How to Kick Loves Ass - Break Up Help Forum

How to Kick Loves Ass - Break Up Help Forum » Recent Posts http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ Free Break up Help, Relationship Advice, and Break up Survival Plan en-US Sat, 19 May 2012 20:40:57 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 <![CDATA[Search]]> q http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/search.php admin on "H_Guy's breakup story" http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/breakup-story-3#post-57181 Sat, 19 May 2012 09:35:02 +0000 admin 57181@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <center>Make a hole, we have another corpse on our hands! <img src="http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_eek.gif" title="8O" class="bb_smilies" /> Now h_guy's "old" dead relationship needs a proper burial, and a headstone of course! OK get a shovel and bury the past (baggage), from here on in it's a new day. ************************** R.I.P. Here Lies h_guy's Old Relationship 9 Months ************************** This just means your "old" relationship is resting in peace, now it's time to work on giving birth (so to speak) to a stronger, better relationship having learned from the past, and not by living in it. </center> h_guy Welcome to our forum! Now that you have shared your break up story, take the next step... Make sure you have read and completely understand our <a href="http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/read-this-first">forum guidelines</a> BEFORE you post anything else (if you have any questions about them PM me). Because I mean every word I wrote and you will get banned if you refuse to follow them...understand? <img src="http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_twisted.gif" title=":twisted:" class="bb_smilies" /> YOU MUST BE READY TO FOLLOW THE FREE PLAN EXACTLY, AND SEND THE RECOMMENDED NC MESSAGE WORD FOR WORD. IF YOU'RE SCARED TO DO THIS AND WANT DEBATE ABOUT IT, YOU WILL BE BANNED FROM OUR FORUM. THIS FORUM IS NOT FOR DEBATING WHETHER YOU SHOULD OR SHOULD NOT FOLLOW THE FREE PLAN...WHY? IT WILL DRIVE THE OTHER MEMBERS, AND MYSELF CRAZY, AND BECAUSE IT HAS BEEN PROVEN TO WORK, IF YOU'RE NOT AFRAID TO USE IT CORRECTLY. P.S. The people who have evolved the fastest, and progressed the most are the people who have been very active in our forum. I suggest once you get your evolution started that you do the same, and experience the same magic they did. h_guy on "H_Guy's NC Diary" http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/h_guys-nc-diary#post-57180 Fri, 18 May 2012 21:40:49 +0000 h_guy 57180@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ My NC message to her: "I agree with you about the decision to breakup. I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn't contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready." That was sent last last night. This morning I woke-up seeing that she had responded: "I just want to acknowledge that I got your email and I totally understand. I wish you happy decision making." For me, this time around, NC is more for just getting back on track with my life. You'll understand if you read my breakup story. There's no reason I should get back with this girl, or even want to. Of course as we all know, it's not that easy. So here I am because I know I'll need to log the progress otherwise I may fold and give in if she suddenly decides she wants to get back. That's what sucks the most here... she's someone I really want to stay friends with and I don't want to get back with her, but given our history, it could happen. It's much more important for me to just move on now. I have a new job. I may be getting an even better job. I have a pretty well laid-out plan towards my ultimate career goals. I always have worked out, but I'm adding additional types of training to the mix. Just trying to get things back on track. I even want to start dating, to get my mind of my ex. But I met a girl at a party last week. Cute, seemed cool enough. I found myself comparing her to my ex. So, clearly I'm not ready for that just yet. h_guy on "H_Guy's breakup story" http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/breakup-story-3#post-57179 Fri, 18 May 2012 21:26:10 +0000 h_guy 57179@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ My Ex and I were only together about 9 months. But she had a quality I've never known, which was she was a little whacky, which always got me in a good mood immediately. It was kind of addicting. Normally I don't think I would have put up with what happened with her. After only 3 months, she brokeup with me saying it was because she didn't see us lasting long-term and had doubts about us. I had already known about NC before from another source. So, that's what I did. Only 4 days later she called me. Talked like we used to, like nothing happened. I was nice to her and we only spoke of, how are you, blaa, blaa. I cut it short, saying I had work to do. Then a few txts back and forth but we still had not hungout. Then she txt me and we started back & forth, which I got fed-up and finally just called her. We talked for about an hour. Next day she asked if I wanted to come by. I did. We ended up getting back together. Sooo, NC worked for me that time. Then about another 3 months later, she started telling me she was having those feelings again. Same exact stuff... had doubts, didn't see it lasting, etc. I got mad and hungup on her. She txt me saying she was only trying to start a conversation. I called her back and apologized for getting so angry and hanging up on her. We talked a bit but came to no conclusions. I had an interview the next day. So I was very angry that not only did she start this conversation over the phone, but she did it the night before I had an interview! This couldn't just wait until I saw her a day later or so!? I got the job though. I emailed her, first paragraph explaining that i got the job and the details. Second paragraph saying something along the lines of, "let me be for a while. i need time to think about things. I don't feel you care about me as much as I do for you, etc, etc." Only a few sentences, and no joking around in the email. It was all very to the point and just pretty much stating facts. Not too much emotion. She replied that she understood and would give me my space. I didn't contact her for a week. I then txt her that I wanted to stop by and talk. I had decided that I didn't want to continue the relationship. So, when I got there I just told her how selfish I felt she acted and how surprised I was that she's doing this again and I expected more of her and that I felt it would be best if we stopped seeing each other... but I hope that she has something to say that will change my mind, but I don't think she does. Well, she said her part and did show that she cared and we ended up staying together. I'm not sure if it's because I showed how I was ready to end it, or if she really just was not ready to end it. Anyway, things were good again for another few months. During this time I found out about her history with past guys... almost always the same deal. On and off, breakup, get back, breakup, get back. Really liked one guy, but then not sure about him and actually said they should start dating other people. He did. Then of course, she wanted him back. But that guy had enough and chose the new girl. Major commitment issues with her. So, after that last almost-breakup, I was always uneasy and always had a feeling as though it's not gonna last. It's only a matter of time. Then a few weeks ago I really started feeling it again... that coldness from her. One day she's awesome and fun. The next, she's cold and barely speaks to me. I was just waiting for the timebomb to go off. Horrible feeling. I should've said something earlier (or as a friend pointed out, SHE should've said something instead of being selfish and letting me suffer) Sure enough about 2 weeks ago, "we need to talk" She ended it again, saying she had really given this relationship a chance and likes so many things about me but just doesn't feel like I'm "the one". Also said she isn't sure why because so many of my qualities are the important ones, like trust and honesty. (I'm guessing she can't narrow it down because it's her fear of commitment that's really controlling things here)We talked for a while, but ultimately did end it. The next few days we were still txting and talking on the phone. Even the daily commute phone calls I'd get from her. It was like nothing happened, and she was happy again. It felt great talking to her and all, but I knew it was over and that pain still came back again and again. I knew this wasn't helping me at all. We had one more talk one of those nights afterwards, probably about 2 hours long. Got back into talking relationships, etc. Got me kind of hurt again. I did tell her I definitely wanted to be friends. That was the last contact. I went NC from there. It's been about a week. I had been reading through these forums. I sent my NC message via email last night. I know logically I should definitely not get back with this girl, or even want to. But emotionally of course I do. I guess I felt like I could be the one who got her to workout her commitment issues. But clearly I'm not. I'm doing NC more for myself. I really know I should not get back with this girl and I hope I have the strength not to if we start talking again. LCommander on "NCMan01's NC Diary" http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/ncman01s-nc-diary/page/3#post-57178 Fri, 18 May 2012 11:53:15 +0000 LCommander 57178@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <blockquote>This is the toughest battle I've dealt with in my life and it's changing the perspective of things for me, life, love, everything. Slowly but surely, I'm gaining back myself and I will be better then ever.</blockquote> 100% agree with this. The toughest battle will also make you the strongest you've ever been once the ordeal is over. I already see myself a lot better than the person I was in the relationship. You just need the strength and determination to change, and the patience to see it happen. If you have problems blocking out the thoughts, do what I did and imagine the words "ACCESS DENIED". Picture each letter in your head being spelled out. Whenever I think about whether or not the ex is missing me, I say - fuck it, she lost out. Think about all the negatives you can until it overwhelms your desire to get back with her. The moment you knock her off her pedestal, the moment you see her as any other girl. Have you been going to the gym consistently? Post-breakup is an excellent motivational booster. Imagine yourself as physically evolving where the new "you" will be more muscular and fit than the old "you" when you were with her. I think it goes hand in hand with Scott's "evolving past the breakup". You get to be emotionally and mentally stronger as well as physically - which is very appealing to the ladies! Not only that, working out (lifting weights + cardio) releases endorphins which is a neurotransmitter that produces analgesia similar to opiates! Talk about a legal high. Bottom line: We deserve better so there is no need to have any further interactions with individuals that only fuck us over, or slow our evolution. I mean think about it, why are we trying to get back with our ex who didn't want us, didn't see our true worth, and treated us like shit? It's because of the good memories we made with them which have the potential to swamp us and cause us to overlook their bad qualities. It's pretty balls! Who's to say we can't make new ones with other better people? Work on yourself and everything will fall into place <img src="http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_biggrin.gif" title=":D" class="bb_smilies" /> <blockquote>Once you reach the tipping point, when your mind becomes 51% positive about your future without your ex, that is when things will turn around, and the torturous thoughts will fade, and the positive thoughts will prevail.</blockquote> This is exactly how I feel. I have already realized that I don't want to get back with the ex nor do I want to jump in another relationship until I set my priorities straight (school/career-wise and emotionally). After reading Scott's quoted message, I noticed that I dont feel the heart ache that plagued me after the breakup. To emphasize what Scott said, once you imagine - you literally have to do it! - a life without your ex you become free. Do yourself a favour and stick to NC! Our exes already demolished us emotionally. Is it necessary to throw salt on the wound using our own hand? Why do we need to further increase the pain by breaking NC? I hope we aren't sadists that love emotional pain <img src="http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_razz.gif" title=":P" class="bb_smilies" /> Come on NCMan, stick to NC and you will reap what you sow ten-fold. You gotta stand by your name! Cooper on "Cooper's NC Diary" http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/coopers-nc-diary#post-57177 Fri, 18 May 2012 08:50:16 +0000 Cooper 57177@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ Thank you guys for the welcome! troubled - thanks for the advice. I have blocked her from specific sites and cut her off completely now. This is the first time I have done that since the BU. This seems to be a common theme with young, LTR's. One of the partners gets some sort of independence bug and books it. Nc Man - I will check out your story. I am sorry to hear you had a similar situation. We have to keep our head up and keep moving forward. Who knows what the future holds? All I know is that it holds something positive. The universe unfolds the way it should. admin on "NCMan01's NC Diary" http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/ncman01s-nc-diary/page/3#post-57176 Fri, 18 May 2012 07:10:05 +0000 admin 57176@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <blockquote><cite>NCMan01 <a href="http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/ncman01s-nc-diary/page/3#post-57172">said</a>:</cite> The thing is I just want to keep on getting rid of those thoughts out completely, I've been using the subliminal messaging, but there is that little voice that keeps popping up in my head and shoving them back in. </blockquote> This is normal. Your subconscious is more negative than positive about your personal evolution. The key is to keep on using the subliminal training everyday...all day if you need to. Once you reach the tipping point, when your mind becomes 51% positive about your future without your ex, that is when things will turn around, and the torturous thoughts will fade, and the positive thoughts will prevail. This is like any goal in life, you have to stick to it, and believe in what you're doing in-order to see the results you deserve. Don't give up. <img src="http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_cool.gif" title="8)" class="bb_smilies" /> Keep up the good work, and... Stay Strong and Positive! <img src="http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_rambo.gif" title=":rambo:" class="bb_smilies" /> NCMan01 on "Success - after 2 yrs we are back" http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/success-after-2-yrs-we-are-back#post-57175 Fri, 18 May 2012 01:16:56 +0000 NCMan01 57175@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ Wow that's inspirational, maybe paths do cross back again, it's just a matter of time. If things really meant to be they will be. Congrats Cello, I will have to lookup your story. Best of luck to you guys, I hope everything works out. NCMan01 on "troubledkla's NC" http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/troubledklas-nc-1#post-57174 Fri, 18 May 2012 01:14:31 +0000 NCMan01 57174@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ Good read S.W., I actually needed to read that. TK I can relate to you 100% in what you are saying, some days I feel great, sometimes I get that hollow feeling. Whenever I get that feeling I go to youtube and look up "positive affirmations". They help a lot. One I recommend is by Louise, you will know it when you see it lol. I've also got a new hairstyle as well, before I used to just shave my hair down, now I grew it out abit and gel it up. Anyways keep up the positivity things are really getting better and you will be better then ever. NCMan01 on "Cooper's NC Diary" http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/coopers-nc-diary#post-57173 Fri, 18 May 2012 01:04:34 +0000 NCMan01 57173@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ Hey Cooper, Welcome to the forums, my fiancee broke up as well, so I know how it is as well. Our experiences are kinda similiar, so if you ever need to talk about it send me a message. Good luck with everything and wish you all the best. NCMan01 on "NCMan01's NC Diary" http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/ncman01s-nc-diary/page/3#post-57172 Thu, 17 May 2012 22:23:16 +0000 NCMan01 57172@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ Thanks all for replying. To LC and SW, you are right that person I used to know isn't her anymore, she is a different person, I saw the "new" her when I broke NC a month ago, speaking of which, I've done a month of NC so far, it feels different this time around, before I felt more "broken" majority, now I just feel neutral and upbeat most of the time (except the past few days). I sometimes get the "spurs of heart pain" that pop up once inawhile. I don't really know why I keep dreaming about her and her family lately, I read somewhere though that it's a way for the subconcious to deal with the pain (I think S.W. said it himself, I really don't remember). I woke up a few days ago feeling angry up myself for screwing up last year at her graduation (an incident happen last year, which her and I got into a heated argument), it made me feel like I should've handled myself way better and felt so angry at myself for bringing sadness to her for that. I couldn't stop kicking myself. But I've learned from that mistake and I will never handle any situation like that ever again, the way I did. This is the toughest battle I've dealt with in my life and it's changing the perspective of things for me, life, love, everything. Slowly but surely, I'm gaining back myself and I will be better then ever. I strongly believe that love conquers all and if things are meant to be it will be. One thing I wish I could let go is the name/face/pic of this new guy she is talking to that's her "friend". The image keeps coming into my head and wish I could just block it out and I wished I never saw it a month ago. It's making me think all kinds of crazy things when I'm trying to stay in my positive zone. An example of this is that I keep thinking she is going out with him during the weekends, or even thinking she might be kissing him drives me insane. Man I really need to learn how to let go, this shit is driving me nuts lol. The thing is I just want to keep on getting rid of those thoughts out completely, I've been using the subliminal messaging, but there is that little voice that keeps popping up in my head and shoving them back in. But from I read according to other people's stories and S.W., is that our exes even though they are faking it on the outside, in the inside they are feeling the same kind of pain or maybe things aren't what it seems, maybe they are going through loneliness themselves and they aren't experiencing what we think they are experiencing (fun, joy, happiness, etc...). But overall this about us and getting ourselves back, fuck how they feel. @troubled I agree weightlifting is the greatest thing. When I didn't work out for last week, I felt kinda depressed, when I got back into it, it brought my spirits back up. That's kinda the reason I hired a personal trainer, to help push me to the limit and to try to reach beyond that. It's really good to have people you can relate to and that can know exactly what you are going through, the ups and downs, the emotions, etc.. troubledkla on "Cooper's NC Diary" http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/coopers-nc-diary#post-57171 Thu, 17 May 2012 17:26:36 +0000 troubledkla 57171@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ Oh...and if you do this and really stick to it, time will eventually tell all. troubledkla on "Cooper's NC Diary" http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/coopers-nc-diary#post-57170 Thu, 17 May 2012 17:25:09 +0000 troubledkla 57170@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ Hey Cooper, welcome to the site. I read your story. It sounds like you are doing all the right things and maintained a good level of control outwardly. Your story doesn't mention too much of the clingy stuff. I had an ex of 8 years break things off with me a few years back. I left her alone for a year. Complete silence. I contacted her after a year and we reconnected. I had the opportunity to work things out with her but chose to go chase the girl that ultimatley brought me here. What I'm saying is that you're both young and she might need some time to figure this out alone. However, you have a lot of history that she won't easily forget. I think that there's a good chance, if you stick to the plan, that this will not be the last time you hear from this girl. It's hard but block her out of your mind, eliminate the things that remind you of her, whack her from any social networking sites, stick to no contact and seriously, focus on building your life without her. admin on "Success - after 2 yrs we are back" http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/success-after-2-yrs-we-are-back#post-57169 Thu, 17 May 2012 13:33:55 +0000 admin 57169@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <blockquote><cite>Cello <a href="http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/success-after-2-yrs-we-are-back#post-57168">said</a>:</cite> They said magic happens when you truly let things go... 2 yrs passed, somehow my ex tried to find me again thru this social network site and we started dating like a new relationship again. It has been so wonderful, our relationship is so much better than before. </blockquote> Congratulations Cello! <img src="http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_party.gif" title=":party:" class="bb_smilies" /> Thanks for coming back, and sharing your success with the other forum members. You 'definitely' kicked loves ass! <img src="http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_thumleft.gif" title=":thumleft:" class="bb_smilies" /> Stay Strong and Positive! <img src="http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_rambo.gif" title=":rambo:" class="bb_smilies" /> Cello on "Success - after 2 yrs we are back" http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/success-after-2-yrs-we-are-back#post-57168 Thu, 17 May 2012 11:24:11 +0000 Cello 57168@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ Hi Everyone I joined the forum 2 yrs ago after a messy breakup w/ my ex. I haven't updated my journal for awhile but now I want to come back and share good news with you. My life got so much better after NC. I met so many friends, had new job, travel different countries... After so many months passed, and I had completed let go of my ex.. I started dating with other guys, but none of them turned out to be official. They said magic happens when you truly let things go... 2 yrs passed, somehow my ex tried to find me again thru this social network site and we started dating like a new relationship again. It has been so wonderful, our relationship is so much better than before. I guess I'll call him my bf not an ex anymore. <img src="http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_razz.gif" title=":P" class="bb_smilies" /> We're still taking things very slow and just want to be light and fun, which we both very enjoy. The moral of this NC plan is to love yourself and evolve to a better person. Please have faith and believe that life/the universe rewards people who fight for their happiness...big surprises are around the corner!! Last I want to thank Scott for creating this site. This place is magical! Please believe the plan and please read The Power! This book is amazing!! Be strong-- as always. Wish you all happy and healthy. <img src="http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_thumbup.gif" title=":thumbup:" class="bb_smilies" /> Cello admin on "Cooper's Break-up Story" http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/coopers-break-up-story#post-57167 Thu, 17 May 2012 10:50:14 +0000 admin 57167@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <center>Make a hole, we have another corpse on our hands! <img src="http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_eek.gif" title="8O" class="bb_smilies" /> Now Cooper's "old" dead relationship needs a proper burial, and a headstone of course! OK get a shovel and bury the past (baggage), from here on in it's a new day. ************************** R.I.P. Here Lies Cooper's Old Relationship 9 Years ************************** This just means your "old" relationship is resting in peace, now it's time to work on giving birth (so to speak) to a stronger, better relationship having learned from the past, and not by living in it. </center> Cooper Welcome to our forum! Now that you have shared your break up story, take the next step... Make sure you have read and completely understand our <a href="http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/read-this-first">forum guidelines</a> BEFORE you post anything else (if you have any questions about them PM me). Because I mean every word I wrote and you will get banned if you refuse to follow them...understand? <img src="http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_twisted.gif" title=":twisted:" class="bb_smilies" /> YOU MUST BE READY TO FOLLOW THE FREE PLAN EXACTLY, AND SEND THE RECOMMENDED NC MESSAGE WORD FOR WORD. IF YOU'RE SCARED TO DO THIS AND WANT DEBATE ABOUT IT, YOU WILL BE BANNED FROM OUR FORUM. THIS FORUM IS NOT FOR DEBATING WHETHER YOU SHOULD OR SHOULD NOT FOLLOW THE FREE PLAN...WHY? IT WILL DRIVE THE OTHER MEMBERS, AND MYSELF CRAZY, AND BECAUSE IT HAS BEEN PROVEN TO WORK, IF YOU'RE NOT AFRAID TO USE IT CORRECTLY. P.S. The people who have evolved the fastest, and progressed the most are the people who have been very active in our forum. I suggest once you get your evolution started that you do the same, and experience the same magic they did. Cooper on "Cooper's NC Diary" http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/coopers-nc-diary#post-57166 Thu, 17 May 2012 10:42:02 +0000 Cooper 57166@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ Last night I emailed the NC message to my ex-fiancee. "I agree with you about the decision to break up, I really believe it was the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t contact me during this time. I will be in touch when I am ready." I am here for myself. To better myself as a human being - to detach and become one again. I am here to learn from the here, the people before me and their experiences. Today starts day one of full No Contact. Cooper on "Cooper's Break-up Story" http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/coopers-break-up-story#post-57165 Thu, 17 May 2012 10:17:57 +0000 Cooper 57165@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ I am 25 she is 24. We have been together for 9 years total (1 of them engaged). Three months ago she she asked for a break, weirdly right before I was going in for jaw surgery, which hurt me pretty bad. She still came to the surgery and stood with me the night after, but I felt it was out of guilt, well I knew it was really. She didn't talk to me for two months and then sent me a text saying that the break seemed more like a break up now and that she broke up with me. She cancelled the wedding. Gave me the I am so confused, love you, not in love with you...we don't do anything anymore etc excuses. I admit I haven't been the funnest recently but I am not a terrible person. She told me there is no one that made her do this, no other man, this is all on her own accord. Hard to believe that someone would leave you for no one, but that seems to really be the case. We have never really fought in the last 9 years at all, we've traveled the world once or twice a year and have been working to save for our wedding/house the last 3 years out of college. About a week ago I met her in person to take back the engagement ring. The diamond was her grandmother's and the setting I purchased so I asked for it back. Her mom went and had the stone removed and now It is in my possession. I made that meeting short and to the point and tried not to show any emotion at all. She was actually crying a little while I wasn't which I found utterly strange. I have been going through the roller coaster of emotions and it is certainly not fun. I do not wish this on my worst enemy. I give her the benefit of "a break" "time" "space" because I love her and loved her since she is 15 years old. I kind of lost respect for her as a human being for making me go to 10 wedding halls, selecting the menu, food tasting etc, only to cancel the wedding 5 months later. I am in full No contact from last night after finding this lovely website. That is my story. admin on "troubledkla's NC" http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/troubledklas-nc-1#post-57164 Wed, 16 May 2012 14:36:19 +0000 admin 57164@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <blockquote><cite>troubledkla <a href="http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/troubledklas-nc-1#post-57163">said</a>:</cite> I keep saying to myself "Things are going to get better...no, things ARE GETTING BETTER". </blockquote> Great Job TK! <img src="http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_thumleft.gif" title=":thumleft:" class="bb_smilies" /> ! This is the key to surviving "the dark times" ahead. <img src="http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_banghead.gif" title=":banghead:" class="bb_smilies" /> You have to believe in the truth, and the truth is, "things always get better"...if you believe they will. Nothing can hold you down (or back) except yourself. The LOA states that we create our life with our thoughts and feelings. You tell me, is that a bunch of shit, or dead on? <img src="http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_cool.gif" title="8)" class="bb_smilies" /> I have been around for almost 52 years, and I have seen a lot of dark times. When I reflect back on those dark times, I now realize I was holding myself back with my limiting thoughts and beliefs, and when I (finally) had the 'balls' to do what was necessary, I freed myself. This was before I knew anything about the LOA. Your life will only be as good as you think it will be, don't fuck yourself over like I did before I realized my mistake. This break up is only one of many dark times ahead, you can't hide from them, you just have to learn to accept, learn from, and evolve past them. I speak from experience. <img src="http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_cool.gif" title="8)" class="bb_smilies" /> Life isn't fair, it is what YOU make it. Keep up the good work, and... Stay Strong and Positive! <img src="http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_rambo.gif" title=":rambo:" class="bb_smilies" /> troubledkla on "troubledkla's NC" http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/troubledklas-nc-1#post-57163 Wed, 16 May 2012 12:52:17 +0000 troubledkla 57163@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ So it's Day 23. Not sight nor sound. NC intact. Still miss her and sometimes it's ridiculously hard. I haven't found the right ingredients to want to not try again in the future so I just keep telling myself to do today and worry about that bridge if I ever decide to cross it... but I know I need to stay the course. Over the past week or so since my last update I've been keeping myself busy. Been in the gym regular, diet is about 85% clean, riding mountain bikes, my street bike, hanging out with my buddies and even trying to talk to females every now and again. I've had more spurts of solid activity at work then I've had in a while. Not where it needs to be but better. Despite all this, some days I feel like death walking. Hollow basically. But I keep moving forward somehow. I keep saying to myself "Things are going to get better...no, things ARE GETTING BETTER". I've had a couple genuine laughs and even a few minutes of fun I guess. I can tell that there are moments that I am trying to work through acceptance...but it's a process and I slide back and forth through to depression and anxiety. It's at those times that I question if I'll ever get through it. But then I try and find something to take my mind off things because that's a big, dangerous thought and opens the door to a lot of other big, dangerous thoughts. I've been working out hard and actually felt aggression when I was working out yesterday. It felt good. I haven't had that feeling in a long time and it let me know that I was still alive. As far as girls and relationships are concerned...I've gone out a handful of times just to go through the motions...fake it till you make it right? But recently a girl that I always thought was really attractive told someone close to me that she's kind of got a little thing for me... I was surprised by this. I made the effort and talked to her. Went well. I planted seeds for a future get together but didn't lock it in with a date or time. I'll probably follow up next week and see if it's still hot because she's going out of town this weekend. Problem is, even though it was a nice little ego boost, faith in women and, in myself, is on super fragile and shaky ground. I want to try and I want to believe that there is success out there but this seems to be a big obstacle of mine....I don't. J shattered my confidence. Maybe in time. Last note, I usually keep my hair short and kind of spikey but because I was feeling so shitty, was too lazy to get it cut. lol. So I had to do something and decided that I was due for a new style...I'm now brushing it back and it's about 2 times longer then it ever has been. I like it. admin on "TheSkyisTheLimit NC Diary." http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/theskyisthelimit-nc-diary#post-57162 Wed, 16 May 2012 12:21:30 +0000 admin 57162@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <blockquote><cite>troubledkla <a href="http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/theskyisthelimit-nc-diary#post-57159">said</a>:</cite> You can always pursue something new and then, if it's not there, you can re-assess if you want to look into your past and reconnect. I'd advise you to do that... </blockquote> At (only) 6 weeks into no contact, I would advise you to focus on living your life and not think (or worry) about reconnecting...at all. That would be the equivalent of attaching an anchor to your leg while trying to swim across the ocean, it will only drag you down during your personal evolution. Let go of the past, and it will be easier to swim, and in 12 months you will make it to the other side, and have a new life. If you don't drown yourself. <img src="http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_cool.gif" title="8)" class="bb_smilies" /> Keep up the good work TSTL! <img src="http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_thumleft.gif" title=":thumleft:" class="bb_smilies" /> Stay Strong and Positive! <img src="http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_rambo.gif" title=":rambo:" class="bb_smilies" /> troubledkla on "NCMan01's NC Diary" http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/ncman01s-nc-diary/page/3#post-57161 Wed, 16 May 2012 12:12:34 +0000 troubledkla 57161@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ NCMan, I see a lot of similar things in your personality and thought process as mine. The depth that you miss her, the questions as to why you were and feel abandoned by her, feeling too beat up from the whole thing to even think about new relationships, etc... I also have retreated into the gym... I used to lift and workout all the time but as the situation wore at me, I stopped for nearly 5 months. That was a part of my life and something I loved to do...and I lost it. I lost everything about myself. Well I've been back for about a month and the one great thing about it that I now remember is that it will be there for you. When you're having a bad day, when there's nothing to do, nobody to talk to....that steel is waiting for you with open arms. And you realize during those workouts, when you fight for that last rep, that there is a lot of power in you. You / We need to claim that back and erase all that damage before going back or even THINK of going back in a weakened state. Get you back man. troubledkla on "Kismet1711's NC Diary" http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/kismet1711s-nc-diary#post-57160 Wed, 16 May 2012 12:02:24 +0000 troubledkla 57160@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ Kismet, it's good that you think of yourself as a strong person. That affirmation alone is a valuable asset. Thanks for your words of encouragement. troubledkla on "TheSkyisTheLimit NC Diary." http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/theskyisthelimit-nc-diary#post-57159 Wed, 16 May 2012 11:59:20 +0000 troubledkla 57159@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ Enjoy the vaca buddy. You're progressing well. I think you'll be ready to entertain the idea of a new relationship without old hangups soon if you keep moving in the direction you are. You seem like a positive guy. You can always pursue something new and then, if it's not there, you can re-assess if you want to look into your past and reconnect. I'd advise you to do that... goodlucksuccess on "Goodlucksuccess's NC diary" http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/goodlucksuccesss-nc-diary#post-57158 Wed, 16 May 2012 10:50:53 +0000 goodlucksuccess 57158@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ Hey Troubledkla..Still sticking to NC..Day by day me getting stronger.. Rest..Graduation will get over in a month..Final exams coming up..So will be busy with its prepration for the next few days! <img src="http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":)" class="bb_smilies" /> goodlucksuccess on "Goodlucksuccess's NC diary" http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/goodlucksuccesss-nc-diary#post-57157 Wed, 16 May 2012 10:47:56 +0000 goodlucksuccess 57157@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ Thanks a lottt SW... Credit goes to you and other forum members support for what I am now..Thanks a ton..Still evolving..Will stay strong! <img src="http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":)" class="bb_smilies" /> troubledkla on "Goodlucksuccess's NC diary" http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/goodlucksuccesss-nc-diary#post-57156 Wed, 16 May 2012 10:30:49 +0000 troubledkla 57156@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ Uh...what's the rest of the update lol? Still no contact? goodlucksuccess on "Kismet1711's NC Diary" http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/kismet1711s-nc-diary#post-57155 Wed, 16 May 2012 07:22:33 +0000 goodlucksuccess 57155@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ Hey Kismet171..Welcome to the forum..You are just at the right place.. <img src="http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":)" class="bb_smilies" /> Crunchie said it right...Keep yourself busy..BUT Not just for the sake of keeping yourself busy, also because you like doing things you are involved in..Keep us updated..Always there to help you out..Take care and all the best! <img src="http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":)" class="bb_smilies" /> Stay strong and positive! <img src="http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":)" class="bb_smilies" /> admin on "Goodlucksuccess's NC diary" http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/goodlucksuccesss-nc-diary#post-57154 Wed, 16 May 2012 06:38:52 +0000 admin 57154@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ <blockquote><cite>goodlucksuccess <a href="http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/goodlucksuccesss-nc-diary#post-57153">said</a>:</cite> Placed in VODAFONE...Finally...Yay!!! <img src="http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":)" class="bb_smilies" /> :) </blockquote> Congratulations! <img src="http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_party.gif" title=":party:" class="bb_smilies" /> goodlucksuccess on "Goodlucksuccess's NC diary" http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/goodlucksuccesss-nc-diary#post-57153 Wed, 16 May 2012 06:32:19 +0000 goodlucksuccess 57153@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ Placed in VODAFONE...Finally...Yay!!! <img src="http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":)" class="bb_smilies" /> :) Crunchie on "TheSkyisTheLimit NC Diary." http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/theskyisthelimit-nc-diary#post-57152 Sun, 13 May 2012 21:05:27 +0000 Crunchie 57152@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ Congratz on almost 6 weeks of NC TheSkyisTheLimit <img src="http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":)" class="bb_smilies" /> doing well!! The vacation sounds so much fun and you will totally enjoy yourself! Well the whole idea is to let the old relationship go for good, so in a way you sort of have to let your ex go for good and move on and perhaps in the future you guys would have both moved on from the past and can start something new and better again, if you choose to reconnect. I suggest you enjoy yourself for the time being!!! I would encourage you to meet other nice girls out there, it will really show your ex that you are letting the old relationship go - the push pull effect. Don't think like you're hanging out with girls to make her jealous, if you think back to the person who you once was before this relationship, would you try to have more contact with this really nice girl? Probably right? If you keep your mind occupied - on something, someone else, you won't have time to think about the ex <img src="http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_biggrin.gif" title=":D" class="bb_smilies" /> so enjoyyyyyyyyyyyy and be happy!! Let me know if there's anything I can help with. P.S I really loved Amsterdam when I went there earlier this year <img src="http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_biggrin.gif" title=":D" class="bb_smilies" /> Crunchie on "Kismet1711's NC Diary" http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/kismet1711s-nc-diary#post-57151 Sun, 13 May 2012 20:55:11 +0000 Crunchie 57151@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ Welcome kismet1711!! I'm really sorry for what you had to go through towards the end. I can totally relate to your situation, how "he has had complete control of the relationship" and "how much he changed for me". In the end he says he can't live like this and people don't change, he just wanted to go back to his old life lol. You did great by sending the NC message. You could start by writing the pros and cons in the relationship, starting a journal and start doing things that makes you happy again, exercising really helps too!! Perhaps doing something different and fun with your daughter <img src="http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":)" class="bb_smilies" /> Keep yourself busy! I know all this has helped me in my evolution and I'm almost at a point of indifference and trust me; keep at it for say a month, you will experience a shift in your mentality, feel physically and emotionally healthy again. You're a strong, independent person and I believe you will kick loves ass for good! xx TheSkyisTheLimit on "Kismet1711's NC Diary" http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/kismet1711s-nc-diary#post-57150 Sat, 12 May 2012 21:42:19 +0000 TheSkyisTheLimit 57150@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ hey Kismet1711, welcome to the forum. is there alot of stuff in sight which reminds him to you? you should put these things away for the time being. I removed everything from my ex gf aswell because it kept reminding me to her everytime. Keep your head up and you will come out stronger and there are alot of people in the same situation. you should read the succes stories(if you havent done it yet) about people who are feeling great now with or without their ex <img src="http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":)" class="bb_smilies" /> It helped me alot and motivated me to get through this hard time <img src="http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":)" class="bb_smilies" /> TheSkyisTheLimit on "TheSkyisTheLimit NC Diary." http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/theskyisthelimit-nc-diary#post-57149 Sat, 12 May 2012 21:29:44 +0000 TheSkyisTheLimit 57149@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ so almost 1 week further in my vacation and i must say it is going pretty good. Just thinking about her from time to time... But i planned my vacation pretty full on purpose ofcourse. Almost 6 weeks since i emailed her the no contact and i met some really nice girl this week but im still a bit stuck in my mind about letting my ex go for good and move on... Still not sure which door i should take <img src="http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":)" class="bb_smilies" /> anyway 1 more week vacation! i don't want to make anyone jealous <img src="http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/my-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_razz.gif" title=":P" class="bb_smilies" /> kismet1711 on "Kismet1711's NC Diary" http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/kismet1711s-nc-diary#post-57148 Sat, 12 May 2012 20:23:45 +0000 kismet1711 57148@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ Hey! Thanks so much for the welcome and the encouragement. I'm just trying to stick to the plan as well. I consider myself a strong person and can usually get 'over' things pretty quickly, but there are so many things that remind me of him. I read your story as well and you're doing great! You said you are worried it's going to take awhile to get over your current ex like it did with the one before her. I think that's normal. When you care deeply for someone and things go wrong it hurts and it seems to feel like the first time-every time. But just like you discovered your true feelings for ex #1 (better as friends) time will help you sort out your feelings this time around as well. And if/when girl #3 comes along maybe you'll think the same about #2. Keep it up! troubledkla on "Kismet1711's NC Diary" http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/topic/kismet1711s-nc-diary#post-57147 Sat, 12 May 2012 10:18:08 +0000 troubledkla 57147@http://www.howtokicklovesass.com/ Hey Kismet, just wanted to say hello and welcome you to the forum. Im pretty new here myself and just trying to stick to the plan. Hope things are going well for you. Stay strong!