=&quot;bb_smilies&quot; /&gt; <br /> Love and Basketball<br /> Serendipity<br /> Maid in Manhattan<br /> The Shawshank Redemption<br /> It Could Happen To You<br /> Cinderella Man<br /> The Bucket List<br /> Bagger Vance<br /> Million Dollar Baby<br /> The Green Mile<br /> Rudy<br /> Sea Biscuit<br /> Invincible<br /> Brave Heart<br /> Dragon Heart<br /> Radio<br /> Beautiful Mind<br /> The Little Buddha<br /> Castaway<br /> The Love Letter<br /> Forgetting Sarah Marshall<br /> Monsters vs. Aliens<br /> 500 Days of Summer<br /> The Hangover ( &lt;img src=&quot;http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_cool.gif&quot; title=&quot;8)&quot; class=&quot;bb_smilies&quot; /&gt; Hmmm... sounds like my autobiography)<br /> Cashback<br /> Around the Bend<br /> Gladiator<br /> The Secret<br /> Fireproof</p> <p><u><strong>Songs</strong></u></p> <p>Hinders - Without You<br /> Chris Daughtry - Over You<br /> Scouting for Girls - This ain't a Love Song -<br /> Green Day - Ha ha your dead!<br /> Incubus - I miss you<br /> Jason Derulo - Ridin Solo<br /> Jay Z - 99 Problems<br /> Duncan Sheik - Barely Breathing<br /> Leona Lewis - Better in Time<br /> Destiny's child - Survivor<br /> The Supremes -You keep me Hangin on<br /> Mary J. Blige - I'm not gon cry<br /> Whitney Houston - It's not right but it's ok<br /> Joss Stone - Bruised But Not Broken<br /> Katrina &amp; The Waves - Walking on Sunshine<br /> Whitney Houston - I learned from the best<br /> David Cook - Come Back to Me<br /> One Republic - Come Home<br /> Carl Carlton - She's a Bad Mama Jama<br /> Daft Punk - Harder Better Faster Stronger<br /> Jackson 5 - I Want You Back<br /> Mika - Love Today<br /> John Mayer - Say<br /> Peter Gabriel - Talk to me<br /> "Because" - Jessica Mauboy<br /> Laura Doyle - Let you Go<br /> Kate Voegele - Forever and Almost Always<br /> Electric Light Orchestra - Mr. Blue Sky -<br /> Lily Allen - Smile<br /> Tom Petty - I Won't Back Down<br /> Amy Winehouse - tears dry on their own<br /> Christina Augilera - fighter<br /> Britney Spears - stronger<br /> Annie Lenox - walking on broken glass<br /> Jennifer Lopez - aint it funny<br /> Kelly Clarkson - since you've been gone<br /> Lilly Allen - smile<br /> First wives club - young and free<br /> La roux - Bullet proof<br /> Candi Stanton - Young hearts run free<br /> Pink - So what<br /> Katy Perry - Hot and cold<br /> Bonjovi - Its my life<br /> Gloria Gaynor - I will survive<br /> Aretha Franklin - Respect<br /> Journey - Don't stop believing<br /> GEORGE MICHAEL - FREEDOM<br /> MotorHead - I Don't believe a Word<br /> Motorhead - Liar<br /> Emmylou Harris - But you're Supposed To Be Feeling Good<br /> Emmylou Harris - Somehow<br /> Concrete Blonde - Joey<br /> John Barrowman - I am what I am<br /> David Cook - Time Of My Life<br /> The Rolling Stones - Time is on My Side<br /> Whitney Houston - Salute</p> <p><u><strong>Books</strong></u></p> <p>Conversations with God<br /> Its called a break up because it broken<br /> Why Men Marry Bitches<br /> Why Men Love Bitches<br /> If Love Could Think by Alon Gratch Ph.D<br /> The Last Lecture<br /> *The Game of Life by Florence Scovel Shinn<br /> The Choice - Og Mandino<br /> *The Greatest Salesman in the World - Og Mandino<br /> The Power of Focus - Mark Victor Hansen<br /> The Aladdin Factor - Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen<br /> *The Mind of the Soul - Gary Zukov<br /> *Unstoppable - Cynthia Kersey<br /> *I Dare You - William F Danforth<br /> Passion, Profit, Power - Marshall Sylver<br /> A Return to Love - Marianne Williamson<br /> The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens by Sean Covey<br /> Who Moved My Cheese? - Spencer Johnson, MD<br /> Pulling Your Own Strings: Dynamic Techniques for Dealing with Other People and Living Your Life as You Choose - Wayne W. Dyer </p> http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/baylvrs-nc-diary#post-56422 Tue, 31 Jan 2012 19:26:57 +0000 baylvr 56422@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <p>NC letter -</p> <p>Subject: You were right</p> <p>I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn't contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready. </p> http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/the-book-the-power#post-45853 Sun, 13 Feb 2011 17:26:20 +0000 admin 45853@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <p>This topic will be for questions, and discussion specific to the book "<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1439181780?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=hotokiloas-20&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=9325&amp;creativeASIN=1439181780">The Power</a>" written by Rhonda Byrne.</p> <p>The book "<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1439181780?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=hotokiloas-20&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=9325&amp;creativeASIN=1439181780">The Power</a>" is the follow up publication to her book "<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1582701709?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=hotokiloas-20&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=9325&amp;creativeASIN=1582701709">The Secret</a>", and goes deep into the emotional/spiritual aspect of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_of_Attraction">the law of attraction</a>.</p> <p>We can use this topic to discuss and clarify how the content of this book relates to getting your life back, and how it can work in harmony with the no contact rule, and the free plan. </p> http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/angelwings-nc-diary#post-56538 Wed, 08 Feb 2012 12:46:59 +0000 AngelWings 56538@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <p>Hi,</p> <p>I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn't contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I'm ready.</p> <p>No response ( which I assumed considering we already agreed to break ties) I feel better now I've found an actual NC 'Plan' I feel more guided. It just feels like I've gone backwards and we've literally broken up right now, as oppose to 9months ago. I need to find myself again, because I dont think he's coming back. So lets focus on me and do this NC the right way </p> http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/inspirational-articles-and-stories#post-13452 Fri, 13 Nov 2009 13:25:19 +0000 admin 13452@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <p>Hi forum members,</p> <p>I figured since we are starting to get a lot of members sharing articles, and stories they have found that we need a topic for all of them.</p> <p>So if you spot a good story or article in another post on our forum...PM me so I can move it here, or you can copy/paste it yourself (just watch for duplicates, OK?).</p> <p>Just quote the whole article, and then copy everything in the Post box, and paste it into the post box under the new topic (see first post below).</p> <p>From now on I ask everyone to post their new articles, and stories under this one topic so it is easy for every member to find them in their time of need...make sense?</p> <p>Keep the stories coming...they really are a big help, and I appreciate your support of our forum.</p> <p>Thanks! &lt;img src=&quot;http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif&quot; title=&quot;:-)&quot; class=&quot;bb_smilies&quot; /&gt; </p> http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/30-things-to-stop-doing-to-yourself#post-56550 Wed, 08 Feb 2012 16:08:11 +0000 admin 56550@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <p>I found this list on Stumbleupon, it is pretty interesting to read:</p> <p><a href="http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/3Ou46G/www.marcandangel.com/2011/12/11/30-things-oto-stop-doing-to-yourself/">30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself</a> </p> http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/kayla2365s-nc-diary#post-56513 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 17:34:17 +0000 Kayla2365 56513@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <p>Okay, last night on February 6th, I sent my ex saying:</p> <p>"Hi,</p> <p>I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn't contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready." </p> http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/angelwings-break-up-story#post-56537 Wed, 08 Feb 2012 12:43:32 +0000 AngelWings 56537@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <p>My ex and I split in june last year after 3 and a half years together. </p> <p>I actually done NC with him without realizing it. I just stopped talking to him so I could heal. He would get in touch but I ignored him. We went 3months without talking and in October I sent him a text. We text slowly from time to time but by November we were texting every single day non-stop. He used to text me right through work and when he was with family- which he would never do as my boyfriend. I did ask to meet up multiple occasions but he always had some excuse or the other. We spoke on the phone a few times too and it was nice and natural. But the 'getting nowhere' was tiring so I made a decision that on January 1st 2012 I'll break contact permanently and move on with my life.</p> <p>And I did just that. He text 3 times in 2 weeks which I ignored until I got a text asking to talk to me. I phoned him straight away thinking he wanted to try again but he was just catching up. I've been practicing LOA since my breakup and tried manifesting him back so this phonecall was the last straw for me and I made the decision to detach completely. Apparently thats the key to getting you're love back... In the previous months I raised my vibrations, sorted my life and my image out and found my self worth. </p> <p>Lo and behold I met a guy at work who I felt an instant connection with. I had been seeing him for a month, occasionally thinking about my ex but really into this new guy. He was amazing. A few days ago I found out this guy was just using me for sex and he had a girlfriend he's been with for a year. It was a huge drama that I helped them fix because he had a step-son and didnt tell me and they all wanted to work through it. So I wished them luck and drove to my exes area. I called him in tears and said I needed him to which he replied 'its done, Its over' I screamed 'This isnt about us!' so he drove out to see me and I told him what had been happening. He was so hurt for me and tried to make me smile. </p> <p>He told me about a girl hes been dating for the past 4 months who he's smitten with and they're families both know and they are in a relationship to get married. But he kissed me for ages and we fondled a bit and he said he couldnt help it and that hes really missed me and not a day has gone by where he hasnt thought about me. But hes chosing to stay with her.<br /> Next day I was texting my ex about that night. He got quite rude with me but I stayed level headed because I wasnt really angry to be honest- just confused. He kept telling me he's moved on and Ive moved on so its done. I let him know it wasnt about getting him back and that I just wanted answers for lasts nights affectionate words and passionate kisses. I told him that it was the other guy I was missing and thinking about, so he need'nt worry that I'm trying to lure him back. He then sent me a long text about how he's finally found someone whom he loves and loves him back and shes cared and supported him more then he could ever ask for and my god did that hurt me. </p> <p>So I rang him and calmly said, enough of the texting, lets wish each other the best and break ties. He said OK after confessing he lied about this girl, he's only been casually seeing her for a few weeks. I think he was hurt hearing me talk about this other guy.</p> <p>I've been doing a lot of thinking. It seems as though he has really missed me and what we had and has made it clear in words and actions that he still loves me just the same. His reaction to this new guy proved a lot to me but no matter what I said or the changes he saw in me- he kept stating we have both moved on and our relationship is done. He agreed on breaking ties and that's that. I guess I still do want a second chance, which he knows. </p> <p>During our texting yesterday he was frosty up until points where I reminded him I didn't want him back and then he was soft with me again. I think after all this time, with all the love we showed each other, I'm stunned we didn't agree on giving us another shot. </p> <p>I can't get my head around what's stopping him from taking that leap. He said things like he would have loved to be part of my family and then things like 'too much time has past now, its too late' he said I deserve someone who will treat me the way I want to be treated but why doesn't he want to be that guy? </p> <p>He bought up so many silly and sentimental memories of us and when kissing me- told me that it felt right and he was so comfortable with me. </p> <p>He just said about how he doesn't think second time round we will work and I was too exhausted to try and fight his viewpoint. He has no idea how great we would be because he hasn't fully been aware of the extent of my change.</p> <p>He is confusing me. I don't know whether to re-ask the Universe for a second chance or just find someone else because I thought after being around me and the way he was with me- he would realize there and then that I'm the one and he never wants to be apart from me again.</p> <p>I'm scared this has just been one of those manifestations that happen- but not in the way you want. I got to see him, kiss him, and hear him say I lovee you which I am so thankful for. But this is not what I asked the Universe for, this is not what I wanted to receive, this is not why I allowed myself to let go.</p> <p>Just feeling really sad and confused..</p> <p>he treated our sexual antics as a 'final goodbye' and that's all it was to him. He was too busy talking away about his 'girlfriend' before hand and smiling while talking about her and saying all these nice things about her personality. I'm surprised I acted like it didn't phase me- in some respects though, I was ok</p> <p>He said I was a big part of his life and will always have that special place in his heart but that's it now. He's never fought for me and now I know he never will</p> <p>It feels like he loves me but he no longer wants to be with me. He would much rather just move on now and let the past be the past..</p> <p>It feels like the first day of my breakup again. Square 1. But this time, hopeless. I'm sad the Universe was just showing me that he's still not changed and he wont take me back. I've lost a lot of faith right now.. </p> http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/kayla2365s-break-up-story#post-56514 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 17:35:41 +0000 Kayla2365 56514@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <p>I was used to getting asked out a lot. I was used to men "throwing themselves at me". I was used to being pursued by men of all ages. I was used to being the object of many mens affection. I was used to men wanting to have committed relationships with me. (I never gave it up, you see.) I was used to knowing that I could make any one fall in love with the thought of "me". I didn't want to find a guy with a good job, good looks, and good credit, though. I wanted to have a connection. I wanted to be in love. I wanted to find someone I could share my world with and they could share theirs with me. Someone who understood me. </p> <p>I "met" my EX about 9 months ago. It's almost fate that we even met, as corny as that may sound. I live in a big city, but my racial group has a small community on the south side of the city. Everyone knows everyone, or they know your family, or they are your family. I had never dated anyone from my same race, mostly because my mother wanted me to. (I know, I know) One day on FB, I noticed a boy on my cousins page who I thought I used to know his brother. I messaged him. Asked. It wasn't the right guy. He still added me. I'd see his posts from time to time, and they always caught my eye. They were never about what everyone else was talking about. (You know typical partying, drinking, fml, eff b**** type of statuses.) They were always a lot deeper. They always said something. Something I could relate to. </p> <p>I've always thought a lot different then most. So different, people are intrigued by it for some reason. It's hard to explain, unless you know what I mean. I'm often asked to elaborate about my thoughts, but rarely do I find someone with a similar thought process.</p> <p>I was constantly liking his statuses, and he was doing the same. It's like we had a connection, without ever talking to each other. (Trust me, I know how that sounds lol) I kind of had a crush on his mind. I had no intention to talk to him, though. It was just nice to know there was someone out there, that had a similar take on life. This went on for awhile, then eventually I would message him asking about his thoughts about something random and he'd do the same. I started to sign on fb only to see if any notifications were from him. I waited for him to pursue me. I waited, and waited, and waited, and waited. Nothing.</p> <p>We are the same race, and I started to go to a lot of events the Native community would host, just in case he might see me, or I'd see him. I never did. Time went by, I figured he must have a GF if he was never out, and because he never pursued me. (lol) I went on a few dates after that. I found myself comparing the little I knew about him, to these guys. I couldn't get this kid off my mind and it was driving me crazy. Then, I saw him. (In real life, lol) He was leaving a party my cousin was throwing and we glanced at each other, and he realized it was me. I figured he'd come talk to me. He didn't. I asked my cousin if he was single and he said yes.</p> <p>I was SO USED to men wanting me. I was SO USED to never having to worry if a guy would like me because, they always did. All they saw were my looks. And quite frankly, my looks meant nothing to him. I loved that. I knew there was either something special about him, or he was gay. So, I pursued HIM. </p> <p>I did everything I could to get his attention, without making myself look "thirsty". None of it worked. I tried until I realized that I was going to have to make the first move. So I did. He was hesitant. He even ignored me. But eventually, after all my failed attempts, he noticed. We started to talk everyday. Texts, phone calls that lasted for hours, you name it. From the second we first talked, we were as comfortable with each other as if we knew each other our whole life. And he'd often mention that. You would never know from the way we were with each other that we're both the most shy people one might ever meet. We had so much in common, it was crazy. I never thought there was someone else out there who wanted the same things as me or thought the same way as me--nonetheless meet them. I never thought even with all my emotional baggage, someone could love me literally just for me. We shared secrets to each other we never told anyone else. My family love him. His family loved me. Though we had such a strong connection, we lived very different lives. Alcoholism ran in both our families. We were both the rocks in our families. Difference was I was suffering with it too secretly (not to him but everyone else), and he had never taken a sip. Though we both had been in very long horrible relationships before that prevented us from trusting others, it didn't stop us from committing 100%.</p> <p>I had never been happier in my whole life then that time. Him too. We knew everyone felt that in the beginning of all relationships but this was different. We were so happy. In love. Then, things started to change. We started arguing a lot. Mostly because of his insecurities. He knew a lot of men would want me, and it scared him because he was cheated on a lot. I was open about everything and tried proving to him I'd never do that to him, and no one could ever compare to him. He was too insecure though. He started to accuse me of things that never happened. He would get mad when I'd tell him about a guy I talked to at work, or if a guy would invite me to things (even though they'd invite him too). At that time I felt as if I should be able to have guy friends and go places as long as I wasn't doing anything wrong. I did nothing wrong yet he was starting to treat me like I did. In his mind, I think he really believed I had alterior motives behind the things I'd tell him. It began to drain me. He never tried to control me, but I'd ask him what I would have to do to prove to him I was truthful an faithful. So I'd agree to somethings. He still didn't stop accusing me though. Eventually it got to the point I cut everyone off and had no life but him. He was always sad, and though I really didn't do anything, I knew it was because of "me". He started to do things to me, he used to accuse me doing to him. He'd do them in a way so that he'd get caught. He asked me if I liked how it felt. And if I was going to do them to him, he was just going to have to deal with him doing them to me. He started drinking. He started meeting people. He started going out. I knew he was doing it to "get back" at me. But, it only happened when he'd drink. Though it was never cheating it still hurt, and wasn't okay. And it made me look like he walked all over me. He started to lie. He started to drink every night. We got in a fight when we were both drunk and broke up. We eventually agreed to stop all of it and go back to how things were, and it didnt happen. I started to accuse him everyday. I'd nag, and bitch. And he'd do the same. There was no more trust and we didn't even enjoy each others company anymore. We got in a huge fight, and ended things. A few weeks went by and we started talking, but most the time it was just to accuse each other of talking to someone. This has gone on for the past two months. We'll not talk for a week or two, talk, tell each other we want to stop fighting and work things out, then go back to fighting. We started talking again Feb 1st and it's a little better. He's still jealous, but i've forced myself to let most of the jealousy go. We both want to work it out, but we both know it will never work out if we don't give time to get over the past. I know I can't get over the past if I don't move on to the future. He's a great guy, and I'm a great girl. I realize now, even if I don't get back together with him, at least I'll be strong enough to get through it and maybe find someone else one day. Love is great, but it's not enough if the foundation of the relationship isn't healthy. It's weird though because the last time we spoke before I sent him the NC text, he said "I'm content right now. It's good right now as friends, and as time goes on, we'll get over all the BS we put each other thru and one day try it again as a relationship." The thing is, for me I don't want to be his friend. Which is why it was a great time to send the NC text when I did because, I know he definitely didn't expect that. So, that's my story. </p> http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/ncman01s-breakup-story#post-56505 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 15:30:19 +0000 NCMan01 56505@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <p>Well, I dated my ex for almost two years, we had our ups and downs like every other couple, but had a big "falling out" this past May, we got over it (well I thought we did)until August came around. She got a big job offer in another state. I proposed to her in August for her birthday because I've been planning to for over a year (the previous year before), she accepted, but her parents weren't too thrilled I did. They accused me of all sorts of things. Anyways they got over that, but a week or two later I got into an argument with her parents over something she did that was inconsiderate. They banned her from seeing me. A few days later, she said she wanted some space and we got into a argument for that and didn't talk for a few days. Anyways a week later she ended up moving to the other state, the day before she moved we were suppose to go out for lunch but ended up getting into one huge argument.</p> <p>During the time of her moving and settling down over there (her parents were with her for three weeks), I tried to reach out to her and make peace, plus I was worried about her. I don't know what her parents said to her during those few weeks but she completely changed, a whole different person. Basically for the next few months I did everything "wrong" and pretty much pushed her far away. My house got robbed in October, which kinda triggered something aggressive in me. I told her off at the end of October, which put a nail on the coffin for the relationship, because the next week she sent back the engagement ring without letting me know she was (well she sent it to her parents house then they sent it to me, so I wouldn't know her address). Anyways I called her about it, we talked good. But then the next day, we got into a big argument and I pushed her extremely away. </p> <p>Well I didn't talk to her for the next few weeks until Thanksgiving, I called to wish her a happy thanksgiving and ask her out for lunch on any day she was available(because she was back in the city for that time), she declined and said she wasn't ready. A few weeks passed and I made contact with her off an on, because I felt like losing her and couldn't stick to NC. During one of the conversations, she said she was "going to be in town for a few days", and asked if she wanted to meet up, she then said "sure". She came down for the holiday season for a week. I called and wished her a Merry Christmas, I then asked if she wanted to meet up for lunch during the time she was here, she agreed. A few days later she called and we made arrangements.</p> <p>So we met up, she was nervous, I was nervous but tried to stay as confident as I could. We hit it off really good, you could still feel the chemistry and connection between us. It was great, I even did the reconnection technique. After lunch we said our goodbyes and I asked her if she wanted to meet up again, she said she was busy the rest of the week (we met on a Thursday and she had to leave on the Sunday). Anyways a few days goes by, I texted her "Happy New Years", she responded quite a few hours later, wishing me the greetings as well. Then a few days later I called to see if she made it home safe, but she didn't answer, she emailed me a few hours later saying she was at her friends house and that she was going to go home tomorrow. So the next day I messaged her seeing if she arrived, she said she arrived safe and wished me the best. We went NC for a month, I tried to evolve myself during that period, I felt ready to call her. I called her and she seemed happy to hear from me, we talked for about an hour and that was it. I emailed her a few days later something I told her that I was sending her (a comedic sketch). She didn't respond back to me. </p> <p>This past Sunday, I called her because I wanted to tell her where I stood with things, but she didn't answer the phone (I'm assuming she was at some person's house watching the Superbowl). So she called me yesterday after she got out of work, but I didn't answer, I called her back and that's when crap hit the fan,well for me. I told her that she still means a lot to me, I missed her and I miss being together. She was quiet for a bit and after I started asking her what she thinks about what I've said. She said "I moved on and I don't feel that way anymore", I asked her if she felt anything when we met up in December, and she said she felt nothing (which I know is a lie). Anyways, she asked me about some picture I had on Facebook that my sister put up of me at some club with some girls back in November (I wasn't in the picture, just took the pictures). She seemed kinda upset about it, I feel really guilty for not removing them right away like my instinct was telling me. Well anyways she said that stuff doesn't matter anymore. After a few minutes, we said our goodbyes and that was it. I think I've lost her for good and I screwed up really bad.</p> <p>Well anyways,there is more to the story like her ex still being in her life "technically", he has a good job and she thinks he's changed, and might still have feelings for him even though he treated he poorly when they were together. Also forgot to mention, this whole entire time during the breakup, I've been the only one trying to keep communication going with her. Anyways, I'm here now, ready to kick loves ass and get myself back! </p> http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/my-long-distance-break-up-story#post-56503 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 15:05:06 +0000 sandyblove 56503@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <p>Ive already had alot of time to move on and though it be ideal for him to come back im gona try and keep it simple an short. 2 years ago an abt 8 months we first meet at jobcorps when I was dating one of his friends who convince him into breaking it off me the first place. I should have saw that as a warning sign and how he treated women back then. A year later we started talking and dated for about a month. It was a long distance realtionship and thought im to blame for keeping a ex from being homeless. Well i ended up losing all contact with him. He disappered without a trace so when i did find him he had a soon to be wife and two kids that were not his. We would talk just as friends and i go on how im not ready for a realtionship. Despite my confussen and wanting to stay single a month later he was two. He would go back an forth about being my gf and WOULD SAY IM NOT YOURS UNTILL YOUR UP HERE WITH ME. It went from him being unsure and wanting to marry me. We made plans but they never had followed through. He was battleing cancer and me being homeless at the time. He had gotten drunk one night because he had thought i had broken up with him it was just miss communication. He was in a coma after that. 7 months later he started seeing someone closer and did not feel threaten because understood the distance was taking a toil on both of us. Well i started asking questions and feeling inscure because he was closing me off. When he did finally open up he was very unsure and then broke it off saying how this girl is much more social an better then me. Well i did the pleading and crying over the phone. I got it together a month later talk to him to see how he was doing health wise and made the convo short. 3 weeks went by an started talking and learned how much in love is with this rebound girl. After another month goes by I sent the no contact message. He is now at jobcorps and I now learned from facebook that she might be his ex. Its been 8 months since ive seen him DEC Since the break up and any day now jobcorps will be calling me back in. Eventually we are gona run across each other again and im hoping things can change for the better. </p> http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/choi14s-nc-diary#post-55604 Thu, 22 Dec 2011 13:22:42 +0000 Choi14 55604@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <p>"I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn't contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready."</p> <p>I sent this to my ex-boyfriend on the 19th of December. So, Monday of this week. After a few hours, I saw him in the hallway and he said "Hey" to me. I completely ignored it and did not make eye contact.</p> <p>The next day, I was waiting in a room talking to my friend, he came in and stared at me. I did not speak with him and I quickly left.</p> <p>Yesterday, I was walking and he was walking towards me to get on his bus and go home. He waved to me and said "Happy Holidays!" I ignored it once again. </p>